I love you too Bella. I've loved you for a long time, I've just been denying it. I wasn't making any mistakes when I kissed you! I meant every kiss! Every 'I love you.' That's why I got so jealous when you went out with him. I'm selfish and want you for myself. I love you Isabella Marie Swan!

Chapter nine: Losing grip

Bella's point of view:

Numb. That's all I was. I couldn't feel my heart, but I knew if I could it would be jumping out of my chest. I couldn't feel my face, but if I could it would look shocked. Embarrassed. Pained.

I re-read what Edward said eleven more times and gasped, falling backwards in my chair. I tumbled onto the ground and sat back up on my knee's not even remembering the chair.

I looked down to my hands -which were trembling- and held them up to my face. I swallowed hard and smacked myself in the face. I fell back to the ground with a thud and just lie there.

I wasn't dreaming. Edward really did just say he loved me.

I stood and picked my chair up carefully. I set it up properly and sat down in it. I closed my eyes and inhaled before typing back to Edward.

DazzlingEdward says:
Bella?

ClutsyBells says:
oh

I was still numb. I didn't know what to say. What would happen next? What about Jacob?

DazzlingEdward says:

I'm so sorry, Bella.

ClutsyBells says:

i am too

DazzlingEdward says:

Why are you sorry?

Where to begin?

ClutsyBells says:

because I don't know what to say about this what about Jacob, Edward?

DazzlingEdward says:

Oh.

ClutsyBells says:

believe it or not, I like him too I cant just hurt him

DazzlingEdward says:

I'm coming over. Love you.

ClutsyBells says:
wait! Lets meet at the meadow

DazzlingEdward says:

Okay. Bye.

'DazzlingEdward has signed off.'

I closed the window.

I glanced over at the clock and it said almost eleven. I knew my parents would be asleep, but I've never even though about sneaking out of the house before.

I ran over to my closet and quickly pulled on a blue sun dress. I pulled my hair up in a pony tail and ran into the bathroom to see how I looked.

I gasped at the huge red mark on my face where I had slapped myself. I pursed my lips and went back to my bedroom to get my cell phone. I slipped on a pair of flip-flops quickly before grabbing my car keys.

Exhaling, I opened my door slowly, and quietly. I smiled when it barely made a sound. I closed it just as quietly behind me and looked towards my parents door. No movement or sound.

I tip-toed down the stairs and cursed when I noticed my jacket was still up in my room, and not on the coat rack like I'd hoped.

When I got outside I shivered and I was no longer numb from before. I could feel everything.

Pain, because somebody's heart would be broken.

Nervousness, because I had no clue what would happen in that meadow. Would it change our relationship? Of course it would.

Worry, because I had to face Edward.

Embarrassment, because this is the first time I would be seeing Edward since I had told him I loved him.

Happy, because this boy loved me, too.

I loved him. That's why I was outside, in a dress with no jacket, sneaking out.

I blushed and ran to my car quickly, trying not to trip. I got to the car and opened the door getting in. Now or never.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

I walk through a couple of tree's, pushing bushes and other things aside. I had been walking for more than three hours, and couldn't wait to just get to the meadow. How inconvenient.

Finally, I step through a few bushes into the meadow. The wind is chilly, and it pushed the grass to the right with a whoosh. The stream was quiet in the back. Silent almost. I inhaled and take another step in.

I turned my head towards the left, and the stream lay untouched. I looked at the place where Edward and I had our first picnic.

"Ha-ha!" Edward shrieks throwing more water at me. I smile mischievously and jump towards him. He looks up and shock crosses his face right before I hit him, and he looses his balance. We plunge into the water.

I hold him under, and he squirms, trying to get away. I laugh and loose the last bit of oxygen I had. I gasp and water erupts into my lungs with a gust. I let go of Edward and he swims up to the top.

I swim up after him and when I get to the top I cough and breath in air. Every breath burns my lungs, but I still take another. Edward still laughs until he notices me coughing. His eyes go wide and he jumps over to me.

"Bella! Are you okay? Bells!" He pats my back and I cough harder. When I'm done coughing Edward still isn't done having a panic attack.

"Say something! Please don't die! Bella!" I smile and look down. I cough and my stomach growls at me. When I look back up Edward has a big goofy grin on his face.

I stick my tongue out at him and step out of the water, with him on my flanks.

When I get out I grab the towel sitting on a tree branch just a few feet from the stream. I rub it through my hair and wrap it around my torso. Edward comes up behind me when I'm done and grabs his towel. I smile and run.

The pull and tug of my muscles feels nice. I laugh when I trip. Edward passes me and I growl. I get back up and chase after him quickly.

I catch up to him and he laughs brilliantly. We're side by side, and he grabs my hand. We notice our towels are lost somewhere behind us, but we keep running.

I'm still looking when I look over at Edward. He is looking an evil grin on his face. He lets go of my hand and sprints to the end of the meadow.

I catch up to him when he stops and fall over, gasping for air and laughing. He falls on the ground next to me and throws his hands up with a yelp. I rolled over onto my elbow and raised an eyebrow. Edward just continued laughing.

When he was done, he stood up and walked towards the edge of the meadow.

"Edward what-" Before I could finish Edward was running into the thick forest.

I started breathing real hard. What did I do wrong? My breathing increased and I started to sit up. I was to scared to chase after him so I sat on the ground with my head in between my knee's.

"Hey baby." Somebody said in a deep, unfamiliar voice. I looked up and Edward was standing with a large basket in his hands. I laughed and he winked. Then we both started laughing again.

He plopped down in the grass with me and I turned away from him with my arms crossing my chest.

"Bell?" He asked quietly. I ignored him. I giggled quietly.

"I'm sorry! I promise I will never ever leave you ever again! Please don't be upset. I just went to get our lunch." He exclaimed. I turned and he smiled at me when I burst out laughing.

When I was done laughing he demanded that I get up. I did as I was told and Edward opened the basket and pulled a large blue blanket out. He laid it across the ground and sat back down. I sat down next to him and my stomach growled.

"So, what did you get?" I asked looking towards the basket.

Edward reached back inside the basket and pulled out four sandwiches, a jar of pickles, and two juice boxes. He sat all the food down on paper plates and pulled a plastic bowl with strawberries and whipped cream out.

"Oh!" I gasped. He smiled a big smile and handed me a sandwich and a juice box. He bit into his sandwich and smiled.

We ate and laughed. When we were done with our sandwiches -I ate one, Edward ate two and a half- and the rest of our food we pulled the strawberries and whipped cream. Edward lifted the can to put some in his mouth when I shrieked. Rain.

We laughed and threw everything in the basket quickly. Edward jumped up and grabbed my hand to pull me up. When I was up he never let my hand go. We ran and ran until we got to the edge of the forest, but we didn't stop.

I sighed and shook my head. That was when we were both twelve. I pursed my lips and looked to the right and smiled. Edward was standing, facing the other way, into the forest. The wind tossed his hair furiously around his face.

He looked beautiful. The moon hit him just right to where he looked like an angel.

I started to step forward, and tripped over something loose on the ground. I gasped and fell down into the tall grass scraping my hand and knee's in the process.

"Ooh" I looked up at a smiling Edward. I blushed heavily and coughed. I was about to get up when he shoved his hand at me. I blushed a deeper red and took it willingly. He pulled me up and stared right into my eyes.

"Thanks." I whispered. He didn't talk, or move. He just stared.

"You look . . . Dirty?" He looked me up and down. I blushed an even deeper red so dark I had to be purple almost.

"Oh! I mean you have leaves in your hair, and there's dirt all over your pretty dress, and your knee's.." He stopped at my knee's and we both frowned.

"Edward.." I whispered. He looked up back to my face. He raised an eyebrow. I shivered and put my tongue on the roof of my mouth.

"Where's your jacket, Bells?" He asked me. He pulled the jacket off of him and put it around my shoulders. I shook my head.

"No. You'll freeze." I mumbled. He chuckled.

"I'm not the one in the dress, am I?" I nodded and put the jacket on. I felt warmer instantly. I brought the fabric up to my nose and took in a deep breath. It smelt like him. I smiled with pleasure and closed my eyes.

When I opened them Edward's eyes were wide. His mouth formed a small 'O' and his eyebrows almost touched his hairline. I coughed and brushed my fingers through my hair. He calmed down and stepped closer to me.

"Bella.." I froze. The wind blew through the meadow sending leaves our way. A loud crack of thunder sounded in the sky. I gasped and turned my head to my shoulder, closing my eyes. As soon as I did I had two strong arms around my waist.

I looked up and Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile.

I smiled back and it disappeared when one of Edwards hands dropped from around my waist. I shivered at the sudden cold. He pulled his hand up to my chin and pulled my face up towards his. I stopped breathing all together while my heart fluttered around my chest like a humming bird.

He slowly pulled my face towards his. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for what would happen next. I didn't even notice the rain pouring on us.

When we finally pulled apart he opened his eyes when I did.

"Good or bad?" He asked me. How silly. Like he had to ask.

"Good."

He smiled and kissed me again more passionately.

This time I pulled away from him and sighed. I couldn't just forget about Jacob.

"Let's talk.." Edward seemed to understand where this was going.

"Jacob?" He whispered. I nodded and he sighed.

"Well.. You like him." He raised his eyebrow. I nodded again.

"You love me?" He asked me. I opened my mouth to talk but closed it quickly. I decided nodding would be better.

He smiled and took my hand.

"Well then what is there to think about?" I sighed. He just didn't understand.

"You know who I'll choose." I whispered and looked at the ground.

I couldn't bare to look up at his expression. He grabbed under my chin again when I didn't look up and pulled my face to his. I kissed him for a short second before pulling away.

"Edward.. Let me talk to him first, okay?" He nodded and let go of my face. I shivered again and he grabbed my hand.

"I'd better take you home." I pursed my lips but nodded again. We walked hand in hand to the end of the meadow towards real life.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

I threw myself down on my bed and smiled to myself. I hugged my pillow and closed my eyes. Various pictures of Edward came into my head. Edwards hair. Edwards eyes. Edward swimming. Edward eating. Edward holding me..

Then I though about Jacob. Always smiling. Jacob holding my hand at the carnival. Jacob laughing. Not too many memories, but just enough.

I groaned and rolled over onto my face. I had to tell Jacob tomorrow. Could I? Of course. For Edward.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I fell asleep in less than thirty seconds. I smiled happy to know I could once again start dreaming about Edward and I.

I am seriously, sincerely, desperately sorry! I know I haven't been working on this story, but I had a long writers block. Thank you Jennifer for helping me fix that and come up with an idea for my story! I hope you all enjoyed it. I really, truly do. I hope to get a bunch of comments, and I promise to write much much faster. I'm sad to say that I'll be starting school in a week but my mom is signing me up for on line school. Oh my Edward! Lame, I know. But I only need to do it for like four of five hours a day so I can start working on my stories faster. Luckily for you. Ha-ha.. Anyways, I'm done mumbling about my super boring life. The next chapter will be Bella telling Jacob she chose Edward. Of course, it won't be that easy. Is it ever? Anyways.. Drama coming up and a new character. Woo! Enjoy :D