Dean was just tired of life being insane. Learning about Sam's dreams was enough drama for a lifetime, and now he figured out that Cas' dad hit him? It was enough to completely kill any desire he had to party. Usually, he would have wanted to drink just to ignore it all, but he wasn't even in the mood for that at this point. Dean and Cas got back to the house and it was still empty—Dean had figured it would be. They went up to Dean's room and Cas sat down on the edge of the bed. Dean plopped down next to him, laying back and staring at the ceiling.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Dean asked.

"It doesn't really matter," Cas said.

"How does you getting hit not matter?"

"He won't hit me again," he replied.

"How do you know that?" Dean retorted. "There's no way to be sure."

"Yeah, actually, there is," Cas muttered, laying back too, "because Uncle Michael kicked me out."

Dean turned towards Cas. "What?"

"Yeah. It's kind of a long story, but I told him about going to the party with you and—"

"He kicked you out because I invited you to a party?" Dean demanded, half appalled at his uncle because he would be that crazy, but half at himself too because that meant it was his fault that this happened to Cas.

"That was how the argument started, but it ended somewhere way different. But really, you wouldn't get it. I hardly even get it."

"Try me."

Cas sighed. "I was just insulting my father. See, he's never around, but Uncle Michael talks about him like he's the Lord himself. So I insulted him one too many times and my uncle got mad."

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard," Dean muttered.

"I know. I don't really get it either."

"But where are you going to stay then?"

Cas shrugged. "I'll figure something out."

Dean looked over to Cas. "Why don't you stay here?"

Cas turned his head and Dean didn't expect Cas' face to be so close. His eyes were such an interesting color of blue—bright, but still somehow dark. "You mean that?"

Part of Dean wanted to scoot back, but he couldn't bring himself to. "Of course I do," Dean replied. Cas didn't reply, they just continued to look at each other, eyes locked.

Okay, this is weird, Dean thought. This is… well, it's kind of… romantic.

And Dean found he was nervous, like something was stuck in his throat. He swallowed, but it didn't help. There was a fluttering in his stomach.

He didn't even blink.

Cas was the one who got up. "I've got to use the restroom," he muttered.

Dean didn't breathe again until Cas had left the room, then he exhaled, but still didn't move.

What the hell was wrong with him? That moment… he'd never even had a moment like that with a girl, let alone…

He blinked a few times, and then finally sat up.

I'm not gay, he thought to himself fiercely.

No, Dean wasn't gay. That was true. But that didn't change what had just happened, how Dean could still feel his pulse in his neck, which was way faster than it should have been.

Dean sat there for a long time, trying not to think, until he noticed that Castiel had been in the bathroom for a long time. He got up, knocking on the door. "You okay?" Dean asked. There was no response. He knocked again. "Cas?"

"Just hiding from my life. Don't worry about me."

Dean rolled his eyes at Cas' almost joke. "Then why don't you hide out here?"

"I'm hiding from you too," Cas replied.

"Are you? And why're you hiding from me?"

Cas exhaled. "You honestly don't know?"

Dean was quiet. Yeah, Dean was pretty sure he knew. He knocked again. "Dude, get out of the bathroom." Silence. "What if I have to pee?"

"You don't."

"Maybe not, but I'm going to have to eventually." No response. "Cas, I have a key to the bathroom. I'll go get it if you don't come out." Dean could hear Cas sigh, and a moment later he opened the door. Cas' eyes were red. "Hey, are you crying? What's wrong?"

"I'm not crying," Cas sniffed, shoving past Dean and sitting in his rolling chair.

Dean walked over to Cas, kneeling in front of him. "Tell me what's wrong."

"You know what's wrong."

"No, I don't actually see much of a problem."

"I just fuck everything up, Dean."

Dean nearly flinched at the sound of Cas cursing. "You didn't fuck up anything, Cas."

"Yes I did. I said exactly what Uncle Michael didn't want to hear so that I got kicked out, and I push everyone away, and now I'm gonna push you away too because of my—" Cas stopped, looking at the ceiling to avoid Dean's eyes again.

"Because of your what?" Dean asked.

"Nothing."

"Cas." Dean felt kind of lost, not understanding any of his emotions anymore, so he was kind of just letting his body act without the permission of his mind—whether or not he would regret that later. So automatically, he grabbed Cas' hand in his. It made his stomach twist anxiously, and Cas looked down at his hands as if he couldn't believe it was Dean unless he looked. "Because of your what?" he repeated.

"Umm…" Cas muttered, his face turning red. It was kind of cute so Dean had to keep himself from smiling. He didn't think that would be encouraging. "I told you that you and I don't have the same type… because I don't… well…"

"Because you're gay?" Dean finished tentatively. Cas bit his lip, trying to pull his hand away. "Hey, you don't need to be ashamed. I don't mind."

"But it's not just that I'm—" Cas started, pausing for a moment as if he were choking on the words. He tried again. "It's not just that I'm… gay, Dean. It's that…" Cas stopped again.

Dean realized that Cas was way too uncomfortable to say anything. Dean got up, smiling. "Hey, Cas, have you ever seen Austin Powers?"

"Austin Powers?" he repeated blankly.

"Yeah. It's like this movie making fun of James Bond. It's hilarious. Let's watch it."

Cas looked confused, but also relieved that Dean had let him off the hook. Dean held out his hand and Cas took it. They sat together on Dean's bed and watched the movie on his TV.

Dean was a little distracted, but Cas seemed to think it was funny.

Dean just was trying to make sense of how he was feeling. He took a glance at Cas, who had a small, absent smile on his face as he watched the movie. He had the bruise on his cheek bone, but that really only just brought out the shape of his face. Cas' stubble was a little scruffier than usual and his hair was messy, as usual… how ironic, a virgin with perpetual sex-hair. Dean smirked at his internal joke.

Cas glanced over to Dean and looked surprised. "What're you looking at? Do I have something on my face?"

Now Dean could see his eyes, wide and jewel blue. Dean had never really noticed men before, at least not like this, but Cas was kind of beautiful. Dean was so enthralled that he wasn't even able to think about how weird it was for Dean to call a man 'beautiful'.

"Nothing, zoning out," Dean said, looking back at the movie. It took Cas a minute to look back at the screen again.

Dean was feeling more and more conflicted the longer he sat there, because all his instincts told him to lean over, take his hand, to do something.

But what Dean realized was that when everything in his life was turning fucked up, when he was feeling more and more separate from all the other people he knew, Castiel was becoming this constant for him, something that made sense and made him comfortable and happy. And suddenly it didn't really matter to Dean what gender they were, what other people might think. Cas made Dean happy—really, genuinely happy—for the first time in a long time. That was all that really mattered.

Dean looked over at Cas again with a shaky breath, then scooted closer to him and put his arm around his shoulders. Cas looked up in what may have been shock or alarm.

"Are you high, Dean?" Cas asked, quite seriously.

"No," Dean muttered, moving his arm, suddenly feeling timid. That's what he got for acting on impulse.

"Wait, sorry, I wasn't trying to be mean. I'm just… confused."

"Why?"

"Because… I just admitted that I'm gay and now you're… what, flirting with me?"

"Um… I guess I wasn't doing so well if you have to ask."

"I… what?"

Dean cleared his throat. He wasn't sure why he felt so nervous. He'd done this a million times before… just usually with girls.

This was so confusing.

"Well… Cas—"

"I mean, you're straight, aren't you?"

"I—shit, I don't know! Why does it matter? Straight, gay, what the hell does any of it mean anyway? I've felt like shit about basically everything for months now. You think you're a fuck up? I flunked out of junior year and never stay with anything and all my friends are gone and most of my problems are my fault in the first place. And now everything in my life is getting weird and nothing makes sense—but you. You make sense. Being with you is… well, it's not simple, but when you're around I kind of forget about the other shit, and all that matters is that you're with me, you know? Does that make sense?"

Cas was staring at Dean, still looking a little shocked. Then he smiled crookedly, chuckling a little. "Yeah. Actually, you have no idea how much sense that makes to me."

Dean smiled. "So… no, maybe I'm not gay… But I think I still like you anyway."

Cas smiled wider, showing more of a public display of delight than Dean had ever seen. And somehow Dean thought that made him more beautiful than he was a second before.

Neither of them really knew who initiated it. Maybe it was both of them. But they were just looking at each other, smiling… and then a moment later, they kissed.

They both backed up, eyes wide as if it had been an accident. But Dean couldn't stay away, not after that. They kissed again, more slowly. They backed away again, just staring at each other. Cas looked ecstatic, but maybe scared too. Dean probably looked about the same.

"So…" Cas muttered. "What exactly is this?"

Dean exhaled. "I have absolutely no idea. Let's figure that out later."

Cas leaned into Dean's chest, Dean wrapping his arm around Cas more confidently this time, and they looked at the movie once more.