Sorry for the wait, I wrote this before the previous chapter but hadn't had the time to edit it this last week.

As you know this FF tells how Gii falls in love with Takumi and how their story until the first kiss would evolve. That means I initially thought to finish it at the previous chapter, but when I was writing it somehow this came along so this chapter wasn't planned ^^

WARNING: This chapter is rated M for adult themes so seriously think twice before continue reading.

This is placed some time later after the end of the previous chapter.


Takumi had started to be more open with Gii since they shared their first kiss, but lately Gii saw that Takumi was more withdrawn, it wasn't because of him, he knew, so what could be upsetting his beloved? Gii thought that maybe it was because of the raining season, a weather as that could make any person gloomy, but he wasn't convinced.
His guess wasn't that far from the truth though.

It was June, the raining season, and with its arrival a lot of bad memories filled up Takumi's mind.

Takumi took advantage of a free period for going somewhere to think alone. He walked to one of the many big rooms of Shidou and took a seat after founding a secluded spot where he could gaze at the rain falling outside and hitting the cold glass of the window.

Everyday Takumi has to bear the painful weight of his younger years, but this period of the year holds the constant reminder of those times, in addiction to that he couldn't help but think about the situation with Gii.
He and Gii had somehow started going out, but how could they possibly be in a platonic relationship.. could Takumi go on like his past never happened and just go out with Gii? It looked impossible, but he didn't want Gii to know, anyone but not him, it was just too scary, he couldn't bear to loose Gii over it, to lose his warmth and gentleness, 'What should I do so I don't lose you?'
But.. would he really hate him if he knew the truth? Gii was one of a kind. 'That time on our way back from the concert hall, as soon as I understood he was going out in the rain just for doing something for me I wanted to tell him not to go, that it wasn't necessary, it really wasn't but I couldn't say the words, I didn't really want to, I was that happy that he would do that much just for me that my selfishness stopped those words in my mind where they formed preventing my mouth to open.. thinking about it I can't help but cry but I don't know at what yet, I don't know if I'm crying because he was so gentle to me doing that especially for me, or maybe because I fear he may despise me for having been that selfish to let him do it.. Whatever the reason is, I'm happy and moved that he cares for me enough to do something just for me without even trying to let me notice. I don't want to lose him, but I can't keep the secret either, he would definitely notice at some point.'

It was late at night, the moonlight streamed through the windows illuminating the room. A soft shifting of sheets could be heard and then a soft whisper from the other side of the room "You can't sleep?" Gii's voice startled Takumi who was spending another sleepless night, "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
Gii turned on his side to face his roommate "Don't worry, I woke up by myself and then I thought you weren't sleeping" Gii's voice was sleepy and tender.
Takumi turned to face him too, but didn't know how to respond. Gii smiled, it wasn't awkward for him, he could see he was just shy and more often than needed he could never find the words to say. It was one thing he liked about him.
The two boys could see each other's faces lit by the moonlight "Ne, you really can't sleep?"
"Uhm"
"You look tired lately, it's not like you're the moon princess, you're going to break down"
"Eh?"
"You can tell me if something's bothering you"
Takumi lowered his head 'Gii you're really good at seeing through people' "I'm fine" he wasn't convincing at all but Gii let it go and they tried to catch some sleep.

That Sunday Gii was going out with Akaike and asked Takumi if he wanted to join them but he refused. When left alone, Takumi took a walk around, when he passed in front of the mail posts he saw something inside his and Gii's one from its small glass and went to see if there really was a letter there even if it was a Sunday.

He opened it to reveal a letter, "To Hayama Takumi" it read on one side, he then flipped it over and his heart froze, the sender was his mother.
Unconsciously the hand holding the letter tightened in a fist crumpling the white paper; he felt his heart tighten in the same manner, his breath sped up that much that he felt faint, angry shouts and vile voices were starting to fill his mind. He run to his room.

'Someone like you is not my child!' His mother's words and accusing glare bore into his soul and ripped his hart apart, his brother even shed tears while accusing him of the crime he himself committed. Takumi's mother never even thought of listening to him, she accused him of being the one who tempted his own brother the very moment she saw both of them in bed together. When in fact he was the victim. After all those years Takumi lost the will to object.
Years of sexual assault, from the hands of his own brother, ended with those words from his mother.

'No one would love Takumi. Even your parents are like that. You're a vile human being.' Takumi's brother's voice resonated through his mind for the umpteenth time. Berating words accused Takumi of feeling his touch when it was wrong, while it was actually him the one touching his own brother but he still couldn't accept it, it was maybe the part of him who was still not infected by his mental illness that was disgusted at Takumi for feeling something, feeling him.

Takumi was the result of their own illness, his brother's and of a mother's who never cared for him, who abandoned him coldly, accused him maybe because her mind couldn't bear the truth that the only son she loved would do something like that.. did it change something in her one year later when it was clear that he had a mental illness? But what does it matter now, Takumi's heart had closed off to everything from the moment it all started, from the indifference his parents showed him. He had to give up on hatred, anger, despair, feelings of forgiveness, the only way for him to survive was to create a barricade around his heart and just not feel. He'd protect himself by giving up on anything. He'd be torn apart by now if he didn't, that barricade was his only salvation.

When Gii returned to their room he found Takumi sitting on the floor with his back on his bed, his body was shaking but Gii couldn't see his face. As soon as he spotted Takumi, worrying and fearing for him, Gii kneeled down in front of him. He paused for a moment trying but failing to look in his eyes and careful not to touch him "Takumi.." he tried calling softly for fear of scaring him.

Takumi just had a flashback of when he was little and heard his brother's voice. He was still so shaken and his eyes filled up with tears even if he tried to hold them back. He was scared because he felt like he wanted to tell Gii everything, and he feared the consequences.

Gii's heart went to him when he saw his pained features. Slowly and so softly he run his thumb to the boy's cheek catching a solitary tear. Takumi didn't move, he welcomed that warm touch that chased away the bad feelings he was re-experiencing. Since Takumi didn't withdraw from his hand, Gii got closer and so very slowly hugged him. His arms encircled Takumi's body with a tentative touch that could barely be felt. Takumi didn't flinch, he didn't want to move away from it, from those gentle arms. He never felt so warm.
'But Gii.. you don't have to treasure me so much..'

"Takumi" Gii called quietly and drew back a little to look in his eyes. There was silence, both stared intensely in each other's eyes, their heads where really close. Gii started to get closer and touched tentatively Takumi's lips with his own. Takumi was still a bit confused though, the early flashback was still too fresh in his mind and panicked. He pulled away startling Gii with the force of it, he almost jumped backwards, "Takumi?" Gii repeated confused and moved closer again scaring Takumi in doing so, Gii saw his scared expression and abandoned all thoughts of kissing him again, but when he saw him starting to trembling again he wanted to comfort him so drew closer again, with no distance between their bodies and called "Takumi.." before wrapping his arms around him like he had done a moment ago, or trying to since to his shock Takumi pushed him away forcefully "No, stop!" he scarily said wanting his voice to reach louder but being only able to barely let the words out, he wasn't in Gii's arms anymore, Gii's image had overlapped with his brother's.
"Takumi?" Gii couldn't understand though and kept calling his name, leaning back a little since his closeness seemed to scary him. And could only watch helplessly his loved one curling up his body, breath labored, eyes shut, hands made in fists reaching above his head trying to protect himself from who knows what. Gii's heart bled for him, he wanted nothing more than to help him and letting him let go of this pain that was assaulting him. Gii then clasped Takumi's fist with his hand.
"Takumi, open your eyes. You're safe" he said in the most gentle and soothing of voices. He watched as Takumi so very slowly raised his head, lowering his hands, and opened his eyes "What's that face for, Takumi?" he melted in Gii's warm eyes and in his equally warm and soft smile. Takumi's scared expression gradually vanished "Gii.." he whispered brokenly with surprise in his voice and eyes, like he couldn't really believe that he was in front of him. Gii just kept smiling at him still clasping his hand, "Gii.." he repeated almost in relief this time and his features portrayed hurt and sorrow, but before he could shed painful tears Gii was there to wrap his arms around the fragile boy, and not caring about the hurt of another possible rejection but only wanting to ease his pain, locked him in his arms; strong arms, Takumi thought closing his eyes and abandoning himself to him because he wanted to be protected by his gentle strength and his comforting warmth.

They remained like that for a while before Gii told him to at least sit on the bed instead of the floor. In that moment he saw the crumpled up letter laying near where Takumi was sitting, he picked it up and looked at Takumi questioningly when they both sat down on the bed.
"You can read it if you want" Takumi said
Gii waited a moment making sure he meant that "Are you sure?"
Takumi smiled mildly "Yes"
Gii opened the letter, he found a train ticket inside but Takumi knew already he'd find one in there.

While Gii was reading it, Takumi threw a few glances in it only to confirm that the content was already well known to him.

She asked him to visit his older brother's grave on the third anniversary of his death, June 15th. 'They say that it's not use hating someone who's dead, but to me that letter reads as if they're asking forgiveness for themselves.. as if after all this time I could yearn for them. Even after they knew the truth I didn't care anymore, they're far beyond strangers to me.'

Then Gii lowered the letter and looked silently in Takumi's eyes. "You can ask me" Takumi said "about why I never visited his grave"

And then Takumi told him everything. About how his parents never cared for him, like he didn't exist; how they only loved his older brother since he was brilliant in everything despite his weak heart; how he tried anything he could think of to get their attention, but never succeed and stopped trying; how he came to like his older brother since he was the only one who listened to him, patiently even if he wasn't good with words and still left a lot of things in thoughts; and how he acted as the bridge between him and his parents since only when he talked about Takumi his parents would notice him; and then how his brother became strange and started to sexually abuse him since he was too young to even tell the difference between boys and girls, and how those abuses continued for years until during a rainy day in June their mother saw them. His brother accused him while shedding tears and his parents blamed him without a second thought, they pushed him away without asking for an explanation, and sent him to a mental hospital from which he was sent back home right away. It was a year later when they knew the truth and sent his brother to a mental hospital. He was recovered there until he died in the woods on the same rainy day of another June.

Gii listening to his story feeling the pain slicing up his own chest, for all the pain his loved one had to endure. Gii held him in his arms for all the time he was speaking, unconsciously tightening his embrace the more he revealed.

"Do you still hate them?" Gii asked huskily
"Uhm.." he nodded, then hesitantly, almost afraid to ask, he raised his eyes to Gii's "But Gii… Do you hate me now?"
Gii almost laughed at the absurdity of it "I said I love you didn't I"
"I'm not worth for you to treasure me that much"
"Really?" Gii said tightening his embrace more "I guess Takumi isn't a good judge of people then"

Takumi let his warmth melt his heart and he felt strong for the first time.


Ah~ one of the lines I like the most in 'Takumi-kun' ^^

There's just one more chapter left!