Yeah, I had a little trouble with this chapter, but I like how it turned out.


So Gangrel kidnaps Maribelle, which is a dick political move. Honestly, I recommend just letting things play out. Chrom fucks things up just the right amount to ensure that Gangrel causes the least amount of damage. Sure, he starts a war, but, if Gangrel doesn't get his way then, his next move will be something completely unpredictable. Better the devil you know, right?

Seriously, in retrospect, I have no idea why Chrom lets him join the Shepherds later. The guy was a monster.

Anyway, we saved Maribelle, and she and Rickon joined our ranks. Maribelle is the definition of "uptown girl." I honestly didn't like her at first, but she grows on you. As long as you're on your best behavior around her, she'll like you.

...Now I know what you're thinking. "There's no way The Bard would have good manners just to please some lady!"

That may be true, but there's one thing you don't know.

I'm Irish, and, if there's one thing the Irish respect, it's how to have a nice and classy cup of tea.


"How do you like your tea, Eddard?" Maribelle asked, pouring two cups. In my efforts to bond with all of the Shepherds, I had decided to sit down and have tea with Maribelle.

I hadn't intended for "Eddard" to be what "Ned" was short for, but Aries gave me the idea back when we met. I liked it since it reminded me of Game of Thrones.

Hopefully things would go better for me then that Ned.

"I'm not used to whatever tea brand you're using, so just make it like you make Lissa's," I replied. I came to terms a while ago that I wouldn't be able to properly describe what Barry's Tea tasted like and was made of in order to get a proper bag of it, so I would just have to go with any sort of tea available. Beggars really can't be choosers.

"Why Lissa?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at me. It was to be expected, given how defensive Maribelle is of Lissa.

"Lissa just seems like the kind of person who enjoys a cup of tea close to the same way I do," I replied. "We can start there and work backward on future cups."

"Applying strategic thinking to a cup of tea? I didn't take you for a tactician, Eddard." Maribelle commented as she poured a surprising amount of cream and sugar into my cup.

Not that surprising, actually, given it was usually for Lissa.

"Well, I suppose Robin has been rubbing off on me," I replied. "He seems like a good influence."

"That could be argued." She replied, passing me my cup.

I took a sip of the tea. Maribelle did the same.

"So I take it you're nobility?" She asked.

I almost dropped the cup.

"Excuse me?" I replied, trying to hide how thrown off I was.

"You have proper table manners. The sort of table manners that implying finishing school. You hold yourself like anoble, when you aren't prancing around for the amusement of others. It's in those moments when you aren't paying attention, the moments you think no one is watching. That is when your noble upbringing shows itself." Maribelle calmly explained, before calmly taking another sip of tea.


I wasn't raised nobly, just to clarify. I just have proper table manners. I suppose that's one of the differences between our world and Fire Emblem's world.


"You've been watching me rather closely, I see," I said, trying to hide my nerves. I was not prepared to have to present a backstory this soon, but I suppose I am supporting with Maribelle right now.

"I've had reason to." She replied. "I have the highest respect for Chrom, but he does tend to be pretty relaxed when it comes to recruiting new members."

"Have there been problems in the past?" I asked. If I remembered correctly, Chrom's recruiting methods were only really criticized by the fandom and were never really brought up in the game. It would be interesting to see what the reality of his methods was.

"No. All of his prompt recruitments have tended to work out." Maribelle admitted. "Virion proved himself to be a skilled archer, despite his personality. Robin's strategic intellect is the one thing keeping many of us alive on the battlefield and you…"

"...are also helpful?" I suggested. It was a rather rude pause.

"...Sure." She said. I couldn't really blame her. I had a little trouble myself trying to figure out what exactly I brought to the table aside from a quick wit and a nice song.

I thought I had managed to dodge the original question, but Maribelle wasn't one to forget.

"Are you a lost prince of sorts, by any chance?" She speculated. "From the dramatic way you present yourself, I wouldn't be surprised if you were some runaway prince, seeking his true love or some fairytale nonsense like that."

I sighed.

Alright. Time to lie.

"...You're right. I actually do have some nobility in me." I falsely admitted. She took a few seconds to congratulate herself with a small smile for being right. In those seconds, I thought of all the fantasy books I've read to figure out what order of hierarchy there was in medieval times. "I'm the...son of...a...baron," I said, praying it wasn't too high-ranking to be noticeable.

"Just a baron?" Maribelle said as if she expected me to be a higher rank. It was sort of flattering.

I had to pretend to be offended, however. "JUST a baron? My father is…" Oh, this might be fun… "...was a great man."

"Was?" Maribelle asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid he has passed on," I replied solemnly. Not true. My dad was alive and well in a different dimension.

I could already feel the story forming on my lips.

"Doesn't that make you the new baron?" Maribelle asked. "Unless you have an older brother, of course."


In hindsight, I should have just gone with what she said.

However, it didn't really fit the story, and, for some reason, Iwant to be honest about who my siblings were. I didn't like everything I said to be a lie.


"Actually, I have an older sister," I replied. "I was never really trained to rule. My father didn't really think to plan ahead that much. I learned how to fight and play music and sing, and nothing about politics or how to run a...a place a baron runs. See? I'm so unprepared that I don't even know the name of the area my father ruled."

"Barons attend to kings," Maribelle informed me. "So you must be known about in your kingdom."

Shit. Make some shit up.

"Why do you think I'm all the way out here?" I asked. "No one will recognize me."

"And what about your father's land?" She asked. "Who's the new baron, since you ran away from your duty?"

There was bitterness in her voice.

"My duty right now is to help Chrom save the world. I can do whatever baron stuff I need to do later." I said, before realizing that Chrom wasn't saving the world right now, he was just at war.

Maribelle didn't seem to notice. "I understand that, but who's in charge now?"

"My older sister," I replied confidently. "She's far more capable of fitting the role then I was. I left the place in good hands."

"And why did you leave?" Maribelle asked. "Couldn't you just stay home. The life of a baroness's brother is still a rather lofty life."

"It wasn't the life I wanted," I replied, despite actually really liking the appeal of that life. "I always wanted to be able to spread my wings, make a name for myself. Something different than the name of my family."

"In that case, I would assume 'Eddard' isn't your real name," Maribelle said. "You wouldn't want to be recognized by anyone who knew of your family."

"Well, you're not wrong," I admitted, arguably one of the only honest things I had said throughout the conversation.

Although, now that I think about it, it was really more of an interrogation.

"And what would that lost name be, if you don't mind me asking?" Maribelle asked, raising one of her eyebrows.

"Let me have some mysteries, my lady," I said, smiling as I took another sip of tea.

So cool.


Maribelle did sort of grill me, but it was a good chance to build up my back story.

When you have to figure out your past, make sure you have your story straight. People like Maribelle will do their research as I found out later.

Anyway, let's move on to the other addition to the group after the rescue mission: Ricken!

Ricken's not that hard to get along with, as long as you respect him.

And I did.

For the most part.


"Come on, Ned!" The young mage said. "You're a bard! You have to know a few good stories!"

"Yeah! Come on, Ned!" Lissa added. "It's either this or a song!"

"Come now, Lissa," I said. "You know a song costs extra."

"Well, are you sure you don't know any stories?" Ricken asked.

"Oh, I know stories," I said. "Lots of stories. Like the story of the blue banana."

Lissa and Rickon ooed and sat down in front of me.

"Long ago, there was a boy who, for all his life, wanted to be a music conductor. He trained with any musicians he could. Eventually, he was allowed to conduct in the largest music hall in his country. He had a band of the most talented musicians in the land, each of them warriors in their spare time. The conductor began conducting. He conducted them to play the most beautiful ballad they knew. The crowd, however, couldn't hear them. He instructed them to play louder, but the crowd still couldn't hear them. He kept conducting them to play louder and louder, not noticing the cracks in the music hall's foundation. Eventually, he had them play so loudly, the walls came tumbling down, killing everyone in the hall except for the conductor. The conductor was sentenced to death by lightning tomb for his crimes."

"That's a thing?" Ricken asked.

"You'll see," I replied. "Anyway, the conductor had one last request before he died. He asked for a blue banana. The only problem with this was that blue bananas could only be found on a remote island in the middle of the sea, surrounded by monsters and storms. A group of sailors was gathered to travel to the island and get the blue banana."

"Why would they go through so much trouble?" Lissa asked. "He was a criminal."

"Because it was his last request," I replied. "It's honorable to fulfill the last request. It's the kind of thing your brother would do."

"That's not really a good thing," Lisa said.

"Yeah…" I admitted.

"Hey!" Ricken exclaimed. "Chrom's great!"

"I agree, and I think he's an honorable guy," I said. "Anyway, back to the story. So this group of sailors set out on their mission to the island of the blue banana. Along the way, they got caught up in some bad weather. A few of the sailors fell into the water and drowned. This was terrible, and it became even worse when a few sea monsters were attracted to the corpses in the water. They attacked the boat, hoping to shake out some more bodies. They managed to kill a few more sailors, but the ship escaped from their grasp. The remaining sailors made it and had to traverse the dangerous island to find the blue banana tree, which could only be found in the middle of a box canyon in the middle of the island. It was a treacherous trip, full of dangerous wildlife, deadly plants, and mortal illnesses. Eventually, the remaining sailors made it to the tree, and picked one of the bananas."

"Yeah!" Lissa and Rickon cheered. "They made it!"

"And then they had to make the trip back," I said. "It was just as deadly as the trip there. Out of all 100 sailors that left for the trip, only one determined sailor, who was considered the runt of the litter, returned, covered in blood, lacking his innocence, and carrying one blue banana."

"Oh no…"

"The banana was given to the prisoner, who ate it happily. The prisoner was brought to the execution chamber. He was stripped bare and soaked in water. The mage asked him if he had any last words. The prisoner said nothing. The mage blasted him with the strongest blast of lightning he could."

I paused for dramatic effect.

"...But the prisoner didn't die."

"WHAT?!" Lissa exclaimed.

"It must have been the banana," Rickon commented.

"Hold on, we're almost done," I said. "The mage released the prisoner and told him he was free to go. However, before the man left, the conductor asked him 'What was in that banana?' The man looked at him and said…"

I paused. Lissa and Rickon leaned in.

"...'Nothing. I guess I'm just a bad conductor.'"

I grinned at my audience.


You know that anime thing where the character have small, white eyes?

That happened.

They didn't take the pun well. Neither of them talked to me for like a week after that.

It was worth it.


Up next, we have an assassination attempt, a thief, and a rabbit lady! Stay tuned!