A/N: Thanks so much! The feedback for this story's been great. I couldn't ask for better reviews and comments!


Part Nine:

Help Me

Joni Mitchell

The two fraternity brothers sat in Kyle Lewis' dorm room. Oliver sat cross-legged on Kyle's bed, his laptop open, working on his Intro to Psychology paper, but it was a painfully inadequate distraction. He simply couldn't stop staring at Kyle as he sat at his desk. Not that he was doing anything particularly provocative. Oliver found himself mesmerized as he watched him. He could watch Kyle all day long, doing anything really — Kyle pulling on his lip while he stared intently at something. Kyle cocking his eyebrow at something stupid a professor or frat brother said. Kyle winking and smirking at things he thought particularly amusing.

He had a way of reacting to everything around him, everything he experienced. While Oliver tried to hold whatever he was feeling inside and not react too much lest he draw attention to himself, Kyle simply let everything out. He didn't care. And Oliver always found himself observing him, studying him, anticipating what he'd do next.

There were a couple of clicks as Kyle punched his keyboard, followed by a low whistle. "Damn!" He chuckled in disbelief. "Whoa! That's pretty good!"

Oliver couldn't hold back a grin. "What?"

"$575 a month for a studio on Maple Drive. It's walking distance to campus. That's less than two dollars per square foot, and the building's only a couple of years old. Heat and water included, but no electric. And washers and dryers are on property... Hey! I can get a dog. Cool."

Oliver scrunched his nose up. "Won't that be a little cramped?"

Kyle shrugged. "I can make do for the summer. All I'll have to come up with is... what? $860? $865? That's half of what I'll owe for those three months until September. My family could help with the rest."

Oliver sat up in the bed and leaned forward. "So you're intent on doing this on your own?"

"Yeah. I wanna get out of the dorms. Have fewer people in my business. Get some privacy. Plus, the house won't be open from May until that last week in August when we can start moving in."

"Uh huh."

Kyle's brow fell. "This bothering you, Fish?"

Oliver scratched the back of his head. He couldn't put his finger on why he felt so uneasy about Kyle moving into his own apartment, as small and as cramped as it appeared to be. It was only for three months. Normally, it was cool for the guys to get a place that wasn't a dorm room or campus housing; several of the guys in their pledge class were getting their own places and had asked both of them if they wanted in. But Kyle said he needed privacy. Was it for them? Was Kyle expecting more of … whatever they were doing with each other when they got drunk? Or did he need his own place so he could see other guys, and not just Oliver.

He shut his eyes; the latter was not something he wanted to contemplate. The former was something that intrigued him, although it frightened him to consider it.

"Hey."

Oliver snapped his head up. "Yeah?"

"What's your deal? I totally lost you for a second."

Oliver cleared his throat. "Well," he began, realizing he was struggling to frame his words, "I just think that, perhaps, you'd do better if you…"

"If I what?"

He looked up at Kyle, his expression uneasy. "You'd like it more if you had more room. And a roommate who you could split the bills with, if you're concerned about money and rent and stuff."

Why he had chosen to say that was beyond him. Kyle, though, sensed none of his trepidation or confusion. He merely turned back to his computer screen.

"Eh. I don't want anyone getting more information about me than I'm ready to give out. Besides, who'd you recommend to be my roommate?"

"Um... 'kay then. How 'bout me?"

Kyle stiffened instantly. He turned slowly, facing Oliver, his expression hardening like water freezing into a block of ice. "You?"

"What's wrong with you and me living together."

He stared at Oliver, then he snorted derisively. Barking out a laugh, more out of disbelief than humor, Kyle finally replied, "You're shitting me, right? This is a joke?"

"No, it's not. What's so funny about suggesting you and I live together?"

Kyle bolted out of his seat and paced back and forth. "Oh, just off the top of my head, I can think of a million things funny — and wrong — with us being roommates."

Crossing his arms, Oliver glared at his friend. "Well I'd like to hear them—"

"First," Kyle interjected, cutting him off, "and foremost, if your parents found out you were living with a…" He stopped so he could laugh again. "That your roommate was gay, they'd yank you outta here before you could say 'ho-mo-sexual!'"

Oliver recognized the inherent irony of that statement; their reaction to his roommate being gay would be positively minuscule if they ever found out about what went on in their own son's head. Or what he got up to with Kyle when they were alone and full of beer.

"But, there's nothing about you that would give anything away!" Oliver said, instead of voicing the other things he was thinking. "You totally seem like you're an average, normal guy."

Kyle groaned. "God, how many times do we have to go over this? I am an average, normal guy! I happen to like other guys — who also happen to be average. And normal! Jeez!"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I just meant that you don't have to tell them about you. It's — it's none of their business." Oliver tried to keep his voice steady, even. Free from nerves. But inside, he was roiling.

"Whatever." Kyle stood with his arms crossed. He tapped his foot against the floor, in rhythm with the finger that was tapping on his upper arm. He clearly wanted to say something, but held back.

"What?" Oliver implored.

"If I say it, you'll just leave."

A sinking feeling grew in Oliver's stomach. His guts churned, knowing what Kyle was going to say and hoping fervently that he wouldn't bring it up. Talking about what they were doing at night intoxicated broke the unspoken oath between them — "Don't ask, don't tell, just make out."

Oliver shut his eyes; it was useless. When Kyle Lewis had something he wanted to say, he was going to say it, sooner or later. It was better to get it over with.

"And second?"

"Second." Kyle couldn't hold back any longer. "Moving in with someone that you've been hooking up with is never a good idea!"

"Shh! Would you keep it down?" Oliver flapped his hands in front of him, hoping Kyle would lower his voice. "The whole hall 'll hear."

"Fine. Great. If they do, big deal."

Oliver blinked. "I thought you wanted to 'not make a deal' out of it?"

"Yeah well," Kyle said with a snort, "that was before I realized you sort of liked having my tongue – shoved – down – your - throat! And before I realized you'd run off whenever you sobered up because you're not as straight as you thought you were."

"Seriously, would you shut up?"

Kyle hissed and spun around. His hands clenched his hair, nearly tearing it out of his scalp. "If this is the only way we're ever going to talk about what we've been doing, then I'm doing it!" He flung his arms out and stared at Oliver defiantly." "Or do I have to get you a beer or two or five so we can have this conversation?"

Oliver stood up from the bed. "Why do we have to talk about anything? You wanted to be discreet. We're being discreet. No one knows and no one will ever know. Besides, it's not like it's a big deal for you or anything."

Kyle's face fell. "What the hell — is that what you think? That this isn't important to me?"

Oliver had no idea why he said that; too many times, he had seen Kyle smile after he kissed him. He had felt Kyle touch his face. Every bit of visual and tactile evidence that Oliver had collected whenever they spent time alone together told him that it wasn't just physical. There was something more between them, greater than just the secret that they shared. However, there was no way in hell he was going to acknowledge that.

"You know," Kyle said, his hands on his hips, his eyes focused only on Oliver's face, "I do like you. I like kissing you, even though you only have the guts to kiss me when you're wasted."

Oliver said nothing in response. He glared at Kyle, growing more and more livid with every word his boyfr-, no... his friend said. Who the hell was he to judge him? He had no idea what Oliver went through every day, what he felt, what he thought, and that every single time he was with Kyle he was going against nature, his parents, and even God.

"But the one time I really liked kissing you? Was when you didn't smell like a damn bar."

Squaring his jaw, feeling every muscle in his body on the verge of exploding, Oliver instead stormed toward his things on Kyle's bed. He stuffed his laptop into his book bag, and shut his book, not caring that several notes had fallen onto the floor. He walked to the door and flung it open.

"Big surprise."

Oliver paused, his hand on the doorknob, his fury rising. He didn't turn to face Kyle, but that didn't stop Kyle.

"That seems to be the one thing you're good at -- running away before things get tough."

Oliver slammed the door behind him, willing himself with each step back to his own dorm room that this whole stupid thing had been a bad dream. Tomorrow, he was going to wake up and somehow be normal again.


In the final month of his freshman year, Oliver Fish came to a realization. Figuring out girls was hard. And as much energy as he put into trying, it wasn't coming as easy as it had been to figure out Kyle Lewis.

"So Oliver," Nancy Sheldon said, her voice soft, "I, uh, had a great time tonight."

"Oh, that's good. No, that's great! Nice, too. I'm very glad -- I mean, that was my overall intention, y'know. Showing you a good time." Oliver's voice was overly bright and chipper, so different from how he sounded when he was with--

He shook his head; he didn't want to go there tonight. Not again.

They were in the middle of a slow dance for Kappa Theta's big end-of-year date party, Lover's Luau. Although they were one of many couples on the crowded dance floor, Oliver felt like he had a spotlight shining on him. Hell, he had felt like that the entire night -- conspicuous, like a sore thumb. At first, he thought it was just the tacky Hawaiian shirt he had been forced to wear because of the theme. And the stupid lei around his neck. But it wasn't just those things.

Oliver found himself preoccupied with what came out of his mouth. He took great pains to comment on Nancy's appearance and to be attentive to what she wanted. He got her drinks, paid for her dinner, and listened to her conversation. It wasn't bad. She was cute, and she was also smart and pretty funny, but beyond that... eh.

They weren't on the same page. Of course, she was just one girl, and she wasn't the end of Oliver's straight world by any means. But watching the things he said, scrutinizing how he talked about his fraternity brothers, and how he spent his time with when he wasn't in classes was tiring.

Most importantly was making sure he chose carefully how he talked about his... well, Kyle Lewis.

Unfortunately, Kyle was also there at the date party and he was having a great time with his date. Every time Oliver looked over at him with the girl -- Leslie, the KƟ who had made Oliver insanely jealous after that intramural basketball game -- Kyle was grinning like he was having the time of his life. He twirled her around on the dance floor with moves that put many of the other pledges to shame. Leslie was clearly lapping up all the attention. It drove Oliver crazy that he looked so damn comfortable, so at ease with himself.

Even worse, Oliver realized that by the time the dance was nearly over, he was paying far more attention to stupid Kyle and his stupid, fun date than to his own.

Oliver and Nancy broke apart and headed back to an empty table. "Hey," Oliver said, using that same bright tone that didn't quite sound like him, "you want anything?"

"Yeah, a drink would be nice." She nodded and smiled. He turned to head towards the restrooms first.

"Oliver?"

He looked back. Nancy's smile had faded.

"I... um, I don't suppose you'd want to go spend some time alone with me, would you?"

His heart sank, but he hoped desperately that it didn't register on his face. "Y-yeah! That sounds great!" He grinned broadly. "Er... give me a sec."

Oliver didn't wait to see her react or to hear her respond; he bolted for the gent's room and found a free stall. Leaning against the wall, he took a couple of deep breaths, collected his thoughts and willed himself to get excited. He could do this, he knew he had it in him to show this girl a good time. All his brothers teased him about not going to date parties and not going out with girls that showed an interest in him. He could only hide behind the schoolwork excuse for so long.

Here he was now; it was time to cowboy up and do what men were supposed to do with the opposite sex.

Taking two more deep breaths, Oliver nodded resolutely and opened the door.

"Hey... buddy."

Everything disappeared as he stared right into the face of Kyle Lewis.

"K-Kyle."

He looked at Oliver. Slowly, a smirk grew on Kyle's face. "So, Fish, you havin' fun?"

He struggled to keep his emotions in check, although the way his stomach swooped, Oliver wasn't sure if it wasn't going to fly out of his body and land on the floor between them. "Yeah. Nancy and I are having a great time."

"Aw, gee whiz, kid!" Kyle reared his arm back and lightly tapped, his fist on Oliver's arm. "That's just swell. That's really, totally awesome!" There was no mistaking the drawl of Kyle's tone; he oozed sarcasm -- angry sarcasm -- masked behind that fake smile.

Oliver grew more angry, more annoyed at Kyle's attitude. He shoved past him to the sink to wash his hands. There were footsteps behind him. When Oliver looked up at the mirror, he saw Kyle standing over his shoulder. Both boys looked so strange, glaring at each other with chilly stares, both clad in colorful, gaudy Hawaiian shirts and leis. They were a sight, a rainbow of bright color belying a mass of emotions struggling to get out.

Kyle had that same wise-ass smirk plastered on, infuriating Oliver even more. "What? I'm truly happy for you, Fish, if you've found someone who understands you so well."

He shut off the sink and shook the excess water off making sure a little bit of it splashed onto Kyle. "I'm just glad you're enjoying yourself so damn much, Lewis."

Kyle paused. Looking away, he shook his head. "Well, I'm having a blast. Leslie's just a friend, y'know? There's no pressure on me to be anything other than myself." Kyle's eyes scanned the length of Oliver's body. He folded his arms and flashed him a subtle wink. "Which is a good thing, as being me's the only thing I'm real damn good at."

Snorting, Oliver turned around. "Gotta get back to my date," he said, just as he was about to open the door.

"And I hope ya two have fun!" Kyle's sharp voice managed to cut through the blaring music. It echoed in Oliver's head as he went to get Nancy a drink.

****