A/N:
This is dedicated to 'MadHattressX3' who gave me this idea from many much appreciated reviews. Hope you like it and I hope it satisfies your ZaAr preference XD
Zim asks Amy for relationship advice again, and after last time Amy is not that eager to go ahead with it. But when Zim blasts her with a love-spray, will she have a choice? Set not long after my other one-shot "What is this Infection?", so before the birthday fic, so Dib and Amy aren't together yet.
When I received an urgent message from Zim that morning, I really didn't know what to expect. But, it's Zim so, when do I know what to expect? So, expect the unexpected. But that's so much of a paradox that it makes my head hurt! Instead, there wasn't much else for me to do other than take a long breath, and knock on the door. It opened instantly and a black gloved hand snatched out and hoisted me inside. I stumbled and turned around just in time to see the door slam shut behind me. Zim nodded in acknowledgment at me and clasped his hands together. Wow, he sure was eager to get to the point.
"Zim has a proposition for you." He said bluntly.
I smirked and folded my arms, "Hi, I'm great thanks for asking, Zim, and how are you?"
He tilted his head in confusion, "Zim asked you nothing. Was the Amy-worm not listening? Zim has a proposition for you. But to answer your question, Zim is feeling fine."
I rolled my eyes, giving up on my sarcasm, "Okay, I'm listening, what proposition?"
He shifted awkwardly, "You recall when Zim required your advice on that… crush infection that the Dib-sibling as placed in me?"
Oh I recalled it alright! He'd charmingly managed to capture me in his labs and start accusing me and the rest of the female population of having the ability to infect the minds of males so that they become unable to think about anything else for long periods of time. I also recalled explaining that he just had a crush on someone, which he let slip soon after that it was Gaz. No shock there. Oh and what else? Oh yes, I recalled how I'd told him to pretend that I was Gaz and for him to try and practice making a move… and them him slamming me into the wall with god knows what in mind!
I nodded, "Yes, I recall."
"Well, as has been no doubt evident, Zim has yet to act upon it." He cleared his throat, "But he would like to."
"Okay… so what's stopping you?"
"It's the Dib-sibling!" he cried, "Her infection causes Zim's throat to turn on its owner and close!"
I smirked, "Awe, that's kind of sweet."
He glared at me, "Sweet? The near suffocation of Zim is sweet?"
"Well, no, but it's sweet how nervous you are around her." I was starting to relax a little, "So, go on, what you need me for?"
He looked at the floor, clearly hating himself right now, "Zim requires the Amy-worm to… act like the Gaz-human. So that… Zim could… practice talking to… her."
I relaxed at the wrong moment. Instantly I tensed up and backed away, arms stretched out to create distance between us.
"No, I'm sorry Zim but the first time this was suggested I was pinned against a wall and you looked like you were gonna eat me!"
He scoffed, "Pfft, I wouldn't eat a human! And besides, you of all earth-maggots wish for this pairing between Zim and the Dib-sister the most!"
"That's true, but I'm still not being your test subject, why can't you use someone else?"
"Like who? GIR is not an acceptable match, neither is computer and it doesn't bare thinking about to consider the Dib!"
"So what makes me a match?"
He eyed me, "You're female, and you do not require the trouble of kidnapping. Also, you seem to express a fondness for Zim and that will also be useful."
My jaw hung open, "Okay, firstly you're my friend and that's what the 'fondness' is, secondly you can't go around kidnapping people, and thirdly; don't be so sexist!"
He smirked at me, "Oh Amy-worm, so naïve. You see, Zim requires practice in order to gain the Gaz-humans affections… And you will help me, willingly or not."
I swallowed, "What's that supposed to mean?"
From his PAK, he pulled out a small glass tube filled with a translucent purple liquid. The top was fixed with a spray nozzle, tightly screwed into place. He aimed it at me threateningly. With a snap of his fingers, a thick tube shot down from the ceiling and bound itself around me. I was lifted a few inches off the ground, my arms and legs trapped in place from the wires. There was no point in struggling, but that wasn't stopping me. Zim stepped closer and aimed the nozzle right between my eyes.
"Zim's answer is here; in this little glass vial."
I couldn't resist, "A little glass vial?"
He nodded, "A little glass vial."
A/N: If you don't get the 'little glass vial' joke, look up the film 'Repo: The Genetic Opera' and look at the song 'Zydrate Anatomy'. Awesome film and awesome song! You will get it after hearing the song.
Zim continued, "One spray of this, and this 'friendship' you express for Zim, shall be magnified to such an extent that even you shall think that it's an infatuation. You see, it's not just females who can create an infection of the mind." He smirked.
My eyes widened, "So that's your plan B? Make me think that I've got a crush on you so that you can practice talking to Gaz? Zim, that's just stupid! If I have a crush on you, then that's just going to cause more problems! Me and Gaz are totally different people, you're not going to get the same reactions from her that you'll get from me. You're like my brother, it would just be weird! Plus, why do you need me to crush on you for this to work in the first place?"
"Because, human, you claim that Gaz 'crushes' on Zim, therefore, the reactions shall in deed be similar." He nodded at his own logic.
"No, Zim, they really won't." I groaned.
"Silence! Now, lets begin."
"Wait!" I cried just as his finger tightened around the nozzle, "It's temporary, right? The spray wears off, yeah?"
He rolled his eyes, "Naturally, you didn't think Zim would wish for your infatuation for longer than needed, did you?" he scoffed, "Do not flatter yourself, human!"
"How long?"
"A few hours at most." He shrugged and smiled wryly and changed his tone to sound sarcastic, "Zim really appreciates the Amy-beast helping like this."
"Don't mention it." I said this mirrored sarcasm and narrowed my eyes in distain, "I'm so going to get you for this…"
As an answer, he simple shrugged passively and tightened his grip. The icy liquid coated my face and stung my eyes a little. It smelled sickly sweet, and also a little like cut grass. It itched the inside of my nose and started to make me cough. I tried to blink away the soreness in my eyes but it seemed to get worse. In a matter of seconds, my eyes refused to open altogether. I coughed and spluttered, but they sounded weaker. Soon, I was barely making a sound. Numb and swallowed in darkness, I blacked out.
When I awoke, I had been released from my binds and was laying on the sofa. My eyes still stung a little, but it wasn't too bad and at least the coughing had stopped. The sweet smell still lingered on my skin though. Zim was no where in sight. Weird, I didn't feel anything different for him. He was still a reluctant friend in my mind, and I was still feeling pretty miffed at him. Oh as soon as I got my hands on him, he won't know what hit him. Well, my fist would, that's for sure! So wait, did this mean that the spray stuff didn't work? I don't get it… I was glad but just didn't get it.
Confused?
I cried out in surprise at the bored sounding voice that seemed to echo from above me, "Uh, yeah little?" I muttered, searching for the voice.
You didn't think Masters' invention was going to work, did you?
Of course! Zim's computer! Wow I hadn't spoken to him in a long time. But wait, what did he just say?
"So, it really didn't work?" I asked.
No… it yawned, If you were male it would have worked.
"What d'you mean?"
Well, he's been making the concoction in the mindset of infatuating females, but the only test subjects he's had to take DNA from and test the spray on have been –
"Males…"
I was thinking of Nick the creepy kid that Zim kept in the basement. And surely Zim must have used some part of himself in the mixture to make people think of him specifically… So all of the things involved in the liquid had been from guys, therefore it would only work on them! It was like that movie where the man tries to create the best smelling perfume ever, but makes it out of women he's killed, and it makes any women who smell it goes insane for it! But, this was in reverse, and I doubt that Zim had actually killed anyone. Oh Zim, you idiot! I couldn't help but laugh, not just for my own relief but also for the fun I'd have watching Zim trying to use it on other people.
"So, what happens now?" I asked, "What happens when Zim comes back?"
It groaned, I don't care… just figured you should know. Bye now…
I didn't bother trying to keep talking. Computer had given me enough answers. Oh Zim, you annoying little… Hmmm, actually, this could be used to my advantage. Zim wanted me to have a temporary crush on him so he could know how to deal with girls, right? He wanted me to be, what was the word, infatuated with him, right? And how do I normally deal with Zim? Kill with kindness, the perfect revenge. Okay Zim, you asked for it!
The humming sound of the kitchen elevator sounded from the next room. Now was my chance. I slapped both my cheeks harshly so that they turned a rosy colour, that way he would think that I was blushing at him. As soon as he walked in the room, he eyed me carefully. Tossing my pride aside, I smiled shyly at him and wrung my hands, not making direct eye contact with him.
"Oh, uh, hi Zim…" I said, forcing my tone to sound shy too.
I lifted my head a little so that my hair fell back, revealing my flushed cheeks. If he bought this crap, then I was set. His antenna quirked and he took another step forward, still not sure how to respond to this greeting.
"And… how is the Amy-worm feeling?" he asked cautiously.
"A lot better, now that you're here." I bit my tongue to stop myself from laughing.
He nodded in approval, smiling wryly. "And how does Zim affect the human?"
Okay, not I had to sell it big time! Wow I was so ticked off with him right then, it took a lot not to swing for him! But I composed myself, if he figured out that the spray didn't work, then his revenge plan was going nowhere and I'd be in big trouble. I got to my feet and closed the distance between us. My hand rested softly on his shoulder, slowly tracing up and down his arm. I blinked slowly and looked at him dead in the eyes, smiling softly.
"I don't think I should say…" I winked.
He tensed and took a quick step backwards, holding his palms up defensively. When there was enough of a gap between us, he grinned and pumped a fist in the air triumphantly.
"Success!" he cried, "It worked better than expected! Now, Amy-human, you are aware that you are just in this state so that Zim can practice his strategy, right?"
Now how would a love-struck girl react to this? I sighed heavily and bit my lip in apparent disappointment. My eyes blinked rapidly as if they were trying to stop tears falling as my hand reached out to grab his. He eyed me in confusion. I nodded.
"I-I understand… But any time with you will be welcomed," I laced my fingers in his, "greatly."
He swallowed thickly and tried to shake his fingers from mine. I deliberately tightened my grip. Oh I was enjoying this. That's right little idiot, squirm with the awkwardness of it! I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep this up for though, the urge to laugh was getting to great. Oh that's right, you see those uber-girly girls on TV giggling like idiots at everything a guy says…
"Now," Zim continued, taking a seat on the sofa, "as a female infatuated with the greatness of Zim, how would you expect Zim to approach you?"
Oh I hated myself for this… I burst into fits of laughter and sat down next to him, sitting a little too close so that your shoulders brushed against each others. He glared at me in confusion as I shoved him playfully, forcing my laugh into a shrill giggle and rested my head on his shoulder.
"Zim said something amusing?" he asked sceptically.
I giggled again, "No, but you make me laugh anyway, you're so funny… and as for an approach, all you would have to do is talk to me."
Oh I felt disgusting! I was acting like those stereotype air-heads you see on TV! They were vile and demeaning! But hey, if that's what he expected of me, then I would have to swallow my pride even more, no matter how bitter it may be. Hmm, this revenge was getting a little slow, time to kick it up a notch, I wanted him to fully regret ever trying to mess me around! Oh please pride, go down easy!
I leant into his side a little harder so that he lost his balance and landed on his back, his head on the arm of the sofa. A knowing smirk twitched at the corner of my lips and I joined him so that my head rested on his chest, his arm stuck on position around my shoulders. Deliberately, I nuzzled into him and sighed. He froze, not daring to move for fear of the unknown. I ducked so that he didn't see me grinning with the smugness of it.
"D-do human females l-like such close c-contact?" he stammered.
Good, he was feeling awkward, it was working, "Some do, and some don't. I'm more of the former myself. How about you?"
Zim swallowed uncomfortably, "It'll take getting used to… what category would the Gaz -"
I reached a hand up and pressed a finger to his lips, cutting him off, his maroon eyes crossed to get a view of what I was doing. Slowly I pulled my finger away and started tracing his jaw-line. From the way his mouth was quivering slightly, he was clearly very uncomfortable with this. Good. You know that saying, 'You mess with the bull, you get the horns'? Well, my star sign is a Leo, so I changed it. You mess with the lion, you get the claws. Zim asked for it, he's going to bloody get it. I reached my hand up to start twirling his antenna between my fingers.
"Does it matter what Gaz thinks?" I asked, pretending to look disappointed.
"Yes. It does. Remember, this experiment was aimed to improve Zim's strategy of conversing with the Gaz-human." He looked worried, "The Amy-human does remember this, doesn't she?"
I deliberately nuzzled further into him, "I remember, but… I don't know… It's like something's come over me. I'm not so sure I'm happy giving you up to someone else."
Perfect reaction: Zim tensed and eyes magnified, "Th-that's the chemical spray possessing you!"
Before he could register my movements, I rolled over so that he was pinned beneath me; our chests pressed together, "Is Zim sure about that?"
This was brilliant, you could almost hear the panic frying his brain cells. Okay, maybe I was overselling it a little, but if it was teaching him a lesson, so be it. However I was taken by surprise as he swiftly grabbed my wrists and pushed himself over so that we flipped off of the sofa and crashed to the floor. My back slammed against the tiled floor and knocked the air out of me. My head ached as it collided with the floor harshly. Taking advantage of my dizziness, Zim pinned my wrists above my head and clamped my legs together between his. He glowered down at me and pointed at me warningly with his free hand.
"Zim is sure about that." He clarified, "And the sooner this chemical wears off the better, clearly the genius of Zim was too strong this time around..."
Now, really I should have started laughing and told him that I was just messing with him. But there was something in his eyes that scared me, and from the compromising position we were in, I felt it best to keep quiet and let him make the first move. He tilted his head in curiosity and lowered his hand to flick my hair out of my face. His expression softened a little, actually putting me more on edge.
"So Zim could do this to any female, and it would invoke a positive reaction?" he asked.
"No, not to any girl…" I cleared my throat, forgetting my revenge for a moment, "But, to Gaz, yeah, sure."
He exhaled slowly, "And not to you?"
Okay, I didn't see that one coming. I tried to shift away from him but he held me in place firmly. I didn't like where this was going.
"Well, I figured I was just a test-subject. Isn't that what you said?" I asked, trying to switch the focus back to him.
"That is what Zim said, and didn't you say that you weren't happy giving Zim up for someone else?"
I swallowed and pretended to hold back tears, I was still in character after all, "Yes, but knowing that it'll make you happy, that's all I would want for you."
Zim smirked, "That touches Zim greatly, human."
There was an awkward pause where he just stared at me. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, or if he had been serious or mocking me. But there was one thing I was sure of, this little revenge plan had gone on long enough and this was just getting really uncomfortable. Now there had to be a way out of this without giving myself away. I smiled sheepishly up at him and blinked slowly.
"Well, it seems that's you're very practiced with dealing with girls now," I said, trying not to sound too eager to get away, "It looks like Gaz is a lucky girl."
Basic translation: I've had my revenge, you've had your practice, get the hell off of me.
However, Zim smirked wryly, "There is one more thing Zim wishes to perfect before moving on to his chosen mate."
I swallowed, "And what's that?"
Zim started to lower his head, so slowly that it was hard to tell at first if it was real or my imagination. But no, he was definitely moving very close there. Oh crap, what the hell did he think he was doing. His antenna quirked a little as his lips started forming into a small pout. He wasn't! Surely he wouldn't! He was centimetres away, millimetres… Then, just at the last minute, I snapped my head to the side and kicked my legs upwards. His body jerked forward, making his puckered lips smack right into the floor to the right of me. He yelped in pain, distracting him enough to kick again, this time rolling him off of me.
Despite just getting face-planted to the floor and a kick in the stomach, Zim started cackling, hand held over his throbbing bump where his nose would be. I jumped to my feet and backed away, hands held out defensively to create more distance. Why was he laughing at me? Oh… I got it.
"Okay wise-guy how long did it take you to figure out I was pretending?" I snapped.
He sniggered, "Oh you thought you could fool Zim? Zim knew the spray didn't work from the moment you awoke."
I folded my arms, "You weren't there when I woke up."
He deflated, "Fine! From the moment I you admitted to remembering the spray; anyone who was truly affected by it would not have remembered it."
"So instead you just let me carry on making an idiot of myself?" I huffed, reddening, "And that little stunt you pulled back there was just a way to trick me?"
Another series of sniggers, "I figured that there was only so much you would persevere with. And as if Zim would actually…" he gagged.
"Touché, Zimmers, touché." I nodded, "So why did you let me carry on like a moron?"
He smirked, "Zim needed some form of entertainment out of this, and any form of practice was practice... The Amy-worm was most convincing!"
As he started laughing at me again, a familiar burn of vengefulness bubbled inside of me. So he thought that he could trick a trickster, did he? Oh he messed with the wrong girl, again. Fine, let him have this victory. It would be the last one he had today. For a while, I joined in with his laughter. After all, I could see the funny side to it. However, I was quickly forming a plan. As he doubled over from cackling, I strode closer to him and chuckled, entwining his feelers between my fingers. Suddenly, he stopped and arched his brow at me.
"What is the Amy-human doing?" he asked carefully.
I shrugged, still grinning at him, "Nothing…"
"Lies! You're…" he shivered with enjoyment at the touch and involuntarily pressed his head to my palm, "You're…"
"You got me Zim," I sighed, "I was pretending that the spray had worked, but it wasn't to trick you."
He composed himself and swatted my hand away, "The ploy is long over Amy-beast."
"Who says it was a ploy? Maybe I was using it as an excuse, to act on something else…"
He tensed and swallowed thickly, "What are you getting at, human?"
I started tracing my finger from his shoulder to his elbow and back again, "I think you understand what I'm getting at."
Zim made a muffled squeak noise in this throat, "Surely you are toying with Zim!"
I draped an arm over his shoulders and whispered, "I can if you want me too."
He started backing away until his back was pressed against the door. I followed his pace and leant in, placing my hands flat against the door, either side of his head, stopping any escape. I smiled at the irony of it. It wasn't so long ago that we'd been reversed, where he had cornered me in his labs. How revenge is sweet. His eyes quivered at my advances.
"Tell Zim you are joking."
I didn't answer him. In honesty I felt guilty that I'd already messed with his head so much in such a short space of time. But then again, he had messed me about too! And when was I going to get an opportunity to scare him like this again? So, instead of answering him, I simply lent in close so that out faces were inches apart. He tried to push himself further into the woodwork, hand grappling for the handle. I winked at him suggestively and closed the gap between us, moving my head next to his so that our cheeks brushed and if he were human, my lips would be next to his ear.
"Never trick a trickster…" I whispered, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.
His hand finally found the handle of the door and he twisted his harshly. The sudden lack of support sent him falling onto his back and me toppling forward after him. I managed to steady myself before actually falling whereas Zim pushed into a backwards roll to gain distance before jumping to his feet. Now it was my turn to burst into fits of laughter. Revenge: Completed!
"What's going on over there?" a new voice called.
I peeked out and saw Dib standing not far away on my doorstep next door. He hopped over the fence and rushed over to us. Zim actually gave a cry of desperation and sprinted over to meet the boy, cowering behind him and forcing him forward by the shoulders as a shield. Dib arched his brow in confusion as the sudden change in Zim's character and my laughter.
"Dib-filth! Beware your mate!" the alien gasped, "That trickster human is not to be trusted!"
"Uh… am I missing something?" Dib asked, hunching his shoulders to shake Zim off.
I breathed and composed myself, "Nah, I'm just helping Zim out with something. After all, he asked for it."
Zim narrowed his eyes at me, "Vile human!"
"Awe, loves you too." I grinned, putting on a sickly sweet voice, "And look on the bright side, it looks like you don't need any more practice, you did very well today!"
He shoved Dib aside and stormed up to me, pointing a warning finger at me. He didn't get too close before I winked and puckered my lips a little before grinning at him. He shuddered with distain for me and pushed past, vanishing into his house. I waved with over-the-top enthusiasm and called out just before he slammed the door.
"Hey Zim, remember, if you need help with anything else, you know who to ask!" I smirked.
Zim poked his head out of his house one last time to glare at me. His mouth gaped open and closed like a fish; trying to find a suitable comeback. Unable to find one, he just went with that he knew.
"YOU LIE!"
Slam went the front door and snap went my sides as I doubled over in laughter. Dib watched me in confusion before I finally collected myself. My cheeks were burning from laughing, but it was worth it.
"Can someone tell me what's going on?" he asked, chuckling a little himself.
I smirked, "Zim just needed help with something, and being the helpful person that I am, was all too willing to help."
He folded his arms with a smirk, "Oh yeah…?"
I nodded, "Just a few tips on handling girls, that's all."
Dib scoffed, "He's got a crush?" he hesitated, "It's… it's not y-you is it?"
"No, but it's someone else pretty close."
He blinked and looked around as if to find the mystery person standing behind him, "Who?"
I face-palmed and shook my head, "Never mind, you'll figure it out soon enough."
We both looked down as my wrist started to beep. I pulled back my sleeve and found that I had a message on my communicator. It was written in simple text, and was from… Zim? It read: The Gaz-human wouldn't have that retaliation, would she? I sniggered and turned around to face Zim's house. From the window, a pair of ruby eyes peeked out at me. Shaking my head, I replied on my communicator. No, I promise she will in no way react like that. The eyes ducked as the message went though. They returned to nod at me curtly, and then vanish once again. Dib eyed me curiously. To avoid further questioning, I punched his arm playfully, to which he swiftly returned. While he was distracted with telling me the reason why he'd been calling for me, I turned around to face the house again. A smile crept on my face. Oh Zim, Gaz is going to have her hands full with you… you little idiot…
A/N:
Thanks again to MadHattressX3 for giving me this idea and I hope you like it and thanks for all your reviews! XD
Also, this is just to be clear, I am not changing the DaAr, and I'm too much of a fan for ZaGr to give up on that. This was purely for the laughs and awkwardness because it was funny. In my mind, Zim does like Gaz, why else would he put up with so much crap from Amy, because he wants answers! Also, that 'mess with a lion' quote, I made that up because I am a Taurus, so the 'mess with a bull' applies to me in the same way XD Please Review!
