The Trial
of
Sally Jaa-Ruuk
(She's in a large dressing room of some sort. The wall to her left is lined with racks of clothes and costumes. To her right is a wide vanity mirror with a counter and chair beneath. She sees her scaly reptile self in the glass, which is surrounded by lots of glowing light bulbs)
Sally: Huh. Pretty nifty set-up. (To mirror) Hey beautiful. Looking good! (Giggle)
Hello Sally.
(She gets startled and looks up. In an upper corner of the room is a speaker looking down on her)
Jigsaw: Is the dressing room to your liking?
Sally: Yeah. It's real roomy and nice. Waaaait… You're that clown from before, aren't you?
Jigsaw: That I am, Sal. Tell me: What is it that you're good at?
Sally: Huh?
Jigsaw: What is it that makes you a stand out in your universe?
Sally: Uh, I don't know. Nobody asked me something like that before. Ooh! I'm really good at dancing, and people say I'm good at singing too.
Jigsaw: Is that so? That may help you, for this is my reason for asking such a question:
You are unique, Sally. You are one of only three offspring to a Ssi-Ruuk and a Jawa pairing. The very fact you exist should merit permanent residence in your universe. Then again, you have two brothers who share the same trait, yet they offer than simply being biological oddities. Richter has stood out as his own character by rebelling (unwilling) against his kin and comrades, and even Stanley is exhibiting budding potential.
Sally: Stan? Seriously?!
Jigsaw: Seriously. The point I'm making, Sally, is that any noteworthy characters in a story must have something to hook viewers into caring about them. So far, you have yet to show anything that makes you truly distinct. You've only been someone who spouts a few lines, teases your brother and on one occasion have an emotional breakdown. You did sacrifice yourself to save your parents once, but afterwards you fell into the same routine of barely-noticeable bubbly dino lady.
Sally: But, that's just who I am. I just like being cheerful and having fun and being with my family and friends.
Jigsaw: Sadly that will not suffice. At this rate, you'll be relegated to the sidelines permanently, forgotten in the minds of everyone. Even to your dear family. And those types of characters typically end up getting written out of existence, with none the wiser or even caring.
Sally: No way! I don't want that to happen! M-Mom and Dad love me too much to forget me, and so do Rick and Stan. And I still have to save Dad!
Jigsaw: Do not fret, Sally, for this is where you'll have a chance to show your potential. As you have mentioned before, there is something that does make you stand out from the other Jedi: Your dancing skills. In your free time you like to move about, sing, put forth your natural energy to make something enjoyable. Where you fail in being a hardened warrior, you make up for it in tireless spirit. Dance is an outlet of that spirit, and thus it will be the focus of this trial.
Sally: My dancing is going to keep me around? Neat-o!
Jigsaw: Probably, but only if you can complete this task. You are to survive the upcoming challenges and gain the eye of all the audience. If you do these, then you may have a chance to actually mean s**t to anybody outside your inner circle of loved ones.
Sally: Alright, I'll do it! But what exactly are these challenges? And how does it involve me dancing?
Jigsaw: You'll see soon enough, but first: Wardrobe!
Sally: Hey—!
(Gets swamped by a flurry of clothes and dressing room curtains. Then we get a loading screen. After that we see Sally dressed as Ulala, snapping off some quick dance moves before being shown the interior walkway of some funky space cruise ship. She strolls along as groovy Space Channel 5 music plays)
Sally: (Still walking) Huh? Where am I now? And why am I walking like this?
(Chris' voice suddenly chimes in through some radio)
Chris: Oh God! They've come for me!
Sally: Uncle Chris? Is that you? What's going on?
Chris: I don't know! I just got tossed into this cramped room with TV monitors and a radio. I think they're gonna harvest my organs!
Sally: I don't know what's happening! My feet are moving on their own and I can't stop sashaying. Though I admit, I'm feeling real groovy in this outfit.
Chris: H******ll yeah you do, girl.
Sally: Uhhhhhh...
Chris: Wait, there's something in front of you!
Sally: Really? Aren't those...?
(Show two Reploids wiggling around in a bad dance, covered in a purple dance aura. It's Launch Octopus and Jet Stingray)
Both: The groooove's getting us!
(Four little black bots with red eyes and pointy antennae appear in a line before them. Twirling into being appears the ever slick stylish Shadow of Space Channel 5 Part 2. He busts some moves)
The bad guys:
Unknown dance troupe
Shadow: Watch me bust some moves! And copy me with no mistakes.
Chris: Mr. Gimp? You're in on this too?
Sally: I think I have to fight him.
Chris: Well then this sticky note on my crotch might help. "Follow his movements with the directional buttons…." Qué? Me no understanday.
Sally: Ooo, like Simon Says! I got this.
(Sally halts before Shadow as the music heats up)
Shadow: Whether you like it or not,
Both: Dance Battle!
Shadow: Get down!
Up! Up! Up!
Sally: Up! Up! Up!
Shadow: Down! Down! Down!
Sally: Down! Down! Down!
Shadow: Right! Left! Right! Left!
Sally: Right! Left! Right! Left!
(They do dance intermission)
Chris: Now you got to push the X button for some reason.
Shadow: Chu! Chu! Chu chu!
Sally: Chu! Chu! Chu chu!
Shadow: Chu! Chu! Chuuuuuu chu!
Sally: Chu! Chu! Chuuuuuu chu!
Shadow: Chuuuuu chu! Chu! Chu!
Sally: Chuuuuu chu! Chu! Chu!
(Dance intermission)
Chris: Look at you go!
Sally: Told you I got this!
Shadow: Up Down Up Down Chu chu chu!
Sally: Up Down Up Down Chu chu chu!
Shadow (Repeat but faster)
Sally: (Same)
Shadow: (Faster)
Sally: (Faster)
Shadow: Up Down Up Down Chuuuuu chu!
Sally: Up down up down chuuuuu chu!
(The little robots collapse and Shadow shakes his head in defeat)
Shadow: I think I like you.
(Disappears. The two captive Reploids are freed and teleport behind Sal)
Launch: Wow! You saved us!
Sally: Just like that?
Jet: Yep! Now victory dance!
(They dance and strike a pose, then continue forward to upbeat music)
Sally: Woo, that was pretty fun.
Chris: Yeah, and you looked real sensual down there, too.
Sally: Excuse me?
Chris: It's that guy again!
(Shadow is seen cowering away from the approaching three. Then he teleports into the air and hovers before some elevators, looking all boss as the music ramps up)
Chris: It says you have to hit the robots with the "X button beam". What the carp?
Sally: I'll figure it out.
(When they stop the two rescuees slide off)
Jet: We'll leave this to you, lady Sally.
Shadow: Ready for this?
(Sal busts out two little laser pistols)
Sally: Let's shoot'em up!
Shadow: Up! Chu! (Robots with glowing eyes appear in the elevators)
Sally: Up! Chu! (Robots get blasted)
Shadow: (Repeat)
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Up! Chu! Chu! Chu!
Sally: Up! Chu! Chu! Chu!
(Dance break)
Chris: Use left and right, baby cakes!
Shadow: Left! Chu!
Sally: Left! Chu!
Shadow: Right! Chu!
Sally: Right! Chu!
Shadow: Left! Chu! Right! Chu!
Sally: Left! Chu! Right! Chu! (Dance break)
Chris: Now you need to rescue people with the O button. Lame…
Shadow: Up! Hey! Hey! (Reploids and Robot Masters appear as hostages)
Sally: Up! Hey! Hey! (They get saved by pink heart energy)
Shadow: Right! Hey! Hey!
Sally: Right! Hey! Hey!
Shadow: Left! Hey! Hey!
Sally: Left! Hey! Hey!
Shadow: Up! Chu! Chu! Chu!
Sally: Up! Chu! Chu! Chu!
(Dance break, but the rescued bots join her)
Chris: Check it out: Groupies!
Shadow: Left! Chu! Up! Hey!
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Up! Chu! Right! Hey!
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Right! Chu! Left! Hey!
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Left chu! Up chu! Right chu!
Sally: (Repeat and another dance break)
Chris: You're so hot right now!
Shadow: Left chu chu!
Sally: Left chu chu!
Shadow: Right chu chu!
Sally: Right chu chu!
Shadow: Up…. Chu!
Sally: Up….. Chu!
(Shadow is hit with a shot, making him falter)
Shadow: I think I like you.
(Teleports)
Sally: I sent that loser packing! And look at all these people I saved!
Chris: Shake that tail for me, baby! (They dance and pose, then continue) Wow! You really got me perspiring here!
Sally: Can you stop being a creep, Uncle Chris? It's really bothering me.
Chris: I'm sorry, Sal baby, but the way you move those hips and the angles of your skimpy dress—
Launch: Hey, it's the commander! They got him!
(Standing behind Shadow and his robot posse is the dance-crazed Duff McWhalan)
Duff: So undignified!
Chris: Those b****rds! Show them pain, Sal!
Shadow: You should be taken seriously. Listen up! First our name...
Sally: What's with this guy?
All: Get down!
Shadow: We are known as the Rhythm Rogues.
Chu! Chu! Chu!
Bosses: We don't really give a f**k!
Sally: Chu! Chu! Chu!
Shadow: You can't keep us from dan-cing!
Hey! Hey!
Bosses: Knock him down a peg and break his legs!
Sally: Hey! Hey!
(Dance break)
Rear admiral
dancing silly
Chris: Way to improv, guys!
Shadow: Up! Down down chu chu chu!
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Right right left left chu chu chu!
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Chu chu chu chu heyhey hey!
Sally: (Repeat, then dance break)
Chris: Oh god the way you move!
Shadow: Left! Left!
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Right! Right!
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Up! Down!
Sally: (Repeat)
Shadow: Chu! (Close up)
Sally: Chu!
Shadow: Hey!
Sally: Hey!
Shadow: Chu!
Sally: Chu!
Shadow: Hey!
Sally: Hey!
Shadow: (Does a quick groove) Chu!
Group: (Whole group does a move) Chu!
(The robots fall and Shadow leaves)
Duff: Oh thank you, Sally! I'm free! (Joins group)
Sally: I've saved Mr. McWhalan!
Chris: You're freakin' on fire! Do that sexy pose one more time!
(They all dance and do one major pose, then get to marching down to the doors at the end of the walkway, singing loudly and feeling themselves up)
Sally: W-what the heck?
Chris: That's it; feel yourself up. You know daddy likes it.
Sally: Oh my God Chris, quit being a perv already!
Chris: Not right now; my hands are a bit "full". Hold on… It's those robots again! And right as I was on the edge. Go blast those things already with the X button!
Sally: Sure, if you'll stop being gross.
(Robots appear before the door)
Robots: (Buh, buh buh buh buh) Chu! Chu! Chu!
Sally: Here we go! Chu! Chu! Chu! (Robots explode)
Chris: Great. Now say your line to go on to the next area.
Sally: (Turns to camera) "Stay tuned"? That's all I got to s—?
(Loading screen. After a while we see the group going up a conveyor belt before leaping off and landing in a round observation room to ominous music)
Sally: We're here; can we break for five Wait, is that—?
Shadow: Boss, sorry to keep you waiting. Over to you now!
(Screens around the room fill with a shadowy figuresilhouette man labeled only as "Lead Dancer: Mystery Conductor".)
Lead dancer, Some Dude
Silhouette: About time you guys showed up. Yeow!
(Rising up on a center platform with microphones are a trio of large blue singing robots, who harmonize their entrance)
Singing Robot Mecha 01
Kin Kon Kan
Sally: Are you serious?
Chris: A boss! Quick! Time to turn your ratings into stars. Mess up and you die, so no pressure.
Sally: Gee, thanks! Well, since I've got no other choice.
Duff: You certainly don't.
Sally: Let's boogey!
Silhouette: I play the Purge!
Bots: Chu!
Bosses: That movie was such a letdooooown.
Sally: Chu!
Silhouette: I'll make you b***hes dance for me!
Bots: Down!
Bosses: Like we've never heard that before.
Sally: Down!
(The mecha bots short out briefly as the group stomp dances)
Silhouette: Ooooh, nice comeback, guys!
Bots: Right! Right!
Sally: (Repeat)
Bots: Left! Left!
Sally: (Repeat)
Bots: Chu! Chu!
Sally: (Repeat)
Bots: Chu! Up!
Sally: Chu! Up!
(Bots short out again and more dancing)
Silhouette: C'mon, guys! Show some hustle!
Bots: Down! Down!
Silhouette: Sweet, sly, sexy that's me!
Sally: Down! Down!
Chris: Not nearly as much as my Sally babe!
Bots: Down! Down!
Silhouette: You got some moves, don't ya sweets!
Sally: Down! Down!
Chris: You a-hole quit stealing my lines!
Bots: Down! Down! Up! Up! Chu! Chu! Down!
Sally: (Repeat. This time the bots collapse and deactivate)
Silhouette: Czechnia!
Sally: Phew, guess that finished them. Wait, what?!
(The bots get back up and reveal missile launchers in their mouths)
Sally: Guess that's round two! (Music starts back up and she takes out her pistols) Let's shoot!
Bots: Left! Chu! Right! Chu!
Sally: (Repeat)
Silhouette: C'mon, do it!
Bots: Up!
Silhouette: I dunno about that!
Bots: Chu!
Chris: Yeah Sally!
Sally: Up!
Chris: Go Go!
Sally: Chu!
(Bots wig out again as our heroes stomp on)
Bots: Right chu left chu up! Chu!
Sally: (Repeat)
Bots: Left chu right chu up! Chu!
Sally: (Repeat)
(Bots wig out big time and one final stomp routine)
Chris: You got them by the motor shafts now!
Silhouette: Get ready for this one!
Bot: Up! Chu!
Chris: Let's go—
All: Sal-ly!
Sally: Up! Chu!
Bots: Up! Up! Up chu!
Sally: (Repeat)
Silhouette: You all suck a**!
Bots: Up up chu!
All: Well f*****k you!
Sally: Up up chu!
Bots: RightrightrightleftleftleftupupupCHU!
Sally: RightrightrightleftleftleftupupupCHU!
(The robots break apart and light fills the room as soft music plays)
Silhouette: You can really raise the roof! Catch ya on the flip, sexy scales!
(The screens explode)
Launch: Yeah you better blow up! So satisfying seeing it happen to someone other than us for a change, y'know?
Sally: (To camera) This has been Sally, and we're grooving up out of here! (Makes air symbol) Spaaaaace, Channel 5!
Sally's swingin' dance debut
(She begins to strut off followed by the others, including the robots, as "Mexican Flyer" plays them out. When it stops, everything goes dark)
Chris: And that's a wrap! (Zipper noise)
(We now switch to a spacious office of the typical amenities befitting a talent agent like a bookcase, plaques, nice large desk, trophy rack and mahogany paneling. Sally is standing nervous before the desk, behind which a talent agent is intently reading her performance reviews. His face is covered by the paperwork he flips and shuffles through)
Agent: Mm-hmm... Uh-huh… Hmmm… Yes… 100% viewer rating. Congrats: You were a smash.
Sally: Really?
Agent: Absolutely. That perkiness, the fluidity in your moves, the way you flashed those chompers. You had the audience lingering on every sway in your step. Nothing short of phenomenal if I'm being real honest. I mean pure dynamite, wow! You definitely have a future in music entertainment, which may hopefully include a stopover in this agency.
Sally: (Exhales with relief) That's so great to hear. I mean, I didn't feel like I was in control of my own steps. But I'm flattered you think that highly of me.
Agent: Don't go selling yourself short. That was your innate talent taking control of your legs, simple as that. I tell ya you're a natural, darling. And since you did a beyond fantastic job raking in these views, I say a special gift is in order.
Sally: A gift?
Man: Just give me a second. (Presses button on an intercom) Christine, send him in. (To Sally) You'll get a kick out of this.
(Walking in nonchalantly through the door behind Sally appears… Squishy?!)
Squishy: It real cramped back there.
Sally: (Ecstatically overjoyed) DADDY!
Squishy: Huh? Sal, sweetie! Gosh it's been way too long; I tell ya it's been heck without you guys. Come on; I bet your mother and the rest are wai—
(His entire left side explodes in a great visceral burst. Blood and entrails fly out and splatter the interior of the office, including Sally. Time slows as she stares in immense horror and shock, mouth agape at seeing the falling remains of her father, which hits the carpet with a wet thump. "Celes" from FFVI starts to play)
Sally: (Utterly pale) Dad? D-Dad…? N, N, N… No...
(Takes one heavy step forward, then rushes and falls down into the blood pool by the corpse's side)
Sally: (Hysterical) This, this isn't... No no no please say something! (Grabs remains of her father, getting blood on her claws) S-Say something! Tell me you're alright, that we're gonna leave together, COME ON DAD SAY SOMETHING PLEASE! Don't-don't-don't, not when I just f-f-f-found you, eggghh, Not Again! NOT AGAIN PLEEEEASE!
(Sal hugs the corpse tighter, smearing gore all over herself as she breaks down into wretched, bitter crying. The agent simply sits back and watches this terrible outcome play out)
Agent: What can I say, kid? Horrible things happen to the ones we love, completely out of our control most of the time. (Stands up) And in my experience in the business, a tragedy such as this can destroy a rising star. Shatter their wings beyond recovery, so that they may never soar again. (Reaches into desk drawer) It really tears me up every time it happens. And it never gets easier when it does. (Pulls out gun, then begins walking over to the grief-stricken daughter) Seeing them wilt, fading and dying out, emotionally and then physically. (Stops by her) Personally I find it more merciful to put them down before their very souls wither to dust. (Raises gun, aiming at her head) At least you got a taste of stardom before the end, doll.
(The hammer is cocked, silencing everything but a lone heartbeat. Sally's eyes open, then suddenly in a flash her right arm slashes out and severs the agent's head from his body. The head goes a distance before bouncing onto the floor. It rolls for a few feet, stopping to reveal the eerie porcelain face of Jigsaw. It emits its signature cackle while Sally remains still, head down and tears still rolling down her scales)
A most excellent response. Proof that the will to survive can cut through the burden of despair.
Sally: …
Shed no more tears, Sally. You have made your father proud with that display.
(The corpse breaks up into nothing, and so does the office and the gore on Sally. She is left half laying on the ground surrounded by darkness)
What you just experienced was a test: To show your determination to live. It is one thing to have talent and influence to prove one's worth. But they matter little if there isn't a driving spirit behind it all. The raw essence deep in your subconscious that screams out "I want to keep living". In that moment, Sally, you've shown that utter refusal to give in and die, even when all seemed lost It's that aggressive desire to live which I've sought to draw out from all those ungrateful souls through my work, and you let it show without second thought.
That determination alone demands a right to exist, and therefore you have earned your place in this universe, along with my blessings.
(A portal opens nearby, but Sally just remains there)
Sally: ….
I can see you don't trust me, and I understand. The shock will wear off eventually, once you are back in the company of friends and loved ones. It was a bit extreme what I did to you, I admit, but it was for your own benefit. And besides, don't you feel just a little more alive?
Sally: …..Sure.
(Slowly gets up, then goes through the portal. Darkness, save for one idling observer)
Man… You gotta loosen up quick, babe!
End Trial
