"Are you gonna score me a goal buddy?" Sandy asks tightening the laces on Ryan's small cleats. Rose had been getting steadily sicker and Caleb's promise to teach Ryan soccer had to be put on the back-burner. Knowing it was important to Ryan, Sandy had signed him up or Peewee soccer and it was finally Ryan's first game, the day they all had been waiting for.

"Is Mommy coming?" Ryan asks hesitantly.

"Of course kid she wouldn't miss it for the world." Sandy says with a smile checking the missed calls again on his phone to see if Kirsten has called. Ever since she heard Rose had stopped responding to treatment Kirsten had been in her own little world barely noticing the kids or Sandy.

"Ryan let's go!" Luke yells from the field. The boys have tentatively become friends but nothing made Sandy so proud as when Ryan had crossed his arms and firmly stated that he couldn't be friends with Luke unless Luke was friends with Seth. The awkward trio of misfits were slowly becoming good friends something Sandy and Kirsten were both grateful for.

"Go play I'll be watching right here and Mom will be here in a sec I'm sure she's caught in traffic ok?"

"She's always caught in traffic." Ryan mutters as he runs off to join Luke. 'Stuck in traffic' was the excuse Sandy brought out when she missed another dinner to be at the office or missed a school play because she was at the hospital. With a heavy sigh Sandy tries Kirsten again before turning his attention to his blonde son darting up and down the field. Every time the whistle blows Sandy can see Ryan's blue eyes slide to the sidelines, checking for Kirsten.

"Kirsten?" Sandy exclaims seeing her name pop up on the caller ID. "Where are you honey you're missing Ryan's first game!" He hears a chocked sob on the other line and immediately stiffens.

"Honey what's wrong?"

"My mom…" Sandy feels his heart drop as she continues to sob. "Sandy she's…"

"Kirsten baby I am so sorry." Sandy offers lamely searching for something more comforting to say. "Where are you? Are you at home?"

"I'm at my Dad's" She manages to squeak out.

"Ryan and I will be there as soon as we can ok?" Sandy offers reassuringly.

"NO! I don't want the kids to see me like this I'm a mess. I'll be home later tonight ok?"

"Kirsten.."

"Please Sandy I just need some time." Sandy reluctantly agrees and turns his head back to Ryan who is obliviously chasing the ball up and down the field.

"Man that was a good goal." Mr. Ward says coming over to Sandy.

"Huh?" Sandy asks snapping out of his daze.

"Ryan's goal? He was screaming for. You didn't you see it?" Sandy closes his eyes in shame.

"Fuck." He grumbles noticing how Ryan is no longer looking at the sidelines. For a moment Sandy debates pulling Ryan out of the game to tell him about Rose but realizes that they have let him down enough as parents the last week and the kid deserves a break because he knows Kirsten isn't going to handle her mother's death well and has a feeling that the kids are going to suffer the consequences.

"Great game kiddo. Your first goal that's quite impressive." Sandy comments as Ryan walks off the field. Ryan doesn't say anything just looks up with disappointed eyes and keeps walking towards the car.

"Ryan, Ryan honey wait we need to talk." Ryan stops walking and crosses his arms refusing to look Sandy in the eye.

"Let's go sit." Ryan hesitantly follows Sandy to the curb, all his defensives up. "Ryan there's a reason your mom didn't make the game today."

"She doesn't want me anymore?" Ryan asks softly trying for nonchalance but failing miserably.

"God no that's not it at all Ryan." Sandy exclaims a little worried this is still an issue. "Ryan look at me." Ryan raises his fear-filled eyes up to meet Sandy's, the uncertainty in them breaking his heart.

"Ryan your mom and I love you, we will always love you and your home will always be with us ok?" Ryan nods but there is still that wisp of disbelief that Dawn's visit has permanently placed in Ryan's eye.

"Kirsten missed the game because Grandma Rose died today." Ryan looks up in shock and Sandy puts a hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"I'm sorry honey I know you love Grandma Rose very much." Ryan nods allowing Sandy to envelope him in a huge hug.

"Mommy must be sad." Ryan says softly as they walk to the car.

"Yeah she's very sad."

"Mommy always gets me a treat when I'm sad." Ryan explains tentatively. "Maybe we should get her a treat." Sandy smiles down at how quickly Ryan's concern for his mother trumped his disappointment she missed his first soccer game.

"Come here kid." He says buckling Ryan into the booster seat. "I'm very, very sorry I missed your goal." Sandy says cupping Ryan's neck as the boy looks down bashfully. "I wanted to see that very much." Ryan smiles shyly and nods accepting the apology immediately. Sandy smiles in relief and lightly ruffles the kids hair before swinging by the Roberts' to pick up a teary Seth wondering exactly how things got this bad.

The weeks after are pure torture. Kirsten is a mess, barely acknowledging Ryan and Seth. Sandy is too busy for the kids as well trying to keep Kirsten sane and make all the appropriate arrangements. Caleb just simply refuses to talk to anyone.

"I'm bored." Seth whines swinging his feet restlessly. Ryan shrugs in agreement watching the last members of the wake leave.

"I think we should run away." Seth says firmly. Ryan raises a skeptical eyebrow but cocks his head to the side, his universal signal that he is still listening to Seth's babble.

"Think about Mom doesn't want us anymore and Dad wouldn't care." He continues bitterly.

"You really think Mom doesn't want us anymore?" Ryan asks tentatively thinking back to Dawn for the first time in a long time. What was so wrong with him that he made all the people in his life who claimed to want him forever suddenly stop?

"Honestly, no, she's done with us." Seth says miserably. "And her and Dad have been fighting and Summer says that that means they're gonna get a divorce."

"Then we can't run away!" Ryan states emphatically. "We have to stay here and make Mom and Dad happy so they won't get a divorce. If we're really good they'll stay together." Ryan explains already concocting ideas on how to save his parent's marriage.

That is their mission for the next few days. As Kirsten got emotional and Sandy got spread to the point of breaking, the children carefully stay out of their way never asking for or receiving the parental support they had come to rely on so steadfastly. For all that Seth has taught Ryan about family it is Ryan who teaches Seth the most important part of family: sacrifice. For the parents part they don't really notice. Kirsten is too busy crying and Sandy is too busy taking on the weight of Caleb's and Kirsten's grief that the newly demurred children are a welcome sight, not another problem he has to deal with at that particular moment.

A day or so after the funeral something finally snaps. Sandy is exhausted and reading through the logistics of Rose's will that left them more money than they ever needed. Stupidly she left it to both of them. Sandy and Kirsten, the parental units, a team, Sandy wonders if they are really a team if they can't even get through this. Somehow though all the anger at the fact that Rose's death is crushing them and the unfair thought that Kirsten needs to deal with it and move on because for Christ sake the people who are still living need her, all that anger gets placed in to a mix up over dinner.

"I thought we ordered Chinese." Kirsten says tentatively when Sandy brings out a plate of linguini.

"You wanted Italian." Sandy replies in tired exasperation.

"For the dedication of the new Children's ward not tonight." Kirsten continues the hysteria rising slightly. "Italian was my mother's favorite." She says softly and Sandy feels guilty because he can't take out everything in the world that reminds Kirsten of Rose.

"I'm sorry honey I'll order Chinese."

"Do not placate me Sandy." Kirsten growls angrily. "I'm perfectly capable of eating Italian."

"Kirsten I…"

"You what Sandy? You tiptoe around me thinking that I'm going to break and it drives me mental I just can't take it anymore!" Kirsten states emphatically.

"I'm just…I'm just trying to make this work Kirsten." Sandy says with exasperation clearly on the edge of his rope.

"Sandy what…Ryan?" Kirsten says suddenly her anger fading to confusion. Ryan stands pressed against the wall watching them with downcast eye.

"Ryan?" Sandy says walking up to the obviously frightened little boy. "What's wrong kiddo?" Sandy questions softly, cringing when Ryan flinches hard at Sandy's outstretched palm. Ryan turns and runs up the stairs obviously upset. Kirsten and Sandy share a look then run up after him. Sandy hears a whimper from Seth's bedroom and immediately turns in to talk to his older son when Kirsten goes to Ryan's room.

"Ryan? Sweetheart what are you doing down here?" Kirsten asks softly when she lifts the skirt of the bed to reveal the shaking little boy.

"Being invisible." Kirsten's brow furrows at the soft explanation and she carefully slides under the bed with him.

"Why are you being invisible?" Kirsten asks softly stroking some of the hair off his face.

"So you and Daddy won't get a divorce and maybe then if we're quiet and good enough you'll like us again." Kirsten looks at him in straight up shock her jaw nearly hitting the floor. Ryan watches her facial expressions carefully learning that you can tell what people really mean by what their eyes do. Kirsten looks up briefly blinking back tears before ushering Ryan out from under the bed and in to her arms in the big, cushy chair on the side of the room.

"I never want you to be invisible." Kirsten assures him smoothing down hair she realizes hasn't been combed in days, another parental failure to add to the books.

"And sweetheart your father and I are fine no one is getting divorced ok you have nothing to worry about. People disagree and this has been…this had been a hard week." Ryan looks solemnly up in to his mother's eyes surprised and a little embarrassed to fine tears in their usually solemn expression.

"Oh god I'm so sorry Ryan." She says the realization of what an awful mother she has been hitting her full force.

"Listen to me Ryan I love you and your father and your brother more than anything in the whole wide world ok?" Ryan nods after a moment of deep consideration allowing her to plant a long kiss on his forehead. For the first time ever Kirsten reminds him of Dawn, crying, apologizing but there is something substantially different. She's holding him closes and rubbing hand in soothing circles on the back, she's apologizing for him not for her.

Ryan is content to rest a head on her shoulder taking comfort in the parental reassurance he was beginning to take for granted.

"I miss Grandma too." Ryan offers trying to convey his understanding. Kirsten's breath hitches as she wraps a throw blanket tightly around Ryan's shoulders pulling him flush to her. She rests her chin on top of his head not being able to believe that she missed the fact that all she needed was right in front of her.

"I know sweetie." Kirsten whispers into his hair blinking back tears. He's asleep moments later but he's grown too much for her to carry so she waits until Sandy finishes talking to Seth. Sandy comes in rumpled and apologetic, easily able to carry Ryan to bed. Kirsten tucks the covers up to Ryan's chin resting a hand on his cheek.

"Sandy I…" Kirsten starts not even knowing where to start.

"I love you." Sandy says gently hugging her close.

A few weeks later Kirsten misses her mother every day but she is able to live and breathe without thinking about her every minute. She tries to be the mother Rose was, loves as unconditionally as Rose did and sometimes it's enough.

"Go Ryan! Come on!" Kirsten yells from the sidelines as her son darts quickly in and out of the other players. Luke sends off as neat a pass as a 7 year old can manage and Ryan charges at it swiftly landing the ball in the net.

"That's my kid." Sandy comments with a maniacal smile to some random parent as Ryan runs back to the half-line. His eyes shift carefully over to the sidelines trying to see if they stayed. Kirsten's shrill whistle, Seth's hollering and Sandy's cheering meet his ears first though and he tosses a look to his family with a large grin.

After the whistle and a quick team meeting Ryan bolts over to his parents. Sandy picks the boy up and swings him around

"You are one hell of a soccer player!" Sandy exclaims Ryan smiles and squirms down way to old to let his father carry him.

"Did you see?" He asks Kirsten shyly even though he knows she had. Kirsten kneels down with a bright smile.

"I did see you were amazing!" Ryan grins the importance of Kirsten's approval showing obviously on his face. Moments later Seth is jumping on Ryan's back and Kirsten and Sandy are impatiently shooing their kids to the car. They aren't a perfect family, every one of them hurts and makes mistakes but they love each other and most days, that's enough.

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sorry it took so long...i was swamped with real life trust me writing about the oc waayy better than comparing greek literature!