Chapter 8: Ghostly Truths

Part 1

Anna sauntered into her quarters, escaping the hum of post-battle chatter. The station was abuzz. Sector 83, White Stars, the League, and, of course, Captain Sheridan and Ambassador Delenn were on everyone's lips. Much of the talk was positive - glowing even - about how the league's forces held their own against the scarily powerful Shadows. Yet underneath the tough, brave talk, was a veneer of fear. Fear that the Shadows would make Babylon 5 their next target and nothing in the universe could prevent its destruction, not even John Sheridan.

She made her way into the small bedroom, its white and brown décor devoid of warmth or character. The bland walls and depersonalized quarters reminded Anna of a time when everything in her world was that way. For so long, she viewed her existence through a lens that lacked personality, individuality, and nuance. And she was afraid, afraid of never being able to remember, afraid of what she would remember when the time came. And the time had come and she wasn't prepared for the revelation or her reaction.

Her burgundy suitcase, the one Daniel purchased specially for this journey, peeked out from under the bed. She leaned down, slid it out from its hiding place, and thumped it onto the mattress. The boarding tag read, 'Melissa Gilbert'. She hadn't been that woman since loading herself onto the shuttle for Babylon 5.

Now, however, as she gazed at the picture of Daniel –the one he snuggled between the pages of her favorite book- Anna couldn't help but wonder if she made the right decision in leaving Proxima 3 in search of a distant dream.

Anna suppressed the tears of a woman who'd taken a leap of faith, or perhaps a plunge of naivety, and ended up free falling into the swelling darkness of lost love.

As she gathered the few belongings she brought with her, her mind wandered to the conversation she'd had yesterday with John in his office. Anna knew he was busy preparing for the battle, but she had to see him. On Mercury's wings, she rushed along the too bright corridors, hoping to have a word with him before he put his life in danger.

A bald man passed her when she entered. He gave her a quick, probing look, placed his hands in his pockets, and left with a nod and a brisk, "Mrs. Sheridan."

Five minutes later, Anna knew precisely who the bald man was and what he'd been doing, for the last two weeks, while she'd been trying to reclaim her marriage.

"Two years, Anna," John said, his eyes registering anger, hurt. "Why in the hell didn't you contact me before now? Do you know what I went through thinking you were dead? How much one message from you would've done for me, spared me?"

He settled his bottom against his desk, long legs crossed at the ankles, hands gripping the wooden edge, face taut.

"I was confused. It was too much, too soon. I'd finally accepted that I was Melissa Gilbert and not some stranger in the mirror."

She should've told him all from the beginning. He should not have had to send his security chief to Proxima 3 to discover what she could've freely offered up. How could she have expected him to open his arms and heart to her when there were lies between them?

Anna was tempted to look away from the hard stare boring into her, but she'd come this far. She'd survived the attack on the Icarus, loss of family and self, and the cold, biting truth. He no longer loved or wanted her. He was truly and deeply in love with Delenn.

She refused to believe it, how could a Minbari be what he desired? They were so different, from formerly warring worlds. Yet the eyes never lie, only the mind, the heart. When she finally saw them together in the War Room, the tide of suppressed affection between them was obvious, painfully so.

Anna wanted to strike out at the Minbari, bait her into showing her true colors to John. Minbaris were quietly manipulative, keeping their secrets hidden behind rituals and prayers. Right? Wrong. Looking at the woman, who met her gaze with respectful pride, Anna glimpsed her inner strength and humility.

Delenn was John's equal and opposite, the way she used to be, but was no longer. He'd grown and so had she. Too much so to ever go back.

"Why didn't you contact me?" he asked again, his voice much softer than before, the grip on the desk relaxed.

She moved closer, sitting next to him, their hands close but not touching.

"Try to understand, John. When I received the results from the investigators, it was just a name and biography. My memory still hadn't returned. And no matter how many times I read the report and tried to envision the life outlined, I just couldn't. It was as if there was a huge impenetrable wall in my mind that I couldn't blast away to get to the other side."

"I get that but—''

"I wouldn't have recognized you. There was a picture of you and my parents in the file, and it was like viewing three strangers with radiant smiles. People who I should know, but I couldn't conjure up the slightest hint of recognition."

The hand next to Anna tensed then relaxed again.

"You have no clue, Anna. None of us would've cared about the memory loss. Having you back, even partly, would've been better than nothing. Better than allowing us to believe you were dead."

He was right. But she'd been through so much. He didn't understand. No one did, except Daniel.

"Over time, you would've come to care, especially if my memory never returned. What kind of marriage would we have had? What kind of wife could I have been to you?"

"I wouldn't have expected anything you wasn't prepared to give. We could've taken it slow, gotten to know each other again. Hell, Anna, you didn't give me a chance to do right by you."

He faced her then. "It took me a long while to fall for Delenn. For so long we were just friends and I doggedly refused to allow myself to consider anything more. Do you know why?"

God help her, she knew.

"Because a part of me was still in love with you. Every time I felt myself drawing closer to her, wanting to explore the feelings she aroused in me, I felt guilty, as if I was somehow betraying you, your memory."

"You obviously got past that." It came out harsh, if not, scornful. That wasn't her intent, but this was hard for her as well.

"In Minbari culture, there is a ritual for damn near everything. They don't rush into relationships the way we tend to do. They take it slow, giving the couple every opportunity to find out if the path they have chosen to walk together is the right one for them."

"Meaning what, John?"

"Meaning, you should've contacted me. Meaning, you could've prevented this entire situation we've found ourselves in for the last two weeks."

He stood then, his tall, lean body dwarfing her own. She stood as well, taking in his serious expression –the one that forecast an overcast sky and chance of thunderstorms.

"Did your relationship with Dr. Daniel Montgomery have anything to do with your decision?"

Michael Garibaldi was a thorough detective indeed. Not that Daniel or anyone at the hospital would have cause to be deceptive.

"He was my doctor and we spent a lot of time together. He helped me when I couldn't help myself."

"So you fell for him." It was a statement. John clearly knew all about her relationship with Daniel.

"Yes, I moved in with him right before the mess with Dr. Hill. And I assume Daniel told your Mr. Garibaldi about our engagement."

"Yeah, that was a real shocker." Now he sounded harsh, if not, scornful. "You have a lot of nerve, Anna, coming here intent on screwing up my marriage to Delenn when you have an engagement ring stashed away somewhere from a man you've been bedding for God's know how long."

His voice rose, angered flared, and he stepped away from her.

She'd been a fool.

"That's the real reason why you didn't contact me. Why put me out of my misery when you have a doctor who can take care of all your needs." He glared at her, the temperature in the room rising. "Am I right?"

The urge to fight or flee welled in her, but she squashed the natural response. She owed him the truth. She owed herself even more.

"Daniel is very special to me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him."

"Do you love him?"

"I thought I did."

"Thought?"

She shrugged, hating to admit to such uncertainty.

"I planned to marry him. It just didn't seem fair to come back to you with no memory of our marriage, while harboring feelings for another man."

"But the return of your memories changed your mind."

"Yes. I remembered everything. All the love I had for you and you for me. I didn't know what to do."

He moved around her and settled against the desk again, his anger temporarily abated.

She spoke, her back still to him. "I couldn't marry him without first seeing and speaking with you. I had to know." She spun around then, facing him, coming to terms with her own actions. "I needed to know if I still truly loved you, if my feelings for Daniel would remain after coming face-to-face with my husband."

John snorted and shook his head. "That was wrong on so many levels, Anna."

Unexpectedly, he pulled her into an embrace, stroking the long, loose, red hair that flowed down her back to her waist.

"I don't blame you for finding solace in the arms of another man, especially one as kind and caring as this Daniel seems to be. I just wish you could've been honest with me, came to me when you first learned who you were."

He shrugged then let her go. "Who knows, things could've ended differently between us."

She'd already drawn the same conclusion. Her fear, her confusion, and her uncertainty had ended their marriage, not Ambassador Delenn who she'd unfairly blamed.

"So," John said, "what are you going to do now?"

Part 2

All day he'd waited and nothing, not a visit, or a call, or even a message, nothing from Delenn. John was sure she would seek him out after viewing the data crystal provided by Mr. Garibaldi. His entire mission report was on the crystal. Surely, she had to understand the meaning of its content.

"You called, Captain," Ivanova said when she entered his office.

"Yes, I was wondering if you've seen Ambassador Delenn."

She gave him an annoyed look. "Well, I can tell you with certainty that she's definitely not in my back pocket, if I had pants pockets, which I don't."

He returned her annoyed look and raised her a put-out glower.

She raised her arms then slapped them to her side. "How am I supposed to know where Delenn is? She doesn't run her daily itinerary through me. Have you checked with Lennier?"

"Of course I've checked with him."

In fact, John had interrupted the man's breakfast and lunch to do so. The conversation was polite in its coldness, earning him nothing more than, "She has a full schedule today. I'm sure she'll contact you as soon as time permits." Meaning, go jump in the nearest black hole for all I care.

"He was of no use. I was hoping you knew something I didn't. Nothing on this station gets by your discerning eyes and ears."

She huffed. "Don't try to sweet talk me. Besides, if Delenn doesn't want to be found, she won't be. Hell, if she really wanted to avoid you, she could simply shuttle over to one of the war cruisers."

"Thanks a lot, Susan; you sure know how to comfort a guy."

But it was true. She'd done it before. But why would she do so now. The data crystal should've cleared everything up for her. Why was she avoiding him?

Ivanova waved her last statement away. "She's still on the station, John. I haven't approved any shuttle runs for her White Star. It's still docked. If she's not in her quarters, council chambers, or with another ambassador, where would she go if she wanted some peace and quiet?"

John grabbed and kissed Susan on the cheek, his smile bigger than her wide-eyed surprise. "You're a lifesaver," he said, running from the office.

She sat on the bench in the east corner of the garden—their bench, their garden. They hadn't had time to visit the magnificent blooms in far too long, but here she sat – by herself- appearing much too solemn for him to reconcile.

"I've been looking for you all day," he said, not wanting to frighten her with his approach, so deep in thought she may not have heard his footfalls until he was right next to her.

She turned, her somber gaze settling on him. "I assumed you would find me eventually." Delenn resumed her position, taking in the brilliant red, yellow, and blue roses.

Cautiously, John filled the other half of the bench, unsure what was going on with her.

"Did you have a chance to look at the data crystal?" he finally asked, seeing Delenn had no intention of offering up any conversation of her own.

She nodded then an almost imperceptible sigh came from her.

"Maybe you didn't quite understand what Michael found." He had to make her understand. Earth laws were complicated and had to be doubly so for a non-Human.

"I'm sure I understand perfectly, John."

Clearly she didn't, for if she had they would be in one of their quarters right now, finishing the last Minbari mating ritual and getting on with the business of consummating their marriage.

Ignoring her claims of full comprehension, John plowed on. "Michael's lawyer friend found out that Anna's parents filed a claim asking Earthgov to continue their investigation into her disappearance or grant their family attorney access to the Icarus's last records. They intended to sue them for negligence, convinced there was something faulty about the ship or the mission itself."

"John—''

"Instead, Earthgov closed the case, declaring Anna and all the passengers aboard the ship dead. They nicely compensated each family, as if money could replace their loved one. With me out here in no-man's-land, I didn't know. My former in-laws were unable to get a message to me."

"John—'' Delenn tried again, but he wasn't done.

"Don't you see what this means, honey? That was almost nine months ago. When I married you, as far as my government was concerned, I was in my legal right to do so. Our marriage is legally binding. Even by Minbari standards, morality was on our side when we wed. There is nothing to stop our union now."

Still, she said nothing and he felt like pounding his head against the bench. What in the hell was wrong with her? Why wasn't she as pleased about this as he was? Why weren't they wrapped around each other, making a spectacle of themselves?

"We finally cleared the air," he said, not knowing what to do except to keep talking. "She plans to go home and see her parents."

"And what will she do when she gets there, John?"

"Umm . . . I don't understand."

She stood and walked towards the gardenias, her red and blue robe swaying about her delicate ankles. He followed, wanting to grab and shake some sense into her.

Finally, she faced him and he saw . . . Hell, he didn't know. Her eyes were morbidly dark and grim, reminding him of the way she looked at him when he returned to his quarters after learning of Anna's return. There was a forced coldness there.

"She will reclaim her name, her place in her family, her identity."

"Of course."

She gave him a look that said he was missing the obvious, and then she sighed once more.

"Even on Minbar, John, the Grey Council doesn't have the power to declare a Minbari dead. That is the exclusive right of the clan. From what I understand, Earth's laws are no different. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, seven years would have to first elapse, or the next of kin would have to make a claim. In your case neither occurred."

"What are you getting at, Delenn?" he asked, but already knowing, the last granule of sands of their relationship slipping through his fingers.

She closed her eyes for a second, and then opened them, the forced coldness gone, replaced by something far worse—resignation.

"Your government circumvented their own laws when they made that declaration. Once she returns home, Earthgov will have no choice but to rescind the death declaration and restore all that came before—including her marriage certificate. I don't know why they did it, perhaps to punish you. But the motive matters not. She is still your wife, John, and the details gathered by Michael only prove what we already know."

How in the hell had she boiled a seemingly straightforward mission report down to a broth of cruel ghastly truths? More importantly, how on this side of the rim could he have not drawn the same pathetic conclusion? Even a divorce wouldn't do. Everything was tainted. There was no way to un-ring the bell of Anna's resurrection.

A warm hand touched his cheek, and a wan smile greeted his anguished eyes. John knew this would be the last time she would ever touch him like this, reveal her love for him so openly, with the vulnerability she could entrust to only him.

She caressed his cheek and he held her hand to his face, forcing back the futile plea for her to reconsider. Nothing had changed. For all he now knew, for the reconciliation of his feelings for Anna and hers for him, and the knowledge that she would eventually go back to Proxima 3 and to Dr. Montgomery, none of that altered one thing between himself and Delenn. And there was no one to blame, not even the pencil pushing assholes at Earthgov who expedited the fraudulent death certificate.

There was so much he wanted to say to her, but none of it would he utter. He'd been holding on too tight, refusing to accept the inevitable, and now it was time for him to let her go. John released her hand and she stepped away. Delenn gave him a deep bow, one that spoke louder than the bone-chilling silence of the garden walls. He bowed in return; she nodded, and walked away.

And her parting gift reached him through the stale, depressing air.

"I love you, John Sheridan. You are my heart, my soul."

Part 3

Anna took one last look around the quarters, making sure she'd packed everything. It was done. All she needed to do was put the past firmly in its place, and step into the future. And for the first time, in a long while, she'd felt free to do so honestly and completely.

The door chimed. She wasn't expecting anyone. Perhaps John had come to see her off. That would be nice. In spite of everything, she believed they could be friends. Maybe one day, she would even have the opportunity to get to know Delenn better.

"Come in," Anna said, turning to retrieve her identification card from the counter top.

The door slid open and she could hear footsteps. She turned and dropped the card.

A man stood before her, but not John. He wore a dark gray suit with a black turtle-neck shirt with gold necklaces accenting the bad-boy business casual look. Dark, slicked back hair revealed a familiar face from the past.

"Morden."

He smiled. His eyes twinkled, glittered even. And in that instant, Anna shivered, her instincts telling her this wasn't the same man who loaded her into the life-pod all those years ago.

"What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?" she asked, moving around to the other side of the dining room table, needing to put as much distance between them as she could.

He gave her that smile again, the one that echoed a much darker nature.

"I didn't come for you. I had no idea you were even still alive."

His voice was like a hypnotist, all smooth velvet and subtle manipulation.

"I came to speak with your husband but then I saw you coming from his office yesterday. You looked upset. Is there anything an old friend can do to help?"

Yeah, get the hell out of my way so I can leave.

She shook her head.

"Pity, but there is something you can do for me. I think the offer would go over much better if it came from you."

Morden moved further into the room, nearing the table. His calm, calculating eyes disturbed her more so than his sudden appearance on the station.

"I thought you and the others were dead, Morden. How did you survive?"

Another smile. She used to think his smile to be one of his most alluring features, now it made her want to crawl inside her skin.

"I was saved."

"Who saved you?"

"You will meet them soon enough, my dear Anna. They will be quite pleased to know of your existence and connection to Sheridan."

She glanced past him and to the door, trying to figure out if she could reach it before he stopped her. Was she being crazy, paranoid even? He hadn't threatened her. In fact, he'd saved her life. Still, something wasn't right with him and she didn't understand his interest in John.

"Why don't you let me call John. I'm sure he'll make time to speak with us, hear about the kind people who rescued you."

Another blasted smile.

"He knows all about my friends. Or thinks he does. They are anxious to speak with him, make their case. But you," he said, strolling closer, "are a wonderful surprise. You will serve the cause well. He will come now."

She spared another glance to the door. She might just be able to make it.

"They sent me, hoping I could convince him to see the error of his ways, the futility of this war. He cannot think he and a motley crew of aliens can defeat the Shadows."

Shadows?

She bolted for the door, her mind bellowed Stay away from me!

Morden caught her from behind, her long hair betraying its mistress. He yanked her away from the door, a fist full of hair straining against her neck.

"You will do exactly as I instruct, or my friends will jump out of hyperspace and destroy this entire station and all its occupants, including your precious husband."

He slung her to the sofa, the gentle mask of humanity gone. He had been her friend, an intelligent scientist with dreams as big as her own. Now he was a creature she barely recognized. And what did he and the Shadows want with John?

Morden towered over her, causing her to retreat into the cushions.

"I want you to record a message for your husband, explaining a few things to him. Mainly, that Babylon 5 will be incinerated and you turned over to the Shadows unless he comes to Z'ha'dum."

"They'll kill him if I do that."

"They won't kill him, but," he grabbed her shirt, hauling her to her feet, "I'll kill you myself, here and now, if you don't record the message, exactly as I have it written here."

He shoved a folded sheet of paper into her hand, removed a PPG she hadn't seen before, and gestured toward the Babcom unit.

She vaguely remembered moving, reading the words, or boarding Morden's ship. She was supposed to be on her way home. Now, she was a prisoner, off to the very planet they intended to explore what seemed like a lifetime ago. Then, she thought it would be a wonderful scientific opportunity. Now, she knew otherwise. Nothing awaited her there but darkness and doom. And John would follow her. No matter what had happened between them, he would follow.

Part 4

"Delenn . . . by the time you get this message, I will be at Z'ha'dum with Anna."

TO BE CONCLUDED