Couch Scene: The Simpsons family run towards the couch and notice that Homer is not here. Suddenly they hear honking noises and then Homer crashes into the room as he is in his car. Then he honks again.
It was summer break and the Simpson kids enter the kitchen, ran to the table, and ate a bowl of cereal as Homer ate a steak with steak sauce, which is unusual because steak is usually made for supper. Plus, another thing that was unusual. Where the heck is Marge as the kids noticed and looked everywhere in the kitchen.
"Uh dad? Where's mom?" Bart asked as he was wondering where Marge is.
"Uh...um... she's at the two ogre's house." Homer said as he was sweating a little.
"Two ogres? Do you mean Patty and Selma?"
"Yes. The two ogres named Patty and Selma."
"Dad? Your acting a little suspicious today. Is something wrong."
"Okay. I won't lie to you... Well, so long!" Homer said as he picked up his briefcase and left the dinner table as fast as he can.
"Something fishy is going on." Lisa said.
"Oh, that's just me." Bart said as they were a bunch of fish under his armpits.
"What the?... Why do you have fish under your armpits?" Lisa said as she covered her noise.
"Trying to make the most awful stench on history."
"Why?"
"Stink bomb."
"Of course." Lisa said as she left with Maggie who walked and fell down on the floor continuously.
She kept on walking in the house until she reached to the phone. She dialed a bunch of numbers and heard a familiar voice that sound liked a bunch of people has smoked over years.
"Who is this?" Patty said.
"Uh, yes. Is my mom there?" Lisa asked
"No. Can you go away. I have a date right here." Selma said.
"Hey! This sink isn't broken!" A muscular young plumber said as he looked through the sink.
"Well bye!" Selma said as she quickly left the phone.
The next day, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were playing the video game, Super Smash Bros. Brawl. on the Nintendo Wii. Bart kept on making the fighter, Kirby which is called the pink marshmallow, suicides himself as he swallowed the other two players, that were princesses in pink dresses. This was annoying Lisa and Maggie who decided to stop playing.
"Go Kirby!" Bart said.
"Whatever Bart." Lisa said as she and Maggie left the room.
"Whatever." Bart said as suddenly the cat named Snowball attacked him without warning. "Hey! Get him off me!"
Lisa came into the room and saw the cat attacking Bart. She quickly took the cat off her older brother, but the cat was still acting aggressive.
"Is this dog food?" Lisa said as she smelled the cat's mouth and breath. "This cat has been acting weird lately."
"What do you mean?" Bart said.
"Well, he was swimming in water, scratching the sofa, and was wrestling with the meanest dogs of Springfield."
"That is strange, except for the sofa part. I know cat's a hate water but cats love to scratch sofa's."
Suddenly they heard something from the kitchen. They look what was inside of the kitchen and then they saw Homer washing a bunch of saws with blood all over it.
"Did Homer killed someone? Maybe it's mom. After all that could explain her disappearance." Bart said as he saw his sisters continuously screaming. "I'm not screaming but they are." Bart said as he stared at her sisters.
Suddenly the kids ran away as Homer saw them.
"What's wrong with them? I'm just washing ketchup on the saws from an early barbeque." Homer said as they ran away quickly and finished cleaning the saws with ketchup on it. "I'm outta here."
Bart, Lisa, and Maggie stopped for a while in the basement and thought about it for a sec.
"That's Homer were talking about. He wouldn't hurt a fly." Lisa said. "Maybe that red blood is actually some kind of tomato sauce?"
"Is it Lisa? Why would tomato sauce be used on a saw?" Bart asked.
"Well... I don't know... I guess we're going to have to wait and see."
"I don't know about that." Bart said as he pulled out a book about secret conspiracies and murders by Al Gore. "This book is called, "The Real Criminals and Liars."
"You actually read?" Lisa said as she was surprised.
"Only books that will help me in situations like this."
"What about taxes, and getting jobs?"
"That's only for adults. Anyway, this book will explain everything that might be strange, weird, or similar to the mind of Ralph." Bart said as he read through chapters. "Here's the chapter about a killer. If your father has killed someone, that usually means there are more people behind it. Only, if that person is fat, ugly, bald, and his brain has been replaced with a wrench. Now do you believe me Lisa, do you... Lisa...?"
"Your acting a little creepy... I'll just go..." Lisa said as she took Maggie with her and walked up the stairs.
"You'll be sorry if I found the proof!"
The next day, Bart was watching the Krusty show on TV, Lisa was reading Tom Sawyer of a book, and Maggie was playing with her toys, which included a pistol and some nails. Suddenly there were more voices in the Simpsons house. Bart, Lisa, and Maggie went to see what it was as they looked through the entrance of the kitchen.
"Okay guys. Here's the body..." Homer said to Moe, Lenny, Carl, and Barney as he carried a huge bag.
"Oh no! I think your right Bart." Lisa said as they stopped looking and they were back into the same room.
"...the body of a deer!" Homer said as he showed them the deer in the bag and that the kids did not hear the whole sentence.
The children looked back of what was happening.
"Are you sure Homer? You shouldn't have shot him, or her? Anyway, the point is that we could all get busted..."
The children stopped looking again and talked about the problem in the same room.
"Homer's friends are all a part of this crime! They did murdered mom!"
"...busted for hunting a deer before deer season comes to Springfield." Moe said as he completed his words.
The kids looked back into the room as Lenny started to talk.
"What if anyone knows about this. We got to get rid of the evidence." Lenny said.
"We could eat it and put it on a frying pan or pot."
Suddenly Lisa was about to barf as she ran to the bathroom. A little later, Lisa came back to see what were they talking about.
"What if someone knows about this? Like your three kids. They could mess up everything." Carl asked.
"Yeah, Homer. What are you going to do?" Barney asked.
"We only have two." Homer said.
"What about the baby. I think her name is Maggie?" Moe corrected Homer.
"Whatever. If they do find out, I'll get rid of them for good." Homer said.
Suddenly the children ran to their rooms as fast as they could.
"and when I mean get rid of... I mean make them go to the youth center next week. They have ponies which Lisa can't resist. Bart likes playing videogames, pool, and basketball. Maggie will see a bunch of toys there. It will erase their minds in ways you can't imagine."
"Hey! You just mentioned Maggie right now!" Moe said.
"Yeah, so? I have three children. I know them more than you do!" Homer said
"Guys! Can we just focus on the problem! Anyway, it better work or the police will jail us to a cell filled with the most violent criminals." Lenny said.
Homer was sleeping in the master room as Bart, Lisa, and Maggie got up from their beds and secretly went down stairs to the kitchen. They saw the same bag as before. There was blood stains, it smelled bad, and the size of what it was in there is huge. Bart closely walked towards the bag and pulled out his small camera as he slowly opened the gross stench of the bag.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Homer yelled loudly as he was wearing a hockey mask with a machete.
"AHH!" The kids scream out loud as Homer looked a little like Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th movie series.
"You didn't look inside that bag... did you?" Homer asked with a spooky voice.
"No." Bart said.
"Oh good. I got to go to a hockey game with my buds and send this machete back to the military store. Also, I need this." Homer said as he grabbed the bag so they won't find out what's in it. "Well, bye kids... and don't let bed bugs bite... my precious little kids... and don't forget about the boogey monster and the hideous clown... and I love you... damn you..."
"Okay." Bart and Lisa said as they showed a fake smile and were scared at the same time.
Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were at the woods spying on Homer and his friends as they stepped out of the car. The kids made it all the way over here with their bikes. Homer pulled out a bag from his trunk.
"Oh my god." Bart said. "Mom is in there!"
"We don't know for sure. Even though pretty much everything sounds closely true." Lisa said. "What are they saying anyway? I can't hear them."
"How would I know? I can only read a little things about lips."
Meanwhile at the car where Homer and his friends are.
"Is that the same bag with the deer?" Lenny said.
"Nope. It's a bag filled with worms for our fishing trip. Just worms and nothing else." Homer said.
"Can we just stop talking about the murder! I heard things that the American Government uses devices in our own electronics to find out what we're doing. The government is sneaky you know!" Moe said as he pulled fishing rods from the trunk.
"Really?" Homer said. "Then we must destroy all our electronics!"
Suddenly the guys pulled out there small laptops, IPods, cell phones, PSP, Nintendo DS, thumb drives, cameras, microwaves, food blenders, timers, radio, voicebox, an electronic air powered frying pan and other electronics from their pockets.
"Go to hell Apple, Microsoft, Nintendo, Sony, and all of you other electronic owning genius's who sends parts of their money to charity, economy, schools, and church!" Moe said as he broke the electronics with a hammer."
"By the way Moe. How do you know all about this electronic spying thing anyway?" Carl asked.
"I found out about this new book by Al Gore that's about conspiracy's and murders. It's called 'The Real Murders and Liars'." Moe said. "They say that all those famous fancy restaurants today are actually just using fast food. Also, they say that the first nuclear missile was actually invented by the Africans, not Americans. This book has everything! I have some copies if you want."
"Sure" The other guys said as Moe gave them some books.
"Oh my god. There trying to cover everything up!" Bart said as he was able to read a little bit from their lips.
"Uh, Bart. They seemed to talk a lot. Are you sure it's just covering everything up?" Lisa asked.
"Lisa, you can trust me. Have I ever done anything bad to you?"
"Let's see. You ruined my science project's seventy-six times, you sold my diary to Nelson Muntz, and my doll's heads are gone!"
"You can still trust me though?" Bart asked.
"I guess..."
Bart, Lisa, and Maggie moved towards the lake as Homer, Lenny, Moe, Carl, and Barney lifted the boat and walked towards the lake. The men finally made it to the lake and set the boat down. They grabbed the bag and dropped it on the boat by purpose. After that they all sat down on the boat as they fished.
"What are they doing right now? Are they just fishing?" Bart said.
"Bart! Look!" Lisa said as Homer opened the bag and pulled out worms. "Oh dang it! I can't see it because of Homer's huge butt!"
"Yep. Homer's weight can be a challenge in murders... and sometimes for the doors, elevators, and cars too." Bart laughed a little.
"Fatty!" Maggie said with a smile.
The kids kept on watching as Homer put the worms on the hook of his fishing rod and threw it into the water. The kids thought of something else. They thought Homer was using Marge as bait for the fish. Lisa suddenly had to threw up again.
"When will this horror end?" Bart said.
"I caught one!" Homer yelled. "The bait works again!"
"Again?" Lisa said as she came back. "Has our father killed other people too?"
Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were now at home trying to come up plans to get real proof, but they have none. Later, they decide to look at the bag again with a camera.
Bart, Lisa, and Maggie again slowly walked towards the bag in the kitchen. As they open it, they saw nothing.
"Where is it?" Bart asked.
"Nothing?" Homer said as he was cooking parts of the deer in boiling water, inside the oven, and fried on the pan. Suddenly the children were in horror.
"AHH!" Bart, Lisa, and Maggie screamed all at once as they saw Homer and ran.
"What's wrong with them. I may haven't cooked for a long time, but that doesn't mean I suck."
After a while, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were at the dinner table with Homer. They were all shivering as they looked at their dinner plates with meat on them.
"Uhh dad. I'm a vegetarian. Can I just get an apple." Lisa shivered in fear.
"Sure honey. Anything for my little girl." Homer said happily.
"Anything?" Lisa said as she was still in fear.
"Yeah?" Homer said as he pulled out another piece of deer on the table.
Suddenly the kids realize something as they saw that piece of deer. There were burnt antlers on it.
"Homer? Why are there antlers on there?" Bart said.
"It's just deer from the... wait a minute...um... from the market." Homer lied.
Suddenly the kids were laughing.
"What's so funny?" Homer asked.
"For a second there. We thought that meat was... well... never mind..." Bart said as he and her sisters walked out of the kitchen.
"Lisa. Lisa. LISA!" Bart yelled at her face as Lisa woke up from her bed.
"What the heck do you want?" Lisa said as she got up from the bed. "It's 3:00, Bart."
"Yes, but look outside from my window. Homer is burying something in the backyard."
The kids quickly went towards to Bart's room and slowly looked outside of Bart's window. Bart was right. Homer was burying something in the backyard as he was listening to country music mixed with Jazz from the 80s.
"What do you think is under all that dirt?" Lisa asked.
"Maybe it's mom or some evidence that might prove that Homer murdered mom." Bart said.
"You know what's strange. You actually said something intelligent." Lisa said.
"Oh yeah. Is this intelligent?" Bart said as she kicked her sister.
"Ow! How am I related to this selfish idiot?" Lisa thought.
"Right now we wait. Tomorrow we dig to see what Homer is hiding from us." Bart said.
"So... uh... your an A student right?" Bart said as he was bored from waiting.
"Yep... How's life being a troublemaker?" Lisa asked.
"Good... What's it like being a baby." Bart said to her youngest sister, Maggie.
Maggie just played with her toys.
"I'm bored. I'm going to sleep." Lisa said.
"Me too." Bart said.
Bart, Lisa, and Maggie were digging in the backyard by using shovels so they can see what is underneath the ground. They kept on digging everywhere. Until they finally found it.
"I think we might have found it!" Bart said.
"Yeah. I kept telling you to dig near the tire swing. That's where dad put whatever is under there."
"Will you just be quiet. Let's see what's under here." Bart said as he dig further with his shovel.
They finally stopped after seeing Homer's secret.
"Why is hiding Playboy magazines in the ground?" Bart said as he grabbed the magazine's.
"Playboy magazine's?" Lisa said. "I thought he was hiding the dead body, the saws, or bones. This is just getting weirder and why Playboy Magazine's?"
"This book says that we should always look in the criminal's wallet or purse."
"That's a good idea. What else does that book says?"
"It says that Abraham Lincoln planned his own assassination because he couldn't take more stress during the reunification era."
"That is definitely stupid. Why would he just planned his assassination over stress during the reunification era? All the president's have to go through the bad times." Lisa said as she, Bart, and Maggie went back to the house.
The kids were searching everywhere in the master bed room as Homer left with his friends. They kept on searching which caused a big mess. Finally, they found the wallet underneath the bed. Bart looked through the wallet and found a picture of Homer playing basketball with his underwear on, a picture where Homer was running from an angry mob, and a picture of drunken Homer wrestling George Bush during the Super Bowl. Bart looked through his wallet again and found Marge's jewelry in it.
"Hey Lisa! Mom's jewelry is in here." Bart said.
"Call the police. We found some evidence." Lisa said as she looked for more clues and proof.
Bart headed to the phone and dialed in 911.
"Hello." Dr. Hibbert said.
"911 for the police. Not the hospital!" Bart said angrily.
"No one ever wants to talk to the hospital... Fine..." Dr. Hibbert said as he hanged up at the hospital.
Suddenly Dr. Hibbert got another call.
"Doctor! This is an emerg..."
"I know what you want. That fat policeman's help. Good day, sir!" Dr. Hibbert yelled at the man.
Meanwhile at the Simpson's house. Bart did it again and this time he heard Chief Wiggum's voice.
"Hello Police Chief Wiggum. We think our dad is a killer. We have some small evidence. Can you come here to check on it." Bart said.
"Sure, but right now were busy. I'm trying to capture these criminals that just escaped." Chief Wiggum said as he hanged up.
"Okay everybody. Who's up for the board game 'Twister'!" Chief Wiggum smiled as he showed Snake, Fat Tony, Sideshow Bob, Frank Grimes Jr., and Snake Jailbird.
"Sure" Sideshow Bob said. "I need a bit of a stretch and all I get here is 'Candy Land' and 'Sorry!'."
The Simpson kids kept on searching through the master bed room until they heard a voice downstairs.
"Hey kids! I forgot my wallet!" Homer said.
The kids quickly ran to the closet as Homer entered the bed room.
"Man, this is a mess. If your thinking that I'm going to clean all of this! Than your wrong! Now come here Bart, Lisa, and Maggie!" Homer yelled as he was looking under the bed to see if his wallet was still there.
The kids silently sneaked out of the room. Then they silently went down the stairs to the kitchen. The kids then saw a arm on the ground.
"AHH!" Lisa screamed.
"Oh dang it, Lisa. You shouldn't scream when there's a killer here!" Bart said angrily. "Quick! To the basement!"
The kids ran to the basement as Homer entered the kitchen and stared at an arm.
"What's this toy arm here for? This looks like the arm I used to scare girls with my buds when I was little. Good times..." Homer said as he picked up a large toy axe. "It's the toy axe from my tenth time going Trick R Treating. I wonder if there are other toys I remember."
Homer then entered the basement holding the toy axe as the kids were hiding behind boxes.
"Oh kids? Are you here? Papa wants a word with you." Homer said as he moved the boxes and saw the kids. "Hi kids!"
Suddenly Bart kicked him in the nuts.
"I... just said... hi... damn... him..." Homer said as he felled to the ground.
Bart, Lisa, and Maggie quickly ran away as Homer got up on his feet again. Homer chased them as the three kids were running away. They ran to the TV room, to the kitchen, to the dining room, to the kids room, to the basement again, and then back were they started. Homer managed to catch Bart by the neck. He was then strangling him... Simpson style.
"I'll kill you boy! This is punishment for kicking me in the nuts! I'll kill you!" Homer said.
Suddenly the police barged into the room and tackled Homer causing him to strangling Bart.
"Homer Simpson. You are arrested for the murder of your wife." Chief Wiggum said.
"Did I say I kill him I mean... Wait? Murder? What the heck do you mean?" Homer asked as his hands were still on Bart's neck.
"These kids told us about jewelry, a body in a bag, and that your friends are a part of it too."
"What?" Homer said. "Just let me explain!"
Suddenly Marge stepped in the door alive.
"What's going on?" Marge asked.
Ten minutes later, The Simpsons, Homer's friends, and the police were outside talking about what happened.
"You see, Marge was having her own vacation again and didn't want these kids ruining it, so I didn't tell them." Homer said.
"But what was in the bag?" Bart said.
"It was a dee..." Homer said until Moe interrupted him.
"It was worms! Just worms!" Moe said.
"Well anyway, the saws you kids saw were actually from a barbeque. That blood is actually ketchup." Homer said.
"What's with the playboy magazines in the ground." Bart asked.
"Playboy magazine's?" Marge said to Homer with an angry look.
"Oh, I see. You had to hide them. Didn't you?"
"Yep. The axe and the arm were just a bunch of toys from my time and the jewelry. The jewelry wasn't Marge's. It was a present for her. I didn't really stole them." Homer said as he moved his eyes back and forth. "And the cat that was acting strangely. That's not really Lisa's cat. I killed Snowball by accident by my car and had to replace it with another cat that looked similar and named it Snowball also."
"I never asked anything about Snowball's strange behavior! How could you kill my cat!" Lisa yelled.
"Well... woops..." Homer said.
Suddenly Lisa ran away towards the house.
"What's wrong with her? I got her a new cat. It looks exactly like her old one." Homer said as he wondered why Lisa ran off. "By the way, I guess we crushed our electronics for nothing, Moe!"
"Oh what do you know. I hear my oven making large noises." Moe said as he ran away.
"Now he has to lie his way out." Lenny said as he saw him ran.
"Just forget about that jerk." Carl said as he and his buds turned around as a explosion came behind them.
Suddenly a broken oven crashed towards Homer.
"Oww..."
(Extra Scene)
Meanwhile at a U.S. Government Building located somewhere in Death's Valley.
A man was looking at a screen showing the Simpson's family.
"We got to be careful about that kid. Most of that family and their friends have lost faith in that book. Only Bart Simpson remains."
"You want me to kill him, Sir?" An Agent said as he pulled out a sniper.
"What? No way! He's a kid for crying out loud." The man said. "We wanted you to kill Al Gore when he was going to release that book of his, but it was too late and if he died after the release, there were going to be some investigations involving that book. Meaning, that we can't kill that kid or Al Gore."
"Why do you keep on telling me this!" The agent whined as he ran away and the man turned towards the screen where he saw Bart Simpson breaking his arm on purpose.
"You may not look like it Bart Simpson, but you must be smart. You can't stop the U.S. Government." The man said. "One smart kid."
Suddenly the screen than showed Bart bumping his head by purpose on the wall.
"One smart kid..."
