What is love?
So Bad writing collection has officially become my most viewed/most favorited/most followed/most reviewed work, surpassing the one about the Evillious Chronicles some years ago (yay!) (by 200 views). Thank you so much for reading and taking a liking to my plot-less conversations-full stories, as well as spending the time to comment on my writing.
In the light of this significant event, I've decided to celebrate Hollywood style! Which is, for those who don't get it (I'm guessing everyone), the decision to include romantic relationship portrayals and split this next installment into (un)necessary two parts. That's right: we are getting two parts of cliché cheesiness, just like what Hollywood is doing with its movies nowadays. Yay?
Disclaimer: I do not officially endorse any pairings mentioned within this two-part story (it's named "What is love?". Of course it's gonna have some pairings). This is simply a thought experiment for me. I suck at pairings, anyway, so this doesn't matter. Move on.
I. Crush?
Even someone as energetic as Lulu would have one of those "lazy days" once in a while. Those were the days you were not inclined to do anything but staying indoors, lying on your bed and chilling out all day long. It was totally understandable. Everyone had one of those days once in a while. Attaining those days, however, was never easy.
That particular day was a "lazy day" for the Fae Sorceress. She was simply not interested in going out and exploring new things as she normally was. Her friend Hemomancer also just lent her a super interesting book detailing human knowledge about the history of magic, which she was really eager to read. And so the young yordle was lying on the sofa in Tristana's living room, reading from her book with her companion hovering above, while her flat-mate was about to go out.
"Oh, Lulu?" she heard Tristana asked "you're staying in today?"
"Yeah," Lulu replied absentmindedly, completely absorbed in the book "have fun at work, Trist."
The Bandle Gunner raised an eyebrow at Lulu's unusual… normalcy that morning before eventually laughing. Everyone deserved to be lazy sometimes.
"I see," said Tristana, picking up her explosive cannon "well, you too. Can you make lunch?"
"Sure," Lulu turned and smiled at her.
"Splendid, I'll be going. See ya!"
After the door to the small house shut close, Lulu went back to reading her book quietly. Pix was resting on top of her hat, which she laid on the floor. It was a rare, completely peaceful and silent morning for the infamously energetic yordle.
Or so it seemed.
A while later, the sound of knocking on a door began registering in her ears. She looked up from her book – did Trist forget anything? – before casting a spell at the entrance. The door burst open.
"Oh, wow!" the yordle at the door jumped back. Lulu recognized the voice.
"Teemo?" asked Lulu, sitting up.
"Oh, it's you, Lulu," said Teemo, regaining his stance "uh, is Tristana home?"
"No, it's border duty day for her. I thought you knew that," said the sorceress with the slightest hint of annoyance. Somehow she was feeling displeased.
Teemo didn't seem to have caught that.
"Just wanna make sure… so can I come in?"
"Sure," Lulu replied. She turned back to her book again. Teemo came inside and closed the door. He reluctantly sat down on one of the chairs, glancing around somewhat reluctantly.
They continued to say like that for the next two minutes, with Teemo expecting Lulu to say something and Lulu seemingly oblivious to his expectations. As Lulu finally moved to turn a page, Teemo began again.
"So… do you have time?"
Lulu frowned. What kind of a question was that? Of course she had time. Everyone does!
"You seem busy, so…"
"Well, I'm reading, so yes, I guess." Lulu said rather curtly. She needed to finish this book as soon as possible – Mr. Vlad would visit her soon, and she wanted to discuss it with him.
Teemo blinked at this sudden change.
"Uhm… sorry. You could've said that when I was at the door."
His intention was finally occurring to Lulu. In a split second, her attitude switched from aloofness to the usual excited curiosity.
"You wanted to talk to me?"
Teemo snorted, seemingly realized what she meant. Lulu must have never received a guest before.
"Yes, you thought I didn't? Why would I want to enter the house then?"
Lulu shrugged.
"I thought you wanted to wait for Trist."
The yordle sat up to face Teemo, listening attentively.
"Well, how may I help you?" she asked, helpfully.
The Swift Scout seemed to have grown… reluctant.
"Can you… not tell Tristana?"
"Why?"
"Well… you see… I want to find a present for her… and since you live with her, do you know what she likes?"
Lulu frowned again.
"Why can't I tell that to Tristana?"
"Uhm… so I can surprise her?"
That made sense, Lulu thought. But why did he seem so awkward? That was weird.
"Calm down, don't be so nervous," she said "let me see… what does Trist like? She mostly talks about weapons and explosives and oh, shooting things! Maybe you can get her a gun?"
"I don't think I can really afford a better gun with my paychecks," said Teemo.
"Oh, right. How about food? Tristana really likes pies, especially apple pies!"
"…what about… other things? Does she like books or accessories… or, you know?"
"Nothing in particular – she doesn't read much, and doesn't use accessories. She's a gunner, after all. What's the occasion?"
"Eh?"
"It's not her birthday, yet." Lulu explained "I thought people often give each other gifts on special occasions, such as birthdays."
"Well… it's not exactly a special 'occasion'… will you not tell Tristana please?"
"Okay… if you want to."
"Okay… I sorta have a… crush on her."
The scout looked up to face an expression of utter confusion.
"What's a crush?" she finally voiced her question.
Teemo's face fell.
"It's like, I like her?"
"Of course you do. She's your friend. I like her too!"
"It's not like that. It's a… different thing."
"How so?"
"It's like… when you want to pursue a relation… when you want to go on a date, with her."
"What's a date?"
"It's… uh, never mind. Pies, huh? Thanks for your help."
Teemo sighed. He stood up and in the blink of an eye left the house.
Lulu stared at the spot where he used to sit incredulously.
"That was weird." She declared, before digging into her book again.
She didn't get far, as five minutes later there were loud noises outside the door. Something heavy seemed to be moving in her direction. Its movement seemed to make the ground shake with every step. The tremor disturbed Pix from his rest, which made him issue a series of complaints in fae tongue.
The presence seemingly stopped in front of her door. A few moments later, someone knocked on it.
Lulu eyed the door strangely. Did Tristana get these many visitors a day just by staying at home?
She grabbed the wand and cast the door open.
The yordle at the door jumped back.
Lulu stared at him. She didn't know this person. He had sky blue fur and brown eyes, and seemed to be surprised as well.
"Hi!" she greeted "pleased to meet you!"
The blue yordle blinked.
"Hey," he said "you're not Tristana."
"Obviously," said Lulu "she's on border duty today. You can wait… what's that?"
She pointed behind the yordle. To her it seemed like a giant bulk of metal blocking the doorway.
The yordle grinned proudly.
"Oh, this is my baby."
Lulu rushed out in alarm to see what kind of baby was so huge, before realizing the blue yordle didn't mean it literally. She found a giant metal statue without a head outside.
"Mechanical armor," the yordle introduced "handcrafted from the junkyard of Zaun. Enhanced with flame spitters, electrical harpoons and rocket ranges – meet Tristy."
Lulu blinked in surprise "Where?"
"Here!" he pointed up at the "mechanical armor".
"Oh! I thought you meant Tristana," the yordle blushed a little at that "that looks really cool! So what do you do with it? You ride it?"
"Yeah!" said the blue yordle "so… who are you?"
"Oh, I'm Lulu, the Fae Sorceress," she smiled, giving out her hand. The other shook it. "I'm currently Trist's flat-mate."
"I'm Rumble, uh… Junkyard Titan is what they call me, but you can just use Rumble. How do you do, Lulu?"
"I'm fine, thanks. How do you do, Rumble?"
"Feeling good," said Rumble "Tristana isn't home, you say?"
"Yeah, she'll be back for lunch, though. Come in, you can wait inside."
Rumble flustered, looking down at his feet. Only then did Lulu notice his hands were behind his back. That piqued her interest.
"It's okay… I only need to meet Tristy… I mean Tristana. I can wait out here, thanks."
Somehow both Rumble and Teemo were acting the same way. They were flustered, anxious, and stuttering, but obviously not because their lives were threatened. Lulu couldn't place why they were being so confused… afraid (of what?). It was unnatural, wasn't it?
Wait, Teemo said… what was that again? Oh, right! A crush.
"You… have a crush on her?" asked Lulu out of the blue (or should that be out of the purple?).
Rumble suddenly went red, as if he was having a fever of sorts. This confused Lulu to no end.
"How… how did you know? Ah, darn, busted!"
Was having a crush such a bad thing? Why were they all upset that other people knew about it?
So she explained to Rumble how she came to such conclusions. At the end, the latter made a face she didn't know where to place: somewhere between disappointment and indignation.
"So Teemo… likes her too, huh? I knew it. I knew it!"
Lulu took half a step back. She could sense strong emotions rising from Rumble. It was… envy?
What the heck was going on?
"Of course, why did I think I had a chance?" his arms flailed about, and Lulu realized he was holding a beautiful bouquet.
"Is that for Trist?" she asked.
"What does that matter now? I can't be as cool as Teemo is to her. He's swift and cute and shoots darts…"
For the first time in forever, Lulu found herself in a place where everyone seemed to be speaking a completely foreign language.
"That's not true! You have a giant… metal robot? Don't look so beaten," Lulu tried to console him "I'm sure Trist will understand your feelings, whatever they are. If you're a friend to Trist, she'll always be there for you. I know this from experience."
"But what if she refuses?"
"What do you mean "refuse"? Trist will never refuse a gift, if it's a nice gift! Who would?"
"It's not the flowers, no. What if she says she doesn't want to go on a date with me?"
There was that word again. What did it mean, and why would people act so strange because of it?
She had to resist a sudden urge to rub her temples. Maybe she had been reading too much about magic history that morning?
It was not in her nature to give out generic compliments or consolations, but by trial and error, if she said she did not know what a date was, Rumble would walk off without letting her help. And she wanted to help. She wanted to know what confused him so.
So she opted for the neutral path.
"If you don't ask her, you won't find out. If it matters that much for you to know the answer, then it's best to have courage to carry it out. At least then, it will be an improvement from the current anxiety, right?"
Rumble seemed to think the same.
"You're right, Lulu!" he said "somehow that made me feel better. I've got to ask her someday. Today's the day. Thanks, you're truly a wise Sorceress!"
Uh, what?
It was not Lulu to claim praise for what she did not even cause. She didn't know why Rumble was thanking her. In fact, she'd been the opposite of helpful. She was having no idea what just happened in the past thirty minutes of her life!
"Would you like to come into the house now?" she asked again.
"Nah, I'm good. Sorry to bother you, Lulu."
Then he jumped onto his robot (Tristy) and sat on top of it without another word.
Lulu went back into the house and returned to the book. She tried to concentrate on the history of techmaturgy (integration of magic and science) – the thing Rumble used for his suit, as she realized later, but she couldn't. Her mind was buzzing with questions. She did not really fancy the feeling of not knowing what others knew about. And when she could not make sense of something, she'd seek answers. That was the true way of the Fae Sorceress!
And whenever she wanted to seek answers, she'd ask Pix, because Pix knows many things.
"A crush?" asked the Fae curiously "what's that? Sounds painful to me."
Lulu looked up, frowning. It was kind of painful to look at them acting so awkward.
"So you don't know what a crush is?"
"Well, no. But if you ask what is happening to Satan…"
"His name is Teemo! That's not nice at all."
"I'm sure there are many in this world who would agree to that statement." Pix mumbled "Anyway, I may have a guess or two. Maybe he's attracted to your flat-mate."
"Attracted?"
"You know, that's what people do when they 'fall in love' – or so I heard."
Lulu's ears shot up.
"What do you mean 'fall in love'? Don't you just love them in the first place?"
"Hey, don't ask me, I didn't come up with that expression."
"But how's that a bad thing?"
"It's not… exactly," answered Pix "that's what I'm interested in finding out. The stories of love that reached the Glade never quite made sense. At least, from what I'm aware of, it's common for people to be nervous around those they're attracted to."
"But that's still weird! Why are they afraid of professing love? Love is a good thing! You don't fuss out when you tell your mother you love her!"
"I actually don't have a mother. Faes don't breed that way, but I digress. Anyway, this is a different thing from familial love."
"Oh… I love Trist, too! And Mr. Vlad!"
"Your usage of love is quite liberal compared to the rest of the world. Under normal consensus, when you say you love someone other than your family, it means you love them romantically."
"Is romantic love different somehow? Don't you want to be around that person, and make them happy, thus you feel happy?"
"That happens, yes," said Pix "but love, in this particular form, may elicit more powerful responses."
"Like?"
"Possessiveness. Envy. Hate. Fights. Wars. Stuffs." Pix seemed to be smiling.
"But you said it was a good thing!"
"It is. It brings people together. It facilitates in the production of offspring, which keep humans from going extinct. The bond of love can be the strongest or the most fragile. In fact, in many cases, love is also the foundation of familial love."
"So it is good, and it is bad? How so?"
"I don't know."
"…you don't."
Pix shook his head.
"Faes do not understand love the way human do. I told you, one of the most elusive human concepts for us Fae to grasp is their definition of love. Love, to them, is a special bond. They literally do everything in the name of love. You can even say that it is a force that governs anyone's action. Whether it is another person or an object, or even oneself, all men must love."
Lulu sat still, contemplating what she just heard.
"If you don't understand how it works, how do you know it exists?"
"I don't know. Maybe you're just supposed to know."
"It still doesn't explain why you should be so anxious."
"Well, there are cases where attraction isn't mutual. The one you love may not love you back. And by professing love, you are making yourself vulnerable to someone. You're expecting affection from someone who previously had few bonds to you. You're gonna trust them. And when you devote so much to such confession, and are told that those feelings aren't reciprocated… well, it is reasonable to be shocked."
(No, it's cute to be shy and nervous.)
(if you know an ounce of how terrifying love can be, you really should fear for your life.)
"In short, it is something incomprehensible, uncontrollable, and has to be mutual to work? That's too complicated for me."
Pix snorted "go figure."
Lulu, having been satisfactory unsatisfied (that is, she's unsatisfied with the answers, but satisfied that she got them… yeah I should quit English), got off the couch and started making lunch. Hmm, what would she make? She rummaged the pantry for a few seconds before deciding to make a batch of gratin and chocolate pudding. The mystery of love was temporarily pushed out of her mind as she began cooking.
After she had lit the oven and put the batch inside, her mind went back to the current situation at hand.
"Do you think Trist likes them too?"
"How do I know that? You'd know more about humans than I do."
Lulu shrugged.
"I just don't want them to be sad." She said. They'd tried so hard to convey their emotions, and like Pix said, getting rejected would be painful. "Oh wait, maybe Trist can like both of them! So they won't have to be sad."
"I… don't think that's how it works, Lulu…"
The ground suddenly rumbled (not intentional), distracting the duo from their debate. Rumble's mechanical armor-robot was moving again. Lulu could hear the machine coming to life, engines running and…
Everything shook.
She rushed outside after the shockwave ended.
"Rumble!" she called, but stopped short as she saw what happened. A line of blazing rockets was seemingly dropped unceremoniously onto the ground, inches away from a very displeased Teemo.
"Guys!" said Lulu "what happened? What are you doing?"
They didn't seem to hear what she had said. The two stared at each other, as if mutually coming to a drastic conclusion without any words exchanged.
"Only one of us can, Teemo," said Rumble.
"So it is."
"Guys!" Lulu tried again, having the smallest feeling they were gonna fight. Rumble had started his flamespitter. The heat made Lulu flinch. She watched helplessly as the two yordles clashed, darts and flames flying everywhere.
A familiar voice was snickering behind her back.
"Ah, love rivals," the voice remarked "cute, isn't it?"
Lulu's eyes narrowed.
"Ziggs," she said disapprovingly, turning to glare at the hexplosive expert "what did you do?"
"Oh, hi there, Lulu," Ziggs gave her the usual Cheshire grin. A small bomb was in his hand – the kind that pushes people away without any damage – Lulu realized "lovely day for a little rivalry, don't you think?"
"They're fighting!"
"So they are!" said Ziggs, seemingly deriving a lot of fun as darts and flames flew about "It's fun, isn't it?"
"No! A giant mechanical robot is fighting a little scout with a shooting dart!" Lulu exclaimed. Ziggs only doubled over with laughter. "This is not fun! What did you do?"
Ziggs was cackling uncontrollably.
"Of course I did not do anything. I happened to, ah, have dropped one of my satchels. Teemo just accidentally stepped on it, which sent him slipping and throwing the pie onto our friend Rum," he grinned "Rum, being the trigger finger, released his rocket fury. There you go, my dear Sorceress, you're finally caught up! Sit back and enjoy!"
Indeed, Lulu could see some remains of a delicious-looking pie on Rumble's fur. She turned around to reprimand the bomb master.
"That's really not nice."
"But it's fun!"
They both jumped out of the way as an electrical harpoon charged towards their position. The projectile stabbed into the ground, breaking one of Tristana's tree pots.
Ziggs smiled a little nervously.
"Maybe it's a bit dangerous too?"
Some houses' roofs had caught fire. The citizens of Bandle began pouring out the streets, utterly confused and anxious of the chaos outside their doors. Upon realizing what it actually was, all of them began getting out of dodge as soon as possible.
"Okay, it's pretty dangerous," he admitted "but that's what makes it fun, right?"
Lulu sighed heavily. She was suddenly craving to return to her book.
"Stay here," she ordered sternly.
"Wouldn't dare to miss the fun," said Ziggs, flashing a toothy grin.
The Fae Sorceress took off on her wand, the spell Whimsy fluttering behind her back. It took her and Pix a while to contain and extinguish all the flames. Meanwhile, the two participants of the catfight still fought on, unaware of the damage they'd caused to public and civilian properties. After all the flames had been done away with, her attention turned to the two combatants. She was unsure how to approach them, however. She could knock one of them airborne, no doubt, but making anyone of them enormous wouldn't go well in her opinion. Maybe she could polymorph both of them at the same time?
Before she could make up her mind, a loud, irritated Tristana bellowed.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
As abruptly as it'd started, the fight stopped.
Lulu and Pix both sighed in relief.
Ziggs wasn't bothering hiding his laughter.
Teemo and Rumble resumed their odd and awkward composure again, with a touch of shame this time.
"This is very irresponsible! How can you two fight in the middle of the town? Look at what you've done! I expected both of you to know better!"
"But he threw a pie at me!" Rumble protested.
"He threw his rocket range at me! I almost died."
Tristana groaned.
"And you," she said, turning to face the hexplosive specialist, who had his hands in the air, grinning confidently "I know you did something. Don't you dare get away this time."
"How's it going, Tristy?" Ziggs greeted.
Tristana smacked the bomber on the head before handing out her verdict.
"All three of you, you're gonna have to clean up your mess," Tristana announced "and that's final!"
The three mismatched yordles groaned.
The Bandle Gunner turned to her flat-mate, who now had descended from the rooftop, and her voice softened.
"Thanks Lulu," she barely held back her sigh "you helped me there. Everyone, you can come back to your houses now! And you three - begin cleaning up the streets."
"Aye, ma'am," said Ziggs lazily, getting up from where he was sitting.
"Come on, let's have lunch." At that exact moment, the oven chimed. At least lunch didn't go wrong that day.
"Can't Lulu just whip out her wand and fix this in one fell swoop?" Ziggs complained.
Lulu grinned mischievously at the hexplosive specialist. She put a hand on his shoulder and spoke, in a cheery voice.
"But that won't be fun, will it?"
"Those idiots," Tristana mumbled, leaning Boomer onto its usual spot on the wall. Lulu had taken out the gratin and was placing it on the table. Tristana hopped onto her chair and eagerly took a generous portion from the pan.
Lulu began eating as well.
"It's great having you a flat-mate," Tristana grinned "your cooking is delicious! And I'm always hungry after work. You should stay home more often, you know. I can always do with more delicious food!"
The Sorceress smiled happily.
"Sure. Staying home seems fun as well. I never knew you had that many visitors a day."
"Oh… haha…" Tristana giggled nervously. Lulu did not miss that subtle hint. Oh…
"Did you know?"
Tristana sighed.
"More or less, yeah," she replied, taking another bite off her dish "they are pretty darn obvious about it."
"And?"
The indomitable Bandle Gunner seemed… baffled.
"I… uh, don't know. It's not that I don't like them, I just… it's really…"
"Do you like either of them?"
Tristana blushed slightly.
"I'm not really sure…"
"Or maybe you like both of them!"
"Look, I don't know, okay! It's really frustrating, and they're not helping!"
Lulu nodded. "Yeah, I can pretty much see that. What's a date?"
"What, you don't know what a date is? How did you get them to tell you then?"
Lulu shrugged. People just liked to tell her things.
"Well, a date is… an appointment, I guess, with someone you like. You two spend time together doing whatever you like, getting to know each other and stuffs."
"So they just want to hang out with you?" Lulu raised an eyebrow "that's fairly simple, right? You don't really mind that."
"It's not just… hanging out. Dating is a tad different… it is more personal and special. I can't really explain it, but it's different from going out with someone you consider a friend."
Lulu's face was simply blank. She couldn't make any sense out of this whatsoever!
From the outside, Rumble's voice could be heard.
"Get that thing off me, you bombing squirrel!"
The two girls glanced out the door warily.
Perhaps having them work together was not such a good idea.
"Those idiots," Tristana groaned, sitting up and coming out to break off an incoming catfight once again.
In the end, Tristana successfully made them clean up the "battlefield". They only had to cleam up the streets, removing several Equalizers and mushrooms traps littered on the ground (plus the occasional surprises from Ziggs). Lulu had already helped them fix damages to civilian property, a process which rendered the young sorceress quite exhausted. The day ended pretty much peacefully – both Rumble and Teemo were worn out with the manual trap removal, since Rumble refused to let Tristy… ahem, Junkyard Titan just squash out all of Teemo's mushrooms (there's no way I'll let my baby get stained with such a thing!). Only Ziggs was still pretty energetic at the end of the day – Lulu guessed he must have found ways to avoid doing as much work as possible, the sly one he was. He would never learn.
All in all, the day ended as well as it could. Since it was too late, Ziggs had to stay the night at Bandle, and Tristana had to ensure that he stayed as far away from the other two as possible.
"Haiz," Tristana sighed loudly for the umpteenth time of the day "it's always a party with those two."
Although she was pretty tired, Lulu was a bit sad that both Teemo and Rumble didn't have a chance to confess. They seemed to have worked really hard getting their courage up. Now they'd have to start all over again.
Tristana climbed up her bunk bed.
"Goodnight, Lulu."
"Night, Trist," Lulu replied.
The Bandle Gunner fell asleep almost immediately. Lulu, though fatigued, could not sleep that easily.
She didn't understand.
What is love?
Love is… shyness, nervousness, anxiety. It is blushing, heartbeat quickening. It is trying to give the one you love flowers or pies. It is getting into a (small) (totally not dangerous) fight with another person who also likes the same person you do. It is trying to get someone to hang out with you in the special way that is totally made harder than just casually going out together.
Lulu frowned. That did not make sense, at all.
Love is baffling. Love is unpredictable. Love is destructive.
Love is really strange.
Lulu yawned.
She was feeling tired. She would sleep. And tomorrow, she'd find out more about "love", by the second most efficient way to find answers – ask the people.
Sorry, Trist. Tomorrow wouldn't be stay-at-home day.
And the purple yordle drifted off, her last thoughts were reminder to prepare some food for her flat-mate before setting out for her journey the next day.
(To be continued)
Part 2: Love in Runeterra is coming soon™.
Initially I wanted to do something fun for the Teemo-Tristana-Rumble supposed triangle. Throw Lulu into the mix and you have my wonders about the nature of romantic relationships. Yeah, I've never been in a relationship before, as you can obviously tell.
On a related note, happy April Fools! In case you have no balls to confess to your crush, 1/4 is your save! Go out there and confess/troll the person you're romantically interested in.
