Chapter 9
Fear is a cold fire that fills my lungs and surges through my veins as I stare at the voicemail notification. Fear is a strange drug, the way it prepares the body to fight or flee. What am I doing here? Am I prepared to fight, or will I flee again? I'm not particularly brave. I only fight on instinct. The only fighting I have done these past few months has been against myself. There has, therefore, been no victor.
"Elliot, give me a call tonight so we can talk," you said, your voice low and tired. "I would love to see you. I look forward to hearing from you. I'll be waiting for your call..."
Choices are a part, or perhaps the entirety, of life. Each choice changes life in some way, but some, of course, cause major changes. The choices I am about to make, whether or not to call you and talk to you and whether or not to see you again, are the kind that are completely life-changing. There is no going back. There is no "take two," no reset button on this. Sometimes we are given circumstances that are out of our control. Sometimes, though, we must take control. Now is one of those times.
I could say that I need to think this over, to take time so I can make my choice with a clear, rational mind, but that would be a waste of breath. The truth is that I have already made my decision. It may break me. It may hurt like a pain I have never known, but I have made my decision, just as I will take full responsibility for the consequences, whatever they may be, when the time comes. It may not be my wisest decision, but I don't have a choice. I can't say no... I have to see you again.
To be continued
