Mannequin

Chapter 9

I took a whiff of that "new apartment" smell as I laid my purse down on the empty counter. It was the twentieth of December and I just got home from another runway event that Tsunade made me attend. My feet never felt more tired from wearing stilettos all day.

I almost fell off the catwalk when I saw Fujikaze Yukie, the famous actress watching me model from below the stage.

Silly me.

I laughed to myself.

She was the lead actress of the first movie date that Sasuke brought me out to.

And here I am now, I've never felt so empty and cold. A small sigh escaped my lips as I looked around the gloomy place. The frown turned into a half-smile as I remembered and said to myself, Thanks, Tsunade-shishou.

If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be able to get this apartment. The last real talk I had with her was the most meaningful talk I have ever had with an adult.

-fb-

Tsunade was in her home studio preparing the pieces for the runway show in Otogakure when she called me over. It was right after the incident with Sasori happened and I was still a little shocked by everything that happened.

"What's wrong?," her strong voice asked but more like commanded me to talk. I shook my head and grimaced. My eyes were looking down when I heard footsteps come towards me. Tsunade stood before me and took my chin in her index finger, forcing me to look up to her.

"Tell me, Sakura," her eyes analyzed mine. "Is it about Sasori? Your mom?"

"I-it's nothing," I shrugged and stepped backwards. "I don't know if I should be talking about this at work."

"This is not just work any more Sakura, you can tell me anything, have you forgotten that you've seen me in a position that I would rather not have you seen? But I trust you, Sakura. I don't know if that means anything to you, but I do."

My jaw was trembling and there was a lump in my throat. I slowly opened it and words came out of my raspy voice. "I made a big mistake..." I broke in tears when Tsunade gave me a hug and stroke my back. She sat me down on her couch and I told her a brief story of my past relationship with Sasuke, and how I met Sasori.

She smiled warmly and sighed. "Wow, that just reminded me of my younger days," she shifted her position to face me. "Sakura, when I was your age, I lost all of my relatives. I was pretty much forced to live on my own. I didn't want to have anything to do with anybody, I was scared of the attachment... And then I met Jiraiya, he and I took classes together in college, and he was always there for me. He was the first person that I have let into my life again. Together, we worked our asses off to graduate and reach our goals, though he was nothing closer to me but a good friend."

She laid her back on the sofa then continued, "I fell in love with this guy named Dan, being with him felt like everything made sense." I smiled at her words, totally relating to what she said. She nodded and went on. "Well, he and I were... we...," Tsunade trailed off and sounded like she was about to cry. Immediately, she stopped and continued, her voice got louder than before. "Dan and I had a great relationship, but he's gone... He just passed away, Sakura."

I kept quiet the whole time but I couldn't stop myself from gasping. How much sadness I felt in her voice I couldn't even explain. My mouth formed into a straight line as I kept listening.

"Sorry, all that I'm trying to say is, don't have to be so hard on yourself. Moving on from somebody is really not easy. Take it from me. Sometimes, even if you find the perfect guy, you still end up finding yourself head over heels for the asshole that broke your heart."

She took a sip from the cup of water that she gave me then cleared her throat. "I guess once someone has bound your heart, he's the only one who can let it lose again. I know someday, that it will not hurt as much as this anymore, and time will heal everything, but nobody can replace the memory of Dan in my heart. Nobody... It's special."

"I understand that everything you're doing right now is all about Sasuke. You never stop thinking about him, don't you? You do everything hoping that you will bump into him and get back together? And everything that you do is based on what you think will make him happy. Try doing this instead Sakura, do things for yourself. Everything, for yourself, and then you will know what to do. Let's do that together.

Let's move on together, what do you say?"

-eof-

Hearing my neighbor's dog bark woke me from my daydream and reminded me that it's been weeks since I've talked to Sasori.

Our last moments together weren't as bad as I expected them to be...

After a long day of work, Sasori came home to see me packing all of my things. It didn't take him too long to find out what I wanted to do. Hiruko went to greet him and he pat the dog on it's head. "Hey," he said. Both of them were merely just looking at me until one of them stepped forward towards me.

"Do you need help?," Sasori asked dryly, not trying to get too close.

I replied in the same manner. "No, thanks," I shook my head and right when I was about to bring the last bag out of his bedroom door he looked me in the eye and got in my way.

"Look," he voiced a little awkwardly. He tried to say something but instead he pursed his lips into a straight line.

I decided to break the awkward silence and talk once and for all. "About what happened," I paused for a breath and was cut off.

"I know that it was a mistake, Sakura," he smiled halfheartedly. I nodded in agreement and averted my eyes. I thought I might just melt if I looked at him any longer.

"I'm sorry I guess," he muttered. "But I can't really say that."

What... does that suppose to mean?

He... liked it

..too?

Tension built up between the both of us. I couldn't keep my composure any longer so I shrugged and continued in my packing and sorting things out. "Oh," I gasped after remembering something.

"Sa-sasori," I carefully rolled his name out of my tongue. "Thank you for everything that you have done for me."

There was a pause and an even more awkward silence.

I foolishly continued, "If it wasn't for you, I would be... dead. Sorry to just leave like this but ..um.. you know," I trailed off and wondered how stupid I sounded.

"I understand, little girl," he curved his lips into a half smile. "Gambarou." (good luck)

I nodded at this and just like that I stepped out of the house and silently shut the door.

Behind the door I muttered a soft "sorry". You mean a lot to me, which is why I think I will go away.

Being with you is not good for the both of us. If we continue this, we both might get hurt.

I enjoy this house, and I can't stop wanting you but..

I will sort myself out for now...

Eat at the right times, don't drink too much, sleep on your bed now...

Goodbye.

:[

I found myself sitting on the floor, wondering what have I done wrong to end up being in this state of confusion. Then it hit me.

I don't have to be miserable! I can get back up and be happy and forget about everything that troubled me. Tsunade's words repeated itself in my head.

Try doing this instead Sakura, do things for yourself. Everything, for yourself, and then you will know what to do.

That's right, I'm having a housewarming party!

I took my phone and dialed Ino's number. She picked up right away. "Duh, helloooo!," her high-pitched voice screeched in my ears.

"Hey," I said and tried to sound as cheerful as possible. "Come over!"

"What?,"she buzzed confusedly. "This is unnatural! Are you really Sakura?"

"Um, yeah," I played along. "You have a mole under your left boob! Now only the guys you have slept with would probably know that and your best friend, which is me."

Ino howled in laughter and took her a couple of minutes to calm down. "Okay! I believe you now! Jeez, bitch. What in the hell happened to you? Why did you call me just now?"

I played with the strands of my hair while thinking of a good excuse. "Well, work and stuff," I mumbled.

"Oh I see, well when do you want to have a party?," Ino picked up quite quickly, to think that I didn't mention anything about a party yet. It was like we had best friend ESP.

"I don't know," I rambled while thinking of a good date and time. "What about we invite people and see when it would work for their schedules?"

"Alright!,"she gleefully chirped. "By everyone you mean everyone right?"

"Um, sure," I replied uncertainly. "I guess it wouldn't hurt."

"Okay well I'm gonna call everybody and let them know then," she excitedly said and hung up.

I sighed. There's no turning back now.

Should I invite Akatsuki? I mused as I stared at the open window. I stood up and retired on my uncomfortable bed. I guess I'll sleep on it.

"This time I'm going to get back up and stop being the pathetic Sakura that everybody looked down on and pitied. This housewarming party will be my new life and reputation, towards a new year!"

Or so I thought.

"Cha!" My hands balled into fists in the air as I stomped into my apartment. I went to get some supplies for the party I was having. I rummaged through my purse for my checklist and checked on the things that I've already got. "So far I have a karaoke machine, a bottle of sake, vodka, cocktail mixers, rum, three six packs of beer in my fridge- I probably will need more of that, a sectional sofa, new pillows and lamps, then a TV, a desk, a table and chairs all from the thrift store." My apartment was still pretty empty but somehow it was good that it was spacious for all of the people that I was inviting. I chuckled to myself.

I guess I'm inviting Akatsuki after all.


The day of the party finally came and Naruto was the first one that showed up. Surprisingly enough, Hinata was behind him ...and holding his hand. My eyes widened at the sight and I gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Better take care of her, you little bastard!," I playfully said which he returned with a grin.

After a short while, Tenten came inside dragging Lee, then Neji whose eyes were glued to his cousin right away. Kiba, Shino and Shikamaru came a little later, then was followed by Temari, Gaara and Kankuro. They all greeted me a merry Christmas in advance.

It didn't take long until everybody got tipsy and blew up the speakers of my karaoke system. Kiba was strummed his air guitar before trilling into the microphone.

I had a dream last night we!

Drove out to see Las Vegas!

We lost ourselves in the bright lights!

I wish you could have seen us!

As he continued, everyone covered their ears and had a bitter look in their faces. "Oi! Stop singing! You might break all the glasses here!," Naruto pleaded while Hinata hid into his shirt. Temari sat beside Shikamaru and I smirked when I saw him slowly position his arm behind her back. Gaara and Shino were motionless in place but it was pretty obvious that they weren't enjoying the music. Kiba looked around and yelled even louder into the microphone, not giving a care.

It was already getting pretty late and Akatsuki was nowehere to be found. I frowned. Something inside me wanted to see Sasori tonight. Is it the alcohol or just me being stupid? Ugh.

Then as if on cue, the doorbell rang. To think about it, Ino was MIA as well.

It could be her behind the door.

I unlocked and turned the knob. "Sakura-chaaaaaaaan!," Deidara's voice screeched as he locked me into a suffocating hug.

My eyes traveled to each face of the people behind him. Hidan, Pein, Kisame... He's not here.

I tried my best to hide my frown and let them in. Everybody inside gasped. Kiba dropped the microphone and picked up his jaw along with it. "WAH!," Lee ran up to me with his big googly eyes then walked towards Pein.

"Pein-sama! You're real!," he said as he bowed. "I'm a big fan! Please sign on my stomach!"

"U-uh...," Pein looked over to me like he was asking for help.

I stepped in between Lee and Pein with a polaroid camera. "Wouldn't be a picture be better?," I voiced awkwardly.

"I want a picture with Akatsuki too!," Tenten rushed over to them and jumped up and down excitedly.

"OMG ME too! Though where is the hot guitarist... Sasori, I believe?," Temari asked.

Automatically, the band members shot their heads toward me then everybody else in the room did the same. I sweatdropped and glued my eyes to the ground.

"Yeah where is he? I'm his number one fan!," Kankuro stood up from his position intensely.

Temari rolled her eyes. "I call dibs on him already!"

"He looks just like Gaara!," Shikamaru snorted at her. I shook my head.

"No, he doesn't. Um, Sasori... smiles."

...

...

I regret the moment I opened my mouth. Everyone was staring at me again. I bit my lip and smiled. "Kidding! I wouldn't know ah ha ha ha~," I waved my hand in front of me and forced a smile. However, my inner self had a hysterical outburst.

But I strongly disagree! Sasori is way hotter than Gaara! There are so many things different about them! How can you Shikamaru? How can you? First there is that weird love tattoo, then there is the eyeliner, there is the shaved eyebrows, then there is the way they dress. Sasori wears casual clothing, most of them are shirts and hoodies, baggy pants and converse. He likes black, red or white, but he looks best in white! Gaara is always seen wearing semi-formal clothes, he looks like a lawyer and is always uptight! OH! I can go on for days!... Though I guess I shouldn't have said that.

"Hmm! Are we doing this picture or not?" Deidara's question was my salvation from all the awkwardness. I raised the camera and took a group picture of everybody.

Everyone looked so happy and bright. I wish I could be the same too.

So tonight, I will try.

"So, everyone! Let's get wasted!," I cried out as I pumped my fist in the air. "Fuck yeah," Hidan yelled which made everybody laugh.

"Oh my God Sakura-chan! You're so cool to have Akatsuki over!," Naruto's red face popped behind me then was followed by a skeptic Shikamaru. "You must've paid them, how much did you pay?," he raised a brow.

"Come on guys," I said while grabbing more cups from the cupboards. "They're my friends. They came for free!"

"Waaaaaaah! Sakura, where did you meet them?," Tenten voiced from behind.

I sighed and continued sorting invisible things on the counter. I couldn't really say...

"Can you get us front row tickets to their upcoming concert?," Neji appeared and teased me as well.

"Oi, Sakura! Come join us here!," Kisame yelled over from the living room. Pein grabbed the microphone and everybody finally got off my back and surrounded him like hungry wolves.

Mellow music played in the background as I listened from the kitchen.

You're all that I hoped I'd find

In every single way

And everything I could give

Is everything you couldn't take

Cause nothing feels like home,

you're a thousand miles away

And the hardest part of living

Is just taking breaths to stay

"Damn it Pein," I cursed under my breath. He was really good at this.

Damned alcohol, damned emotions, damned me. What is wrong with me...

'Cause I know I'm good for something

I just haven't found it yet

But I need it

His smooth, melodious voice pierced my fragile heart. The stupid part was that I didn't know why I was crying in such a happy moment. All of my friends are cheerful, but why aren't I?

I couldn't avoid but listen to his beautiful song more.

Because these words were never easier for me to say

Or her to second guess

But I guess

That I can live without you but

Without you I'll be miserable at best

I ran out of ideas on how to pretend that there was something to do so I just stood in my position in the kitchen. I wiped a tear with the back of my hand. My chest hurts again. If, God forbid, anyone saw me right now, I wouldn't know what to do...

"Sakura-chan?hmm," someone grabbed my shoulder from behind. I didn't bother to look behind, I didn't want to show the tears that couldn't be held back. I tried my best to sound normal. "What is it, Deidara?"

It was just me and him in the dimly lit corner of the kitchen. "Danna... couldn't make it today."

Still leaning towards the counter, I replied. "That's alright." I didn't know what else to say, but deep inside I was itching to ask why.

"He doesn't hate you for leaving," he leaned on the same counter facing me. Looking down, I avoided his gaze. "Actually, from what I noticed, I think you're an exception," he chuckled. My eyebrows curled. I was confused. Exception? What?

"Yeah, didn't it ever cross your mind that there could be tons of girls after us? We're in a band after all."

I turned my head slowly to see his arrogant smile and snickered.

"There are millions of girls who are after him, and he was interested in zero," Deidara sighed. "I don't know why but... you were the only one that mattered," he shrugged his shoulders.

"What do you mean?," I asked. Although inside I had so many other questions, I tried my best to keep a straight face. I was too curious to talk so I let him proceed.

"He always thought that women were liars, and didn't want to have anything to do with them, it makes me wonder why he ended up caring about you."

My gaze was blank and I was pretty shocked from what Deidara just said. I stood straight and left alone my feelings at the moment. I was too drunk to be confused, and too drunk to care. "I don't know, Deidara, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't either."

It's been almost a month since I saw or talked to him.

I looked around my apartment and gazed at the smiles of everybody.

Pein was now singing a cheerful song and everybody clapped to the beat. Some were seated on the small couch and some were on the floor. Hinata was resting on Naruto's shoulder, Tenten was leaning against Lee, Shikamaru was passed out in a corner, Kiba was singing second voice, Kisame was drinking with Hidan, Temari was taking pictures of everything and Gaara was texting. Just seeing them lightened up my mood.

"Come Deidara, take a shot with me," I dragged him along and grabbed shots from the coffee table. We both took it and smiled.

Pein gave me the microphone and everyone told me to sing so I did. The party didn't stop until dawn and everybody left happily.

Thanks to God that nobody threw up on my new carpet.


I woke up around noon with a huge craving for something to drink. I sat up from the couch and grabbed myself a huge, crystal glass filled with cold water. I sat on the counter, staring at my now messy apartment. To my surprise, the doorbell rang, which made my heart skip a beat and feel somewhat hopeful that behind the door it was...

"Who is it?"

"Sakura, it's me, open up," Ino's voice called from behind the door.

I sighed and unlocked the knob which she pushed gently to get in.

"Hey," I smiled and scratched my head. "The party is over though."

Ino chuckled weakly and frowned as she took a seat on my couch and played with an empty can of beer.

"Are you okay?," I inquired but she just looked at me and didn't reply.

After a long pause she finally spoke.

"Sakura," Ino looked away."I've got something to confess to you. You probably wouldn't forgive me after this, but I can't keep this from you any longer."

I was baffled and taken aback by her sudden disclosure. A confession after another... I don't think I can take any more, I whined inside but convinced myself, it shouldn't be too bad... I mean Ino is my best friend. She probably just ruined my shirt or something, or read my diary.

"Ino, don't be so glum," I attempted to pat her on the shoulder but she moved away. "I-it's okay-"

"-Sakura, do you know the reason why I moved away?," she cut me off, looking me straight in the eye.

"Yeah, didn't you have to move there because Chouji got promoted at work and had to take you along with him?," I said uncertainly.

Ino didn't take her eyes off of me, her eyebrows slanted upwards and guilt was written all over her face. "No, that is not the real reason."

"Then what?," I then said as I was getting a little frustrated but I had to be easy on her.

"When I got pregnant I didn't want anybody to know. Of course you did because I trusted you... I got pregnant and told Chouji that it was his," she looked at the ring on her left hand. "So he said that we can move to Kirigakure, and then proposed to me, hoping that we would make a happy family."

I waited patiently for her to get to her point. I kept quiet and took another sip from the glass of water.

"My child... there is a possibility that it is not Chouji's," Ino shook her head fiercely. My eyes widened in shock.

"Then, who else could be the father Ino?," attempting to comfort her, I took a step forward but she stood up from the couch and stepped away from me. I felt a little confused in why she is getting a little belligerent towards me.

"Ino, come on you know that you can trust me, let's get this over with, just tell me, it's been a while since we've seen each other and we have to catch up-"

"-Sasuke. Sasuke could be the father, Sakura."

Everything was dead silent after hearing the sound of glass violently shattering against the ground.


O_O