Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! This is posting the night before, since I have to work all day. I've worked every Thanksgiving for the past five years, but I don't mind too much. Family drama is too much for me, especially this year.
… …
Edward Cullen
"I still think you should hire a lawyer," Lauren was saying. "So what if she agreed to bring her here this weekend? That's not a permanent fix, and she said herself that they can't do that all the time. Besides, it wouldn't exactly work with your schedule, either. And are weekends enough?"
"Lauren, I don't know," I said, again. "I still haven't figured this all out myself, okay? I'm overwhelmed and…and conflicted. I want my daughter, but I also want what is best for her. And I firmly believe that her mother is what is best for her, regardless of how selfish and immature Bella acted before. I hate that she kept Violet and I apart, but trying to now take Violet from her wouldn't do any of us any good. I can't hurt her like that just because she hurt me."
I knew that wasn't what Lauren had wanted to hear, and she left me alone after that. She didn't seem happy about the way I was choosing to handle things, but I couldn't bring myself to care, and that realization itself was eye-opening.
Last week, I had told Bella that my life was here, which was true, but I had failed to think, really think, about it. Yes, my life was here. My family, my job, my girlfriend.
But my daughter wasn't here, and I found myself wanting her above all else. If I were to rank the things in my life by importance, Violet would be, without a doubt, number one. I liked my job, but I could be a nurse just about anywhere. I would always love my family, but there was strife there, and there had been for many years now. And Lauren…
Before I had even known about the existence of my daughter, I had been starting to feel that my relationship had been going nowhere. And just last week, after my world had practically come crashing down around me, I had realized that Bella Swan still had a hold on me.
That had to mean something, count for something.
… …
A single web search told me that there were more than two hundred hospitals in Chicago, and countless other possible jobs for nurses. Almost eight thousand job listings came up when I looked.
Was this what I wanted- to do exactly what I had refused to six years ago? And if it was, then how far had my initial refusal set me back?
It didn't take much more thought for me to start filling out applications and submitting my resume.
I would talk to Bella about it this weekend.
… …
"Your father will come around," Mom assured me. "You know how he is- everything is a big deal to him, and he takes things personally."
"How can he take me having a daughter I didn't know about personally? It has nothing to do with him. And it's not like I'm fifteen years old," I complained.
She just smiled, a little sadly, and continued, "Besides, when he meets Violet, he'll change his tune. She's a charmer."
"I don't want him around Violet until after he's 'changed his tune'," I argued. "There will be no cursing, dirty looks, insults, or barbed comments around her. This situation is already confusing enough to her. I won't have dad making her feel unwelcome or like a burden."
I expected her to argue, but instead, she hugged me.
"You're a good father, Edward. I know this happened overnight, but you have more than risen to the occasion. I am very proud of you, and your father will be, too. Give him some time."
"Thanks, Mom," I said softly. "That means a lot to me."
And it really did. I just wished that my father would feel the same way now, not after some "time".
… …
"Why don't you want me to meet her, Edward?" Lauren asked, her voice rising. "She's your daughter, and I'm your girlfriend- your girlfriend of two years. I thought we were considering starting a family of our own- and in order for us to do that, you have to let me in."
"You were considering it for us," I shot back. "Lauren, I've been dragging my feet on this from the start, why won't you just let it drop?"
Her mouth dropped open. "Because, Edward, it's not okay that you're just dragging your feet! Why are we together if we're not planning a future together? Because it's not just the baby thing. It's not. Two years together, and we have no plans.
Living together just kind of happened- we didn't really plan it. And that was okay. But it was a year ago now. And since then, what have we done to strengthen our future? I thought you wanted to build on your grandfather's land. But instead, we keep paying crazy high rent here. We've been together for this long, and we're not married or even engaged? I thought that was okay at first, because to some people, that's just a piece of paper and it's not necessary to build a life together. But you won't let any of that happen. And I don't know why, because you never talk to me, Edward. You don't share with me and it makes me feel like I'm nothing to you."
She was crying now, and guilt twisted in my stomach like a knife. Because she was right, about a lot of things. I knew why I didn't share with her, why I wasn't interested in building a future with her.
"I'm sorry," I said weakly. "I…I'm not trying to hurt you."
"Then give me a straight answer, Edward. Do you want to marry me? Have children with me/ Spend the rest of your life with me?"
"No," I whispered, covering my face with my hand. "I feel like I should, but I…I just don't."
"Do you love me?" She asked, her voice cracking.
"I do, Lauren, but…I just don't think that's enough anymore, is it?"
Despite it all, she managed to give me a small smile through her tears. "No, it's not," she agreed. "I wish it were, but I'm starting to realize that I'm just not the one you want."
"Lauren…" I started to say, but she ignored me and continued, so I listened.
"I had such a huge crush on you, back then. You were a junior when I was a freshman and even then, you were nice to me. And everyone was jealous of you and Bella, including me. No one even thought that you guys would ever break up. But then you did, and I still had that crush. But I was still in high school then, and I didn't see you again until I was back from college. Everyone said that you weren't over her, and that you never would be. But she wasn't here, and I was. I guess that didn't matter. She had you all along."
"I still fell in love with you," I insisted. "That wasn't a lie."
"I know, Edward. I know you didn't mean for all of this to happen. But it's like…it's like she's the moon, and I'm just a star. I don't hold a candle to her, not according to your heart."
Lauren had never made quite so much sense before, but all it did was make me feel worse.
"This has been a long time coming, I guess," she added. "And where does this leave us now?"
"I'll help you cover the rent for a few months, if you decide you want to stay here, or if it takes you a while to get a new place," I offered immediately. "I don't want to leave you high and dry, unable to pay for it. The lease isn't up for another three months."
"Where will you go?" she asked.
"I started applying for jobs in Chicago," I admitted. "And it's not even about her, Lauren, I swear. About Bella, I mean. I don't think she'll ever want to be with me after the way we broke up and after spending six years apart. It's about Violet. That's all I really care about right now."
Lauren nodded again. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I always knew you'd be a great father."
"Thank you," I said sincerely. "I'm really appreciate that. I'm trying."
"Don't feel like you have to be out tonight, or that you need to crash at your parents. Feel free to stay in the spare bedroom while we try to figure all of this out," Lauren said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'll make myself scarce this weekend."
She started to walk by me, but I reached out and stopped her. Her hand was so small in mine, and it was shaking a little.
"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more for you."
She just smiled, looking bittersweet, and squeezed my hand. We both knew there wasn't much more to say, not anymore.
… …
Bella Swan
This time, Edward picked us up from the airport. My parents had already offered, but when Edward had texted me on Wednesday asking if he could, I didn't have the heart to say no.
And unlike my parents, he had asked to meet us at the baggage claim so he and Violet could have a proper reunion.
"Look, Violet, there's your dad," I said, pointing to where I saw Edward standing. She started to bolt towards him, but I held tight to her hand until we got closer.
Edward dropped to his knees and opened his arms to her, and she practically flew into them.
It was incredible how comfortable she already felt with him. They already had a bond between them, and I hoped that would continue to grow. They both deserved it, and had already been deprived of it for too long.
"Did you have a good flight?" Edward asked, directing his question towards the both of us as we made our way to the proper luggage carousel.
"It was fine," I answered for us. "I did a little work and Violet watched a movie."
"The Little Mermaid," Violet informed him. "With Ariel and Flounder."
I was quiet as they continued to talk, and Edward helped me with our luggage. Because we were only here for the weekend, we had shared my plain blue suitcase, much to Violet's dismay. She preferred her purple one, of course.
"I got you a little present," Edward told Violet as we approached his Volvo in the short term parking lot. "I left it in your booster seat."
Violet tore into it without hesitation, squealing when she realized it was a new book, and then stopping and frowning slightly. "I can't read this," she cried. "It's too big and I'm too little."
I peeked over her shoulder, looking at the book. Ella Enchanted. Definitely above her reading level.
"I know," Edward said, squeezing her shoulder. "It's a book that I'd like to read to you, if that's okay. Since we both like to read so much."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, immediately brightening. "Okay!"
Edward smiled sheepishly, catching my eye. "Rosalie's idea," he admitted quietly.
I chose to sit in the backseat with Violet instead of upfront. It was a little awkward either way, but I figured Edward would be preoccupied with the road and with Violet so he probably didn't care either way. But a little more than halfway through the trip to Forks, Violet drifted off to sleep, and we were left in silence before Edward finally spoke.
… …
Basically the last of Lauren. We'll see just a little bit more of her, probably, but not much. Also Ella Enchanted was and still is my favorite book of all time (maybe except for Harry Potter, but that's a series so it doesn't count). I know it's a kids book. But damn I love it, and it played a big part in my childhood. My copy is still in my bedroom, tattered and ragged, and it continues to come along on plane rides and long car trips, just in case. I've probably read it a hundred times by now, easy.
I hope you liked the chapter! Let me know what you thought.
