I'm Sorry

Alec cried, looking up into Magnus's face with red eyes. Swaying slightly, Alec sniffed and wiped the back of his hand across his face quickly. "Magnus," he said, grabbing Magnus's wrist with one hand and rubbing at his eye with the other. "I'm sorry! Is there anything I can do? Magnus!" he cried as Magnus pulled his wrist away. Magnus didn't look at Alec. His back was turned and he was looking at the ground studiously, as if he could count the cracks in the sidewalk underneath his feet. Alec took Magnus's hand gently in both of his and felt Magnus's fist curl between them.

"Magnus, I've—I've been—I'm a wreck without you. I'm sorry. I didn't want to lose you. . ." Alec squeezed Magnus's hand, willing him to turn around and look at him. It had been months since Alec had seen Magnus. It was pure chance that he had seen him walking out of a coffee shop and without even realizing, Alec had been shouting Magnus's name and running after him. Even then, Magnus hadn't turned around. His back had stiffened and he had stood rooted to the spot. Whether he had wanted to walk away, or just couldn't, Alec didn't know.

Alec bowed his head. "I can't do this without you," he said quietly. "If I can do anything—anything—to make up—"

Magnus wrenched his hand out of Alec's. "There is nothing you can do. That time has passed, Alexander." The sound of his full name from Magnus's lips felt like a punch to the gut. Alec sucked a shocked breath in and his arms wrapped around his middle, as if he really had been struck. A terrible silence emanated from Magnus, but it broke abruptly as Magnus took a brisk step away from Alec.