Chapter 9 - Perception


Allura glanced up as the door to the study swung open. She stared for a moment at the new king before looking back down to the parchment strewn across the table before her. She sat at the massive table, her legs tucked up on the large chair she perched upon. Surrounded by the silence of tomes and comforted by a gentle hearth, Allura returned to the composition she inscribed upon the paper before her.

Her fingers held a large, ornate fountain pen that was marginally too heavy and slightly too long for her small hands, but her script remained neat and elegant with each stroke, a deep blue ink glistening in the firelight behind her trailing hand.

"What are you doing?"

The queen remained bowed over her calligraphy as Lotor spoke. Only once she finished the sentence she was working on, placed the pen back into the inkwell near her and folded her hands on top of the table did she raise her eyes. Lotor felt a hitch in his temper. He did not like to be kept waiting, and yet he found himself staring across the room at the single woman in the entire galaxy that dared do so.

"Correspondences," she said simply, tossing him a careful look.

"To whom are you corresponding?" His tone remained clipped, but he kept his annoyance reigned in as she once more waited before answering, her eyes never leaving his.

"People."

The irritated twitch in Lotor's jaw did not go unnoticed, but he was steadfast in his efforts to appear calm before the easily-riled and swiftly-frightened Arusian.

"Allura, you can't keep holding me at arm's length," he said irritably. His perseverance had waned thinner every day that his bride had remained aloof and distant. It had been less than a week since she had sought separate bedchambers, but each hour grated on him like glass. She drew another blank piece of paper before her and after redrawing the pen, she began deftly scribing another page.

"I don't see why I can't," she muttered tartly, not raising her eyes to look at him as she spoke. "Seems to be safer that way for me. I've given you everything I promised I would, Lotor. Our business transaction is concluded as far as I'm concerned." Had she bothered to anoint him with her eyes, she might have caught the explosive flash behind his gaze before he physically followed in kind.

"Allura!" His temperance shattered and he stormed across the room and slammed his palm down on the table across from her. She gasped in surprise and leaped away, droplets of stray ink falling over the pages. Her false bravado quickly capsized as his anger flared.

She clasped her hands before her chest and watched him through wide, frightened eyes. Lotor exhaled slowly, closing his own as he realized he would only drive her further from him if he continued. After a moment of tense silence passed between them, he breathed deeply and opened them again, his chiseled features softening only slightly.

"These are addressed to planets that are direct partners with Arus, aren't they?" he commented quietly, lifting one of the papers she had abandoned on the table. "This is marked for Pollux." His eyes snapped to her and Allura just watched him, shoulders trembling slightly. She nodded once.

"I… I've already had verbal communications with… with the people who needed more immediate disclosure… I'm assuring the others of Arus' intent to continue business as normal," she explained carefully. Her fidgeting fingers betrayed her anxiety.

He stared across the table at her and drank in her form, acutely aware of the fear in her eyes. She stood recoiled from the table, grateful for the heavy piece of furniture between them, her hands tensed and her body braced to flee.

"Sit," he gestured to the chair she had backpedaled out of. Allura just shook her head once.

"No. You're angry," she whispered.

"And that scares you?"

Her golden head bobbed up and down twice in a silent response.

"Dammit, why can't you just trust me?"

Allura hesitated, averting her eyes away from him as she genuinely contemplated his question. His eyes snapped to her hands as the elegant digits twisted so dramatically as she wrung them, he worried she might injure herself inadvertently.

"I don't know how," she said honestly. He stayed silent, watching her critically. Her body squirmed, unable to stand still under his intense gaze. "I don't… I can't… …I'm sorry," she finished helplessly as she struggled to articulate her confusion.

"You did before," he started carefully, reticent to bring up the night they had spent together. When Allura paled a little, he growled. His muscles tensed as he leaned over the table she had been sitting at, his palms spread around the papers. His eyes never left her.

"I made a mistake," she said. His eyes narrowed on her dangerously and she immediately averted her gaze to the floor, a blush staining her cheeks.

"We are not a mistake," he said. After pushing off the table, he courted around the heavy piece to approach her. Allura shrank back against the wall, watching him with open panic as he approached.

"Don't," she began to protest but stopped when his stride did not waver. She darted to the side in an attempt to escape him, but the former prince was far too quick. His hand closed around her forearm and drew the long-coveted woman to him bodily. She squirmed in response, struggling to break from his grasp.

"Let me go," she demanded, tugging on her arm as his palm snaked around her back.

"I will not," he replied coldly. "I've been patient with you this long, and I want what is due me, Allura."

"You have your dues," she cried out in frustration, her physical protest to his hold became more panicked and less articulate.

"You keep me away!" His voice raised to his familiar level of arrogance and Allura's fear bloomed fresh in her chest. Her hand pulled back to strike at him in the only way she knew to free herself, but the king had learned her tells too well.

His palm clasped around the offending wrist like a manacle, catching her strike mid-air before she landed the blow on him. He held her taut, one hand still gripping her forearm and the other like steel about her wrist.

"Because you hurt me," she begged softly.

"Allura, I do not! I would never!" Lotor's temper swelled even more as he pressed her back into the wall, struggling to fight the urge to claim his conquest all over again. Fire roared through his veins and flooded heat into his loins. The scent of the queen encompassed and consumed him, leaving him nearly blind to anything but her. The prospect of calming himself was a quickly-vanishing possibility… until Allura whispered something that chilled his blood completely.

"But you're hurting me right now…"

The haze of fervor clouding his vision diminished instantly and he stayed very still, taking in the woman before him with unbiased logic.

Gowned in her pink and white dress, her entire body was frozen mid-recoil from him as she fought to push him off her. Every muscle in her form braced for combat and her head bowed before him. Sunkissed hair draped over her shoulders and pooled around her face, hiding it from his view. The dainty, delicate wrist clutched in his fist trembled as he held it away from her, her other arm tensing in an effort to break free as well.

He released her and stumbled back and her body slipped to the floor. She drew her hands quickly back to her chest along with her knees, bowing her head over them as she struggled to calm herself.

"Allura," he breathed, the back of his thighs coming to rest against the table as he retreated away from her, stunned.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She didn't raise her head as it rested against her knees. "I don't mean to try and hurt you. I just… I get scared. I don't know how else to communicate with you other than force. …I don't think you can hear my words, Lotor. I would love very much to speak with you, but I do not think that you understand me."

She rubbed her wrist delicately in her lap, nearly hidden from his eyes behind her hair and knees. He watched as her body physically flinched when he released a growl of frustration unchecked. For a rare moment in his life of aggression and force, Lotor felt a sense of helplessness. He had no idea what words to offer her or what action to take. A strange sense of loss swam around him and echoed in a softer emotion he had never been exposed to before.

Without any other reasonable reaction, Lotor was left with only one. He cursed. Allura jumped slightly, but kept her eyes on the ground as she massaged her arms in the offended locations. She was nearly certain her wrist would bruise, and she knew that if he saw that, he was liable to become angry at the sight. The sound of a chair moving startled her.

She glanced up to find Lotor had eased himself down into the seat she had vacated previously. He had turned it slightly to face her better, but it marked an intention not to approach her again. His elbows rested on his knees, his hands clasped together hanging before him. The most striking part of the picture was his bowed head. Snow-colored locks fell like liquid over his shoulders and around him, brushing against his thighs.

Defeat.

Allura blinked, feeling her own fear wane marginally at the weakness he displayed before her. Hidden in the royal study, the ferocious, arrogant king revealed an aspect of himself he dared show no one else, and the queen softened at the sight of it.

Perhaps he isn't unreachable, after all, she thought.

Lotor heard the rustle of fabric before him. He listened intently, trying to discern what movements Allura made without raising his eyes. She was so easily frightened… And so fragile, he thought, curling his palm into a fist in frustration. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He hadn't realized how tight he was holding her. She was his anomaly. She was a fierce and resilient warrior, hardened and stubborn, yet her body, mind and heart were soft and exceedingly breakable. How was it possible for someone with such strength to shatter so easily? Using enough force to physically overpower the temperamental woman was enough to cause her harm, and yet she was easily able to wield the same amount of strength back at him.

"I don't know what you must think of me," she said after a moment of quiet thoughts of her own. Lotor glanced up to her, unable to look away any longer. Her own gaze was averted, regarding a bookshelf off to the side as if it were infinitely more fascinating. Her knees had dropped away from her chest and she sat in a less-defensive, reclined position against the wall with her hands still resting in her lap. He didn't dare say a word, but simply waited for her to continue. After several moments of frustrating silence, she indulged him, though her eyes never wavered from their focus away from him.

"I can't imagine what sort of person you take me for," she whispered, her voice dropping in volume drastically. He felt his muscles tense with restraint as tears budded in the corner of her eyes. "I have done everything I promised I would. I have even gone to Arus – and returned. Do you still fear I'll flee? Is that why you fight so hard to control every moment, every word, every action? Are you afraid I'll betray my oath? I…" she trailed off, a tear trailing down her cheek that she haphazardly brushed away with more annoyance than necessary. She sniffed, calming herself.

"Allura," he murmured.

"I could understand at the beginning. I mean… if given the chance I've never… opted to linger with you," she said. "But I made a promise. And I… I have kept it. Completely. And I still can't help but feel like I'm in a prison in all this," she finished with a sigh, looking back to her lap.

"You are not a prisoner," he commented, finally finding his voice.

"Perhaps not literally," she agreed. "You won't let me out of your sight. You are angry when I don't do what you want me to. You followed me to Arus in a fit of fury, even though by our arrangement… I have every right to do that. You… you… I don't understand this desire to control everything," she finished.

"You didn't need time," he said suddenly, the conversation they had had nearly a week ago on Arus suddenly making sense to the prince. "You needed space."

"I am now an, apparently important, entity in the superstructure of an entire race that rather despises me. I am struggling to learn customs, norms, dialects and languages…" She shook her head once, the overwhelming sensation crashing over her again. "I feel so strange and foreign here, and I do not feel safe."

"No one will harm you," he said firmly.

"Zarkon did. …You do. Why fear the people when there are the two of you? You've both been hurting me since the day my father first crossed Zarkon's path," she said softly, cradling her shoulders. "He burned my planet. Took my people. This culture of war and conquest is…" She trailed off, a thought striking her. Without warning, she leveled her gaze on him.

"Imagine a society that was built around kindness, Lotor. The most powerful person wasn't the strongest or the most vicious, but instead they were the kindest. They were the first to offer help, the last to take aid. They were able to provide for everyone else around them, and they were loved for that ability. They never harmed another soul, and competition was about generosity. What would you think about that society?"

"Utterly absurd," he muttered, startled by the shift in discussion. "Why give when you could take?"

"…I feel the exact same way about Drules. Why take when you could give?"

The heavy silence that breathed between them was rich with prominence. A profound moment of communication passed between the two, long overdue.

"War causes pain. It hurts people. Even the things you desire – the slaves, the money, the jewels… war can destroy them before you claim them. But… in a reality where everyone gives what they can, no one loses."

"It's a false society, Allura. In a situation like that, a single, corrupt individual would bring it down in a heartbeat."

"True, the concept only works if everyone is genuinely invested in it. But isn't it worth that chance? There would be so many more rewards to reap by working in tandem with others, rather than just killing everyone who doesn't agree with you."

"Or you can build an empire around people doing exactly what you want because they fear the repercussions if they don't. There is no concern for disloyalty, and if anyone tries to overstep, they can be quickly laid aside."

"That's not loyalty. That's just fear. Look at Pollux," she said as she redirected the conversation back to something more relevant. "They feared you, but they weren't loyal to you. The moment they had a better option, they left. The instant that someone else could protect them, they sought that refuge. Fear is no way to govern. If you are even just a little kind, they rally around you. When the fire falls from the sky, they still stand behind you because they believe in that," Allura insisted.

"If you are too kind, then you have no will to fight when someone comes for you. Cruelty protects your people, Allura. Not kindness. Fear keeps them bound to you."

She shook her head once.

"I could never be cruel. It hurts me to hurt others," she said softly. "Perhaps that makes me a weak ruler in the end."

"Or…" Lotor trailed off, carefully rising from his chair. She glanced up to him as he approached her slowly. He deliberately extended his hand down to her in a way that wouldn't alarm her. "Perhaps it's somewhere in between," he uttered, a strange light flickering in his eyes as he watched her.

"What?" She whispered softly, placing her hand in his palm before she realized she was doing it. His fingers closed around hers and eased her to her feet.

"What if… the greatest empire, the strongest army and the most victorious leadership... requires both," he explained, looking down into her eyes with an unreadable expression on his face. "Balance."

Allura couldn't articulate why she felt his words were more profound than any he had ever uttered before, but a blush bloomed unchecked across her cheeks and for a rare moment, she did not feel fear.

"Perhaps so…" She trailed off, lost in the look on his face.

His hand reached up to touch her cheek and with a very practiced, controlled movement, he leaned toward her. Lotor felt the woman stiffen in his grasp, but despite both her hands being free, she did not push away nor strike him. He allowed her the freedom to do so if she so chose.

Her palms came to rest on his chest and her fingers curled into the fabric of his tunic as his lips brushed lightly against hers, feeling the tremble in her own stance. With little reprimand, he feathered over hers once more before kissing her with more intensity.

Allura took a single step away, her back coming to rest against the wall. He matched her stride, careful to hear her protests; yet she offered none and her digits still laced with his fabric. His other hand reached for her waist and he pulled himself closer. Lotor released a little of the restraint on his insatiable hunger for the woman and he deepened the intensity of their connection.

She whimpered in response, but her only protest was to gasp for air briefly before submerging herself back into his embrace.

Lotor found himself genuinely startled by the gentleness she offered him. His conquest was not one of taking or devouring, and despite the heat the latter evoked in him, her soft offering generated foreign warmth for him. It didn't come from a place of predatory lust; instead he felt nearly humbled by the shaky trust she yielded him. Despite her fear and pain, Allura was still trying to reach out to him.

The king startled himself by his next action; he eased off the kiss himself and stood over her while both caught their breath. He glanced down to catch her avert her gaze, a blush staining her cheeks. He stepped back to give her space and her wide eyes snapped to him in open confusion.

"Allura," he began, reaching out his hand to her. "I'd like to show you something, if you'll come with me."

She eyed him dubiously before nodding and placing her palm in his once more.

"What is it?" She glanced to him curiously, the blush from their heated exchange fading from her skin as her curiosity bloomed. Lotor reveled in the sensation of her willingly taking his hand again.

"Something I think you might have missed before. I believe you were too overwhelmed at the coronation to see it."

She frowned at him. He paused by the door leading from the study and picked up something he had set aside when he first entered. Folded in his hands were both the deep blue shawl and her crown. She stared at them wide-eyed for a moment and at his offer, she nodded. Allura allowed him to settle the royal drape across her shoulders before placing the crown upon her head.

"They are not just clothes, Allura," he explained. "They are you."

"Yours is red," she commented off-handedly, pointed to the red and gold garment she had seen on Zarkon countless times.

"Red and blue are both considered royal colors," he replied.

"Is red reserved for the kings or something?" He flashed a fanged grin at her question, enamored by her perception.

"No, they are both equal, but I rather thought red would clash with pink." He turned and led the stunned woman out of the study without waiting for a response.

"You picked that knowing that I would prefer to wear something like this under it?" Allura finally caught her voice as her mind settled from the stunning news. Lotor shrugged causally.

"If you don't actually care for pink, you hide it very well."

Allura felt struck by the thought. He had chosen things to suit her known desires. They walked down the hall in silence, the queen trying to wrap her mind around the enigmatic man in front of her. Lotor was hard, fast and cruel. He was lethal and represented everything that she stood against. …At least she had thought so.

"I haven't seen Zarkon around lately," she mentioned weakly, switching the topic again. Lotor just rolled his shoulders in response.

"I've been keeping him busy," he said cryptically.

"Well… I suppose that's… good," she supplied with a hint of question in her voice.

"Here we are, wait here a moment," he said as he came to a stop in front of a set of double doors. Allura nodded, a frown marring her features as he slipped through the door, closing it quickly behind him.

She waited. Noise came from the far side of the heavy door, cheers from the sound of it, but Allura could hardly make any of it out through the steel. She fidgeted. After what felt like an eternity passed, the door opened and Lotor beckoned her to join him.

Warily, she stepped through the threshold and found herself standing beside one of the two thrones overlooking the coliseum. She paled dangerously and Lotor gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"They aren't fighting right now, see?" He pointed down to where the two combatants were kneeling to each other. "And they won't until you leave, unless you ask to see the show," he said quietly. Allura blinked in surprise.

"You stopped the match to bring me out here?"

"Yes," he said carefully. "Not to see those two, but to see them," he said, gesturing to the filled coliseum. He lept onto a platform in front of the thrones, and his words echoed out to the crowd.

"Loyal subjects, I present to you your shy queen, making a rare public appearance!" He glanced back down to her and once more held out his hand to her. She shook her head once.

"Oh no, I can't-"

With more force than he would have cared to use, he grasped her hand and despite wanting to give her space to make choices, he pulled her up next to him where the entire crowd could see her.

"Lotor, what are you doing, they hate-" She paused as everyone around her broken into a deafening roar. She winced and braced, but it wasn't booing or jeering. She took a closer look.

"Are you sure about that," he whispered in her ear, standing proudly beside the woman as she stared openly out at all the Drule and Drule-supporters that cheered their enthusiasm, loyalty and faith. Within minutes, a chant of "Fierce Is Our Queen!" broke out in the crowd and Allura gasped in surprise.

"It has been many generations since there has been a queen, Allura," he whispered in her ear, holding her with a firmness that inspired protection, but would yield if she decided to leave his side. "They adore you."

"I… I had no idea," she whispered.

"I know you didn't." He paused as the crowd quieted and pockets of civilians chanted for her to say something. She looked to him, panicked.

"You don't have to," he said. "But if you want to, they're listening. Your people are listening to you, my dear." The weight of what he said struck her and the fear evaporated. Her people. She hadn't just married Lotor to save Arus. He intended to share his power and as such, she had adopted an entire empire of people.

Nervousness still abound, Allura stepped forward and it felt as though the stadium plunged into silence. Even the contenders had raised their eyes to watch her, enraptured.

She spun to look at Lotor.

"What do I say? I don't know how to talk of combat or battle!" She whispered frantically. He grinned at her lazily.

"Then don't. Say whatever you desire to, Allura. Be you. Be authentic." He laughed darkly at the familiar scowl she gave him before turning back to the group before her. The silence echoed on and she exhaled once and clasped her hands in front of her chest and bowed her head to gather her thoughts. Raising her eyes to the sea of people, she did what came most naturally to her. She smiled.

"Hello. It's nice to finally meet all of you. I am Allura," she said. The sentences sounded so innocuously mundane that she almost cringed at her words. Oration had never been her strongest suit. The spectators, however, devoured them with a fervor. Even Lotor, standing behind her had to admit he had never seen the crowd get so enthusiastic over war speeches or coliseum victories. Allura was truly magnificent, but it wasn't a trait she would ever see in herself, he acknowledged.

Her blush bloomed with her sudden awe at the positive reception she received from everyone. All Allura could do was wave, further inciting the noise. As it quieted, she nodded to everyone once.

"I hope to get to meet all of you more on an individual level in the time that is to come. Thank you for this hospitable welcome," she ended with a deft curtsy. Her mannerisms were stagnantly opposite what any Drule queen would have done, but no other woman could arouse such admiration from her subjects as she did. She turned to look at him, her eyes wide with surprise and her face flush with relief. He extended his arm to her and helped her down off the podium.

"Once we have made our exit, feel free to continue the sport," he instructed the contenders, careful to make sure Allura was not a haphazard witness to the carnage his race enjoyed watching. Once the door clicked closed behind them, he heard the cheering ignite as the match picked up. Allura stood still, demurely holding her hands before her chest.

"Well?" He looked to her and she just smiled at him, genuinely.

"That was entirely unexpected," she admitted. Her bliss faded a degree as another memory struck her. "What did you mean by 'not had a queen in generations'?"

He stilled, contemplating her deeply for a moment. His serpentine eyes glanced around the room to make sure they were alone.

"We do not make a habit of sharing our power. It is not required by our laws. A son inherits the throne and becomes king."

"Then how do you produce heirs?" Allura frowned in confusion. When Lotor only quirked an eyebrow at her in response, she gasped, her skin turning bright red. As her innocence calmed, she seemed thoughtful again. "Lotor… do you have any sisters?"

His dark look startled the woman.

"None. …That I know of," he added.

"What happens then… if a king does take a queen and… their child is… female?" Allura's breath hitched in her chest as his golden eyes heated on her.

"Are you asking to bear me an heir, Allura?" He laughed as her temper snapped. The indignant sputtering the woman uttered in an effort to backpedal off the question left the king in deep amusement. "In all seriousness," he said, catching his breath and soothing her rage. "It would be unprecedented. It is one of the reasons kings tend not to take queens. It complicates the production of heirs. Those that have done so, have been historically blessed with sons," he finished. Allura scowled at him.

"Having a daughter isn't a curse," she muttered. She rolled her eyes at his chuckle.

"Yes, it is, but not in the dark way you're thinking. Sons are predictable. Daughters… daughters could drive a stake through their father's heart with their ambitions and willfulness," he said with surprising insight. Allura flushed. Alfor had always supported her decisions, but she knew he had always been worried or concerned for her. She wondered briefly if he wouldn't have been so afraid if she had been male. Allura shook her head once to clear her mind.

"Well, regardless. Thank you for showing me that. I'm going to depart to the study to finish the letters I was working on. I'd like to get them sent today as the travel times for some of them will be long."

He gave her a nod, watching her for a moment as she stepped back.

"I'll see you later."

Allura shivered at his parting words. It was neither a question, nor a casual parting.

It was a promise.


Yay! Yet more chapters today! This was a tricky chapter for me, because I want him to be the arrogant Lotor we all know and love, but yet he's trying. Finding that balance has been tricky for me. As always, I love your input! Thanks for reading this far!