Tattoo in the Sky
Twisted Anxiety

He didn't want them to know.

In some ways, not wanting them to know was unfair to Shiro. The older paladin was the one person who'd never given up on him but had always treated him like family. Hands down Shiro also adored Keith, although the red paladin felt he was undeserving of the affection the black paladin lavished on him. He wasn't even sure if Shiro was his real brother. Even the family felt this way, particularly Ryo.

"If you really believe that to be true about her, then you're no brother of mine."

A lot of what Ryo said to him stuck, but when he tried insisting that Ryo didn't have a vendetta, he couldn't help but feel that was a lie. Memories flicked as he talked to Lance, but the fact his fellow paladin reminded him that he wasn't a Shirogane simply dug into a very old emotional wound that had never truly healed but was still wide open from the Blade of Marmora incident. "You're right. I'm not a member of the Shirogane family. I'm Keith Kogane. I don't need you of all people to tell me that of all things."

"Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool?"

Or…

"Me, me, kuroi hitsuji, yomo wa armmasu ka?"

No, the Shirogane clan was quite good at telling him he wasn't a part of his world. Even when he was no longer a child, that one line from the nursery rhyme would follow him around, and no adult besides Shiro ever put a stop to the mocking line letting him know he was the family's black sheep, one that didn't belong. Ryo never personally sung that line, but he never stopped the other kids, and instead looked away, making it quite clear how ashamed he was to even be associated with Keith.

Keith felt ashamed of himself.

Yet, he also didn't want the others to know. When Lance bugged about the combination, he let it slip that it was Ryo's birthday, even though Shiro always told him. "Yes. The combination I used is Ryo's birthday, but it's also your birthday Keith. I picked that combination out because of your important to me. I wish you'd understood that better."

That, in turn, reminded him of the trip to the Blade of Marmora, where Shiro let it slip he wanted Keith to be a leader if anything happened to him. The black paladin placed so much confidence in him, yet he struggled to believe he could live up to Shiro's expectations. He struggled with his emotions, possibly due to the stupid Galra blood in him.

"That's just more proof I'm not a Shirogane."

Again, he remembered Ryo's words. "If you really believe that about her, you're no brother of mine."

"How can I not believe that about her, when the proof – it was right there the whole time?"

"Stop being self-centered." Lance wasn't the first person to say that to him. Instead, it was Ryo, and he knew when he confronted the fact he was part Galra, that he was being completely self-centered.

"I didn't think of Shiro's feelings at all. He's always believed I…"

Keith was surprised to find the key's snatched from his hand, but registered the fact Lance had said, "and how the hell would you know that?" He tried grabbing them, preventing his fellow paladin from finding out about his greatest life's shame, only for Lance to play keep away. The final straw was "Yeah, and when will you learn that not everything involving Shiro involves you?"

The anxiety which had built up felt ready to explode, his stomach clenching. As Lance turned the key in the lock, he pushed aside his fellow paladin and rushed to the restroom, vomiting into the toilet. A cold sweat managed to break out across his entire body as his stomach emptied into the toilet. The retching lasted for a few minutes, and then he tried to catch his breath, his mind realizing that Lance was likely looking around. After all, Shiro was his hero.

Keith took a deep breath, wondering how to explain things to Lance. If he didn't believe the supposed connection between him and Shiro, how would someone else? His skin felt hot, his mind and body attempting to calm down as he tried being patient with himself, something he should have done sooner. Shiro would freak if he knew the younger paladin had lost it as he had.

Looking down, he didn't like looking at the toilet, for a few minutes leaned back, hoping Lance wouldn't uncharacteristically come and check on him at a moment when he was super vulnerable. He took a few breaths, calming himself down. He heard a thump, and then voices. His body slowly relaxed, the idea of Shiro being there calming him. Pushing himself up from the ground, his finger reached out and flushed the toilet before leaving.

He didn't think anything beyond the fact seeing Shiro again was a pleasant thought. He wasn't yet smiling, but he'd calmed some as he started towards where the sound came from. "Lance, I heard a noise. Did you find Shiro?"

His voice was quiet, calm at that point, but Lance's was not. "Keith. Why are there two of you?"

Keith instantly knew the answer to that without looking. Thinking back, he should have known, as there was that feeling, that feeling he always got in regards to that person. He looked up, looking into the eyes of the last person he wanted to see right then. "Ryo."

His companion's confusion of course grew, his mind obviously trying to work through the situation. "Keith, could you possibly get me out of this situation."

"Yeah. Get him out of a situation with Ryo. Good luck with that." He'd like to say Ryo was unpredictable, yet he knew full well just how agitated the person holding Lance practically hostage got whenever he was involved, but he also knew how dangerous any older member of the Shirogane family could be. Something about what Lance just said then though, Keith could sense really ticked off Ryo off, but he soon found out what.

"That's not his name."

A cold shudder ran down his spine, knowing what Ryo meant. Akira Shirogane – he lost that name ages ago, but it was foreign to him now, a reminder of many things out of his control growing up. "Me, me, kuroi hitsuji, yomo wa armmasu ka?" He felt his heart pound in his chest, wondering how to react, only to realize suddenly he was frozen in place, afraid of what Ryo could do, but also afraid of Lance finding out.

Ryo also may not have sung that line just like the other Shirogane children, but he did know how to dig into the old wounds. "You don't have any friends."

No, unlike Ryo he never got along with anyone but Shiro. He was simply to different, to socially awkward, never understand things the way other people did. Bad enough, Keith wasn't sure if Lance thought of him as a friend, but if the blue paladin found out about that, chances were the answer would be no. There was no way Lance would want anything to do with a black sheep.

No matter how he begged though, the dreaded words finally came out.

"Akira Shirogane."

Keith felt his world break apart into a million pieces then and there. Ryo likely took great joy in the misery caused by his actions, but worse yet Lance thought he was lying. "You said you weren't part of the Shirogane family."

All the trust built up between him and the other paladins were now gone. "I'm not."

"You are. Now, I want you to stay out of what's a rather personal matter, so you're going to go nighty night for awhile."

The red paladin felt his voice strain, knowing Ryo was only succeeding in making things worse for him. Before Lance could protest, Ryo pressed his fingers to Lance's exposed neck, knocking him out cold. Keith's voice strained even more as that person refused to look him in the eye, and instead at his handywork. "Seriously Ryo!"

Ryo glanced up, Lance's thin frame collapsed into his arms. He lowered Lance to the ground, before turning to talk to Keith direction. "Seriously. All I did was knock him out for a few hours. Good riddance I say."

The red paladin opened his mouth, his throat still straining. He felt his cheeks and neck heat up from the anger he felt, and yet somehow he managed to not yell at Ryo. "Good riddance? I told you Lance is my friend."

"He's not your friend." He decided to look down his nose, irritating Keith. "What's up with you not taking off your shoes before you came in?"

Keith let his hands twist into fists. "I was kind of too busy hurrying to the bathroom to throw up to worry about that."

"What?" The expression on Ryo's face softened.

"You heard me."

Ryo sighed, leaning against the wall. "Seems like we really need to talk."

"And what? Have you lecture me about proper etiquette from a culture that isn't even my own?" Keith's eyes snapped shut, realizing suddenly he said the same thing. It was one of those instinct things. Somehow, he knew when he'd managed to seriously tick Ryo off, much like how he knew that Shiro was still alive. It wasn't something he could explain, particularly since they weren't family.

"Not your flipping culture?" The other stepped towards Keith, making the red paladin take a step back. "It is your culture, you moron! Or have you forgotten?"

"We're not discussing this. We're not having a conversation right now." Keith shook his head, backing away another step, wondering how he would manage to get Lance out of there.

"You're not going to talk to me?"

"Hell no!"

"Do I seriously have to threaten to do something to this idiot over here Akira, because…"

"Wait!" Keith took a deep breath, his hands shooting up. "I'll talk. Just don't do anything. I'll go and take off my shoes. I'll go sit on the couch, and we'll talk. You don't have to do anything… unsavory. Please." In all reality, he was to tired to argue. He spent too much time worrying about his secret coming out, that when it did, all his energy was sapped.

He turned, not wanting to look at Ryo even for the briefest amount of time.