A/N: Welcome back! I hope everyone is finding their own way of surviving this brutal winter. I've never seen anything quite like it.

As always, thank you to everyone who left such amazing reviews, as well as all those who alerted and favorite. Your feedback and continued interest in my first foray into this fandom have been awesome. You're all outstanding!

I wasn't going to post this chapter this early, but it seems the Leonard trolls - I still think that term is redundant in the extreme - have started posting anonymous reviews, probably to avoid being reported for abuse when they curse Sheldon fans out. I got one who went to the trouble of saying I was someone who must like clubbing baby seals for writing this story. Whoever you are, I really hope you read this chapter and the next one especially. They're dedicated to you :)

While I borrowed or modified some of the lines, I don't own the show, characters, or anything you might recognize. Anything and everything that might resemble real people, places, or events is entirely accidental.

No betas saw this before posting, so all errors are mine.

Enjoy!


The next day was Saturday. Radio silence from both Sheldon and Penny was driving Leonard up the wall. Something was going on between the two of them, but he had no clue what it was. Since Penny had gone to extreme measures to avoid him and Sheldon had begun giving the cold shoulder, there was only one avenue left available to him. It was something he always swore he'd never do, but he could feel his chances with Penny slipping away, and he'd be damned if he'd give her up to Sheldon without exhausting every possible outcome. When he'd called Amy to share his concerns, he'd voiced the thought that he might have to go to some pretty extreme lengths to keep Penny. Somewhat unsurprisingly, she was entirely on his side, saying that all was fair in love and war, and he was in both. Amy was already plotting what she had to do to keep her man from the golden temptress, as she'd called Penny.

Leonard waited until Sheldon was down for his usual laundry routine, knowing that Penny would be joining him. Somehow it had become their ritual, which was disturbing enough without the fact that he'd never noticed it before. Hearing the steps fade down the stairs, he knew he only had moments to do what was needed. Opening a cabinet Sheldon never used because it was his own, Leonard took out some equipment he'd 'borrowed' from Wolowitz in his creepier days.

Moving fast, he slipped across the hall and entered Penny's apartment, knowing she never locked her door when she was just doing laundry. He had to move fast. Looking around, Leonard started placing tiny cameras in various strategic spots around her apartment. Behind her cable box, next to her computer, and on a shelf in her bedroom would give him at least audio of her whole apartment so he could figure out what the hell was going on between his girl and his roommate.

He left her apartment just in time, hearing their voices and steps coming up the stairs as he closed his apartment behind him. A few minutes later he had the camera's feeds calibrated and active on his laptop.


The next afternoon Penny steeled herself to meet Amy for lunch. It wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to, but if bridges weren't going to be burned with her self-appointed 'bestie', she couldn't do it via text or even a phone call. It had to be done in person.

She met Amy at a sandwich place near the Cheesecake Factory. The neurologist was in her usual frumpy skirt and cardigan, but there was certainly something to be said for being comfortable in someone's own skin. Amy definitely didn't care what anyone thought of her clothes, a trait Penny often envied.

"Penny, you're looking as radiant as ever. Your golden locks and smooth, supple figure could charm a priest into giving up the Church," Amy complimented when she sat down across the table.

As the brunette scanned her menu, Penny managed to stifle her discomfort. It was sometimes hard to tell if Amy had a simple girl crush on the first person to tolerate her presence since school – if her tales of solitary woe were to be believed – or if she had an actual physical attraction to her. It wouldn't have bothered Penny either way, but the ambiguity was disconcerting. Something she'd learned from her mistakes with Leonard: Penny liked to know where she stood. "Hi, Amy! What's new?" she answered with too much false enthusiasm. Anyone but Amy would have sensed her sarcasm.

"Well, I had to go shopping for tampons and condoms last night, but other than that I just need to find time to talk with Sheldon. He called me last night and left a voice mail, but only said that he needed to talk to me about a very serious matter. I can only imagine that I've finally worn him down and he's ready to take our relationship to the next level, hence the need for condoms," Amy declared, a smug pride suffusing her very being.

Penny had to force her jaw not to hit the table. She never thought Amy and Sheldon were that close, despite their recently-upgraded relationship after the Stuart fiasco. If Amy was right about Sheldon's intentions...it just made her decision all the easier. She had to get out while there was still a chance to find what was left of the Penny Collins who left Nebraska. Shaken out of her thoughts, Penny noticed that Amy must have started talking again.

"...Anyway, why did you ask to meet for lunch? Normally you're busy and I have lunch in my laboratory," Amy wondered before nodding to the waitress.

"Well, I've got some news and I wanted to tell you in person," Penny explained. After they placed their lunch orders, she folded her fingers between each other and leaned on her elbows. Amy looked at her with undisguised awe, which was more than a little uncomfortable, but after so many months, Penny just ignored it.

"Really? Have you decided to join my karaoke duet and tour the professional karaoke circuit, staying in cheap motels on various tour stops, just like I've been dreaming?" Amy asked.

"Erm, no. I'm just making some major changes to my own life," Penny took a deep breath before plunging into her explanation, "I've decided to leave the Cheesecake Factory, and I'm moving out of the apartment building."

The shock on Amy's face was plain. "You're…you're what?" she asked when she was able to form the words. Leonard said Penny was distant, but he didn't even hint that she might be leaving their building.

"I decided to make some necessary changes," Penny repeated.

"Are you kidding? What's going to happen to the group? What about Leonard? What about me? Who are we going to look to for the coolness factor?" Amy rattled through her pleas, desperate to find the right combination of words to make Penny change her mind.

"The group will still be there, but I wouldn't be able to continue to hang out anyway, not with the way Leonard's been acting recently," Penny said.

"I know you two are in a bit of a rough spot, but really, do you think you need to just leave everyone?" Amy was determined to do what she could to maintain the status quo.

"Leonard has been stalking me, Amy!" Penny had to get Amy to understand the depth of her need for space.

"I'm sure it hasn't been quite that bad. Have you tried talking to him, maybe put on some makeup and that killer little low-cut sundress?" Amy gave what she must have thought was a salacious wink but looked more like a facial tic.

"What? No, Amy, listen: I'm serious. He's been following me around when I told him not to, showing up places he could only know I'd be at if he was stalking me. I'm seriously freaked out about this, and there's no way I can keep having dinner or going out with everyone as long as he's there," There was no way to explain other than just baldly stating the facts, Penny decided.

"Yes, Leonard called me last night and told me that you would most likely overreact and take his actions the wrong way. I think in the right light he's actually being very romantic. You're making a big mistake, bestie, throwing away a relationship with someone willing to go to so much trouble to make you happy. I had such hopes for double-dates with you and Leonard with Sheldon and me. Once I guide him past puberty that is," Amy took a drink of her water, using the opportunity to look down her nose at Penny.

Penny gaped at her friend, betrayal flooding her system with dismay as she realized her self-appointed best friend was apparently trying to keep her in an emotionally abusive relationship. For the moment she ignored the way her insides twisted at the thought of Amy and Sheldon together. "Why in the world am I making a mistake to try to get away from a stalker? When we had our girl's night at my apartment you didn't seem so dead set on keeping me together with Leonard."

"Well, I've done some thinking in the interim. You left Kurt – a good decision, by the way – and moved through a procession of one-time dates and short-term relationships except for Leonard. Were any of those men well-respected scientists? Were any of those men loyal and devoted? Your track record suggests you won't find anyone better than he. If you stay with Leonard our circle will remain cohesive, with everyone paired off except for Rajesh - who, let's be honest, is probably looking in the wrong direction," Amy deadpanned.

"You – you honestly think I should be romantically involved with someone who follows me into grocery stores and banks, trying to get me in a situation where I can't avoid him, just to keep the group of friends together? You want me to be miserable so that you can say you have a group of friends that are all couples?" Her desire to remain calm long forgotten, Penny's disbelief was plain.

"Exactly! Status quo and nothing has to change," Amy's smile was so disturbing Penny couldn't remain in place any longer.

"You really think everything's all about you, don't you? I should have known when you bullied Bernadette into making her wedding all about you with that Maid of Honor nonsense. I'm sorry, Amy. I'm not letting anyone bully me into remaining in an abusive relationship anymore," Penny declared as she stood up and threw her napkin down on the table.

"You'll regret that choice," Amy said calmly. "Starting over won't get you anywhere."

"That's my decision to make, Amy, and here's another one: you can stop telling everyone you're my bestie. A true best friend wouldn't want me to be miserable just to keep her own damn status quo."

With that last retort, Penny stormed out of the restaurant.


The next day saw Penny sending Sheldon a text message. She wanted to take advantage of every chance she had to see him before she moved out of the building, so her idea for that evening was to invite him out to a new pub she'd discovered in Santa Monica.

Irish pubs always called to her – her heritage demanded they would – but this one in particular felt like home. The dark wood booths contrasted with a creamy finish on the interior walls, which were decorated with various signs and mirrors advertising brands like Jameson, Powers, Guinness, Harp, and Murphy's. The music on the player was a uniformly excellent blend of traditional tunes and modern Celtic rock groups, and they even had live music every weekend. She thought it would be a great opportunity to show him something important to her while maintaining their friendship. If that's all she was ever going to get, she'd take it.

Picking up her phone to send the invitation, she saw an unfamiliar blinking red light from her entertainment center. When she looked closer at it, she saw immediately what it was. It took everything she had, but Penny did keep the shriek inside. Now that Howard was engaged, there could only be one person who would put spy cameras in her apartment.

The camera was the last straw. God knew how many more there were in her place, what they'd seen, and how long they'd been there. Stalking was one thing, but having her life recorded without her knowledge left her feeling violated in a way she'd never felt before, even with Kurt's emotional abuse. Staring at the camera, she was faced with a choice. On the one hand she could either knuckle under and agree to re-start the relationship with Leonard; on the other side was her memory of Sarah telling her how much she stood to gain by leaving Leonard and everything holding her back at 2311 North Los Robles behind.

It was time to bring a swift end to this disaster.

Torn between storming over to the other apartment, she schooled her features to keep her feelings hidden. Not for the first time did she bless her acting abilities. Instead of texting Sheldon, she sent a quick message to Bernadette.

Plan A is a go, but just the 4 of us. Bring the package to CF. Tell Howard and Raj to get what they need. Operation Troll starts six hours after the exchange.

Bernadette's reply was almost instantaneous.

Understood. We're all with you. Good luck!


After getting back from the Cheesecake Factory with a small white enveloped tucked securely in her front pocket, Penny decided it was now or never. She changed into a sexy corset-style top and a skin-tight pair of jeans that she'd always known drew Leonard's eyes to her ass like moths to a flame. Distraction was key here. If she could keep his blood flowing south, his brain filter wouldn't work. She knew that after all the dumbass things he'd blurted in bed, like comparing them having sex to each other trying to achieve some sort of cosmic relationship rebalancing with their respective parents.

Trap baited, she pulled out her phone and called him.

"Hi, Leonard," she started, allowing her uncertainty to color her voice as she set the stage in her apartment.

"Penny," his tone was guarded but hopeful, "I wasn't sure I was ever going to hear from you again," he said with the underlying accusation barely hidden.

"I know, things have been crazy. I've been working on lining up work, talking to my agent about auditions, things like that. But now that's done for the moment, so I was hoping we could get together," Penny said as she walked around, setting up candles all around the living area.

"Really? You want to get together?" Leonard asked excitedly, making Penny roll her eyes at his sudden enthusiasm.

"Yeah, why don't you come on over? I've got everything ready to go." She counted a beat in her head. Barely five seconds had passed when she heard the other door slam and hers open. Looking down at her phone, she laughed. He hadn't even bothered to hang up.

"Hi – hi, Penny," he said breathlessly, reaching for his inhaler.

"Leonard. Why don't you come in?" she asked, knowing he wouldn't get the sarcasm.

He didn't. Leonard's brow furrowed in confusion. "I just did. What are you talking about?"

"Never mind. Let me get you something to drink," Penny offered before getting him a beer. "I have some big news, and I wanted to tell you in person."

"What's going on?" He asked, eyes glued to either her chest or butt, depending on which way she was facing.

"Well, I'm quitting the Cheesecake Factory," she said confidently.

"You're WHAT?!" he shouted. "What would possess you to do something that crazy?"

"It's not crazy! I realized I wanted to focus on my acting career. If I'm going to take one last good shot at this I need to get new head shots, take acting classes, and go to as many auditions as possible. Why do you think that's crazy? Don't you think I should be an actress?" she breathed hard, not realizing how much pent-up angst she was pouring into this one last shot she was giving him. He'd never been the most supportive, at times acting downright jealous when a scene called for her to act romantically with another man, but the depth of his opposition to her acting career was still shocking.

"I just think…" he rubbed his face with his hands before looking above her neck for the first time since he came in, "look, you know how I feel about you. I've proposed. I want to get married someday. I think we belong together, and with my salary, you wouldn't need to work at the Cheesecake Factory or try to get an acting job. You've been out here a long time and all you've gotten so far is that gross commercial. Maybe you're just not cut out to be an actress."

Her eyes bulged. "So what, I'd just stay home and take care of the house while you're at work, then have dinner on the table when you get home?"

"And look after the kids too," he added quickly before realizing his mistake.

Penny could almost hear the last nail being hammered into Leonard's coffin. She plastered on a sickly sweet smile and let him dig his grave as deep as he wanted. "Sheldon said something once, offhandedly, about a comment you made right after we met, something about you believing our babies would be smart and beautiful?"

Fear filled his eyes before he saw her smile and in his hubris, interpreted her actions as welcoming the idea. "Yeah, you're beautiful, I'm smart; I just always thought we'd be able to have amazing kids."

She had to close her eyes and bite her lip to keep from shooting back at him for indirectly calling her dumb."So what would we do with our spare time? I mean it's not like we have a lot of things in common. You don't care for any of my friends, and I don't get into the same things you do, like with your movies and comic books. I mean, what about all those romantic comedies you went to see with me in the theater?"

"Yeah, I pretty much went along with just about anything so long as it resulted in sex," he admitted.

Her heart sank at how shallow she'd been, going along with everything he'd done just out of a misplaced desire to not be lonely. "So what happens when we're not in bed?" She asked softly.

Riding his high, Leonard forgot to filter his speech and let his mouth run free. "Well, I've always thought that if you just read more, maybe we'd have more interesting things to talk about. Maybe I could loan you some of my books so you could read those instead of your trashy magazines?"

It took every ounce of her strength to keep her hands from wrapping around his throat. As it was they were twitching so much she was surprised he didn't think she was having a seizure. It was all true. Leonard never wanted to be with her for who she was; he'd only wanted to nail the dumb blonde across the hall. Time to put it into motion, she told herself. "You know what? I think you might be right. Ten years is too long to keep trying at a dream."

"Yeah!" he grinned as he drained the last of his beer, not seeing the trap for what it was. "You can give all that up and not have to worry about money anymore. I'll take care of you."

Penny stood quickly, not trusting her self-control any further in the face of such hideous chauvinistic condescension. "Let me get us a couple more of these and we'll celebrate our new arrangement."

"Sounds good to me, babe. I'm so glad you finally see things my way," he said, putting his feet on her coffee table with a thump.

Keeping her body in between him and the fridge, she popped the top off two more bottles and slipped her hand into her pocket. She tore the paper quickly and extracted the quick-dissolving pill. Penny looked over her shoulder to confirm his attention wasn't on her before dropping the pill into his new bottle.

She walked over to him and handed over the drink, lifting her own in a toast. "Here's to us: a failed actress and successful scientist." They clinked their bottles together before taking a long pull. His competitive side came out when he saw that she was drinking faster than he, and Leonard worked to chug the entire bottle, just as Penny had planned.

"So tell me, Leonard: how does it feel to be an up-and-coming physicist who almost helped prove string theory?"

Confusion colored his face. "What?"

"You heard me. I was so hopeful that your Arctic trip would be the thing you all needed to become rock stars, at least in the science world," she said, her voice growing colder with each word, "but then you had to go fuck it up, didn't you? Consider this a revenge for what you did to my best friend."

He didn't have time to ask any more questions before his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell to the floor, his face hitting the edge of the coffee table on the way down. Penny's bark of laughter at the crunch his nose made when it broke caused a momentary pang of guilt, but she shook it off as she remembered all Leonard had done and intended to do to her.

"Ouch," she winced without sympathy, "That's gonna leave a mark."

With a humorless chuckle, she pulled out her phone and called Bernadette. "Hey, Bernie, it's me…Yeah the rat bastard never suspected a thing…Yup, out like a light…No, no other side effects; he's out cold on my floor, snoring like a gutted hog…Is that all you needed for your study?...Good…I wouldn't want you to get in trouble for this either…It was genius to list him as one of the blind testers of the new sleeping aid to hide you sneaking the drug out of the lab…That's right…get the guys over here and we'll get set up for the final act of this little drama…No, Sheldon's hands need to stay clean of this…just Raj and Howard for the last part…and some of my new friends, that's right…okay, I'll see you later, Bernadette."

She looked down on Leonard with nothing but contempt. "Serves you right, you selfish prick," she growled with a savage kick to his midsection.


A/N: One of my reviewers had a little trouble with Bernadette sneaking a drug out of her lab as an example of her somehow damaging the science. All I have to say is that there's canon precedent – in one episode she makes a joke about she and her colleagues crossing Ebola with the common cold despite it being 'a terrible, terrible thing!'. It's not meant to be taken seriously, nor am I advocating anyone do anything like that.

Trolls: Before you start flaming my inbox, think of how much of Leonard's dialog in the last scene comes directly from episodes over the last three seasons - admitting he went along with just about anything to get sex, telling Penny he didn't think she should be an actress, etc. All of them came directly from episodes. I'm not imagining this.

Constructive feedback is always appreciated! I hope this little effort made your Monday better.

Next up: Leonard finally gets some action and Penny goes Junior Rodeo. Seriously. Stay tuned