Even in our early years, death was an everyday part of our lives. Sadly, I'd nearly died at the hands of Draco's men. Or at least my life would have been forever altered. There were the numerous men who had attempted to end Xena's life. And there was how easily death had come to so many because Prometheus had been bound in chains.
And yet, it hadn't prepared me for the loss I had to deal with when we came upon death herself. If it wasn't for what she did and stood for, I would have liked to be friends with Celesta. She seemed to truly care about those she was taking to the other side.
Still, death was not, and is not, something I like to think about or discuss. Since it's only been a short time since I was reunited with my soulmate after her death, perhaps that is why. Or the numerous times we both faced death. Only to be reunited.
When we met Celesta, there was something I didn't know. Death was a gift. While it was senseless at times with war, there were those that suffered and needed the release death provided.
Why did it have to be someone I had grown so close to? I admit, it was another crush I developed. I don't know if it was because I was still feeling the effects of my association with Iolaus or if I was still fighting my feelings for Xena.
And what did Xena think as she watched as I once again potentially fell in love with someone else? Azure eyes roll at me as she reads the passage. I may never receive a straight answer from her.
And yet, I believe I know how she feels. After all, I'd watched her interact with Hercules. Later on, I saw what lengths she would go for Marcus. And there are the stories of M'Lilla and La Mao. And one I have trouble forgiving Xena for.
But that's another story. One I might not be able to place on parchment. While I find writing therapeutic, as well as entertaining, I fear I may never be ready to face what Xena's promise to another fully cost us both.
Now, I feel a hand upon my shoulder. It's late and I should be readying for bed. But there are times when the words come to me. Sometimes even in the middle of the night. And I have to give in and allow them their freedom.
And so it is for the moment, the meeting of death is on my mind. Perhaps because I remain haunted by Xena's latest brush with death. Perhaps because I know one day we will face death again. And for once, there won't be a return from it.
DEATH IN CHAINS
Watching the young couple as they frolicked caused Gabrielle to feel something. Not that she hadn't felt it before meeting Xena. But ever since her best friend had entered her life, she envied those that had found love. And hopefully had found their soulmates.
Gabrielle attempted to be so casual about it. Her feelings were…She still wasn't certain what to make of them. Iolaus had stirred something in her. More than any of those that had come before him.
But it wasn't Iolaus that was causing such confusion. It was her best friend. It wasn't because of gender. While her father wanted her to marry and have kids, she knew of others in the world just as happy, if not more so, for having found the other half of their soul and they were of the same gender.
So the apple was the easiest way to joke. To distract both of them from her growing feelings. The arrow had been unexpected. Just another bad guy wanting Xena. Or wanting to kill her. Either way, it was another senseless death.
What was it with these evil warlords? Wanting to prove they were the best. To be the one to say they killed Xena. Of course, if there weren't those like Toxeus, Xena wouldn't have to fight for the greater good.
And just like that, Gabrielle was once again tucking and covering. How she wished she could fight. It wasn't unlike in the barn watching as Hercules and Iolaus fought alongside Xena. It should be Gabrielle, at least in some small capacity.
At least it was exciting the reason for her hiding. Hades. God of the Underworld. Gabrielle attempted to pay close attention to the interaction between Xena and the god. But seeing a god in person…
It was almost as impressive and exciting as meeting Hercules. Hercules was a demigod. He was partly flesh and blood. But the being standing before them was an immortal. And he was asking for Xena's help?
Death? There would be no death? Celesta's candle would soon be extinguished. And then what? Gabrielle couldn't quite fathom what a world without death would truly be like. In a way, it would make all humans…Immortal. But was that necessarily a good thing?
And where had that come from? Watching what one said about loving them forever? It was the first thought that had entered her mind. But why? While she was known for being a romantic, most of her tales were full of action and a meaning. None were true romances.
And yet, Gabrielle knew there was a love like no other out there. Or right beside her. Once again, Xena was tending to the wounded. Even when told her medicine would do no good, she continued to give, at least a minor amount, of relief.
But Xena couldn't do it alone. Gabrielle attempted to help others. When one wasn't quite so cooperative, she was grateful for the stranger. And for the tale he told. She would have to remember it and use it in one of her scrolls.
When Xena asked for water, it gave Gabrielle an opportunity. Not only to help, but also to relate a tale of her own. Talus was an interesting young man. Unlike the others she had met so far on their travels.
There was something in the way Talus had said he'd welcome not having to worry about death. Had he had a loved one that was sick? And now after seeing the suffering he could see just what death could bring to those in need.
Too much credit. Gabrielle was a mere sidekick. One that couldn't even fight. And yet, she would do anything to help Xena continue to fight for the greater good. Even if it was a tale here or mending the sick.
And the fact Talus grew up in the palace was almost too good to be true. It meant they had a way in. They had a guide. It was…Quite convenient and yet could place him in danger. At least Gabrielle could help, even if it was through another.
And the flower. Talus was definitely a gentle soul and a romantic. He wasn't unlike Gabrielle in that way. Not that she was a true romantic. But she did like a happy ending. Was that what Talus could offer her? What about Xena?
And just like that, the bad guy was back. A bad guy that wouldn't be around had death not been held captive. And the problem? Toxeus couldn't be killed. At least not until death was released. Of course, Xena could at least trap him for a short while.
Not that easy? Gabrielle nearly…She knew it was meant in jest, but hearing her best friend say that…Something truly was happening to her. While Talus was intriguing, he was nothing like Xena.
And yet, Gabrielle couldn't help but ask Xena what she thought of him. Why? Was she really that taken with him? Or was it maybe wanting to push the envelope a little. See what her best friend's reaction would be.
Nice? Even as a friend, Talus was more than nice. Xena hadn't seen how he had related the story so easily. How he had comforted the sick. So nice? That didn't even begin to state how good Talus was.
At least Xena had agreed he was more than nice. But it was another excuse to get her out of the way. Part of Gabrielle wanted to argue. Not just because she was afraid of missing out on the action, but also because she was worried about Xena.
Facing death in a fight was one thing. Fighting to release death was another. Either way, it could mean Gabrielle was on her own. And as nice as Talus was, she couldn't lose her best friend. Not yet. Perhaps maybe never.
The trip to the hospital was uneventful. Talus barely said a word. Gabrielle hadn't felt much like speaking, either. She was too worried about Xena. It was always the way. No matter how many times her best friend proved she was more than capable of taking care of herself.
The first patient was…Informative. And scary. She died but now lived? Of course Gabrielle believed her. But what terrified the bard and had her leaving with Talus was the warning. If one touches death, one shall die.
And once again, having Talus there made things easier. At least for the reason of knowing the king and the castle. But was there more to it? With everything happening, Gabrielle was too confused to truly examine her feelings.
And there wouldn't much time to examine them as already Talus was showing her a hidden entrance to the castle. And once they were inside, the state of the castle wasn't too pleasant. Of course, this was the hidden part.
In a way, telling Talus to not come with her was akin to Xena telling the bard to hide or remain at a tavern or whatever. But in this case, it was true. Talus had nothing to do with this. Gabrielle was the warrior princess' best friend. Her place was at her side.
What Talus said was…It was true. There had never been a man like him. He was well versed. He was charming. He was gentle. He was unlike anyone back in her home village. And while she did want the company, she truly wanted to be with Xena. She was beginning to ache to be with her and only her.
And they were in danger. Once again, Gabrielle found herself being chased by a warlord. A dead warlord that had nothing to lose and everything to gain. The worst part…She found herself separated from Talus.
Gabrielle had to hide. And she nearly made a new friend that terrified her. Almost, she allowed the scream to escape her. And then, she would have been discovered. She had to hide out and hopefully find a way to make it to Xena.
And that's when Gabrielle nearly ran into Xena and Talus. At least she found both. The bad news? There was thugs behind her. And there were more on the way. Unfortunately, one found her.
Once again, Gabrielle found herself in trouble. Once again, someone was attempting to rescue her. Talus had attempted to step up. He was no match for Toxeus. For some reason, it was fitting it was Xena. It was how it should be. Except maybe one day they would be fighting side by side.
Scrawny little girl? Once again, Gabrielle knew her warrior princess was attempting to distract the warlord. To place herself in danger. But it hurt a little. And it worried the bard. Did Xena truly feel that way? No. Right?
What was worse was the fact Xena was offering to allow herself to be run through. Gabrielle was certain it was a trick to free her. And yet, the bard wasn't certain enough. But when she told her to free Celesta she at least knew Xena had a plan.
There was the fight. There was Xena doing her thing with her trusty chakram. Celesta was free. Sisyphus offered himself, only to be rebuffed. And by who? It couldn't be. Talus was too young. Too good of a man to be taken so soon.
And yet, as Xena held her tight, Gabrielle watched her friend walk, side by side, into the bright light. The bard was conflicted. After all, she wanted Xena to hold and comfort her. In more ways than one. And yet, she had to say her first real goodbye.
The fact Talus had been sick and it was a relief for him to die was no comfort. The only thing comforting Gabrielle was the fact her best friend was holding her. And that they would continue to travel. Side by side. But for how long?
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Xena had noticed the couple as they made their way through the orchard. While there would always be a part of the warrior princess that wanted that happy ever after, she knew it would never happen.
There were too many out there that wanted her dead. And there was the fact the only one Xena would want that with…No…She couldn't even begin to think about it. Especially for her bard's safety.
The warrior princess loved it when her bard took charge. Yes, Gabrielle could pick her own apple. And as much as it might hurt, she could also pick the person she chose to live her life with. Even if one day that meant going separate ways.
And an interruption. Of the not so good kind. Another one of those wannabes. He wanted to prove he was better than Xena. Wanted to have her join him. There was no way, even if she wasn't fighting for the greater good, that she would join a man as…Cocky as he was.
Including having it be join or death. And so it was another senseless death. Xena hated it. How everyone was so in a hurry to prove themselves. Why? Shouldn't it just be live and let live?
It was a valid question. And to the innocent young bard, it was confusing. Why would someone willingly want to come after another, knowing they were one of the most feared fighters?
For Xena, she had done the same thing on a few occasions. Only she had known it wouldn't be that easy. After all, she had been stupid enough to go after Hercules. Although, that had favorable results.
Explaining it to someone who hadn't experienced war, betrayal or the need for revenge was difficult at best. Hopefully Gabrielle would never have the need to understand. Know what it was like to want someone dead or to be better than someone else.
And yet, Gabrielle had summarized it well. Being known as the man who had killed Xena would place a target on his back. And whoever killed Toxeus. And so forth. It was a never-ending cycle. One only love could finally break. Hopefully.
And just like that, something was happening. Xena didn't know what it was or could explain it. But she needed Gabrielle to find safety. She was glad when her bard gave her little argument.
The thundering was unreal. And yet, Xena soon realized exactly who it was. Hades. God of the Underworld. He needed her help? Why couldn't he do it himself? After all, he was a god, wasn't he?
Yes, Xena knew King Sisyphus. But why a mere mortal to go against another mortal? The warrior princess would never understand how the gods worked. And hoped she wouldn't have to continue to personally deal with them.
The fact the candle would be extinguished caused Xena to realize why it had to be a mortal. Why it had to be her. The warrior princess had seen and inflicted enough suffering on people she knew what a relief death could be.
Gabrielle had the warrior princess distracted. Saying one loved one for eternity could very well mean that. But Xena had a feeling that once her bard said it, and knew what it meant, it would be for eternity.
The thought of having the bard's heart for eternity was enough to distract Xena. But she had to focus. The world, though some hated it, needed death. It was the cycle of life. It was the way it was supposed to be.
Just like that, they had stumbled on a reminder of exactly why death was so necessary. Xena knew most who were suffering and she was attempting to treat should have died. It would have been best for them if they were allowed the release of death.
Xena hated having Gabrielle too far out of sight, but there were so many who needed treatment. And while the man had been right, only death would ease their suffering, they still needed to attempt to give them some relief.
Especially when Xena had overheard what was said between the young man and her bard. There would be time to deal with that later. Toxeus was back. And since he couldn't be killed, she'd have to deal with him in another way. Luckily, her chakram had many uses.
The only problem, now Toxeus knew there was no death. That made getting to Sisyphus and Celesta that much graver. In every sense of the meaning of the word. It was time she and her bard parted ways.
Especially after Gabrielle began asking about the latest young man. Talus seemed nice. But would Xena ever be able to judge someone who her bard was interested in without bias? Most likely, she wouldn't be able to.
It was definitely best after Gabrielle's response to Talus being referred to as merely nice. It was all Xena could come up with. But managed more when her bard made it known she thought he was more than nice.
It was easy to lure the two following her. It afforded Xena entrance into the castle. And easily past the guard. But it wouldn't be that easy. Sisyphus was a trickster. And even the warrior princess could fall prey to one of them.
It was clear Sisyphus was beyond reason at this point. He wanted to live. Even though it meant suffering for others, he wanted to continue in the mortal realm. It would not be easy to convince him.
Before she could, Xena found herself in a dungeon. Thankfully one of the previous victims gave her a hand in surviving the fall. She wouldn't end up like the occupants she found just hanging around.
Xena nearly put Talus' lights out before she realized who it was. Of course Gabrielle would come looking for her. Her bard would make certain the warrior princess was safe. Even though Xena had proven she was quite knowledgeable and could take care of herself.
So, Toxeus had made it into the castle. Not good, but it wasn't surprising. A man like him would not give up. The one moment of amusement was Talus beating himself up. It's one thing Xena had learned early on. When Gabrielle set her mind to something, there was no stopping her. Not even the warrior princess could do that.
Now it was about finding a way out. It would have been nice had Talus known his way around this part of the castle, but things were never that easy. It was only a matter of examining your surroundings. And using what you sensed.
In this case, it was water. A drainpipe. One that was filled with rats. It wasn't Xena's favorite way to escape. But at least they gained their freedom. Now, finding Gabrielle was their top priority.
And it all made sense, in a not so good way. Xena now knew why Talus wanted to help free death. It wasn't just about those suffering from the rock slide. It was his own health that had him wanting death her freedom.
Did it make it any easier? Xena didn't have many friends. Gabrielle was her closest family. There was a part of her that wanted to visit her mother. To make certain they were all right. There were only a few others she would consider a friend. Talus was one of them. And his death would hit Gabrielle hard.
A new ally. Or was she? Xena wasn't certain whether or not to believe the words of the queen. She could be leading the warrior princess into one of her husband's traps. Or she could truly want all of this over with.
Trust was never easy, but it was the fastest way to draw out Sisyphus and convince him the only way possible. It was to hear from his own subject's lips how his suffering could be ended. It was all up to the king.
Xena understood exactly what it was like to be consumed by one's own thoughts. About what was best for one. She had done that when she had begun scavenging the land, claiming a defense for all the villages.
And just like that, Gabrielle was in trouble. Again. It must be a day of the week because it always seemed her bard attracted trouble. Or was it Xena? The warrior princess knew it was a combination.
The way Talus offered to help Gabrielle was noble. But it was stupid. There was no way a sweet, young kid like him could even begin to know how to handle Toxeus. It was a warrior's job. And Xena was the warrior princess.
Besides, this was her bard. It was up to Xena to rescue her. It was up to the warrior princess to do whatever it was that Gabrielle needed. Though that included so much more than either bard or warrior princess was ready for.
Gabrielle was anything but scrawny. The numerous times Xena had seen her bathing…No. The warrior princess had to concentrate. To make certain it was her and not Gabrielle in immediate danger.
And the thought of once again besting Xena was too great for Toxeus to deny. So it came down to a fight. And hopefully the others could free Celesta. Good thing the warrior princess had her handy chakram.
And just like that, death was free. As Gabrielle said it was close. Too close. And yet, it happened the way it was supposed to. And now for the most difficult part. Xena had to help her bard say goodbye.
The way Gabrielle begged for a favor…Xena was emotional on so many levels. Jealousy. Aching to comfort. And fear. Fear she wouldn't be able to help her friend through this. That she wouldn't be enough.
Holding Gabrielle meant everything. And yet, it felt awkward. Xena wanted this. She wanted to be the one her bard turned to. And yet, this was not how it could be. And Xena feared the talk they were certain to have.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Once again, there had been an offer of a soft bed and a roof over their head. One that didn't involve animals. Xena had taken one look at Gabrielle and had known she needed space. She needed to mourn the brief friendship.
It was something they both had to deal with. While Talus was more a friend to her bard, Xena had been touched by the young man. There weren't that many out there that would do what he had done in an attempt to help Gabrielle.
So the pair was making their way to their next destination. To the next adventure they would share in. Would it be home? Would it be abroad? Xena only wished it could somewhere safe. Where they didn't have to worry about fighting. About life and death.
Knowing their luck, they'd end up where fighting was considered a way of life. Xena knew they weren't far from Amazon land. They would have to be careful exactly how close they came to their territory.
"How are you holding up?" Xena was upon Argo. She had offered for them to ride double, but Gabrielle had refused. Was it because of the embrace? Or was it merely because the bard needed her space to process everything.
"I don't know." Gabrielle had been attempting to figure out exactly how she was feeling. She wasn't about to make the same mistake as she had when meeting Sphaerus. Not that he had been all bad. Just attempting to outlive his father's legacy.
It wasn't only her feelings towards Talus Gabrielle had to consider. He had been a good man. His life had been cut horribly short. And he would have made someone a very happy person.
But who had Gabrielle turned to? Who was it she had wanted to warn? The bard was slowly realizing just how much her life was dependent on Xena's. While the fear of being left in some village was long gone, the fear of being without Xena was now greater than ever.
Why? Because of what they had just done. Because death was once again free. And there was a fight out there with Xena's name on it. Would Gabrielle once again have to watch as someone she loved be taken by death?
The thought hit her. Gabrielle had known she'd loved Xena. Not necessarily from the beginning. She'd admired her and how she was now fighting for the greater good. And slowly she had grown to love her as a friend.
But it was more. Now how was the bard to handle those feelings? By hiding them. Not forever. It would be until she knew for certain Xena could return those feelings. Would it be easy? Only time would tell.
"I understand. Facing death is never easy. And when it's someone you truly care for, it makes it that much more difficult." Xena knew her words were empty. But what more could she say? It would be redundant.
So what would be better? The fact the warrior princess had enough for two rooms, instead of one or a night in the stables. "Instead of finding a campsite, why don't we find a small village. See if they have an inn. If we ride double, it would be faster."
After her recent acknowledgement of her own feelings for the warrior princess, was riding double such a good idea? Gabrielle hesitated a moment before taking the offered hand. It wasn't unlike the first time she'd coaxed her way onto the back of Argo.
It felt…It was amazing with Gabrielle's arms wrapped around her. Xena knew they were in a dangerous place in their relationship. Another had tempted her bard. And it had shown the warrior princess exactly what she had to lose.
And yet, Xena wouldn't allow for the relationship to grow. It was too much for her. The fact anyone could be that close was too much for her. But the warmth radiating from the bard was nearly too great to ignore.
Gabrielle was in heaven. Her arms were wrapped around the strongest person she had never known. Xena had to be strong, and it wasn't only physically. To have done such evil things and to continue to live…
It was why Xena would never accept comfort. It was why she would never be able to love Gabrielle. And it was why the warrior princess would never accept love. And it was why the bard was grieving.
Yes, Gabrielle had come to admire Talus. And had fleeting thoughts of a life with him. But they were fleeting. While neither she nor Xena were ready for a relationship with each other or anyone else, the bard could fantasize. Right?
The gentle gait of Argo lulled Gabrielle into a relaxed state. The bard wasn't quite asleep, but was glad Xena had a hold of her. Not that her warrior princess would ever let her fall. It was comforting feeling the arm across both of hers.
The lights were drawing her. Xena didn't know how much longer she could continue holding her bard. Not that her physical strength was weaning. It was her emotional strength. The one that wanted to pick Gabrielle up and show her how much she loved her.
Luckily, there was a small village. Luckily, there was a tavern, as well as an inn. "Gabrielle, wake up." Xena could feel the bard stir. She was disappointed and grateful at the same time for the loss of contact. "Watch Argo. I'll get us a room and arrange for boarding for Argo."
It took a moment for Gabrielle to fully awaken. She easily slid to the ground with Xena's help. Though she and Argo weren't exactly the best of friends, she held the horse's reins. While Xena was inside, her thoughts became somber.
While there was a part of Gabrielle that wanted to tell Xena everything. It was as she had decided. Once she crossed that line, there would be no going back. And she wasn't ready for it. And something told her Xena wasn't either.
It wasn't long before they were in their room. Luckily, there were two small beds. Gabrielle wasn't certain even sleeping by the campfire was such a good idea. After a good night's sleep and truly examining her feelings, she would be ready.
Across the room, Xena was having trouble sleeping. While they slept directly next to one another, she was not used to being this separated from her bard. It was better the distance. And yet, she was missing the heat that would radiate from the bard's body.
Xena couldn't sleep. It would be a long day. And it wasn't a good thing being so close to Amazon territory. Something had been uncorked. Something she wasn't certain she would be able to ignore.
The sound of soft snores was comforting. At least Xena knew her bard was gaining much needed sleep. It had been a long, emotional day once again. In fact, the soft snores were so comforting, it wasn't long before Xena had joined her bard in slumber.
There were images, dreams both wanted to come to the surface. But neither would admit to those images or the feelings those images brought forth. If only the two soulmates would open up and be honest with one another…
Perhaps one day, when both were ready. But there were so many more things the couple would have to face before they could be honest with themselves and one another. And each adventure could bring them closer together, or tear them apart.
