Part 9
Xena was always so beautiful and tender with me, but the world finally began to see her as such. She wouldn't open herself in the same way to others that she opened up to me, but it was a start, and others had taken notice. She had even begun a more playful way of dealing with those who troubled us on the road; they were hit in the face, and scared into taking off. At times, Xena would even smile and wave as they ran away, showing me just how humorous she could be when she wanted to be. I don't think she intended to make a joke of it, but it really became a way to cope with the chaos. We were bothered so much and so often that it became a running joke.
One day, a man was screaming as he ran from our camp site, and Xena jogged after him with ease: "Oh, come on! Her cooking isn't THAT terrible!"
I wiped my forehead with the back of my arm, and just kept the small pot over the fire while I checked on the meat stewing in the broth. She hadn't felt well for the last week, and I was trying to help her. And can you believe she still was teasing me? A part of me was frustrated, but most of me was simply content that smiles were coming so easily to my lovely, dark warrior.
She still had her somber moments, of course. She still had that darkness that lurked - and pounced if provoked. She still had her memories, but she looked so much healthier in the past few months with ina me. Everything had been so easy, or at the very least, not impossible.
I watched her drink my soup that evening, and a smile affected me the way it did with her - it took over my lips without my intention.
"So you can insult it ... but you drink it just fine."
She looked up to me serious one moment, and then grinning the next: "You don't DRINK soup, Gabrielle. You eat it."
She was just as daring and mischievous with me as I'd always been with her. I felt I had taught it to her, and I found entertainment in that. I crossed my arms, and watched her finish my soup, too. She'd been running more, so she was eating more.
I was so glad to see her so happy and carefree - even in the face of such danger and harassment. It didn't seem to really bother us, actually. I think it was Aphrodite that bothered Xena most, and that was because the Goddess of Love enjoyed meddling in our lives a little too much for Xena's liking. Xena often reverted to her old ways of communication when Aphrodite came around, muttering and growling when she felt it was necessary to respond at all. I made it my task to hold her back, and give her a little slap on the wrist when she was being rude, but we all got along fine for the most part.
One fine day, however, I must admit that I became frustrated with the goddess myself.
"Hey, Gabrieeellie ...?"
I turned to that voice - I knew who it was. "Aphrodite?" I looked around, and finally spotted her waltzing over to me in another one of her tiny outfits. I lifted my brows because I noted the low seam of her ... were those supposed to be shorts? I must admit I didn't want Xena seeing that. I was occasionally insecure around such lustful women, because I knew Xena had always had quite an appetite for provocative women. I had heard more of her stories than I cared for, but Xena was always honest with me. Xena was also very quick to assure me that I was all she needed in ANY sense.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, surprised that Aphrodite had come to visit.
"What do you say we go shopping? Just us bards?" She liked to write poetry in her spare time - go figure.
"Well, I don't think Xena would-"
"Oh, let that be! Warrior, Shmarrior. She has no idea what a girl wants - or does she?" Aphrodite asked, winking at me and then re-adjusting her hair on her shoulders. "We need some time, if I recall ..."
"Time?"
"You know ... it'll be just us in the city, and I'll ... conjure a little something up for our precious warrior gal ..."
I was exhausted with her many attempts to "help us" and I was also at a loss for words. Finally, I managed to tell her what was on my mind. "We don't want anything out of the ordinary, okay? We're fine just the way we are, Aphrodite. We LIKE normal."
"Oh please, Gabs. I've told you so many times - call me Dite."
I sighed, trying to make my point as clearly as possible. "Fine. Dite ... Just listen. I don't want anything ... bizarre going on here." And then I could sense Xena was approaching from somewhere, and I held my hands out. My eyes still on the goddess. "Please. Don't. Do. Anything."
"Or maybe we could give YOU a little something!" she gasped with enthusiasm, clapping her hands together at her fingertips. "Make you a little more ... excitable, and maybe Xena would-"
"Cut your arms off and dye your hair red with the blood?" Xena had stepped from the shadows, and was glaring at the goddess over my shoulder.
Aphrodite was disgusted: "My HAIR?!"
We both turned to Xena who looked less than pleased, and yet still grinning with her twisted sense of humor. Then Xena turned more serious, and spoke aside to me as she came closer.
"What are you doing telling her things about our love lives?" she whispered, grabbing my extra shift from Aphrodite's curious hands to give it back to me. I had never figured she would be jealous! Of Aphrodite? But believe it or not, she was. She told me long after that she could tell Aphrodite had feelings for me. I never bought into that idea.
Aphrodite happily chimed in again as Xena and I communicated with only our eyes: "Oh, we love to talk! What should we talk about, Gabs?"
I brought my hands up to my face to disguise my loss of hope that Aphrodite would leave us be. Xena put her arm over my shoulder and looked out at the goddess instead. "How about ... you leave me and 'Gabs' alone, and go shopping with someone else?"
That was more than she usually had to say to Aphrodite, but I loved Xena's protection over me. I tucked myself in at her side there, and beamed with a cautious smile I had crafted over my time with Xena. It was my way of communicating to others that she was harmless, and I was proof of that. After all, she had never harmed me in any way.
"How about a few more Gabrielles for the night ...?" Aphrodite teased, just as Xena released one of her deadlier growls.
I patted my hand to her stomach, and lightly laughed to cover the next snarl that followed. "Oh, Xena. I think it's time for some more food - what do you say? Hungry?"
That always did the trick.
"Well it's not like you let me do anything NICE for YOU," Aphrodite sighed toward the warrior, then checking her nails.
I looked up to Xena, and whispered to my love: "What is she talking about?"
The look on Xena's face was embarrassment. Her cheeks went red, and her eyes dropped off to the left, where they could settle on a patch of down-trodden grass and mud.
What had Aphrodite meant? I simply couldn't resist asking the goddess myself. "Something nice? What're you talking about? ... Like what?"
"Oh, she didn't even TELL you?" Aphrodite laughed, covering her mouth when she saw another viscious scowl from my protective warrior.
I pulled at Xena's arm. "Tell me what?"
"You tell her and I'll rip that-"
"Wow wow wow!" I laughed, leaping in between both women with my hands out to keep some distance there. Aphrodite had recoiled in panic, and Xena was ready to pounce. I had to smile at the vulnerability that was threatening to surface (best covered with a nice thick layer of violence - I'm sure Xena believed). "Girls ... let's just ... let's get our heads on straight." When I looked to Aphrodite, she was straightening up, but when I looked over to Xena, she was still fuming. "Aphrodite ... maybe we'll see you later."
It was my polite way of asking her to give us some time. Thankfully, for once, she caught on. She vanished herself, leaving Xena and I alone.
"Xena?" I asked - one hand on hers and one holding her bicep. I waited until she finally found the strength to look me in the eyes, regardless of what hers might give away. "Please talk to me."
For all the times she never had, I think she felt obligated to tell me then. She turned her back and expelled the words as if they were a burst of air: "Aphrodite said she'd give us a child."
I held my breath. A child? I'd never thought of having a child before, and Xena carrying a baby for us - oh, wait. She means ME. My eyes went wide as I'd never thought of that before. We were two women travelling together. How would we procreate? I had always loved children, but it just didn't seem like something we could ever have. Surely not something Xena would ever want. But then I noticed the tense aggravation of muscles in her shoulders, and I knew it meant much more to her than she let on.
"Yeah, don't worry about going quiet on me or anything ..."
I couldn't help myself - I threw my arms around her, and pressed my cheek to her back, overjoyed that she'd wanted something like that with me.
"It's not something I want anyway," she muttered, slipping off toward Argo to leave me reeling from the possibilities.
I think it was difficult for her to understand that I wanted a child with her just like she wanted one with me. Although, to be honest, I think she wanted that child MORE than I did then. She was sensitive about wanting that from me. With me.
I finally gathered my words that night, and told her that I would love to carry a child that would be ours. I asked her if she was ready, and she vehemently shook her head no. She wanted a child, but she couldn't seem to let herself realize that just then, so I let it go. I tried to cheer her up later, but it wasn't much use. I had some success the next day, and more so after that.
I think I had only brought the topic up about ten more times over the next three months or so, which was difficult for me. It was a big subject, and very difficult to ignore. Xena didn't make it easy, but the tenth time was somehow the charm. I remember we were riding hard through dangerous territory before Argo finally slowed to a trot. We hadn't been relaxed for long when I looked to her beautiful profile for the fiftieth time that day, and I squeezed her a little tighter.
"Maybe you should be the one having the child ... those beautiful eyes ..."
She tugged at the reins and we stopped there. Tense but confident, she smoothed her arm over mine. "Gabrielle ..." That melodious way she said my name. It came from the back of her throat, like a sound of instinct. Her eyes lowered, her arm still strongly draped over mine.
My hands were both on her stomach then, and I smiled to think of a child growing there. A little baby.
"I'd ... rather you carried a child - if we were to think seriously about that."
I didn't know why, and I didn't ask her. I picked my head up and rested my chin on her shoulder. I knew she was often annoyed by it, but she didn't mind it then. I think she liked that I was so close to her.
I giggled with excitement just because she'd replied to the subject at all. "Mmm, but then it couldn't have that wonderful face ..."
"Sure it could."
She'd said the words before she could pull them back, and I could sense her panicking inside. Before I could even ask what she meant, she set Argo on our path once again, and set to answering my unasked questions.
"Alright alright already ... Aphrodite said it would be ours ... a part of each of us ... she said she could do that."
Just as I tried to speak, Xena interrupted me again. I had to smile that she'd been doing that more and more - just like I'd always done. Having a solo conversation for us both.
"I didn't WANNA say anything, Gabrielle ... it just seems ... well. My heart is ripped from me every time you're in danger ... I don't think I could manage at all if you were ... carrying a child."
"Our child," I reminded, resting my cheek on her shoulder instead. I closed my eyes and dreamed. What a thing - to imagine such a possibility. What would that child be like? Look like? I squeezed my arms tight again, and she let out a breath of laughter at my enthusiasm.
She said nothing, but when we stopped for the night, she was staring at me as I readied the heat for a late meal. It felt like maybe she was glaring at me - was she angry? - but I was busy building the fire like she'd taught me, so I said nothing. By the time I was adding sticks to the flame, she shot up to her feet.
"You win!"
I was crouched on the ground so that my knees wouldn't touch the dirt. One hand was on my leg and the other was feeding wood to our fire. My hair had been lazily braided so that it wouldn't linger near the heat, but the braid fell over my shoulder just the same. I was paused that way exactly, looking back at her with fascination. What had I won? I had been oblivious in the moment.
"You win, alright! I give in."
Was she panting? I set the sticks aside, and slapped my hands together to rid them of any debris. "Xena ... wh ... what're you talking about?" I straightened up on my feet, and tucked the pan just under my arm.
"Stop it - with the pan and the fire and the twigs ..." She was breathing so heavily I actually chuckled as she rushed over to me. "Stop it ... Please."
"Xena, I'm not-"
"If you say you're not doing this on purpose ... I'll lose my mind, Gabrielle ..."
I bit back my smile at the desperate look on her face. She was such a magnificent creature. Perfect by mistake.
She breathed steadily, in and out. "You're doing it on purpose ..."
But we both knew I wasn't.
"Gabrielle ..." She didn't know what to say to me. I could see that she felt something even more for me than desire in that moment, and I smiled in answer. This was about making love - it was about making a child together. She wanted me to carry what would be OUR child.
My voice was so quiet and uncertain: "I don't know why you didn't tell me right away."
She paused, because she knew exactly what I was talking about. Even the way her hand subtly rested on her stomach told me that she did.
"Xena ... I ... I want that, too."
"We could never protect a child, Gabrielle!"
"You protect ME just fine ... I know it wouldn't be easy, but ... I'm telling you not to neglect my desires for a child ... I mean ... it's amazing, what Aphrodite told you. Please, can we talk about this? - Just talk?"
Oh, I wish I had known just how badly she had wanted that child with me. I went into our conversation with the goal to get our feelings out in the open, and I pressed too quickly so that she finally snapped, and she told me that she wanted a child with me more than anything she'd ever known. I wish I could have walked hesitantly into that discussion, because I think I would have seen a lot more to those feelings. I would have quicker been able to see that she'd been wondering and hoping and thinking of what her child might be like someday. That she wanted to protect it and love it at all costs, and that she wanted it to be something wonderful. She wanted it to enjoy its innocence, and find meaning in its days. She wanted so many things for her child, and yet she didn't have the time to tell me then.
She was speaking to me, but it was coming out in bursts of truth.
"I want a child so badly ... But we can't protect it ... So I don't know what to do ... Where would we go ...?"
In a frenzy, she paced back and forth until I grabbed her wrist and stared her in the eyes. We had spent much of our time together in silence, and I drew on my experience then.
I looked at her in a way so simple that she could see I understood her want. I had the same want, and I was just as uncertain about what the future might hold. I was perhaps even less confident about protecting an unborn child, but I was certain about what I wanted. I wanted her to feel that I was, so I kept my hand on that arm until her eyebrows relaxed, and her lips parted just so. She understood me, too.
She didn't know what to say after that, so she just stepped in and pulled me close to kiss me. It was a kiss that lasted and lasted until I felt the need just as deeply as Xena. I drew a quick breath in through my nose, and held it there in my chest, bringing my hands through her hair. Her hands were at my sides, pressing and squeezing me as she liked. It felt so good to have those hands on me. It was more than lust; it was love, safety and comfort.
I know we should have spoken more about creating a child between us, but I knew her so well and I loved her so much that I never had a doubt in my mind. I loved Xena with more than myself - it's a difficult thing to describe, but there was so much between us. It was a history that we seemed to share, despite the fact that we had only been travelling together for just over a year's time. There was no question in my mind that we should have a child together. No doubt and no worries. Whatever difficulty would face us, we would face it right back - together.
Xena laid me down on the ground where she made love to me just as I managed to snake my hand down between her legs. I always loved it that way - simultaneous passion. And in the heat of the moment, she caught my eyes as I gasped, stilling her fingers.
"You know ... she told me all I'd have to do was tell you ..."
"What?" I breathed, burying my fingers into her even deeper. I wanted to be a part of her. I wanted to feel her shake for me, and still I was trying to focus on what she was telling me.
Following a long and heavy moan, she licked at my lips, and then travelled that way down my neck. "She said ... it was a spell she could let us do for ourselves ... and I'd have to say the words first if you'd be the one ... and you'd have to say them, too ... After me ..."
As she spoke, her fingers slowly picked up speed, and I bit down on my lip - emotional at her enthusiasm to have a child with me. I pressed my short nails into her shoulder and moved with her body. Both of us a part of something bigger. I could feel it brewing with our intent. "Xena ... Xena I want this ..."
"Ganauff du dumauro ... Ganauff du dizoie ..." Once she had spoken in Greek, she laughed quietly down into my ear. "I haven't spoken Greek in ages ... I'm a little rusty."
I had never spoken in Greek. I'd never been taught, so I breathed into her ear, and asked her: "What does that mean ...?"
"I make this baby ... I make this life ... Now say it after me, Gabrielle ... If this is what you want-"
"It is!" I clung to her again with my hand on her shoulder, taking her with me. "I want this ... Please ... Xena ..."
"Ganauff du dumauro ... Ganauff du dizoie ..."
I swallowed hard, the words still fresh in my ear. "Ganauff du dumauro ... Ganauff du dizoie ..." Immediately as I spoke the words, my back arched and it was like I couldn't suck in enough air. I felt like I was choking and my arms seized up on me. I felt paralyzed.
Xena brought both her hands to tend to me as I'm sure she was worried Aphrodite had faulted with something, but it was just the effects of the meticulous spell of old ages. In the next few moments, I could exhale and relax, and hold her again.
I was tearing up with joy and excitement at what we were creating together. It was as close as I had ever felt with Xena - our intentions strong in creating a family. Very slowly, we returned to our show of affections, and after we'd each shared our climax, she pulled me into her lap, and had me again.
I remember that feeling of fulfillment as she touched me then, and looking down into the depth of her ocean-blue eyes. They were even as light as the sky when they caught the glow from the sun. I looked into her eyes, thinking they were always what I thought of as I touched myself. As cliched as it seemed, there was such truth in the power of her eyes, containing all things. They spoke to me when my love couldn't find the words, and they looked into mine just the same. We panted in silence there, until finally I held tightly to her, and shivered with the sensation of complete satisfaction.
It was beautiful and exhausting. I couldn't stop smiling as I relaxed with my legs wrapped around her. It was like a dream. It was heaven to be so close to Xena in every sense.
Aphrodite wanted to see a child created between us, so the reasons were not completely unselfish. We had apparently been of much discussion to the gods, of whom I slowly familiarized myself with as they dropped into Xena's life more and more. In doing so, they dropped into mine, but it had never bothered me. I found that some of them were excellent listeners, as a matter of fact.
Aphrodite was my favourite of the gods, and not only because she had helped Xena and I conceive of a child. She was the greatest listener of all. Certainly, there were times where I could hardly get a word in, but when I needed to talk, Aphrodite was a very attentive goddess.
I was in the second month of my pregnancy - not showing just then - when my mood swings got really bad. Xena was always so good with me that she surprised me, in fact, but Aphrodite had paid us a visit to give Xena a much-needed hunting trip all by herself.
One moment, I was crying, and the next moment, I was angry. Don't ask me what that conversation was. I can't even remember. Aphrodite had been listening to me complain and then thank her, and then upset myself by talking about the last place I'd gone to eat with Xena. I had been starving, and so I ordered two plates - and the inn keeper said something about it. It still irked me weeks later, in my rant to Aphrodite.
"Wow there, Bard babe," she finally said, pulling a face at my mood. "Everything's fine."
"It is NOT!" I said, taking a moment to try and relax myself. But Xena wasn't there - I always leaned on her for support, and I realized she wasn't there to help me, so I started to cry. "It's not okay! I'm just ... I'm gonna get so big, and I can't even walk ..." I don't know where I was going with any of it, but I was so upset that I was shaking.
I will never forget the way Xena ran over to me from gods-knows-where and gently guided me over somewhere to sit me down. She rubbed my back and kissed my hand and let me cry, finally tossing some expression over to Aphrodite before she checked in with me again. "I'm here." She was always there for me when I needed her - without exception. Always, always there.
"I'll uh ... I'll leave you two," Aphrodite mumbled, disappearing with a snap as I let my teary eyes focus on Xena once again. Even with the world's best listening goddess, it just wasn't the same as it was with Xena. That smile melted me with warmth and happiness, and all I wanted was to apologize. My moods had started to flip all over the place, but when it came to Xena, I wanted to control them.
With a hand on my still-slender stomach, Xena pressed a little kiss there, and looked up at me again. That grin stretched from ear-to-ear: "I caught a deer."
She knew how much I had craved deer since I'd been pregnant, and I cried all over again out of joy as I threw my arms around her.
Xena quickly went to work, preparing the deer (because I didn't know how), and I mixed some interesting herbs for added flavor. We were quickly the two happiest women, sitting by the campfire - both of us completely full. I'm sure there were nights during my pregnancy when she went hungry so I could be fully satisfied, but she never complained.
That night, we both ate so much we felt weighted to the ground, and still there was more. Xena called out and invited Aphrodite back, so I could apologize. She gladly sat with us, but declined on the offering of food. Ares showed up, too, claiming to be enticed by the aroma of the meal, but still a god himself. He didn't eat either. Still, we didn't turn them away. The company was nice.
Xena and I were so full from the meal that we were terrible hostesses of the night. I couldn't even lift my arms, and Xena was feeling terribly lazy, so we just rested against each other that way, braced against a leaning tree.
Ares and Aphrodite were arguing about the war Ares had newly initiated, and Aphrodite claimed that love could rule all if only he would listen.
Meanwhile, Xena was whispering into my ear: "You're an angel, Gabrielle."
I was so tired and content that I could only snuggle my cheek closer, and smile against her.
She breathed out, displacing my bangs with the effort. "My angel."
"Aww, look they're little cuddlers!" Aphrodite cooed, lifting Xena from her exhaustion to defend her warrior honor in front of the God of War himself.
"No. We're tired. It's just been a long day. Maybe a little privacy ..."
"We getcha," Ares winked, getting to his feet and sauntering over. "Need a little ... a-lone time ..." I had my eyes closed, but I was still listening. This conversation was turning a little dangerous - even for an immortal like Ares.
"Take another step, and it might be your last." Xena had spoken the words, but she had only meant them as a tease. I could hear her smile in the tone of voice she used. It was playful, and I accidentally moaned at the comfort. When I opened my eyes, Aphrodite had one brow raised to Ares.
"Alright you heathen," Aphrodite beamed saucily. "Let's let these two ... umm ..."
"Will you two stop?" I said, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "I'm just ... I'm tired."
"I know all about pregnancy, little Bardie," Aphrodite winked, earning a suppressed scowl from my lovely warrior. "Alllll about it. So don't feel like you need to explain it to me ..."
"What? - She sleeps all day?" Ares laughed, but was silenced with the look Aphrodite shot over to him. "Ohhhh ... gotcha. And just when does that kick in? ... Wouldn't wanna walk in on anything ..."
Before I knew it, Xena had slid out from under me, and she was marching over to our two visitors. There was such purpose to her steps that I was falling for her all over again. My big, macho warrior - defending my honor. But with the feelings mixing through me, I had to wonder if maybe it wasn't a tall tale. I figured a conversation with Aphrodite might do me some good after all.
Later that night - after Xena had threatened Ares sufficiently to get him to back away, and Aphrodite had waved her goodbyes - it was just Xena and I once again. And I was incredibly insecure at all of the thoughts that had been going through my mind.
Xena made certain that I was lying on all three furs she'd bought with a little work she did in the last month, and she was stroking my hair when I blushed again.
"What is it, Gabrielle?"
"Don't look at me when I say this," I giggled, knowing full well she would only be more curious. She stared at me, but I continued on anyway. "I ... What're you gonna do if ... Aphrodite's right?"
"About what?"
When I tried hiding my face, Xena laughed, and pulled my hands down. "Ahh. Mmm hmm. And you think I ... won't enjoy that, do you?"
"Xena-"
"Gabrielle, the more you'll want that, the less guilt I'll feel for wanting you so much."
"But ... but I'll be huge!" I scoffed, getting up onto my elbows to look at her. Those wonderfully honest eyes glimmered back at me even in the dark. I don't know how they always did that.
"You'll be as attractive as you ever were ... and I'll be excited, Gabrielle. I swear it."
"And just how do you know that?"
"I happen to find pregnant women ... very attractive."
Then it was my turn to tease HER. I leaned onto my side, and grinned at the comforting curve of her face. "So I suppose I should worry about you wanting me AFTER this child is born then?"
I could tell Xena was blushing because she always quickly spun around when it was happening. She got to her feet, and tried to hide it, even in the darkness that covered us both. She was laughing quietly, in her own way. "Very funny, Gabrielle."
"Xena ...? I like that you'll want me. Still ... I mean."
She turned back around, but stayed in her spot - a few paces from me. "Always."
I smiled and patted the spot beside me. "You say that like you're sure."
Her shoulders relaxed and she let out all of her breath. "Because I am."
I can't explain the amount of certainty I felt in her arms that night. I knew that I was safe, and that my unborn child would be safe. Just as I was beginning to normalize the concept of a child in my mind, I was loving it. I felt so much love for that little being growing inside of me - only increased tenfold by the way Xena would keep her hand over my stomach or kiss it in the morning.
We went on shorter walks after I started to show in my third month, even though I insisted I was fine to keep up my usual pace. I would catch Xena's loving glances down at me, never pressuring me to ride because she was worried about the baby on those jostling trips.
When we would stop somewhere, she would massage my shoulders and try to keep from kissing my neck. I must say it was quite invigorating to have her wanting me no matter how big or disgusting I felt. At times, my ankles would swell and I would complain, but Xena always wordlessly took care of my concerns. She made it so that I shared everything with her, and I felt so free to tell her all of it. Poor Xena - I was always so tired and sore.
We kissed and touched, but Xena insisted on never making love to me, because she was worried for the baby. Neither of us knew much about it at that stage of my pregnancy, so I agreed. But the kissing and fondling was so pleasant. Still, there were times it hurt. My breasts were so sensitive that I would often gasp and instinctively withdraw, and that really worried Xena. She loved my breasts, but she had to learn to be very careful with them - as much as I wanted her to be rougher with me.
As that fourth month drew on, it was also very difficult for me to have all the feelings I did. I wanted to be touched so badly I couldn't understand it. I wanted to be filled with her fingers. Sometimes I even thought about her using something on me, like she'd mentioned to me in the past, but I knew she would never want to do that to me while I had our little baby growing so close. So I didn't mention it. That was one of the hardest things for me at the time, because I was so open with her about everything else. But I felt guilt for the feelings I was having - they ruled my mind completely! The things I imagined were so intense I was embarrassed.
I didn't know it was normal to have an overactive sex drive during pregnancy until I finally blurted my concerns to Aphrodite one very dark afternoon. It seemed that the sun hadn't come out all day, and my ankles were so swollen that I had been complaining almost constantly, but STILL all I could think about were Xena's hands on me. I had even tried coaxing her to touch me a little more, but it hadn't turned into anything. So while Xena was off hunting, I called for Aphrodite, and thankfully, she appeared right before me. I had never summoned any god or goddess before, and I was susprised that I could, I suppose.
"You called?" she asked with a smile, her arms crossed to accentuate her generously-sized breasts.
I had to laugh, because mine were beginning to grow just as rounded as hers. "Yes, I called ... but ... I don't know."
It wasn't long until I blurted it all.
"I just keep having these thoughts, but we can't do anything about it, and I don't think I can take much more of this!"
Aphrodite was quick to assure me that arousal was only natural. My hormones were taking control of my thoughts, and I had no way of keeping my sanity.
"Great," I huffed, sitting next to the goddess with a thump. "So it'll be like this the WHOLE pregnancy?"
I really wish I had known Xena was there, listening. I would have liked to tease her through the conversation I was having, but I'm still glad she was there. I don't think I would have had the heart to tell her just how desperate I had been all that time.
"I'm gonna want her CONSTANTLY? ... But she's not comfortable with all of this. She's ... she has a right to be concerned. I am, too."
It was so unusual for Xena to listen in. She must have caught me talking to Aphrodite, and she was so shocked that all she could do was listen on. I can't imagine what her expression must have been. Thinking back, I would very much like to be able to remember the face she must have been making then. Her preciously pregnant bard - lusting after her morning, noon, and night. It must have been quite the discovery.
"Oh, I'll bet you just mention to her what you told me, and you won't have any problems."
I rolled my eyes and then gently ran my hand across my slowly growing stomach. "How can you be sure it's safe?" I looked to Aphrodite who was earnestly smiling at me.
"Oh Gabs. You two worry enough for all the gods on Olympus." She brushed my hair off my shoulder in a loving, friendly way (although I'm sure Xena thought otherwise). "Trust me - it's been going on for centuries. You two aren't the first couple in the world to be pregnant ... and I know a thing or two about lovin'."
I giggled and dropped my head so she wouldn't see me blushing. I wondered how I would ever be able to tell Xena that I wanted her that badly. And in so many ways ... "I don't know how to say it ..." I was so outwardly shy about such matters of desire.
"You'll figure out a way," Aphrodite teased, glancing over her shoulder for a moment. I would later find out she winked at Xena, but I didn't suspect anything in the moment with my head still hanging down. Finally, I picked it up.
"Thanks. Really. I think ... can I just have some time ...? I need to think of how to say this to her. Not that she'll feel too comfortable with it anyway ..."
"Everyone's different, Bard Babe," she beamed, inspecting her nails. "Every woman's a little different. So no worries. It's not just you. Just go with it, and I'm sure she'll be happy you said something. It's not like she's not interested! ... In fact-"
"Okay, that's enough," Xena said from behind me, rustling through the leaves to make me jump.
Aphrodite had been trying to coax her out? Had Xena been listening, I wondered. I was stunned, but at the same time, a little grateful I wouldn't have to tell Xena something that embarrassed me so much.
"I know when I'm not wanted!" she pouted playfully, snapping herself out of the situation.
With that, Xena turned to me, and dropped down in front of me. "Gabrielle ... I'm sorry. I was listening ... I didn't mean to-"
I placed my finger on her lips, and just smiled at her. "It's okay." And given my rampant mood swings, I think she felt complete relief that there was still a sliver left of the forgiving woman she'd always known.
I spoke to dispel her concerns. "I ... am a little surprised, but ... I'm honestly just glad that ... well, that I don't have to confess it all over again. To you."
The look in her eyes sent shivers through me.
"You think I don't want you, Gabrielle?"
I had no idea how different sex would feel then, but I was excited to try. It had been four months, and I wasn't doing too well by trying to push it to the back of my mind. With every look from her, my mind was gone - I was on a table somewhere, or tied up to something so she could ravish me. The tingles weren't even warm at that point - they were ice hot. I was brimming with lust, and hoping she could read me so I wouldn't have to ask.
"Is that what you think?"
My lip trembled, but I wasn't about to cry. I was shivering more visibly from the look in her eyes that told me she'd been just as desperate. Her hands were barely holding mine, because I knew she felt so excited she was worried she'd hurt me.
"W-well ... I know you were concerned, and ... me too ... It's just ... It's been four months, Xena ..."
But she had insisted I do nothing to please her, either. She would have hated receiving such pleasure when I couldn't have it. "It's been four months for me, too, Gabrielle."
Little did I know at the time, that night was about to be the strangest sex we had shared until then. I could feel it in the air, that something was different. It had been so long for both of us. We had both been fantasizing and wanting and needing. And then she smiled at me.
"Been thinking about me a little?"
It was the last logical thing we would say all night.
