This is a repost. Because I'm a horrible proofreader and I messed up royally. Enjoy...
Chapter Nine: Be Like Water
Sundays are my least favorite days. Not because of it's religious affiliation, or even because of the inevitable family dinner that I know I'm about to face tonight. It's the fact that school is only day away. And school means that I'm going to see Aiden and Ashley. Together.
I may have overreacted a little. I shouldn't have told her those two simple words that set both of us in a frenzy. With two simple words I made her completely comfortable with touching me. Feeling me; all of me. Sure, I closed up and ran away. But wouldn't you? Not only was it completely wrong of me to kiss her because of Aiden. I should have never let her on that what we were doing was normal. In any way.
You don't just become friends with someone and two days later start making out with them in there bedroom. You don't just do that kind of thing. Especially when said girl is your best friend's girlfriend.
Poor Aiden. I can't tell him though; I just can't. Aiden is the one constant in my life that I'll always need.
But, he has to find out one day.
Yeah, maybe when we're thirty and this whole situation gets pushed under the rug.
It's nearing six in the morning and I've done nothing but lay on my back and stare at the ceiling since I got home five hours ago. I hear a soft knock on my door and see it being pushed open slowly. My eyes cringe at the bright light streaming in through the door; however when I see who's standing in my doorway my attitude quickly shifts.
"Clay!" I state rather excited before getting up off my bed and walking over to greet my brother with a big hug.
"Hey, Spence." He says before pulling back from our embrace and reaching over to the wall and flipping on the light switch.
"What are you doing here? I thought you weren't supposed to be back until March." I ask my brilliant brother.
"Do you think that I would miss Mom and Dad's twentieth anniversary?" He asks with a stunning smile.
I motion for him to step into my room farther so that I can shut the door. "Ah, never." I smile at him.
Clay takes a seat on my bed and looks over towards my nightstand, his eyes landing on a picture of Aiden and I. "That photo is really great. The one of you and Aiden." He states before looking into my guilt ridden eyes.
"What's wrong Spencer?" He asks me slowly.
"Nothing," I lie to him. "I'll be fine. Just nervous about finals coming up."
"Have you started basketball yet?" Clay gives me a disconcerting look.
Shit. I forgot about basketball. That's tomorrow. Maybe Ashley will be too scared to face me or something and she won't want to tryout. That would be the greatest gift on the planet at the moment. I look at my expectant brother.
"Tryouts are tomorrow," I tell him slowly.
He nods his head in understanding before standing up off my bed, "Well I wish you look baby sis."
He wraps me in another protective hug before whispering to me slowly, "You can tell me anything Spence. I'll always be here to help you."
I nod my head at him and watch as he walks out of my room towards the master bedroom. Mom and dad are going to be so happy to see him. I sigh and lay back down on my bed, after a couple minutes of tossing and turning I sit upright and reach into the top drawer of my nightstand. As I pull out my notebook and a pen, I lay down the picture of Aiden and I near the Ferris Wheel in Santa Monica face down.
I'm doing the one thing that calms me down (outside of music); I'm going to write everything down. From the start.
I've ignored both Ashley's and Aiden's call all day. I've deleted every voicemail, every text message, and (in Aiden's case) every email that I've come into contact with. I know it's not very mature; it's actually pretty cowardly. But I can't face them right now. Especially Ashley.
But, dear God,, do I want to kiss her again? You don't even have to ask me twice.
Her lips were so soft and warm and just spectacular. And the look on her face when I sang to her was just heavenly. An experience that I would want to repeat for the rest of my life.
I've been driving for around two hours and I've ended up at the Santa Monica pier.
"Spencer, you're not going to tell me that you're afraid of the Ferris Wheel, are you?" Aiden teasingly asks me.
"Shut up, Aiden." I sulk as I push him away. He grabs my arm and pulls me towards the giant circle of death.
"Aiden! Stop! I don't want to go on it!" I whine out as he stops tugging on my arm.
He pulls me closer to him and wraps me in a strong hug, "Spencer, I would never let anything hurt you. You're my best friend. Trust me, okay?"
I give him a weak smile and squeeze him tightly. "Promise me that you'll always be there, Aid."
He gives me a sincere look and lets me free from his strong embrace, "I would never leave you, Teddy."
I smile at the childish nickname and let my best friend lead me away from the one attraction that I've ever been scared of. Letting my best friend shelter me from reality for just a little bit longer. Because that's exactly what I need right now.
As I stand in front of that fateful Ferris Wheel I can't help but let the tears escape my eyes as I remember the way Aiden and I used to be. How I would stop at nothing to tell him the truth; whether it was good for our relationship or not. And how he would protect me from the world. Now look at me, I'm lying to him and he doesn't even know the worst of it. Yet, he's still there to protect me.
Ashley doesn't love him. I don't even know who Ashley loves. Whether she loves anyone at all. I don't even know if she's gay or not either. But I ran away before I could even find out.
What if she tells Aiden? What if she tells him and I'm left explaining why I betrayed his trust. But she wouldn't do that, would she?
I sigh loudly and walk towards the Ferris Wheel once more. I think it's time that I conquered my fear. Once and for all. My heart is pounding in my chest as I nod once at the conductor before he locks me into my seat. He gives me a slight wink before pressing a button, and no sooner am I going around in circles. Finally facing my fear. Finally living.
"How's Harvard, Clay?" My mom asks from the end of the table.
I'm sitting at our long dinner table sandwiched in between Glen and my father; while looking at Clay who's sitting by himself on the other side of the table.
"Oh you know. It's just your normal college," Clay responds while eating his lasagna. "The food isn't this great though."
Dad grins widely at Clay's comment.
"Suck up." Glen mumbles. Mom shoots him a glare and he just digs into his second piece of lasagna, blowing off her glare.
"Well, son, it's great that you're home for the week. We sure have missed you." Dad shoots Clay a smile.
I roll my eyes quickly at the semi-fake nature of my family. Sure, we're all a pretty solid family unit and there hasn't really been any conflict within the family since my coming out two years ago.
Don't forget about that time that Glen thought Madison was pregnant.
I bust out laughing at the sudden memory of a frantic Glen and a horrified looking Madison when she realized that she was "late". My outburst, however, gets me a dirty look from my mother and an amused stare from Clay.
"Spencer, honey. Would you mind sharing what you think is so funny?" My mother reprimands me from her place of righteousness at the head of the table.
"Just remembering something Aiden and I were talking about the other night," I smile lightly at her.
"Is Aiden still dating that Ashley Davies?" Mom asks me while taking a sip of wine. "She was such a pleasure to talk with the other night.
I swallow hard while nodding my head yes.
"She's such a respectable young lady," Mom starts easily. "She's beautiful as well."
"I know," quietly leaves me lips.
"What was that honey?" she asks obliviously.
I smile up at her, "I said, that's why Aiden is dating her."
She shoots me a wide grin and takes another drink of wine.
After about five more minutes of small talk, I ask to be excused and I make my way up to my room. I think I need to talk to somebody about this whole situation. Somebody who I can trust. Somebody who can make this seem right. Even though I know that deep down it's not.
I pull up my contacts and press the call button when I find the name that calms down my nerves by just looking at it.
"Hello." Kyla's voice sounds slightly muffled and I here her turn down her music.
"Hey Kyla." I reply lamely to her.
"Oh hey Spencer," Kyla starts before I hear more shuffling in the background. "What's up?"
"Oh, nothing. Just called to see how you were doing." I tell her simply.
"Bullshit."
"Yeah, you're right." I laugh out.
"Do you want to be the one to explain why my sister spent two hours laying on the ground crying after you left our house in a hurry last night?" Kyla asks me expectantly.
I groan in frustration; this is not how I expected our conversation to start out.
"Two hours?"
"Yep. She wouldn't let me anywhere near her," Kyla states before sighing softly. "She hasn't been right all day. And from what I hear, you've been ignoring her calls."
"Kyla, it's not that simple. We can't just kiss and everything be magical. This isn't some kind of fairytale." I groan again.
"Wait a second-you guys kissed?" Kyla asks me in a shocked manner.
I let out a simple "mhm".
"Damn it, Ashley!" Kyla exclaims. "I told her to fix this. I never expected her to go and kiss you right off the bat."
"Well, I did kind of sing to her and make it seem like everything that we were doing was normal." I admit shyly.
"Not helping, Spence."
"I know. But what am I going to do. I mean, basketball tryouts are tomorrow and I don't know if I can face Ashley." I struggle out.
"You're going to have to sooner or later."
"I know. I just don't want to be distracted at tryouts tomorrow."
"Don't worry about it. Listen, just go out there and play. Don't worry about Ashley or Aiden or any other little distraction. You can deal with it afterwards. Worry about you tomorrow afternoon." Kyla suggests simply.
"I'll try. Your sister is hard not to think about though." I admit more truths to her.
"Give her a chance, Spencer." Kyla says. "She's worth it."
"It's not that. I just don't want to hurt Aiden."
"I don't think that's going to have to really be your job, Spence." Kyla states.
"It'll always be my job," I say silently. "Listen, thanks for everything Kyla. You're really pretty amazing."
She just laughs at my honesty, "Well, I'm glad I could help you with your problems Miss Carlin."
I chuckle slightly, "Bye Kyla."
"Later, Spencer."
I look down at my phone and breathe out a sigh of relief after talking to Kyla. The one person who seems to have her head on straight nowadays.
Hehe.
Oh shut up, you're so immature.
I have avoided the main hallways like the plague. I accidentally ran into the men's restroom when I saw Aiden walking down the hallway in my direction. That's something that I never want to have to experience ever again.
I'm thanking God right now for an alternating schedule. Because of that, I don't have chemistry today. I don't think that I would really enjoy chemistry at the moment; it would seem like hell.
Well at least hell has a very attractive brunette for you to stare at.
I curse silently at my overactive imagination and tune into my English Literature teacher for another lecture on Wuthering Heights.
"…Cathy marries Edgar Linton, mainly because he has money and status, which Heathcliff, her true love, lacks. Edgar loves Cathy, but he is not able to keep her content; her heart is with Heathcliff."
My attention is caught by that. Isn't that kind of what's going on right now? But I'm not Ashley's true love. Love is overrated. Seriously, you can't be in love with someone after three days. That's just asinine.
I doodle on my notebook, lazily making a script A before scratching it out quickly with a black Sharpie. The final bell of the day rings out and I'm brought out of my daze. I quickly grab my green gym bag and head towards the locker room to get changed. As I enter, the familiar smell of sweat and perfume greets my nose. I find myself involuntarily smiling at the scent that has become so natural to me after three years. I made Varsity last year; and every stress I've ever had to overcome has totally been worth it.
The locker room is dead quiet and I realize that I'm the first one here. I quickly get dressed in my green track pants and Cobra gym shirt before shoving my stuff in my locker and heading out to the gym.
I take a seat towards the middle of the bleachers and I wait silently until a few girls come giggling out of the locker room.
"Carlin!" A tall blonde girl shouts at me before jogging over to me and plopping herself.
"Kayla!" I greet with the same enthusiasm.
"We going to make it to state this year?" She questions happily.
I give her a smile and a reassuring head nod. We get lost in conversation and I fail to notice all the girls that have now filled up the bleachers. We're all talking fairly loud and no one is paying any attention to anything but their conversations.
The loud shrill of a whistle brings our attention to Coach Roberts; the best basketball coach this side of Compton. Too bad she's such a hard ass, or else she would be the hottest coach on the planet. Kayla has a crush on her, even though Kayla is totally straight. She just wants to do a little "experimenting".
"Listen up," Coach shouts. "After the amazing season we had last year. We're going to have to work twice as hard to beat it. I want full cooperation from all of you, got it?"
Every girl sitting on the bleachers shouts their collective "Yeah". I smile at the feeling of finally being on a team again.
"Alright, I see that we have a few new people here, so this is what I'm going to do: I'm going to pair each Varsity player with one of the new people." She pauses and scans the crowd. "Carlin, come here!"
I stand up and bound down to stand in front of Coach Roberts.
"I want you to work with her." Coach points to a girl standing in the front row. "What's your name?""
"Ashley Davies, ma'am."
Oh fuck.
Author's Notes: Semi-cliffhanger. Sorry guys; I had to. It's nearing 3 o'clock in the morning and I have to go to work at 9. If I didn't stop here, well who knows how long it could've gone on. Haha, onto the reviewer response…
To Your Relentless Lover: Spencer's an emotional person. Even in the show. And I wanted her to be the one to freak out first. Because of her loyalty to Aiden. Thank you for the reviews.
I love waking up to lots of emails telling me about reviews and story alerts and favorites. It really makes my morning. Thank you again, you guys are the best.
Love,
Liz
Disclaimer: South of Nowhere is not mine. It never will be. And I'm still crying because of it.
