Chapter 9
Sarah returned as promised the next morning. JJ had written her list
To watch Henry grow up
To be there for Will through the good and the bad
Girls night out with Emily and Garcia
Morgan is going train me to kick ass
Rossi is going to teach me to cook his secret sauce
Sarah read the list, it was a good start.
"How did your family visiting go?" she questioned,
"Spence hates me" JJ moaned, Sarah nodded allowing JJ to speak. "I lied to him for a long time I had to but he doesn't get it. He has been hurt by a lot of people his dad left him, his mum is schizophrenic and didn't even know he existed growing up. Even the man who mentored him left him alone. He came to me for support, to grieve and like everyone else in his life I let him down" JJ was crying now. "I don't want to talk anymore" she decided effectively chucking Sarah out.
"Remember JJ one hour at a time" Sarah replied before leaving. If a client didn't want to talk she couldn't make her. That didn't mean she couldn't come back a few hours later.
She waited until before lunch before revisiting.
"Hey" she greeted.
"Hey, I'm sorry for yelling" JJ apologised.
"It's ok" Sarah graciously accepted. "So how you feeling" JJ remained silent really considering the question.
"Better, I think. I feel less numb, it hurts but I think its better than numb" JJ tried to explain, "I just have to live with the guilt that I lied and that I tried to end it. I tried to leave my little boy all alone" Suddenly JJ burst into tears realising the magnitude of what she had tried to do. It was a good sign, to regret it. Sarah knew it was a positive step. She waited offering comfort where she could.
It was visiting time when the next visitor came in.
"Spence" JJ greeted nervously
"JJ, how you feeling?" Spencer asked standing by the door.
"Better" JJ replied just as nervous.
"I spoke to Morgan, he told me about the men following everyone, it still hurts" Spencer said trying to be honest.
"I know, I hurt a lot of people and I can't take that hurt back and if I was in the same situation I would do the same thing all over again because I lied Emily lived and that is something I won't apologise for." JJ said firmly.
"I understand, Morgan and I went through it, I get that you had to lie, I understand why but it still hurts,"
"I betrayed you"
"I forgive you" Spence said, smiling at JJ who smiled back glad to have one of her closest friendships back. "I brought a book to read its one of my favourites" Spencer offered getting out a worn leather bound book
"Either we live by accident and die by accident, or we live by plan and die by plan." he began. JJ settled down on the bed listening to the soothing tones on his voice.
It was 2 days later when she was released with the crisis team visiting her at home once a day for the first week then gradually trailing down. The team also visited daily until they got pulled on a case but made sure they rang.
Her first case back was worked at the BAU with Garcia only a month after her attempt. Her second case there was a mix up with hotel room and she had to share with Emily. She suspected the mix up wasn't an accident but said nothing. By her third case she was paired with Reid for the first time and only had 2 meetings with Hotch throughout the case. Everyone was still watching her but out of concern rather than hatred. Her 5th case back she finally got to use the skills Morgan had taught her unleashing her kung-fu skills on an unsuspecting unsub.
It was 3 months later she realised she could no longer feel the dementor following her around. He was still there occasionally but no longer felt like he was drowning her. She felt happy and didn't feel guilty for doing so.
The end thanks for those who have been reading along and left a review, bonus points for those who can identify the book
