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*edited on 12/8/15*


"Artemis…" Conner whispers after gently pulling me away from him. "What are you doing?" He looks deep into my eyes. Probably searching for an answer.

"I don't know," I mumble out, casting my eyes down to the tiled floor. His fingers are still on my arm; his thumb sweeps over my flesh in circles. I look back up into his eyes before leaning into him and smashing our lips together again. He doesn't pull away this time, but he's not kissing back. His lips are hard. Firm.

His fingers tighten against my arm and I know there'll likely be bruises there later. I've got his shirt clenched in my hand and I use it as leverage to pull him closer to my body. His lips move suddenly and the motion makes them softer, but it's still rough. It doesn't feel right, but it makes me feel right so I slip my tongue between his lips and slide my fingers up into his raven hair. His hands are on my waist now and he's pulling my body to his and we're right up against each other.

Just as a moan escapes my mouth, Conner is letting me go and striding to the door, leaving me standing breathless in the middle of the room. My face is flushed, and I can feel sweat gather on my back. He presses the side of his head to the door, listening.

"Conner…" I bite my bottom lip, which has swollen a bit, "what is it?"

"Wally. They're telling him."

"About Flash? Should we-" I walk to the door, but he holds a hand out to halt me.

"No, let's just - that's not our bad news." He swallows and turns from the door. He rubs a thumb over his bottom lip and clenches his jaw. "Artemis." his voice has lost it's emotion again, and I turn my head to face the lit instruments in the room.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, okay. Just - that can't happen again."

"I know. God I know." he steps closer to me, and I look back at his pale eyes. "You're dating one of my best friends and I'm an asshole."

He chuckles, and comes up to me. I jump when he strokes his hand down my arm. "If you're an asshole, then I am too." I start to shake my head in protest, but he ignores it and talks over me, "She's not the girl I fell in love with, I don't know what happened, but..."

"What?"

"When I first left the pod - Cadmus - I was so alone. I was different than all of you. I didn't fit in." He's looking at his hand placed on my forearm, "M'gann, she made me feel like I belonged." He pulls his hand away and studies his fingers for a moment. I watch him in silence. "I've changed and she helped me. But now she's...slipping away." He looks at my face, then down at my hand, which is stained with dried blood from my busted open knuckles. "She's grown so fast. Changed so much."

"I think we've all changed." I say quietly, cutting into the silence. He smiles softly before reaching for my battered hand and gently pulling it up to his mouth and placing a kiss over the cracked skin.


My cheeks are still on fire as the door to Robin's room slides open before me. He's sitting up in bed, facing the door with a small grin, wearing one of those dorky sublimation shirts with different angles of a cat on it and he looks absolutely ridiculous and wonderful all at the same time.

"Expecting me?" I tease as I enter the room and make my way to the green chair set beside his bed. I pull it closer to his side before sitting down on the plush cushion.

"What's with your face?" He asks through the grin.

"Excuse me?" I say, in a mock-offended tone, "I have been through hell today. You should be complimenting me, really. I did save your life afterall."

"Riiight." He says slowly, before pushing his sunglasses up the brim of his nose. "Artemis, may I say, you look absolutely stunning this evening. The mud is a nice - albeit daring - touch." He's got his hand pressed to his heart like he's speaking directly from it. I roll my eyes, and steal a glance at my uniform, which - big surprise - is still covered in mud. My face is steadily cooling down, for which I am grateful. I'm a big coward; discussing my make-out session with the clone is definitely not something I am prepared to do right now. Least of all with Robin.

"Thank you, I try." I say, giving him a sly smile as I raise my hand up, tucking a loose strand of semi-wavy hair behind my ear.

"Your hands," and all traces of humor are gone from his voice. I glance at the hand raised up only to see large purple smatterings around my busted open, swollen knuckles. I look to the other hand, with the sprained wrist, and it looks no better. At least I had remembered to wash the blood off before leaving the empty room with Conner.

"It's nothing. Really." I say reassuringly, setting my hands in my lap. Honestly, they didn't hurt in the least. They must have gone numb. That or I did.

"It doesn't look like nothing 'Mis." His brow is furrowed, and the corners of his mouth are pointed down, which looks ugly on his face. "What happened?"

"Erm...I sort of punched Conner in the face a few times." I mumble out, biting my lip and casting my gaze to the side.

"Is that all?"

I can't help but smile from his tone. He didn't sound confused or appalled at my behavior, just relieved. Maybe relieved that I had actually told him. I look back at him and see his face is still rather serious, but his frown has subsided. After a moment of heavy silence, I release a long sigh and sit back in the chair.

"You look better." I tell him, and he turns his head forward and away from me. His jaw clenches twice before his cheeks rise in a wide smile. He had color back in his face and his skin looked sparkling clean, causing a little bit of envy to sputter inside me. A long hot shower sounded like heaven on earth.

"I feel better." His tone is warm, "In no small part to you." He adds, turning back to me.

I snort. "Please, my medical training is mediocre at best."

"Don't sell yourself short." His gaze feels so intense and I can't even see it. Just a slight outline of the eyes hidden behind the jet-black glasses. My cheeks are warming up again and I have to fight a primal instinct to bolt up from the chair and out the door.

"Did they at least fix the stitches? I've never used dissolvable ones before, I'm sure I did something wro-"

"No, I refused medical treatment." He's dead serious when he says it, but he chuckles a beat later and continues, much more lighthearted and Robin-like, "Batman was not happy, but he was at least compliant. Gave me some iron supplements, juice, the works." He pauses for a moment with a small, serene smile on his face before continuing. "Plus I've been grounded to this bed for the time being."

"Batman was pretty mad about the situation huh?" I ask and he silently nods. "I'm thinking I may need to lay low for awhile. At least till the pot cools." He chuckles - probably at that metaphor - then shifts a bit on the bed. He grimaces in pain, but it's gone as soon as it came and I don't feel like mentioning it. I brushed away my injuries, there's no reason to bring up his.

He starts popping his knuckles, looking around the room. He's figidity all of a sudden and it's got my nerves hanging by a thread.

"What's up?" I ask finally. He stills his hands and shrugs, not facing me. "Robin…"

And as if they move of their own accord, my hands stretch forward and carefully take hold of his much larger hand. He's not wearing gloves and I think it's the first time I've ever really felt his hands. Really felt the skin of them, which is softer than I'd imagine it being. I chance a look up at him, and he's looking right down at me, leaning in closer than I had thought and I think I can actually see his iris' behind the dark shadows of his glasses.

"Artemis…" His head leans in closer and for once I don't want to pull away. Somewhere, between all the stolen touches, my feelings for this spectacular boy changed, and I find myself leaning in as well, my eyes slowly fluttering closed. And as soon as the room around me goes dark, my face lights up as my mind takes me back to that dark room and Conner's strong hands gripping my waist; the taste of his tongue still prominent in my mouth. The thought makes my stomach turn and I launch myself out of the chair and away from Robin. He's taken aback for a second before he regains composure over his raspberry red face.

"Hey - hey what wrong?" I can't meet his gaze, but I hear the genuine worry in his voice. It's soft and gentle, and leaves a hairline crack in my glass heart and I force my eyes closed over the tears that beg to fall out.

"I really need to get cleaned up, uh…" I can't stop my lip from quivering and I duck out of the sliding door without another word.


The freezing water feels like heaven against my sore, overused muscles. I open my eyes and look up at the showerhead pelting down the blissful water. I've scrubbed away the mud, sweat, and blood from my body but I still feel dirty; as though the past three months were embedded in my skin like grime that couldn't be wiped off.

Conner was a moment of weakness. I was tired of feeling so numb. Tired of just being. Since mom's accident, the only time I've felt truly alive has been with Dick. And it's because he is just so normal. He's a constant in my life of chaos and his quirky personality and soft eyes never cease to ground me.

But for some reason, his friendship is no longer enough to pull me out of the dark. I've encased myself behind stone walls and Dick doesn't even seem interested in trying to break them down. And if he were, I'm not too sure I'd let him. I have kept so many secrets from him I feel as though we aren't even really friends. And I hate myself for thinking such a thing.

I turn the water off and step out of the showers, grabbing a clean towel off the nearby hook. I pull on a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie and head to the kitchen. It's empty, and I'm not sure if I feel sad or thankful of the fact. I grab some leftover pizza and eat it cold, not even bothering with a plate or condiments. I've finished off three pieces before I decide to visit Wally before heading to bed. I hop off the counter and make my way to the medbay.

The door to his temporary room slides open and I am grateful to find only Wally inside. I don't think I'd be ready to look M'gann or Connor in the eye just yet.

"Hey." His voice is still raspy, and his eyes are red.

"Hey Wally," I approach the cot, but don't sit in the chair beside it, "how you holding up?"

"I wish people would stop asking me that." He grumbles out, turning his emerald eyes down to his red leg cast.

"Wally your uncle died. We're all just concerned."

"Yeah well, I'm fine." He says harshly, before muttering under his breath, "it's not like he was even related to me."

"Wally," my tone sounds scolding, as if he's a brooding child and I'm his mother. When I think about it, though, that is a relatively accurate depiction of Wally. Even at 18, he still acts like a young boy most of the time. He casts his gaze down, a flash of regret in his eyes. He never got along with Barry, but it still had to be hard losing him. Blood or not, he had been a part of the West family and a large part of both of Wally's lives.

"Where is everyone?" I ask him slowly, trying to change subjects. He looks around the room as if he just noticed that it was only the two of us in here.

"I dunno, I've been in and out all..." his sentence trails off, and I wait for a minute to see if he's going to continue before I sit in the chair.

"So, what did Canary say?" I finally ask with a sigh. He looks up at the ceiling, picking at a scab on his chin.

"She reassured me multiple times that everyone was here for me, and that I could get counseling from her if I needed it. Normal grief counselor stuff right? And then…" he leaves the cut alone and sighs. "And then she offered me Flash's spot on the League. Just like that."

"Wow." I hate the hollow word but it's all I have to offer.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"Are you going to-"

"I don't know." He cuts me off. "How can I pass up a free spot on the League?" I sit silently. He looks over at me, meeting my eyes. "But at the same time, I'm not sure I'm ready to take on this kind of responsibility."

"Do you think they'd even consider offering you this if they didn't think you could handle it?" I ask him. He stares blankly, taking in my words. After a silence - much too long for my liking - he opens his mouth.

"Do you?" He chuckles but it's all wrong. It doesn't have the lightheartedness that usually accompanies Wally's laughter. "The League doesn't think I'm good enough or ready to join them; they need someone to take over for Barry." After a silence I don't dare break he, again, grumbles under his breath, "I'm nothing more than a replacement."

I sit back against the green chair. I can't and don't try to offer him some reassurance; tell him he's nuts because in all honesty he is a very talented speedster and one of the strongest members of the team - a hell of alot stronger than me, and not because he actually has powers. Because the truth - and we both know this - is that he is good but he isn't good enough for the Justice League. Not by a long shot. The only member of the team I could even think to be near League level would be M'gann, but even she is too rash and abrasive. Makes too many mistakes. I can't tell him he is overthinking things or that he is ready because it would be a lie. And for once in my life, I don't feel like lying.

The clock on the wall is a few minutes ahead, officially declaring the day over as it strikes midnight. I slide my cell phone out of my hoodie pocket and look at the screen.

11:57.

Its as though the numbers on the LED screen are taunting me. Lagging behind to keep me from shoving the days events into the box in my mind labeled "The past" where it can gather mold and dust as it lay forgotten and I continue on with my new day.

"M'gann…" I snap my head up from my phone, surprised. I had gotten lost in thought and forgot about the boy in bed.

"Hmmm?" I look into his eyes, which have glossed over, but they are focused elsewhere.

"M'gann - she tried to save me" he stumbles with the words like he isn't sure what he is trying to say.

"From what I heard, she did save you."

He looks over at me, "She got hurt though…" his gaze casts down to his hand with the IV attachment. He strokes the tape holding the needle in place. "That damn machine set her on fire, like it knew exactly how to handle her."

"She's alright though," I mutter, "She's got a couple burns but she's fine."

"Bastards." He's got so much venom in his voice, it scares me. Wally didn't get angry like that ; it didn't fit his personality.

I leave a few minutes later without a word. Wally doesn't even seem to notice as a pull up from the chair and shuffle out the door.

In the hall, M'gann stands with her back pressed against the wall and her arms crossed over her chest, just a ways down from the door to Wally's room. I freeze in my steps, suddenly nervous. She's looking forward, but she clears her throat before speaking.

"How's he doing?"

"He's awake," I offer lamely, as though that explains or answers her question.

"I feel horrible," she pauses, "I saw that thing go after him and when it had him on the ground, crushing him, I-I just froze."

The image of one of those machines pinning Wally to the ground and bashing his head in floods my mind, and I close my eyes, hoping to replace it with something - anything - else. I can't fathom how hard it had to be to see that in real life.

"Conner had to literally push me to get me to move. A-and when I did," and suddenly I understand why she's looking down and away. I can see it now; her cheeks are wet with the tears that stream from her eyes. "that machine knew how to take me out." She has her arms wrapped around herself now and her shoulders shake as her tears come harder.

"If the league hadn't come at that moment, I'd be dead." I close the distance between us, getting a sudden surge of courage, and wrap my arms around the Martian. She's still holding onto herself, but she leans into my embrace, bending down and resting her chin on my shoulder.

"If it weren't for you, Wally would be dead." I whisper in her ear, tightening my hold on her. "You saved him. Don't forget that." Her wet cheek presses into my ear as she talks.

"Thank you Artemis." She finally wraps her long arms around me, returning the hug. "You're such a good friend."

And it's at that moment I remember how firm her boyfriend's lips are. A good friend is not a defining trait of mine. I stiffen in her arms, and unfortunately she notices, pulling away.

"Is everything okay?" She asks in her honey-sweet voice which is full of genuine concern, despite all of her own personal worries.

I can't respond as images of Connor's hands gripping my waist and arms with a passion replay on a loop in my head. As I recall the taste of his tongue - something spicy, like a cinnamon candy - I find myself backing away from her slowly.

"Artemis?"

"I'm sorry," I manage to say, unable to look her in the eye. "I-I-" I try to stutter out an excuse. I need to get to bed, it's late. Just something to rectify this situation, but the more I open my mouth, the deeper I dig this hole beneath me.

So I just turn and run.

And I don't look back.

Once I've made it to my room, I press my back against the locked door and slide down until my butt is pressed against the cool floor. I've gotten myself into a mess. There is absolutely no way M'gann will drop this encounter. The next time she sees me, she'll have questions and I doubt I will be able to lie.

I pull my hoodie over my head and toss it to the side of the room. It hits the floor with a loud thump and I realize I've left my cellphone in the pocket. Feeling too defeated to get up and retrieve it, I slump against the door, stretching my legs out in front of me. I look down at my hanging arms and see a smattering of finger-tip sized bruises on both of my biceps. They burn into my skin and I feel shame creep over me yet again.

"What the hell are you doing Arty?" I mumble out loud. My hair is almost dry, and it hangs over my shoulder in waves. The blonde is such an eye sore that I yank at it hard before tossing it out of sight behind my back in frustration.

From the pocket of my jacket, my phone begins to vibrate, before letting out a chirp to signal a new message. I don't move. The phone chirps a second time, then a third. After a few more beeps, I realize that I must've just gotten service and all my missed calls and messages are only now being received. With a sigh I push up from the floor and stumble over to my hoodie, pulling it up and digging in its pocket until I have my phone in my hand.

I look at the screen and see that I've received seven text messages, two missed calls and a voice mail. All from Dick.

Oh no, Dick! I had completely forgotten to tell him an excuse for my absence. I disappeared off the face of the earth and had given him no explanation. He must be worried sick.

I quickly bring up my message app and scroll past the first couple silly texts before reading the last one which makes my heart drop:

Artemis please call me when you get this so I can cease my worry of one splendid blonde.

I quickly punch out a response and hit send:

I'm so sorry Grayson! I forgot to inform you of my sudden departure for Star City, where my reception is god awful.

After rereading my message, I quickly add:

I'm alright ;)

I carry myself over to my bed and fall in a heap on the cover. I look up at the smooth ceiling that was entirely too white save for the small batman sticker Robin had stuck up there in another lifetime. My thoughts trail off to the boy wonder, lying just two doors down the hall. We almost kissed tonight. And I had actually wanted to.

My phone buzzes and I lift it up, reading the response from Dick:

Well thank the heavens above!

As soon as I finish reading the message another one is sent to me:

Glad you're alright. Call me when you can Arty :))

I smile as I type out a response, all thoughts of the boy lying two doors down slipping from my mind:

I will.


All righty-roo. That huge, mega long day is finally over. It only took like 5 chapters.

Question: Would anyone seriously mind if this is bumped up to M? It's not gonna be for awhile, but just so you guys are aware.

Keep it real.

~Just Look Up