Micro Effect #9: A hot shower.

Author: Ignorant One

Length: 1372 Words

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Mass Effect or Mass Effect 2, except for the plot points in my original material. I don't own anything else.

Authors Note: Alright. Last time I tried to come out and like how the stories are connected to one another…listen, I think the stories themselves could be connected easily enough on their own. Lol. If you have a question, feel free to ask it to me in a review. :D

Anyways, Special Note to RaceingM3GTR! You won a chapter of your own because you were the first to review chapter 8! Congratulations! I remember seeing something in your review asking for a chapter with Tali and Legion…and I am trying really hard on that… I just can't think of anything funny to write... that wouldn't drop the IQ of the readers… or mine for that matter. I've got a couple of ideas floating around in my head, but for some reason those just don't seem to work. I will be working on that…in the mean time, why don't you send me something else to write about in your next review. :D

Also, I'd like to apologize for the craptacular last chapter. Chapter 8? Not the best one…I could have planned that one out a little bit better… so sorry about that one…I will admit that I rushed it.

Garrus Vakarian had never really understood why humans, among other species, enjoyed taking a shower. At least, not until now. Not hours after defeating the Collectors and helping Commander Shepard destroy the human Reaper, one of the crewmembers had finally talked him into taking a shower. 'Come on, Garrus! You need to relax man! Wait, I know what will do the trick. Listen, the techies just got finished fixing the hot water heater in the Men's Shower hall, why don't you go enjoy a hot soak? Trust me, those Fenix Cannons you installed can be calibrated later. Go on man, I'll watch your station while you're away.'

Gunnery Chief Chipson. Garrus snorted at the man's attitude; those cannons weren't like the Alliance GUARDIAN laser suite, they required constant and minute calibrations to keep their effectiveness at one-hundred percent. He doubted the man, even with his experience, had the technical know-how to keep those cannons from overheating much less keep them functioning at full capacity. In retrospect, however, the Gunny Chief was right, the hot water beating down on his carapace turned out to be oddly…soothing… especially the way the steamy liquid slid down the gaps of his natural armor; the heat dissipating any unnatural tension.

Turians had multiple hard plates of calcium and keratin that his body naturally produced to serve as armor, and just like any armor, it had its gaps; both known and unknown. While taking the soak Garrus was surprised to know end when the water flowed through sections of his armor where thought he was completely protected; no doubt holes punched through when that rocket nearly killed him back on Omega. Garrus tossed his head to the side and popped a couple of vertebrate as he placed his head under the water and let it slide over every inch of his skull; he was more than surprised when he felt the irritation and discomfort that he normally felt with the prosthetics on his face melt away. This was certainly turning out to be a most enjoyable experience.

In almost any Turian doctrine, the concept of a 'hot shower' was more a concept in 'a waste of resources'. Water was a valuable resource on the numerous warships that the race had built, heating it to clean the body was absurd when it could be drank or used for a variety of other purposes. Building and storing a water heater also wasted space that could be put in place to store more food rations or weapons; it just was not a necessity on a warship. Turians naturally did not sweat, but they did release water and moisture to cool their bodies, and this could cause some, especially those with tighter carapace plates, to smell particularly unpleasant. To combat this problem, Turian military and police officials made body powder standard issue to all of its members. Not only was the moisture absorbing powder efficient and cheap, it could be applied to all carapace gaps within a matter of seconds and it also soothed any discomfort normally felt when the plates would sometimes grind together. It also didn't require a whole lot of space to store, which gave it more advantages with no discernable disadvantages.

"Powder…" Garrus scoffed to himself; no powder he ever tried even came close to being this relaxing. The hot water slid between his plates and relaxed his surprisingly smooth skin and muscles; the gaps in his carapace widening to nearly twice their normal size. Had Garrus been in a combat mindset, this would have bothered him greatly considering the relaxation made it that much easier for someone to slip a blade past his defenses and into his flesh, but somehow the water just made everything that was plaguing his mind melt away. Even the numerous human crewmembers that were also bathing didn't bother him, despite the multitudes of glances and curious gazes he seemed to warrant; none of the crew had ever seen a Turian nude before…not that many of them cared too…but curiosity had always been a human trait.

Using this time to scout the flesh under his plates for any cancerous abnormalities, Garrus also grabbed a bottle of multi-special friendly body soap, and began to clean himself. In some areas his claws came back revealing a light, clear paste, and the Turian scowled; it seems like his body hadn't absorbed the last coating of powder he applied before the battle, and now it sat in his hand in a goop-like state. Ugh. No wonder his thighs were chaffing like crazy when he was running from cover to cover during the final battle with the Collectors. Oh well, it didn't really matter as the soap cleared out the powder and the steaming hot water soothed the inflamed and tender flesh. He could definitely get used to this. His body relaxed even more, and so did his plates, revealing even more skin, which the male promptly cleaned. Garrus could only remember one time where he was this relaxed, and that was when he bedded a female Turian and fellow member of C-Sec; back when he served on the Citadel's Hostage Rescue Team.

Deewwuhhhh.

"Uh…what was that?"

"That, Jim, sounded like the water heater breaking down."

"But it just got fixed like thirty minutes ago!"

COLD. ICE COLD. The water suddenly went from steaming hot to iceberg cold, and Garrus' once relaxed body reacted adversely to this change. His plates locked up as did his muscles, sending the Turian to the ground in a rigor-mortis like state; unable to move. He lay there for nearly three seconds under the freezing spray as fellow crewmembers scrambled for the door to escape the crazed shower hall; only a conscientious crewmember grabbed Garrus' stiff form and dragged him out into the hallway with the rest of the men.

They were all naked, and they were all freezing out in the hallway. It would be another twenty minutes until Garrus' body would relax enough for him to recover his normal range of motion, but until that time Garrus Vakarian would despise the shower hall.

It would be another three weeks before the Turian would brave a shower, but the second time around was much less eventful than the first. Little did the male crewmembers know that it was an extremely selfish Commander that messed with their hot shower.

Author's Note: I had a couple of messages sent to me about the multi-special body soap Garrus used in the shower… it is a body soap that multiple species can use. Multi-special (as in species, not 'special'), pronounced 'mole-ty-spee-shee-al'.

Also, this is the updated version of this chapter, V 2.0….because I found some things I didn't like and I fixed them to make it flow better. I also don't want a superb chapter dragged down by laziness. Lol.