A/N: Jumping around a bit. My goal is to try and wrap this up in the next chapter. Hopefully it'll all flow okay.
Jesse wanted to get better, wanted to get past all of it. He wanted to better himself for Brock. Dave had been the one to ultimately push him, convince him that he could do it. It started to become a realistic goal that Jesse kept in the back of his mind. It gave him something to work toward.
It had become a long journey of legal documentation, trying to adopt Brock, but he was on his way. Things were making progress—he was making progress. And it all felt strange.
It was about a month since Jesse had started seeing Dave. A part of him still wasn't sure he was ready yet but Dave assured him that he'd be fine. In fact, Dave even vouched for him on some of the paperwork that needed to be completed in the whole adoption process.
It was about another week after that when Jesse was able to see Brock. He had cleaned himself up the best that he could and shaved his head, his hair having been long overdue for a cut anyway. The visits started with the social worker, something mandatory to ensure they would be a "compatible match". It took everything Jesse had to not cry when he saw him that first day, knowing that was it. Andrea wasn't coming. Andrea was gone. It was up to him to make things right, by himself.
The first couple visits were the hardest. Jesse wasn't used to seeing anyone other than Dave, really. And he certainly wasn't used to seeing Brock with some social worker in his house. It felt awkward, like he was being watched. Technically, he was.
Brock had asked him where he had been and why he had been gone for so long. Why he had scars on his face. And it took everything Jesse had once again to try and keep his composure. He gave Brock the simplest of answers he could fathom and told him he had been in a tough spot, that he had an accident. Brock just accepted it.
Jesse started to feel lighter having Brock around. He was beginning to feel like he had a purpose in the world after all—even though what had happened to Brock had been his fault in the first place. But having Brock around, Jesse started to feel… better. For the first time in a long time.
"Hey, Jesse? Can we get a movie this weekend?"
Jesse forced a smile. "Yeah, of course."
It had become official. Brock Cantillo Pinkman. There were no more social workers, no more visits. Brock was living with him now. It took a couple months but it was real.
Brock was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. Cereal to be exact. Maybe not the most nutritious thing he could be eating but Jesse would have to make a point and run to the store with him later. He didn't even know what Brock really liked to eat but he said cereal was fine.
Jesse leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms in front of his chest, his stare locked onto Brock. Brock understood that his mom was with Tomas now and Jesse didn't know how he could be so strong, to just accept that. The kid was always quiet, ever since Jesse met him, so he didn't know how he was really taking it. Probably about as good as any six year old would. What scared Jesse the most was that Brock would just completely forget about his mom as he grew older.
After Jesse dropped Brock off at school and returned home, he actually almost thought about drawing. Something he hadn't done in a very long time. Probably not since high school. He couldn't help but think about the sketchpad he had shown Jane. Rewindo, or Backwardo, the interpretation that Jane had mentioned, saying he could travel back in time.
Jesse wished he could do that. He'd change a lot of things. First and foremost, he would have never said yes to Mr. White. He probably would have never met Jane or Andrea then. They would both still be alive. Along with everyone else that had been killed since he hooked up with the "great" Heisenberg.
He decided to clean up more around his house instead. Since he only really had his bedroom furnished, he figured he'd make it Brock's room. At least until he decided what to do. Leaving Albuquerque was still up on the list but with Brock in the middle of a school year, he didn't want to just uproot him and leave. Maybe once the school year was out and summer rolled around. He and Brock could get out of there and go anywhere.
Later that night, Jesse had put Brock to bed. He looked almost goofy being such a little guy in a queen sized bed and the blanket pulled up around him. Brock didn't say much since Jesse picked him up from school, just that his day was okay upon Jesse asking how it went. He remained just as quiet when Jesse walked out of his old bedroom and shut the door behind him.
Jesse walked back downstairs and ended up lying down on the futon shortly after, the only light source being that of the lamp sitting on the side table. He rolled onto his side so that his back was facing the television and shut his eyes. Sleep was still hard to come by and he knew he was only kidding himself in trying to.
The damn house had to be haunted. Haunted with memories if nothing else.
He had to get out of there with Brock, leave ABQ.
Jesse suddenly jolted awake in a panic, not even realizing that he had fallen asleep. He felt hot and the sweat that lined his brow only indicated he was having another nightmare. They were all starting to mesh together now: Todd, Jack, Mr. White, Andrea… But he felt something else. Something warm against his chest.
He glanced down, the lamp still providing a little light, and recognized Brock's petite form curled up against him. Brock had somehow managed to crawl over him and nuzzle into his chest, one small hand gripping onto his shirt.
Jesse wiped at his eyes the best he could without disturbing Brock only to find that he had apparently been crying in his sleep. He let out a shaky breath and wrapped an arm around Brock to pull him closer, like he was trying to gauge that Brock was really there and not a figment of his imagination. He felt terrible; that maybe he had yelled or did something in his sleep that caused Brock to wake up. Or maybe Brock couldn't stand to be by himself either.
At least they had each other.
