Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who
I nearly collided heads with Clara when my eyes snapped open. As it turns out, it was her hand on my cheek, and she was the one telling me to wake up. My eyes widened as a thought occurred to me. Did I mumble "mom" in my sleep? Surely Clara would have thought I was talking about someone else if I did, though. But the part of me that was panicking wouldn't allow me to think straight. What if she figured it out? Would things change for the better? Would I finally have a mother in my life? Or would she be too shocked and uncertain to want me? I didn't exactly come off as kind when we first met.
Coming back to reality, though, Clara, seeming satisfied, whispered "shh" to me before getting up. As I got up too, I noticed that Ashildr was already awake and standing. We ventured forward, seeing tubes filling with green liquid and Viking helmets and weapons scattered on the floor.
"Why are we still alive?" Ashildr asked, shaken.
"Because of this." "Odin's" voice echoed throughout his ship. He was holding up and studying the broken piece of sonic sunglasses. "Explain."
As Clara began her clever speech, I was running a hypothesis through my brain.
Question: What if I stopped Ashildr from declaring war on the Mire?
Hypothesis: The Mire would leave in peace, the Doctor wouldn't have his realisation of where he got his face from, but most of all, Ashildr wouldn't die and then be resurrected. Meaning, Rigsy would never have been called to trap street, Clara wouldn't die, and because her death wasn't changed directly, no reapers would appear. Probably.
Conclusion: There would be less suffering, more time for fun and games, and perhaps, with enough time, I might actually gather up the courage to tell Clara the truth…
"Ask yourself, is this a war you really want?"
Here we go, it was now or never.
A pause. A breath. Ashildr breathed in, full of anger. One word and it was all over.
I placed my hand over her mouth, effectively muffling her speech. I then leant over to whisper in her ear. "Don't do something you'll regret."
She nodded. Naively believing her, I brought my hand down. Immediately, without giving me a chance to react, she stepped forward and yelled, "yes!"
"Ashildr!" I whisper-yelled at her. The little bitch.
She carried on, paying me no attention. "You'll pay for what you have done here today. I am a Viking. Ashildr, daughter of Einarr. You have mocked our gods. Killed our warriors. And we will crush you on the field of battle."
"That's better!" The false god enthused.
"We were about to leave." Clara said, still trying to prevent the oncoming war.
I cursed. I should have kept Ashildr's mouth shut.
"You almost had me talking. Talk is for cowards."
"No, no, no. Listen to me." Clara attempted in vain.
"I accept your challenge."
"We will crush you." Ashildr declared, to which Clara and I told her to shut her goddamn mouth.
"Shall we say this time tomorrow? Ten of my warriors versus the best of your village."
"You will beg for mercy." Ashildr was going for intimidating, but the leader of the Mire just laughed.
"I will send you back. You can inform your people of their impending destruction."
"Why are you doing this?" Clara asked.
"Why else? The joy of war. Can't you see it on my face?"
He pressed a button on his bracer, and the hologram he had on switched off. His face, well, let's just say I couldn't see where the teeth ended and the bones began. But one thing was for sure: it was not a pleasant parting gift.
I wasn't surprised when I didn't get a hug. Ashildr got a hug. Clara got a hug. Me? Nope. No hug. But not only did I not get a hug, I didn't even get acknowledged. I was at least expecting a "welcome back" or maybe some sarcastic comment. But the Doctor didn't even look at me. Either he wasn't comfortable around younger humans, or the dude still loathed me. I knew which one I was putting my money on; if I had money, that is.
On our way to the meeting house, Ashildr had come up to me. "I'm sorry." She had said. "I shouldn't have tricked you and… I should have listened."
I sighed, looking down at the ground. "You know," I replied, "I really can't blame you. I've made some decisions very similar to yours. I know what it's like, wanting justice. But sometimes you just have to let things go because your justice can be someone else's sacrifice, and there's no honour in that." I grabbed hold of Ashildr's shoulders gently and looked her in the eyes. "The important thing, though, is that we learn from our mistakes. Got it?"
She nodded, and this time, I could see that she was serious.
During the whole meeting, I didn't say a word. Only raising my hand when the Doctor asked who had ever held a sword in battle. I stared at the floor pretty much the entire time, sometimes glancing at Clara or Ashildr. All I could think about was how I had failed Clara. I hadn't been able to change events and now it was only a matter of time before the raven caught up to her. And while her death wasn't really on my head, I felt like I should have done more. I was part of events now, part of the timeline. If I could make her die sooner, why couldn't I at least stall her death as well? These stupid ass laws of time were getting on my nerves. Perhaps I needed to show them who's boss...
I was brought out of my thoughts by Ashildr.
"Emma's your name, right?"
I nodded.
"Such a usual name for an unusual girl."
A moment of silence came to pass. During it, I noticed that the Doctor and Clara had moved outside before Ashildr spoke again. "We're all going to die, aren't we? My village."
"Don't say that." I told her. "Clara will get the Doctor to see reason, trust me. Sometimes he just needs a little reminder, a push in the right direction."
"He was right, though. None of us are fit for fighting."
"You're Vikings, Ashildr. Your first instinct is to battle, it's what you were taught. Sometimes Vikings forget that head to head combat isn't the only option."
Some sword fighting, a burning village, and a few barrels of eels later, we were ready to roll. As the Doctor, Clara, and the Vikings set everything up, I snuck out of the meeting house to wander around the village. Recognising the house that was Ashildr's, I walked right inside. I was looking at her vast collection of various sized puppets when I heard the door open behind me. I turned my head to see Ashildr standing in the doorway.
"Sorry," I said, "decided to invite myself in."
"I saw you sneak out. Why don't you want to be with everyone else?" She asked.
"I know when I'm needed." I picked up one of Ashildr's smaller puppet's and studied it. "Now is not one of those times. I highly doubt that I'm wanted either."
"Surely the Doctor and Clara would, though. They are friends of yours, aren't they?"
I laughed bitterly. "The Doctor? Helheim, no. He despises every atom of me, I swear. As for Clara, well, things are complicated between her and me."
Ashildr moved to her bed and patted the spot next to her. I took the hint and sat down beside her.
"You know," she started, "you should worry less about what other people want and think more about what you want."
There was a period of silence before I spoke. "What happened to your mother, Ashildr?"
She seemed to have been caught off guard by the question. "Um, she died giving birth to me. Why?"
"Like you, I never had a mother. I didn't have a father, either. I was raised by complete strangers and soon enough they left too. Before I knew it, everyone I knew was gone. My family, my friends…" I looked down at my hands, which were twirling the wooden puppet between my fingers. "Every day I'm surrounded by people, Ashildr, but I am so alone."
The silence stretched for even longer this time until the young woman spoke up. "You could stay here, in the village. We'll need the help to rebuild, too. I'm sure everyone else would be glad to have you here."
I shook my head, thinking of the next eight centuries that were to come until we'd meet again.. "You won't need me. Nobody needs me anymore."
When she didn't respond, I lifted my head up to look at her and found her staring at me sadly. "Are you sure I can't change your mind?"
"Positive."
With a slow nod, she stood up and exited her house.
I just hung my head low, my mom's words from my dream echoing in my head, "make the most of it." Make the most of what? I had nothing left.
I didn't go out after the defeat of the Mire. I didn't go out to see Ashildr's resurrection. I almost didn't even go out to return to the TARDIS on the longboat. At some point, I had fallen asleep in Ashildr's bed. I only woke up when the door swung open, startling me into sitting up.
"There you are." Clara stood in the doorway, and it looked like she had been running. "I was afraid you'd run off."
"And go where?" I asked tiredly.
She smiled softly. "Come on, the Doctor and I have been looking all over for you."
I headed to my bedroom as soon as I entered the TARDIS, not even waiting for the Doctor and Clara to finish talking. I hadn't been able to sleep much on the longboat and I was exhausted. Boats aren't exactly my favourite form of transportation. I collapsed on my bed, drifting to sleep thinking about butterflies and prairies.
It's been weeks since the Doctor first pulled out his curio scanner, and it's been weeks since I've seen Clara. The Doctor and I had been tracking what I knew to be the "Eyes of Hades" that whole time, with no break in between. He didn't even stop searching when I had to go back to the TARDIS and sleep for the day. I wasn't really sure what to think about his asking me to come along. It was probably a good sign meaning that he didn't think me to be incredibly stupid anymore, or it could just be him keeping an eye on me. Either way, I was glad to be out, but I really wished the plot would hurry along already and we could get to the part where we see Ashildr again.
This time, we landed in a forest.
"How close are we?" I asked as we exited, closing the door behind me.
"Not far."
"Thanks." I said sarcastically.
We walked and walked until finally, we reached a road. Not far ahead of us was a coach, and next to the coach riding a horse as black as the night sky was…
The Knightmare! At last things would get interesting.
I stood behind the vehicle, leaning on the chest that contained the amulet. I could have taken it right then and there, but that would interfere with some necessary "bonding" between the Doctor and Ashildr/Me. Besides, it would be much more fun if I let things play out the way they were supposed to.
"Hello!" The Doctor invited himself in cheerily. "Don't mind me, don't mind me. I'm only going to be a minute. Oh, very warm." He declared as the man and woman began shouting.
I rolled my eyes. Typical.
"What are you doing?" The Knightmare asked, astonished.
"Oh, just ignore us. We're just passing through, like fish in the night."
I snorted and corrected him. "Ships in the night, Doctor."
"Oh, yes, yes. That's right." The Doctor said as he got out of the coach.
"This is a robbery!" The Knightmare sounded completely astounded at our sudden appearance. "This is my robbery! Step aside or I shall blow both of your brains out."
The Doctor looked up at "him." "Sorry, we're you talking to me there? Try again, I promise I'll listen this time."
"You both have interrupted my robbery, sir, and you will step aside if you wish to take another breath."
The man driving the coach said, "you're going to get us all killed if you don't shut your mouth" as the curio scanner began beeping again.
"Sorry." The Doctor said, not sounding sorry at all. "Sorry, I really was planning to listen that time, but basically, ah, I didn't." He followed the beeping to the back of the coach where I was standing, then looked up at me. "Did you know it was here the whole time?"
I sloppily threw my hands up, halfway between a surrender and a "whatever."
"You could have saved us weeks of searching."
"True, but you've gotta admit that those weeks were action packed."
Judging by his face, I could tell that the Doctor had just come to a realisation. He turned back to the Knightmare. "Hang on. If I didn't know better, I'd say this was a robbery."
I sighed, exasperated, and mumbled, "you are so slow."
"I am robbing these people." The Knightmare insisted. "You are getting out of my way."
"I just need one tiny little thing from this box." The Doctor said as I moved out of the way to let him near the box.
"This is my robbery!"
"Well, can't we share it? Isn't that what robbery is all about?"
I shook my head with my hands on my hips as the coach took off, leaving the Doctor and the Knightmare complaining and bickering about who messed up who's heist like a couple of five-year-olds.
That is, until the Doctor said, "at least I show my face, what's wrong with yours" and a familiar young woman's voice said, "nothing, Doctor."
She got off of her horse and took off her facial disguise.
"You." The Doctor stated.
"Yes." Ashildr agreed. "It is me. What took you so long, old man?"
"Old man?"
"It seemed apt. Life expectancy is thirty-five these days. Well, for everyone else."
"But didn't you know it was me?"
"Of course. You don't forget the man who saved your life. It's good to see you two." She nodded at me as well, and I must admit it felt good to know she hadn't completely forgotten me.
"You've got a funny way of showing affection." I told her.
"The Knightmare has a reputation to maintain." She replied in her other voice.
"It's a very good voice. How do you do that?" The Doctor asked her.
"Practice."
"Last time we saw you, you were founding a leper colony. I was so proud of you."
"Proud of me? You weren't even there."
"Yes, I was. You didn't see me, but I saw you."
"And you just left me there?"
"Well, you seemed fine."
"In a leper colony?" Pause. "No matter. You're here now, we should celebrate."
"Oh, no. This isn't a visit. We've got a job to do. Emma and I are here looking for an alien object which has no business being here on Earth in 1651. It was just, it just so happened, you know, that my tracking device, it lead us to the same carriage that you were, you know, robbing. There wasn't, I didn't, it was a-"
"You mean, you haven't come for me?"
My shoulders sagged as I heard the sadness in her voice. How long had she been waiting for the Doctor to arrive and take her away, exactly?
"No. It was just a coincidence. Oh, Ashildr, I'm sorry."
She turned around, confusion etched on her face. "Who's Ashildr?"
"You 's your name." The woman still appeared to be confused, so he continued. "Ashildr, daughter of Einarr. Chuckles, I used to call him Chuckles. Do you remember?"
"Yes. I think I remember the village."
"You loved that village and everything about it." I told her, proceeding to use her previous words. "The sky, the hills, the people…"
Obviously, she had no idea what the Doctor and I were talking about and said flippantly, "if you say so."
"Anyone in that village would have died for you." The Doctor said, carefully watching the woman that used to be Ashildr.
"Well, they're all dead now, and here I am. So, I guess it all worked out."
She said it so carefree, so nonchalant. I stared into her eyes, just as I did when we were walking to the meeting room so long ago, hoping to find an ounce of Ashildr in there. Those eyes that used to be filled with frustration, regret, and wonder had now turned cold and calculating. If there was any trace of the old Ashildr in there, the new one hid it well. Too well.
"Ashildr-"
"That's not my name. I don't even remember that name."
"Well, what? What do you call yourself?"
"Me."
"Yes, you. Who else do you think I'm talking to?"
"No, I call myself Me. All the other names I chose died with whoever knew me. Me is who I am now. No one's mother, daughter, wife. My own companion. Singular. Unattached. Alone. Anyway, I should get started. I'd offer you a ride, but I'm afraid there's not enough room for both of you."
"Oh, that's fine." I said. "Doctor, you go with her. I'll walk."
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" The Doctor asked in what actually seemed to be a concerned voice.
"I can handle myself."
"Do you know the way?" Ashil- Me asked.
"Not a clue."
As Me instructed how to reach her enormous house, both she and the Doctor got onto the horse. After finishing explaining, Me and the Doctor rode away, and I was left with sore feet for the next couple of days.
By the time I was let into Me's house and found the two troublemakers, they were already at the part where Leonardo was revealed. In fact, I opened the door the exact moment where Me's giant cat was breathing fire at the Doctor.
I stood in the doorway, my face blank, thinking of a number of puns I could make right there.
"Not the Doctor, we agreed!" Me yelled at her cat.
The creature's face turned towards me. "What about the girl?"
"I suppose she should stay alive as well."
"Thanks." I said flatly.
"Oh, Ashildr, daughter of Einarr. What happened to you?" The Doctor asked her.
"You did, Doctor." Me's voice was nothing if not filled with detestation. "You happened."
Me had the Doctor tied to a chair in her closet. When I asked why I wasn't tied to a chair as well, she said, "you know when you're needed. Now is not one of those times."
Way to put it bluntly.
That's why, instead, I was sat next to her while she was driving her carriage to Tyburn. Once we arrived, I stood, leaning on the side of the coach with my arms crossed, waiting for the Doctor to show up. Until Ashildr took out the glittering amulet and used it to open the portal, the most I interfered was taking part in some of Sam Swift's jokes. Then, when the crowd began running wildly and Leonardo began attacking the innocent people, I jumped into action. I ran straight towards the lion dude, doing my best to not bump into people, and promptly punched him in the face. My simple plan of getting his attention worked. I ducked, rolled, and did the best I could to avoid his swiping claws, but at the last minute he changed his pattern and swiped to the right instead of in front of him. I yelped in pain as his claws dug through my sweatshirt and into my skin. The three cuts were deep enough to need stitches. I instinctively grabbed my injured left arm with my uninjured right hand and watched as the blood seeped through my white sweater in the areas around the wounds.
I grunted as I complained through my gritted teeth. "I really fucking liked this sweater, too."
I had been expecting another blow, but none came. Instead, I heard Leonardo's voice saying, "you cannot reverse death" and opened one of my closed eyes cautiously. The last thing I saw before being kicked in the head and knocked out by one of the fleeing citizens was Ashildr placing the Mire chip on Sam Swift's forehead and the Doctor running towards me.
"This is ridiculous."
"This is normal."
"I don't understand. How do you humans get anything done when you spend so much of your lives asleep?"
"Hush, Doctor. She needs her rest."
"So I'm supposed to wait because somebody needs their beauty sleep?"
"Do you want her to recover or not?"
"Of course, I do, but-"
It was around that point that I realised I had a pounding headache, and the Doctor and Mes bickering really wasn't helping. I managed to mumble-yell a "shut up, both of you" which seemed to have gotten their attention since they had both quit speaking.
Slowly, I opened my eyes halfway. From what I could see, I wasn't in a hospital, like I expected to be. Instead, I was in a fancy bedroom. The curtains were closed and there wasn't much light in the room at all. I could only just barely make out the figures that were the Doctor and Lady Me. The Doctor was stood on the right side of me with Me on the left. The Doctor was leant over now, one hand on the edge of the bed to hold himself while the other was snapping his fingers in front of my face.
"Hey, sleepyhead, get up. We've got to go."
I swatted his hand away. "Quit it, grouch."
I turned my head to the left to face Me. She wore a comforting smile and an apology was hidden in her eyes.
"Where are we?" I asked sluggishly. I frowned. I couldn't quite concentrate on what I was thinking or saying.
"A guest room in my house." Me answered. "Try not to think very hard; you've got a concussion from when that woman kicked you. It shouldn't be too serious, you'll probably recover within a week, give or take a few days. I stitched up the cuts on your arm, too. They seem to be healing nicely."
I looked down at my left arm, and surely enough, three lines of sutures were in my arm. I thanked Me for all of her help before saying that the Doctor was right, and we really should get going.
"If you insist," she said, "but remember, no adventures for about a week for you."
My face fell. "You kidding me? There's no way I could pull that off again."
"Emma-" Her voice was stern; she needn't elaborate.
"Fine, fine!" I gave in, grumbling, "no adventures for a week."
The Doctor, telling me to stay here, offered to get the TARDIS.
I carefully stood up, which was less trouble than I thought it'd be. Sure, there was some trouble balancing at first, but I quickly got the hang of it. The most annoying thing about my concussion was my headache and inability to think very hard.
With only Me and me left in the room, I was able to ask her something that had been on my mind this whole time. "How much do you remember?"
She took in a breath, and I could tell that she was thinking. After a few seconds of anticipating silence, she answered. "You were strong, yet conflicted. I can remember that much. For exact details, I'll have to check my diaries. Why do you ask?"
I hesitated. Why should I bother telling her? I only knew her from a TV show and the brief moments I had talked with her. But then again, she had just come to the realisation that she did care for others, and I could tell she was doing her best to redeem herself. Perhaps I could help her a little with that. After all, she truly did seem to care now.
"It's just… what you said before, 'you know when you're needed', it just reminded me of how I'm just a pawn in this game called life."
Her face showed great sympathy. "We're all pawns, Emma. Some of us just have more moves than others."
I've got nothing new to say, really, so I guess I'll just say the usual: reviews reviews reviews reviews reviews reviews reviews
