Chapter 9: Another Day

Summary:

Gaius talks with Merlin.

Notes:

I'll tell you what. I had twice as much as this, and then I lost all of it. I'm so sorry, I promise Merlin and Arthur will be back in the next chapter. I really just wanted to get something out for you guys, and this is the only part I could recover from what I'd lost. As always please let me know what you think! I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner! :)

Chapter Text

Gaius was gone for about five minutes. And in that five minutes Merlin started stressing about what exactly they were talking about. Was Gaius telling Arthur what had really happened? Did Arthur already know? Was Arthur telling Gaius that he couldn't deal with a hopeless servant? Merlin's eyes were still damp from his outburst with Gaius, but now they were getting worse. His heartrate was speeding up and his chest felt like it was going to explode. Just when he was about to hop out of the bed and make a run for it, the door opened. Gaius came back through and raised an eyebrow at Merlin's uncovered body. "Going somewhere?" He asked questioning.

"I... I was just... going to the bathroom." Merlin tried to say, lying back in the bed.

"I know how much your body needs the water; you aren't in the need to go quite yet. Cover back up." Gaius said in a no-joke manner. Gaius, personally, wasn't quite ready to talk with Merlin. He knew Merlin wasn't ready either. So Gaius decided to busy himself at his work table. He started cleaning up random things, moving other things around; anything to make him look busy. Merlin watched. He knew what Gaius was doing. He hadn't seen Gaius clean that table in... He's never seen Gaius clean that table.

Was he avoiding Merlin? Why else would Gaius busy himself with something like that? Merlin shook his head internally, closing his eyes Stop it Merlin, he thought. He knew that wasn't it. Gaius was probably feeling the exact same way Merlin was. Scared. Merlin was scared of the questions; Gaius was scared of the answers. Merlin took a deep breath and decided that it was time to face the questions, finally. Merlin thought back to all the times he had wanted someone to find out, just to have someone care. Now someone knows... and Merlin hates it. What does Gaius think of him now? Worthless? Weak? Will Gaius understand? He had to stop thinking about it and just find out.

"Gaius." Merlin's voice made Gaius freeze.

"I know." Gaius responded. He took a breath and turned to face Merlin. "I suppose we have let this go on too long, haven't we?"

Merlin looked down, thinking. He looked up with a youthful grin, "We could pretend it never it happened and leave it all up to another mistake I've made." He said quickly, with a light air. Merlin was trying to make Gaius smile. Merlin looked back and forth from Gaius to his hands, now picking at the blanket. From the blanket he looked at his fingers, then his arm, covered in bright white. His smile disappeared. He could handle it. He really could. He could lower the amount of times a day, or limit himself to once a week or something. He could handle it. Suddenly, Merlin became slightly upset. "You think I'm an idiot, don't you?" He accused Gaius.

Gaius was thrown off by the question. His eyes were full of hurt. "Merlin, if you think that of me, I'm afraid you don't know me as I thought you did." Gaius looked at Merlin, watching his features change. Walking over to Merlin once more, Gaius started talking. "Merlin, I will never pretend to understand what you are going through, but you have to know that I..." Gaius fumbled with his words trying to find the best way to say what he was feeling. Sitting down by Merlin's side, "I care for you as if you were my own." At these words Merlin turned away from anger and returned to guilt. Gaius really had done nothing but care for him. Gaius was the one who gave Merlin recognition after he saved the day using magic. Gaius was the one he could ask about magic with. Gaius was always there. Why hadn't Merlin seen that?

"I..." Merlin threw his head back; he hated trying to talk to other people. He was so used to holding everything in. "I know that, Gaius." He finally said. "I dunno, it's just… sometimes I talk myself out of believing it, I guess." Merlin said this barely above a whisper.

Gaius closed his eyes at that thought. "Merlin could you promise me something?" He said this knowing it might be too much. He was right. Merlin started to close back up, promises. What do they matter? Even if Merlin kept to them, the person who made him will die and he'd be stuck alone again.

Finally, Gaius continued. "I want you to promise me that next time you hear that voice, think of this moment." Gaius reopened his eyes to look at Merlin. Merlin looked very confused. Merlin was just about to ask why when Gaius spoke once more. "I want you to remember this right now. Because right now, I'm looking at you. Right now I am here for you. And right now I love you." Merlin pinched his eyes shut trying to prevent the tears from coming. He brought a hand up to his mouth to prevent thoughtless cries. Gaius grabbed his other hand. "Merlin, I will never stop, no matter what. Please, just remember that." Gaius leaned forward and grabbed Merlin's hands. "I would never ask you to do anything but remember that. No matter what you do, I will always love you. And I will always care for you. Can you do that for me? Just remember." Gaius had never wanted anything more than for merlin to know this.

Merlin sniffed, and wiped his nose. Merlin opened his eyes and nodded. Words refusing to come to his mouth. "Oh, my dear boy." Gaius said as he leaned forward and embraced once more.

"I'm sorry, Gaius. I'm so sorry." Merlin started crying once more, allowing tears to stream down his face. His words were becoming a mantra.

"Don't apologize, you have nothing to apologize for, Merlin." Gaius said. Trying to encourage Merlin to let it all out. They sat like this for a while. Merlin finally started to calm back down. They both started to back away from the warm embrace. Merlin started wiping at his nose once more, and Gaius started dabbing his eyes. Gaius smiled at Merlin, put his hand on his shoulder and waited for Merlin to smile back. Gaius stood, walked over to the table, and brought back some towels. "Here you are, clean yourself." Gaius was smiling, he felt like he was in a good place, now.

Merlin smiled, he felt the same. He was no longer wanting to run away from things, just wasn't up for discussing it all. He was amazing and gracious that Gaius didn't make him answer questions. Then a thought came to Merlin. "Gaius?" He said. When Gaius turned to him Merlin continued, "Arthur." He pointed towards the door. "What..." He hadn't the words. Gaius knew what he was asking though. He walked back over to Merlin.

"Arthur knows only that you fainted in his room. I told him nothing else." Gaius could see the relief in his eyes. He hated what he had to say next. "He will have questions, though." Tension appeared in Merlin's eyes. "He noticed some blood stains, Merlin. He knows something is wrong, he just doesn't know what." Merlin started distressing. His mind started up once more, full of questions. "Merlin, I told him you wouldn't be well for a few days. But he wants to see you sooner. I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't know if you would want to see him this soon."

Merlin's eyes darted back and forth in the room. Did he want to face Arthur? What would he think? What would he say? What would he do? Would Arthur fire him? "Merlin." Gaius said, stilling Merlin's mind. "You don't have to."

"Yes I do, Gaius." Merlin said. "Just not today. Tell him in the morning. I think I'll be ready in the morning." Merlin had to say this now, so that he didn't change his mind. Gaius nodded once. Stood and walked over to the famous desk. Walking back he handed Merlin a vial of liquid. Merlin eyed it suspiciously.

"It will help you rest." Gaius said. Merlin accepted the vial, and drank it down. Merlin could feel it being put to use quickly. His limbs relaxed. His eyes grew heavy.

"Gaius," He muttered quietly, "Thank you." Then he drifted off to sleep.

Gaius waited for a little while to make sure that Merlin stayed asleep. Once he decided that Merlin was in fact asleep, he got up and left the room. He was now on his way to Arthur's chambers.

Arthur had been pacing in his chambers. He was worried for Merlin, but the flips his stomach was making was concern for another reason. What did Merlin mean to him? What did Arthur mean to Merlin? He has proven himself more than loyal. What did that mean? What if Merlin no longer wanted to work for Arthur? What if he couldn't? What would Arthur do? Servants can be replaced, but Merlin? No, Merlin could never be replaced. Suddenly, there was a knock at his door.

Practically running to the door Arthur flung open the door. "Gaius!" He said, smiling. He was hoping for good news. The look on Gaius' face was not a good sign. "What? What is it?"

Gaius looked down. He knew that it was not hi place to say what was truly going on with Merlin, yet Arthur needed to know something. "I came to tell you, sire, that Merlin feels ready to talk tomorrow."

Arthur's heart quickened at the thought. "Ha!" He let out, feeling happy. Then he noticed Gaius' still downcast gaze. "What is it Gaius? What is going on? Why is any of this happening?" Gaius visibly flinched at the questions. Gaius knew that Arthur couldn't handle all that Merlin was going through. After all, Gaius had seen many people with the same wounds. He has had to tell many families just what had occurred to their loved ones. He had also seen what would become of those who were not caught, or did not seek help. Gaius was old with years and experience. Arthur was neither. He was protected from such issues. How would Arthur handle the information he will eventually hear? Finally, Gaius founds words.

"Sire, it is impossible to know what is going on behind the minds of other people, especially Merlin's. You must wait for him." Gaius said this and the met Arthur's gaze.

Arthur nodded once. "Tomorrow then?" He clarified. Gaius nodded. "Tell Merlin that I'll arrive at noon." Arthur was hiding all the emotions he was feeling. He could tell that Gaius has had a long day. He didn't want to be a burden. Arthur turned away from Gaius, and returned to the privacy of his room. For the first time he was able to relax. He gets to see Merlin tomorrow. Arthur smiled as he prepared for bed. Lying down, Arthur fell asleep to the thought of seeing Merlin once more.