Manda had shed a few tears and then she made herself move. Even if she was hurt, and even she knew it was all her own fault, what was done was done. There was no more sense in crying over it again for very long.
She had cleaned up her room and packed up her things so they'd be ready to go in the morning. She was in no mood to drive hours away to somewhere else just right now. But come the next morning, she would be gone. She'd leave here and would walk away just as Dean had said to. So Manda was going to, she was done.
She had stripped the bed of the sheets because she couldn't bear the thought of spending one more night in the ones that were on it. They smelt like last night, and last night was just something she didn't want to think about. Plus she was sure at least a pillow held the scent of Dean, so they had to go and she'd gotten housekeeping to come with fresh ones.
The maid had just left after putting the fresh sheets on for her, and now Manda was about to just chill out, watch some bad TV or try to crash since she still felt pretty awful.
Then there was a knock on her door.
Manda looked through the peephole and was surprised to see Chuch. She knew Chuch was taking a few days off, but hadn't mentioned coming here when they'd spoken yesterday afternoon. She wondered why her friend had shown up, and there was only one way to find out, so she opened the door.
"Hi Manda," Chuch smiled.
"Hey." Manda let Chuch in and then went and sat down on the end of the bed. "What are you doing here?"
Chuch came in, sat down at the table. "I came to check on you, visit Sam, you know…" She was going to feel this out first since she knew how fast Manda could shut up sometimes when she got pressed for answers.
"Oh… you didn't have to check on me, I know you'd rather see Sam, so don't let me keep you from that."
"Manda, you know I had to check on you. And yes, I want to spend time with Sam, but I'll do that in a bit."
"I know, but I'm fine Chuch, really. I'm out of here tomorrow anyway, so go spend some time with Sam and have fun." Manda gave her a fake but reassuring smile. She knew she was good at them and people believed them.
"Fine huh? You look better than I expected, but I doubt you're feeling fine." If Manda was going to avoid it, then Chuch was going to start digging.
Manda rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay, I look like shit, but I'll be fine. I've been through worse before."
"That may be true, but you've never gotten yourself in that kind of trouble before either. So let me start... WHAT the hell were you thinking?" Chuch asked loudly.
Manda shook her head as Chuch emphasized the what, knowing she wanted to know, but the better question would have been who the hell was she thinking about, not what. "Guess I ran into myself. If I remember you correctly, my mere presence causes people to get drunk," Manda said sarcastically. She didn't want to throw back Chuch's words at her, but she couldn't help it.
"Maybe you and Dean are alike, causing people to get drunk. He ran into you and hit the bar, so I guess you ran into him this time around. Although, it looks more like he ran you over." Chuch chuckled a little.
Manda didn't want to let Chuch know she had gotten it right, but she couldn't come up with a wisecrack that wouldn't leave her with her foot in her mouth. And if she said nothing, then it was just as good as admitting it. So she decided just to get it out and over with. "Fine, maybe he did, but it's sure as hell not going to happen again."
Chuch was a bit surprised that Manda had finally come out with it, but she wasn't going to let her get away with it. "Why don't you just kill the act already and admit how much he's gotten to you?"
"Doesn't matter, it's done. He's done, I'm done, and by this time tomorrow I'm far enough away from here and him to not give a shit anymore." Manda might have been lying to herself as she said it, but she knew she could sound convincing when she wanted to, and she knew she just had.
"Before you jump in your car, hightail it out of here and leave us eating your dust, how about I walk you through some details of last night?" Chuch wasn't about to let Manda leave without hearing what she had learned from Sam.
"What's to know? I got drunk and stupid, picked up by an asshole who tried to assault me, and Dean brought me back here. Sure he stayed with me when he didn't have to, but that still didn't change anything after the fight from before. He made that clear once I was conscious again."
"Just as I thought, you don't even know the half of it," Chuch said and shook her head.
"Well of course, I was a little preoccupied with being shit-faced. So enlighten me Chuch, on something that I might have been half there for, but you weren't at all," Manda said angrily.
"First, quit acting like a bitch to me, I didn't do anything to you. And second, I'd love to… allow me to give you all the details so you can paint a pretty picture with them and then wake the hell up."
Manda was disgruntled, but Chuch was right. She was being a bitch to her friend for no good reason. "All right, I'll drop the bitchiness. Sorry. But do share, this should be interesting."
"Okay, let's start at the beginning. Sam wanted to talk to you, you weren't around, a few hours go by, and he gets worried and breaks in to your room. He sees that it's sort of trashed, that you've left behind your phone and car, and he decides he has to get Dean. Dean sees your room, knows it isn't like you, so he and Sam try to figure out where you've gone. Now Dean figures that you're probably at the bar since that's what he would do, and Sam offers to go look for you since he knows the two of you had a fight, but Dean says he'll do it. You get all of that?"
"Uh huh." Manda sort of wished Chuch would just get to the point, but this was a rundown of a night she mostly forgot. And it was more than Dean had offered to tell her earlier.
"Good. Anyway, Dean gets to the bar and looks for you, finds you with this guy. He sees how wasted you are and how this guy is ready to take you home. But he's not going to let that happen because you're just about out for the count, so he follows you. This guy gets all over you, has you down on the hood of his car and is ready to have sex with you right there. You finally come to some sense, try to push him off, but this guy backhands you in return. Still following along?" Chuch saw how quiet Manda was being, but Chuch wasn't sure if she was just listening or maybe starting to remember. Her face was hard to read, and she had gotten pretty pale.
Manda just nodded. She had nothing to say, what could she say? So far it was all just what Dean had done for her, even after how she treated him, and that hurt. It hurt to know that despite it all, he still came after her when she was too busy trying to erase him from her mind. She felt sick now, not only because of that but also at the fact that she'd been so wasted she'd almost let some random guy screw her on top of his car and been helpless to stop it.
"Now, this is probably where Dean stepped in. According to Sam, Dean says he lost it on this prick, and from the look of his knuckles, he probably did."
"He told me he only hit that bastard once or twice," Manda interrupted.
"Did you see his hands? You know they don't get like that from one or two hits. Open your eyes Manda, seriously." Chuch didn't know how Manda could be so blind. Maybe it was the lack of memories from intoxication, but why couldn't she see what Dean had done for her?
Manda couldn't say anything again. She had seen his hands, but it hadn't registered that they'd gotten to be that way because of her.
"Anyway, he rescues you from all that, and brings you back here where you'll be safe with him. Sam offered to come and stay with you, but Dean insisted on looking after you. Sam says he had that protective tone in his voice when he said he was going to stay, clean you up, and make sure that you weren't going to die from all the alcohol you consumed. Maybe I don't know to what extent he took care of you because he's not really the sharing type when it comes to showing his softer side with people. But you're still breathing and he looks wiped out, which obviously means he was up all night with you making sure you were going to be okay and helping you when you needed it."
Manda was silent for a moment, her memories were so hazy, the flashes were incomplete, and if that's how it all went down, she really couldn't say. "Look, I'm thankful for what he did, don't me wrong, but I didn't ask him...."
"He did it for you. Don't you get that? He did it was because it was YOU." Chuch had cut her off. She didn't want to hear whatever the "but" was. "And how did you thank him for it? Tell me, because from the look of him when he stormed back in and wanted to leave town quickly, it must have been one hell of a thank you."
"Don't. Just don't start on me for that. I did thank him for it, and then he demanded to know why I did what I did. He pushed for it and he got his answer. He wanted to know, it's not my fault he didn't like what he had to hear." Manda was jumping on the defense quickly again.
"And what did he hear? You being ungrateful? Because it sounds to me like you are." Chuch thought her friend did sound that way. And that whatever her answer had been, it had to have been mean because if it wasn't then Dean wouldn't have seemed hurt, pissed off, and in a hurry to leave.
"I'm not, honestly," Manda's tone was sincere. "But he pushed for an answer, and I gave him the truth okay? That I was trying to forget him, because that's what I was doing goddamn-it. I was trying, but I guess he's harder to forget than I wanted to give him credit for. Are you happy now?" Manda was defeated. It was too much to keep putting on the appearance of how little she pretended Dean got to her. He'd gotten to her badly, so bad it stung. And now that Chuch was laying into her for it, that sting was unbearable.
"Then why did you push him away again? I know you did it again, and I know you did it after he did all of that for you. And Dean doesn't get that way with just anyone, you know that that."
"I know. But I had to Chuch, you know that," Manda said.
"No, I don't. I know you feel like you have to, but you don't actually have to." Chuch understood why Manda felt she had to, but not why she thought she actually had to.
"But I do. It's who I am and it's the only thing I know how to do because of…" Manda stopped as she realized there was something about her Chuch didn't know because she'd never told her. "Look, I can't let him get close, and it would be so easy to let him. So I pushed. Because if I didn't then I would have…" she stopped again. There was no way she was going to say the next five words – fallen in love with him.
"You would have what?" Chuch asked. She could think of many things, but she wanted to hear the words Manda would use for the rest of that sentence.
"Nothing… I just had to push him away okay? It's what I was taught, have learned, and what's easiest for everyone in the long run." It was the truth. It was the way she had been raised, then what she'd learned once or twice, and what she believed.
"And that's working out real well for you isn't it?" Chuch let the question hang there for a moment in the silence of the room. "You know… I don't get you two. It's quite obvious you want each other, and yet neither one of you will admit it or just how much either. And from where I'm standing, it's a bad pretty damn bad longing you've both got for each other."
Manda wanted to scream at the question, and then she just got defensive as her denial at the obvious that Chuch had pointed out ate away at her. "You must be wearing my shot glasses from last night, because I'd say there's nothing there anymore."
"Stop denying it already Manda. I can see it, Sam can see it. But if only you and Dean could see it… maybe you're just get it over with already and stop being so scared to feel something for each other." Chuch pointed out the obvious now, her and Sam had agreed on it. His brother and her friend clearly had feelings for each other, but were fighting it every step of the way for whatever reasons they thought they had to.
"Go Chuch, I don't want to fight with you, and if you stay that's exactly what I'm going to do." Manda felt like they were already fighting as it was, and that if it kept going on she was bound to say something she'd regret. Chuch was like her sister, and she could call her on her crap when she had to, but right now Manda didn't want to fight with her.
"Fine, but open up your eyes Manda. Dean saved you last night. He beat the shit out of some guy for you, and then when you were safe he wouldn't let anyone else look after you. He stayed with you, probably took good care of you too when you were a mess. While he'd do most of that for anyone else, he wouldn't have done all of that and then stayed for just any girl. Anyone else he would have left with Sam. Do you know the reason why he didn't though?" Chuch had to ask her still, even if the answer was obvious.
Manda just looked at Chuch. She had nothing to say again because she knew Chuch was right. Even if she couldn't remember all the details herself, Chuch was right. Dean had been there for her. Done all of that for her, stayed with her. And now she felt like a bitch and an idiot because she just pushed him away again after that. She knew that after three strikes, you're always out, and that's exactly what she would be with Dean now. Three times she had pushed, and now he was going to be gone like she had thought she had wanted.
"Have you figured out the why yet? Because I know you're not that dense, stubborn yes, but not dense. So when you quit being a coward, you better go find him and apologize, and then you better pull because you don't push a man like that away - especially not when he gets that way over you and does all of that for you."
"He… I didn't…" Manda stumbled with her thoughts and her words. "How was I… he… I just…"
Chuch got up looked at Manda for a moment. "And I'll go because I don't want to fight with you either, but I thought you should know just what Dean did for you." Then she slipped out the door leaving Manda alone to mull over everything.
The door had closed with a light click and now Manda was alone. The room was quiet now, and it would have felt empty if it wasn't for all the thoughts that were filling her head rapidly.
"What the fuck am I doing?" she asked herself and the empty room. "And what the hell have I done?" Then she sat there silently with her head in her hands thinking about why she just wouldn't let herself pull Dean towards her like she wanted to instead of pushing him far away.
Okay, so Dean told Sam more than was made known in the earlier chapters.
I didn't really want to give Manda an entire chapter to herself, but I figured someone had to tell her what happened, and it was obvious Dean wasn't going to. Maybe it's a bit long too, but I felt Chuch really had to drive the point home with her, so that's why there is a lot of detail about what happened.
Hope you're still enjoying the story! Thanks for reading!
