Harry Potter and A Son's Love by Tansy1354

A/N: As always my thanks to Jessara, Bronte's Mum and Anthot Formient. Special thanks to Daintress for answering all of my questions and for asking one which I had not considered. I have now addressed that. Also a big thanks to all who reviewed and my humble apologies for not delivering some answers in the last chapter. But hey, when Dumbledore wants to be heard, who am I to stand in the way.

WARNING: I refer to some incidents and conversations from OotP in this chapter; they are purely my interpretation of the events and possible feelings involved.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and his world, they belong to J. K. Rowling and I thank her for them every day. Healer Darvin, however is all my own creation.

Chapter 9. States of mind

The drive from Surrey had been outwardly uneventful. Hermione's inward state on the other hand was quite the opposite. She was seething with frustration, alarm and anger. The targets, however, of these feelings were blissfully unaware of the volcano that was dangerously close to erupting.

The Grangers had stopped at the local mall to hire a wheelchair for Harry and get some extra food and other supplies. With Hermione's help, Mrs. Granger had also bought some of Harry's favourite foods.

Phillip had just got Harry settled in a lounge chair in the garden with his aunt perched on another chair next to him, when a blur of orange came streaking out from under a nearby rose bush. "Crookshanks NO…o…o" Phillip yelled as the cat took a flying leap and landed on Harry's lap. Petunia shrieked but Harry laughed in delight.

Hermione was just about to investigate the source of the commotion in the backyard, when there was a loud knock at the front door. Reluctantly she turned to answer it.

She gasped as she took in the sight confronting her. On the doorstep stood a tall man with half-moon spectacles and a long white beard. His long silver hair had been pulled back into a ponytail and tied with a thick black velvet ribbon. He was dressed in a rich purple caftan. On the left hand side was a pocket with an ornate crest featuring an H, with a lion, badger, snake and raven. Faded blue jeans showed under the bottom of the caftan and a pair of brown open-toed sandals that allowed his large toes to poke through finished off the ensemble.

Hermione stood there momentarily nonplussed, before the colourfully dressed man said " Miss Granger may we come in."

The voice sounded very familiar. " P...P...Professor Dumbledore!"

He nodded and smiled as she finally stood aside. It was only then that Hermione noticed the second much younger man who had followed him in. He was dressed in a deep green tee shirt and a faded pair of blue jeans. She immediately recognized the crest on his top pocket as belonging to St. Mungo's the wizard hospital.

She shut the door and led the men to the front sitting room motioning them towards a couple of comfy chairs which were arranged facing each other. As he took one of the chairs, Dumbledore turned and said quickly," As instructed I brought Hedwig with me, but she took off looking for Harry as soon as we got to the door."

"Oh! Alright, thanks" she seemed a little put out. But she pulled herself together quickly and in her stiffest prefect voice " Before I let you see Harry, I think we need to talk first." Dumbledore was surprised at the sharpness of her tone.

Hermione had remained standing; her anger had been growing since they left the Dursleys as she had gone over and over in her mind what could have happened to Harry to cause this illness. For once her heart had won over her head. She somehow knew that it had something to do with Dumbledore and this time she was going to get some answers.

"Miss Granger, this is Healer Darvin and he is quite a busy man. Do you think that he may see Harry while you fill me in?"

"NO" she said forcefully and quite a bit louder than she had intended. "I think you and Healer Darvin need some background information first."

Dumbledore and Darvin looked at each other a little surprised, but Dumbledore recovered quickly; " Very well Miss Granger" he said politely. "Perhaps you could at least tell Darvin about Harry's current condition."

"I was just about to, Sir" she shot back before continuing grimly.

"Harry is almost completely paralyzed and utterly helpless. He is also totally convinced that Petunia Dursley is his mother." She paused, not unhappy to see the shock that was clearly showing on her Headmaster's face.

She had moved to stand directly in front of Dumbledore, " And I want to know what you did or said to him in your office and how you could have sent him back to the Dursleys in that state."

With difficulty, Dumbledore turned to Darvin who finally opened his mouth to speak. In a quiet soothing voice, which still maintained an air of authority.

"Miss Granger, before we begin I think you might like to know that I am Muggle born like you and I have an Uncle who is a Muggle doctor. I have spent a lot of time with him so know quite a bit about Muggle illnesses. I also have many contacts among Muggle doctors because of my uncle. So I hope that you will consider me well qualified to help your friend."

"Now, the headmaster has already explained some of Harry's background to me. I believe that you and Mr. Potter are close and I would be most grateful to you, if you could provide more information." Hermione nodded and relaxed a little.

"Can you describe in as much detail as you can how Harry was acting before he left school for the holidays?"

Hermione didn't stop to think " He was closed off from us, that is Ron and me, particularly after his talk with Professor Dumbledore. I knew he was still very upset about losing Sirius and I tried to get him to talk about it, but he always changed the subject immediately. He seemed restless and he went off by himself a lot, but then would come and sit with Ron and me without actually talking much as though he was preoccupied. Harry always withdraws into himself when something is really troubling him." While she had been speaking Darvin had nodded several times.

"Did he complain of feeling ill at all?" he prodded gently.

"No, but then Ron and I can tell if he is sick, it's usually obvious," she emphasized glaring at Dumbledore. Then she added quickly "But I don't think Harry has had a decent night's sleep in months."

As though reciting a list of potion ingredients she continued " From what my father found out from Petunia Dursley today, Harry has not had much of an appetite for the last week and has been tired all of the time up to last night. Apparently he woke up this morning paralyzed and with different memories to when he went to sleep. My mother told me that when she had upended hot tea in his lap, Harry had told her not to worry because he couldn't feel anything anymore."

"He believes that his aunt is his mother and that his cousin is his stepbrother. He also maintains that he has always been paralyzed and seems to be fine with that. In fact I have never seen him so at peace."

"But, I think that he must have known something was happening to him, because he sent me a letter yesterday asking me to send my parents to visit him today."

Darvin stood up "Excellent. Thank you Miss Granger, that is exactly the type of information I need to know. Now if you would come and introduce me to Harry and his aunt, I can carry out my examination. Also, I may need to use your telephone shortly to confer with a Muggle colleague if that is all right " Hermione nodded and opened the door allowing Darvin to go through first.

His hand on the doorknob, he turned back to Dumbledore "I will send Miss Granger back to you shortly, I believe she has more that she would like to discuss with you."

Hermione had indeed returned shortly to ask Dumbledore reasonably politely if he would like a cup of herbal tea and some teacake. After she had gone to tell her mother what he would like, she came back and took the comfy chair that Darvin had just vacated. With her clasped hands resting in her lap, she fixed her gaze on Dumbledore's face. Her steely expression reminded him forcibly of Professor McGonagall on a bad day.

A little unnerved he began "Firstly, I cannot tell you what happened in my office that day, it is up to Harry to tell you when he is ready."

"But surely you know Harry well enough, to know that if it is really bad he will find it difficult to tell us. He is a boy after all, and they are hard enough to get anything out of at the best of times" she interjected.

"I do know that, Miss Granger, but it would be wrong to force him to reveal anything."

"Now to your second point about the Dursleys. I think you are already aware that this has to do with Harry's mother and her sister Petunia. You will no doubt also be aware that there are many wards and charms on the Dursley house," she nodded.

"They were put there by me, to not only protect Harry but his aunt and her family," he continued.

"Does this have anything to do with blood ties?" she asked curious, despite her impatience.

Dumbledore nodded surprised at the depth of her knowledge. "There is an ancient blood charm that protects Harry but he must spend some time under his aunt's roof each year for it to stay in effect."

"Thank Merlin you had the excellent instinct to bring Petunia Dursley with you when you took Harry from Privet Drive."

"Alright, now I know the real reason why he had to be there" she replied reluctantly. Her tone became more accusing " But you should still have allowed us to visit him so we could talk to him and help him through some of the things that were troubling him. We could've met at Mrs. Figgs."

As he looked her in the eyes, she noticed his were not twinkling anymore; they wore a very sad expression as he said quietly, "I expect you are right Hermione. But I had no idea how far Harry had been affected by all of this."

When Darvin came back quite a while later he noticed a tea tray containing empty teacups and some cake. The room was silent, each occupant lost in their own thoughts and emotions. He cleared his throat as he entered "Dumbledore, may I speak with you?"

Dumbledore looked at Hermione and made a decision, " Whatever you have to say may be said in front of Miss Granger. She has already risked a lot for Harry and deserves to know what's happening. I daresay she would hex me into next week, if I didn't keep her informed." He smiled at Hermione, who tried to smile back.

Darvin nodded "Anyway I have interviewed Harry and his aunt as well as carrying out as thorough an examination as I could. Luckily I was able to get in touch with a Muggle specialist and run my findings past him. If you could just confirm a couple more things for me?"

"I have been over Madame Pomfrey's medical records of Harry. From what she has told me, a couple of his visits were as a result of attacks on his mind such as Dementors. Have there been any others?" The other two nodded grimly.

Dumbledore replied, " I must ask you not to repeat what I am going to tell you as it may start a panic if other people knew" he paused.

"Of course Dumbledore, whatever you tell me, will only be used by me to help treat Harry" came the surprised reply.

"Harry has extremely painful visions of things as they are really happening, often including torture and death. They are real attacks on his mind. They leave him exhausted, disoriented, sick and gasping in pain. Unfortunately he has been unable to block them and feels powerless because he can't do anything to stop the events from happening."

"Would you like to add anything else Miss Granger?" he peered over his half moon spectacles at her encouragingly, but she shook her head.

"Yes! That fits," said Darvin. "I would like both of you as people who know Harry very well to confirm my impressions and tell me how close I am."

"From what you have told me and what I gleaned from Petunia Dursley this is the picture I have of Harry's life. He never knew his parents, grew up in a household that barely tolerated him, certainly neglected him, used him and bullied him. He would probably have been blamed for anything and everything. From what I have observed of Petunia Dursley, Harry would not have been encouraged to show any emotion; indeed he was probably punished if he did. He was never shown any affection or even kindness, till he came to Hogwarts. I suspect he never had any friends before Hogwarts, either." He paused as he saw the look on Hermione's face.

Hermione's eyes were glistening with unshed tears, "I'm sorry, but what you have just said explains so much about how Harry reacts to everything. Is that why he feels guilty all the time, when usually it's not his fault?"

"Yes" he replied. "It does probably stem from his childhood. But I think you may take comfort that he has you and his other friends to show him what affection and kindness are. I suspect it still doesn't come easy for him to accept these things."

"I know he has been through many trials and tribulations at school and seems to have death and pain as a constant shadow in his young life. He has had to put up with ridicule; suspicion, high expectations and fame just to name a few things. How am I doing so far?" Dumbledore and Hermione nodded silently finding this cold clinical appraisal of Harry's life a little disturbing.

"Right, that brings me to recent events and the crux of the matter. I know that Harry lost someone very close to him within the last couple of weeks. But I don't think that was the only trigger for what is happening to him now. Do either of you know of anything else that may shed some light on this case."

Dumbledore nodded reluctantly and sighed heavily, the pain evident on his suddenly aged face. " Miss Granger what I am about to say must stay inside this room and may not be repeated to anyone, especially not to Harry as he would most certainly not appreciate me telling you." As she nodded Hermione's clasped hands became fists that had clenched into tight balls. She felt she could not take much more.

" That night at the Ministry of Magic, the night that Sirius Black died. I followed Harry, who had taken off after Bellatrix Lestrange. Harry had just seen her kill his godfather. When I got to him, he himself was about to be killed by Lord Voldemort. I managed to protect Harry while I dealt with Voldemort but just when I thought I had Voldemort restrained, he disappeared taking Harry with him. I believe he had absorbed Harry into himself. I knew the pain of being that close to Voldemort would have been past even Harry's tolerance and probably enough to kill him. I suddenly realized too, they were now so closely linked that I couldn't kill Voldemort without killing Harry.

For several brief terrifying moments I thought that Harry had died, but somehow, he reappeared weak, in pain and shaking uncontrollably on the floor. When he had recovered enough, I sent him back to my office at Hogwarts with a portkey. I joined him there a short time later and we talked till dawn. Unfortunately, I was forced to explain some things to him that added more nasty shocks to the long line he had already received that night."

"I didn't try to speak to him again as we did not exactly part on friendly terms. I thought Harry's friends, would be better able to help him." Dumbledore's own eyes were glistening now, but he could still make out the tears running silently down Hermione's cheeks.

She looked up at him as though a bolt of electricity had gone through her and yelled "How on earth were we supposed to help him if we didn't know what was wrong?"

There was a short emotion filled silence, punctuated by the occasional muffled sob from Hermione. In a vain attempt to comfort her, Dumbledore had got up and placed his hand gently on her shoulder.

Healer Darvin finally spoke "Well, I am afraid all of that confirms our diagnosis of Conversion Disorder which has to do with the emotions. Once back at Privet Drive, Harry was again alone with feelings he didn't understand. He was full of emotion and overwhelmed by what he had experienced and unable to talk to anyone. No one at Privet Drive would care how he felt. His whole life has included many deaths and no one has been there to help him work through the grief. The weakness and tiredness were a result of his body taking on physical symptoms of how he felt. By last night it must have seemed to him, in fact, that he was paralyzed, unable to change anything. He had gone past feeling anything mentally except helpless, to become helpless physically.

As you suspected Hermione, I think he realized he was physically ill so, believing it to be a Muggle illness, he contacted someone with Muggle parents to help him. I wonder though, if something else happened last night, it seems strange that on the night before help was to arrive, he took the final step and retreated completely into himself.

Harry has now fashioned a new life with no responsibilities, no worries and no more painful visions. That life doesn't exist any more for him. He now has just what he always wanted- a loving mother who will be attentive and supportive and treat him normally. He now has everyone around him, who will see to his emotional and physical needs. Given what he has been through, the question is, will he want to come back?"

A/N 2: As Healer Darvin will be around for a little while; I am offering a bar of Honeyduke's best chocolate to whoever suggests a good first name for him.

This Disorder does exist and more will be explained about it in the next chapter. Please let me know if my explanation is too complicated and I will try and address that in the next chapter as well.