A/N: I should probably also mention I do not own and indeed have nothing to do with Britney Spears' music. Ditto American Idol. Although as far as I know 'Jason' is fictional.

Chapter 9

The Remarkably Brief Climax

The bars of the gate easily swung open, and the gates themselves hardly gave a whimper as they were pushed outward by Keeah's hands. Eric wondered if this was because she was Queen of Droon and therefore special or if the gates were merely well-maintained. He then realized he didn't actually care and promptly forgot about it.

They tramped outside in a mismatched parade. Keeah lead the way with her golden head high. Eric followed, hands in his pockets, checkered shirt and striped tie launching a joint attack on aesthetics. Then came Julie, pink hair and all, followed by Neal, the sulky, black-clad, self-proclaimed funny-guy who had been rather lax in his comic relief. Too late now. This was the Final Showdown. Soon it would all be over.

Exiting the gates, they turned left and followed the walls around the city. Worried citizens smiled, cheered, and demonstrated their complete confidence in the heroes by shutting and barring the gates behind them as soon as Neal was through. Eric tried to remember if Jaffa City had always had a wall. He had let Sparr in through a gate once, hadn't he? Therefore there must have been a wall to put it in…

His train of thought was brutally interrupted because he had spotted, directly ahead, a spare figure hunched over the ground as if digging. It was swathed in a black cape, tall and sinister. "Sparr," Eric breathed.

Even as they watched, the evil apparition straightened, pulling something loose from the dirt. It was black. It was spiky. On the bottom was the legend, 'Made in Grothor™ '

"Of course!" Keeah exclaimed, "The city of Grothor was far larger then Jaffa City! Some of its manufacturing plants would be outside."

"Correct!" The dark figure thundered, "Brilliant, as usual, Princess. But once again, too late. Because now I have the microphone, and now you and the rest of your world will suffer at the hands of my Karaoke of Doom!"

He laughed evilly.

"Not so fast!" Shouted Neal, brandishing his iPod. "Two can wield the deadly weapon of Bad Music!" He turned up the volume, and the overproduced, magically amplified voice of Britney Spears sang out to the world of her latest relationship problems.

Sparr, unfazed, lifted the Microphone and began to sing along.

"Ahh!"

"Ahh!"

"Ahh!"

Shouted Eric, Neal, and Julie. "Brilliant, Neal," Keeah agreed. Then, swiftly, she pulled two handfuls of somethings out of her pockets and clamped them to her own ears, then those of everyone else in the group.

Blessed silence ensued. Earplugs!

With everyone temporarily safe, Keeah waved at the other three – by way of explanation – a handful of the small wax things she had brought from Jaffa City.

The sinister figure with the microphone was not pleased. He rocked, warbled, shouted, and cranked the volume, but whatever noise he was producing merely beat against Keeah's magically reinforced earplugs, and the four teens were safe from harm.

Keeah raised her hands, fanned out her fingers. KKK-BLAM!

No one actually heard the sound effects, but they're so much fun to write. The explosion was the result of a bolt of blue light she launched from her fingertips at Sparr, but which, deflected by the distorting waves of mind-numbing karaoke, merely hit the ground at his feet. Keeah tried again, but this second attempt was defeated when the First Rule of a Nonending Series came into play (the villain must remain alive so the good guys can continue to foil his plans but fail to kill him). Once again, the blue bolt went way off the mark. However, the powerful burst of blue fire did have the effect of igniting the hem of Sparr's infamous black cloak.

With a crackle, flames rose, consuming the black fabric. Sparr dropped the microphone, tore off the cloak, and preformed the equally infamous Stop, Drop and Roll Maneuver.

That was when Eric noticed a conspicuous lack of fish fins, purple or otherwise.

"Wait a minute! That's not Sparr!" Eric exclaimed.

No one could hear him.

Julie darted forward, snatching the neglected microphone and stowing it safely in the front pocket of Neal's hoodie. Everyone pulled out their earplugs.

"Wait a minute! That's not Sparr!" Eric exclaimed.

"No," said Neal, "It's Jason from American Idol."

Julie winced. "You watch American Idol? Geeze, you're probably immune to the Evil Black Spiky Microphone of Grothor."

Neal stuck out his tongue, and instantly regretted such an immature action. Very uncharacteristic, but he was in shock.

Jason from American Idol, having put out the fire, stood up and abruptly realized he no longer had the Microphone. He didn't quite manage to make his eyes flash. "You! How did I know? I read all the books, I should have expected trying to take over Droon would be a failure. But I thought… Well, after they insulted me on that show… maybe I could put my awful singing to good use." He broke down into a sobbing heap.

Julie sneered. "What should we do with him?"

"I'll deal with him," announced Keeah airily, and summoned the guards. Somehow. Possibly from thin air. Who knows? She is the Queen. Anyway…

The guards grabbed the false Sparr by his shoulders and dragged him off to the dungeons, or rather, hastily converted storeroom with padlocks (long story, involving the DDC). "And I would have gotten away with it too!" He quoted loudly back at the teens, "If it hadn't been for you meddling kids! And your dumb soccer ball!"

"We lost the soccer ball!" Neal shouted back, "Didn't you read the first chapter?"

Eric walked over to Keeah. "I just wanted to say – thank you. You saved us all with those earplugs."

"Oh, Eric, you know you'd do the same for me."

They stared deep into each other's eyes. Eric leaned closer, feeling as though he might drown in the green pools of…

Julie grabbed Eric, Neal grabbed Keeah, and the pair were summarily wrenched apart. "This will not end in a cliché!" Julie declared.

Then, spilling from the sky, the rainbow staircase fell in a graceful arch; cheesy, cartoony, faintly queer, but welcomed as ever. Eric scowled at Neal and began to walk up it; the other two followed.

About half way up, the three paused. "Wait – we're forgetting something!" Julie declared.

"Erm… there's no place like home?" Eric tried.

"I'm hungry?" Neal attempted hopefully.

"Beam me up, Scotty?" Eric hazarded.

"No!" Julie sighed in exasperation. "Our moral."

"Oh! Er, it's great to come to Droon…"

"We have spectacularly awesome adventures…"

"But the best thing about it is that we get to make wonderful new friends," Julie finished, looking slightly disgusted. "Okay, we can go now."

And so they went.