So, I had some questions about the timeline of this story and I've been deliberately vague about it, but I'm going to clear some of it up. Riley moved to Wyoming towards the end of November. She went to New York for Christmas the same year, and couldn't leave the airport. Farkle showed up in Wyoming mid-January, he's been with Riley for almost a month. So, our modern time is mid-February.
Please read the author's note at the bottom, it's important to where the story goes after this chapter.
"I'm the poster-child for unplanned pregnancy," Riley groaned, sprawled out on Lydia's couch.
"No sex, is safe sex," Lydia quoted, from where she was fixing a salad in her kitchen.
"It's not like I sleep around," Riley murmured, talking more to herself now.
"Am I allowed to ask about the father of the baby?" Lydia questioned, depositing a bowl of salad in front of Riley and sitting across from her.
"No, we're suspending reality for the next twenty-four hours," Riley insisted, skewing a piece of lettuce with more force than what was strictly necessary.
"The thing that got you pregnant," Lydia asked with amusement.
"There was a city-wide blackout that lasted two days. Everybody knows that what happens during the two days of a city-wide blackout, doesn't count. We erased it; whatever we said, whatever we did, didn't happen," Riley groaned and Lydia let out a laugh.
"Which really should have warned you. You know that pregnancy rates sky-rocket nine months after any kind of power outage," Lydia reminded her.
"I'm pretty sure we used protection," Riley sighed.
"How did you make it through high school without a pregnancy scare?" Lydia asked, shaking her head.
"I didn't do anything in high school," Riley admitted, incredibly uncomfortable with where this conversation was going.
"But you did take a basic health class, right? You call yourself a doctor," Lydia joked, grabbing Riley's bowl and disappearing into her kitchen.
Riley's phone is vibrating on the table in front of her and she can't bring herself to answer it. She knows that she should tell Lucas what happened, but the idea of actually talking about it feels all wrong to her. She doesn't tell anyone about her almost-baby. Nothing changes for everyone else, but Riley feels as though the very foundation that she's been standing on is crumbling and it's all that she can do to stay upright.
She devotes herself to school and signs up for a gym membership. Farkle has really been pushing meditation, but she can't stand the idea of being alone with her thoughts, so she takes spin classes and even tries out water aerobics. She volunteers at the animal shelter, but it makes her think of Lucas and she only lasts a week before she decides to quit.
The phone stops vibrating and Riley thinks about listening to the message, but Lucas wants to talk to Riley, and Riley can barely recognize herself most days. It's different from in high school when she couldn't figure out who she was or what she wanted to be, because she knows all of those things. She just can't seem to make them mean anything.
Her father taught about the gilded age when she was in high school; society's decay hiding behind a pretty picture. That's how she feels all of the time. Like she's putting on an act to hide everything wrong inside of her. She feels like something fundamental is missing and she can't get rid of the feeling of incompleteness.
Eventually, the phone calls stop coming, but the letters start. She shoves all of them in a box and buries them so deeply under her bed that she can almost pretend they're not there. The problem is that they call out to her at night and she knows that she's supposed to be feeling something, but she just can't find the energy.
"I've tried everything and I'm running out of ideas, Riles," Lucas informs her, as she approaches her apartment. She's still dressed in her scrubs and she almost drops her apartment keys when she sees him standing in front of her door.
"What are you doing here?" Riley asks, folding her arms around herself, as though it will protect her.
"I've called, I've emailed, I've sent you actual letters. I miss you," Lucas admits and the tiny part of her brain that isn't devoted to just trying to survive, tells her that she's supposed to be missing him, too.
"I've been busy," Riley says, unable to move from the spot that she's frozen too. She wants to brush past him, to unlock her apartment, and close the door between them. However, she's not sure that she can stand to be any closer to him then where she is right now.
"So have I, this year has been killer, but I think it's even worse being away from you," Lucas admits, taking a step closer as Riley takes a reactionary step back.
"I can't," Riley trails off, unsure what to say, but just wanting him to go away. She can't deal with this; she can't deal with him.
"What's wrong?" he asks, and she can feel the way his eyes are taking in the weight that she's lost and the dark circles under her eyes.
She should tell him. She opens her mouth to explain everything, but nothing comes out. She can feel the weight of what she's lost just waiting to break the surface and consume her, but if she lets it out, she's not sure that she'll ever recover from it. She has to keep moving and she can't look back. Lucas is the very definition of looking back.
"I need you to go," Riley says, keeping a wide circle of space between them, as she slides past him and towards her door.
"Not until you tell me what's going on," Lucas insists. He tries to grab her hand, but she flinches so violently away from him that he quickly retracts it.
"We had one perfect summer, but now it's over and this is reality. We don't work in reality," Riley says, fumbling as she tries to get her key in the lock. Her hands are shaking and she can't get herself under control.
"You don't get to say that until we've actually tried," Lucas insists and she can hear the hurt in his voice. She can barely handle her own emotions and now she has to worry about his.
"We tried once, remember. You broke your promises to me and rebounded with my best friend," the words don't feel like her own, but they're falling from her lips, anyway. She just wants him to leave and nothing she says is working.
"I know," he admits and she finally gets the key in the lock.
"Go," she pleads, slowly opening the door and slipping inside.
"Riley, I love you," the door closes in his face.
Riley logically knows that she hasn't grown a baby bump between yesterday and today, but she can't help, but feel like there's something there. She's wondering if her skirts had always fit this tight and if the buttons on her shirt were always strained this much. She's pregnant and she's beyond the stage where she needs to seriously worry about a miscarriage. She's going to be a mother.
She finds it strange that there's two people in the entire world that she wants to tell and neither of them are the father. Well, she wants to tell him, too, but she's terrified about how the entire conversation is going to go.
For the first time in months, she's the one who dials Maya's number and waits as it rings. Maya never wanted kids the same way that Riley did, but it's the kind of thing that you share with your best friend. She's going to be a mother and Maya's words about needing to be surrounded by family are starting to ring true.
"Hey, stranger," Maya answers the phone and Riley's relieved that it isn't anyone else.
"How are you?" Riley asks, nervously pacing in front of the mirror.
"I've been better, but this is the first time you're calling me, in a very long time, and so I think you get the floor," Maya says.
"I'm coming home," Riley informs her and the line goes completely silent.
"Really?" Maya asks, the shock evident in her voice.
"Yeah, really," Riley confirms, biting her lip as she waits for a further reaction.
"That's really good. I've missed you," Maya's voice sounds incredibly tired and Riley's surprised that she's not bouncing off the walls.
"What's going on with you?" Riley asked.
"I'll tell you when you get here," Maya promises.
Lucas says something to her family and suddenly they're pressing down on her, too. Her mother starts making unsubtle hints that Riley can talk to her about anything and Farkle, who's doing several semesters abroad, starts calling her every day. Maya decides to skip the middle man and shows up on Riley's doorstep, without any warning.
"You look sick," she says bluntly, as Riley rolls her eyes and reaches past her to open the door.
"I feel sick," Riley agrees, letting Maya into the apartment and dropping her bag of things onto a chair in her living room.
"Have you seen a doctor?" Maya asks, following Riley as she moves around her apartment.
"Every day," Riley jokes, grabbing her pajamas and disappearing into the bathroom.
"But one about how you're feeling," Maya presses, calling through the door.
"I'm physically fine," Riley assures her.
"What about emotionally?" Maya asks, intuitively.
"I'm still accomplishing things, aren't I?" Riley asks, leaning her back against the door. She's not ready to see her best friend, but it's oddly comforting knowing that Maya's leaning on the door from the other side.
"That's not enough," Maya insists, "Honey, you're the happiest person that I know and if you aren't feeling happy right now, that's okay, but you have to know that you're going to be happy again someday."
"I'm tired, Peaches. All the time and it's taking everything that I have to get up in the morning," Riley revealed, relieved to be talking about it with someone.
"Have you thought about talking to a therapist?" Maya suggests and Riley leans her head back against the door.
"I can't talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to stop feeling like this," Riley admits, surprised to find a tear running down her cheek.
"I know it doesn't feel like it, but talking about it will make things better," Maya promises.
"I'm not coming back," Riley revealed, waiting for the lecture that is sure to follow.
"You know we're at a critical stage in the campaign process, don't you?" Farkle asks and she can hear the sound of chickens in the background.
"Where are you?" Riley asks, momentarily distracted.
"Susan got the animal shelter endorsement, we're getting the Future Farmers of America Association," Farkle reveals and Riley can't help shaking her head.
"I'm going to New York," Riley revealed and she can almost feel the annoyance dissipate over the phone.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Farkle questions.
"I thought you were at a critical stage in your campaign," Riley pointed out, a smile forming on her face.
"We both know that I'm just here for you. I could be in Washington running a senator's campaign, but none of that stuff mattered when you needed me," Farkle said and Riley felt tears gathering in her eyes.
"You know, sometimes I really wish I had fallen in love with you," Riley admitted.
"Me too."
"What are you doing here, Lucas," Riley asks, pausing on the steps of the hospital.
"This is a public place, is it not?" Lucas reminds her, spreading his arms out.
"Out of all the places in New York City, you're hanging out at a hospital," Riley points out and then the date dawns on her, "I'm sorry, I forgot."
"It's okay, I was going to stop by your place later, anyway," he revealed, gesturing for her to sit next to him.
She knows that it's a bad idea, but she does it anyway, "How's school?"
"Better. How are you?"
"Better," Riley repeats, staring intently at the knees of her scrubs.
"I used to come here all the time," Lucas said and Riley momentarily has a flashback to his brother's funeral.
"I understand, why you didn't tell me," Riley admits, thinking of her own thing that she just can't talk about.
"I've been thinking about what you said to me the last time that we talked," Lucas admitted, turning the full force of his eyes on her.
"I'm sorry, if I hurt you," Riley offered hesitantly, knowing that it was the least of what she owed him.
"I care a lot about Maya, but it's always been you," Lucas reveals and Riley wishes that she was still that person. She so badly wants to be his Riley.
"I can't be with you. Being with you is too hard," Riley says, trying to make him understand. She can't be with him, when she can't even tell him that she lost his baby.
"So, that's it?" he asks, his eyes darkening as he looks away, but she can still see that he's hanging on to hope and Riley can't keep having these conversations. He deserves to move on, even if she can't.
"That's it," Riley agrees.
"There's someone else," he says it as a statement of fact and Riley's instant reaction is to ask him how he could possibly believe that, but she can't keep giving him hope and maybe it's better this way, "Will you tell me who? Who's worth throwing away everything that we have."
Riley's phone starts to buzz in her hand and she opens them just enough to view the name on the caller ID. It's almost as familiar as her own, but she lets Farkle's call go to voicemail.
"Someone who's not here anymore."
The lie somehow works; Riley doesn't see Lucas for a long time after that.
Riley's graduation from medical school is an affair to remember. Mainly because it's the first time Farkle's back in the states since his time abroad. Farkle graduates first and Riley's the only one of their old group to go the ceremony.
Farkle and Riley spend most of the week leading up to her graduation catching up with each other. They hang out at Topanga's, just like old times (Minus two important people.) Zay actually shows up and Riley finds herself genuinely smiling for the first time in a long time. It doesn't even bother her that Zay is looking between her and Farkle with a strange look on his face.
The look does dawn on her, however, when Lucas crashes her graduation dinner to punch Farkle.
"What are you doing?" Riley demands, throwing herself between the two of them. No one else really seems to know what's going on and they're looking at each of them like it's a tennis match.
"How long has this been going on, Riley?" Lucas demands, looking between Farkle and Riley with fury in his eyes.
"About twenty minutes, but I figured that given our history, you wouldn't want an invite," Riley informed him, helping Farkle off the ground.
"You're going to keep lying to me?" Lucas asks incredulously and Farkle is still too dazed to defend himself.
"I don't understand," Riley sighs, grabbing a napkin of the table to wipe at Farkle's bloody nose.
"You go after me for dating your best friend, when you just turned around and did the same thing," Lucas snaps, looking at her with disgust.
"It's not like that," Farkle finally speaks up, grabbing the napkin out of Riley's hand.
"So, you're not in love with her?" Lucas asks, glaring him down.
Farkle remains silent and Riley finds herself frozen in shock. Lucas gives them one more look before leaving the same way that he had come.
Riley's attention falls back to Farkle and he's staring at her, looking for something that she can't give him. He heads out the same way that Lucas did and Riley waits almost a full minute before she comes to her senses and follows him.
"Wait," Riley demands, grabbing his arm and forcing him to look at her.
"You still love him, you're not with him, but you love him," Farkle hisses.
"It's complicated," Riley admits.
"It's not. He's always loved you and you've always loved him. It's complicated when you make it that way," Farkle insists.
"Do you really love me?" Riley asks, regretting the words as soon as their out of her mouth.
"It doesn't matter because you don't belong with me and we both know it. Riley, you need to figure things out and I can't be here when you do it."
"Where are you going?" Riley asks, refusing to let go of his hand.
"I got offered a job in Washington D.C. and I think it's better for both of us if we just don't talk for a while."
"No," Riley disagrees, and she still can't bring herself to let go.
"Riles, take care of yourself," his voice becomes oddly gentle before he presses a kiss to her cheek and disappears down the street.
Okay, I need something from you. Based on the reviews that I've gotten and the direction that story is going as I actually write it out, I'm considering making some changes to the plot from this point and reevaluating my initial plan. So, I need you to answer two questions(if you add a review of this chapter in there, too, you get extra credit)
1. Would you feel cheated if Lucas was the father of Riley's twins? There are technically two loopholes to Riley not talking to Lucas for six months, but I don't want you to feel like I said six months and then decided to use obscure loopholes. I know that doing that could be frustrating and at this point I'm writing this as much for you as me.
2. Would you be okay with the father of Riley's twins being an OC? I'm going to be honest here and say that this one's going to require completely rethinking the rest of the story, too. The characters have taken on lives of their own, as I've written them, and just don't want to go in this direction. And I want them to stop hurting just as much as you do.
Neither of these things is going to impact the reasoning behind why Lucas and Maya got engaged. Thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting, etc!
