Chapter 9: Punished for love


Sasuke sat down angry and looked at his wound. Neji was right, he still couldn't walk. But he'd rather be in pain then have Neji on his horse like that.

Neji caught the pants and then he put off his shoes and put on the pants he got from Shikamaru.

"Well I guess I'll continue on healing you then. But really, what's the problem?" Neji asked. He still hadn't had his answer. He sat down beside Sasuke again and laid his hands on Sasuke's leg again.

Sasuke looked away. Great, Neji just had to continue healing him.

"Your legs were bare, that was the problem." Sasuke snapped.

"So? Never saw naked legs?" Neji asked, annoyed. He really started to think something was wrong with his legs. He continued to heal Sasuke.

"Not YOURS." Sasuke snapped again. Why did Neji have to keep asking him. It's not like he'd 'ever' get an honest answer from Sasuke anyhow.

"Pff. Well then don't tell me." Neji murmered, sitting down a bit more comfortable, with both legs beside him, on the right.

"Are you done with my leg already?" Sasuke asked. He was glad Neji stopped asking.

"Almost." Neji answered.

"Good." Sasuke said. He just wanted to rest now and forget about what happened just now.

"...Could we go search a lake or something? Your wound has to be cleaned too, and I need to wash myself again. I can still feel that clubkeeper's hands on me, I just feel dirty." Neji said.

"We have to wait for Kiba and Shikamaru. Besides I wouldn't know where to find a lake in the dark. Only Kiba can." Sasuke said and layed back on his back. This day had tired him out.

"Hmm ok." Neji said. He finished the healing. "There, it's done."

"Good." Sasuke said. "So how come you never heard of rape?" He asked Neji. It was weird, Sasuke figured everyone knew what rape was. It'd be wise if they all knew.

"Well, it's not really common for this kind of things to happen around the Temple." Neji answered.

"But you should've heard of it right? I mean, I thought you priests practically knew everything that happened in the world." Sasuke said. It was nice, talking to Neji without yelling for once.

"That's not true. We well, learn everything which is good. Not what is evil." Neji answered. He felt really comfortable now too.

"But you do know everything about the monster right? It would be wise if they taught you more, you never know when you might use it." Sasuke said.

"Yes I know. But because we are the servants, the husbands and wifes of God, we aren't allowed to hurt people. Even if it's self defence. No human is allowed to hurt someone else. By now, the Gods might hate me... " Neji answered, looking down. "..But we know of the monster because he's a threat to us and we had to deal with him too. We know of the Devils of the world. The monster is one of them, that's for sure."

"The gods will hate everyone if they would do that once someone uses self defense. And who cares, I mean, should you just die because otherwise the Gods wouldn't like you anymore?" Sasuke asked. It all seemed quite stupid to him to devote yourself to a bunch of imaginary things like that.

"Perhaps." Neji muttered.

"Look, if you wanna believe in those Gods, go ahead, but I don't think you're with the right people if you keep this up. We kill Neji. And so should you." Sasuke said serious as he sat up.

"You don't have the right to take someone's life Sasuke." Neji said.

"If they wanna take mine, I take theirs. It's kill or be killed in this world Neji. That's how it goes." Sasuke said.

"..I guess." Neji said.

"So I'll just ask you this now Neji. Are you in for it or not? Because if you're not, it'd be wise for you to go back." Sasuke looked at Neji. If Neji wasn't up for the job he wouldn't survive this trip. And Sasuke would never want anything to happen to Neji.

"..I already hurt someone hm." Neji answered.

"Yeah but you would try not to. You can't hesitate to hurt someone Neji, it could kill you." Sasuke said.

"Sasuke really... I just.. I'm not ready to kill.." Neji said softly.

Sasuke sighed. "Well you should be. If not, it's best if you head back Neji. Or 'you'll' get killed." He said.

"Do you think I'll survive it when I try to head back alone?" Neji asked, sarcastic.

"No. That's why we'll ask someone to guide you back once we find a new city. You can't stay if you can't kill Neji. Trust me." Sasuke laid back again. He wasn't to sure if he wanted Neji to go for some reason. But it was for Neji's own good.

Neji was silent now, looking away. He really felt useless now.

Sasuke was silent too for a while. "Look, you're a great priest, but if you can't put that job aside, then you won't be able to help anyone Neji." He said, breaking the silence.

Neji looked at him. "It's just difficult.. it would be difficult for you too to not be allowed to kill or something.. It's just hard." Neji said.

"I get that, that's why I'm trying to tell you you should head back if you don't think you'll be able to do it. I wouldn't want you to get hurt." Sasuke said, but right when he said the last thing, wanted to take it back. Neji didn't need to know he cared.

Neji looked at him with a frown. "I thought you hated me." He said.

"Well I don't, happy now?" Sasuke said, mentally hitting himself in the head for letting Neji know.

Neji didn't answer, but just smiled at Sasuke, before looking away again. He stared at the sky, thinking. Something strange was happening with him.

Sasuke looked at Neji. He still looked pretty, even when it was dark and Sasuke could barely see anything. Wait..what was he thinking now? Stop looking. Sasuke quickly turned his head to look at the sky too.

"I hope we will be able to sleep." Neji said.

"We will. Kiba and I will take turns in taking guard." Sasuke answered. Why did he fell so comfortable and light headed around Neji? He was so getting sick.

"Shikamaru and I can do that too." Neji said. He laid back. so he could look at the stars.

Sasuke looked at Neji who was laying next to him now. "You two need your rest. Besides, you wouldn't be able to do anything, might something happen." He said as he kept looking at Neji.

"I could kick you awake." Neji said, with a slight tone of humor in his voice.

Sasuke gave out a small laugh. "Yeah, well you still need to rest. I'm used to being up all night." He said. He just didn't want Neji to get tired. But why was he taking care of Neji? Why did he care? It didn't make sense.

"You're just saying that. No human can move around without sleep." Neji said. Why was Sasuke caring so much? It felt great, but it was strange..

"When I slept alone in the forest I couldn't sleep, or it'd be my death. So. Just let me and Kiba take care of it." Sasuke said. All the time he kept staring at Neji. The moonlight made him look even more pretty...OK there he went again. He had to stop thinking like that, he wasn't a romantic.

"Hm.. if you want.." Neji said. Suddenly he noticed that Sasuke was staring. He looked at him, frowning. "Is something the matter?" Neji asked. Now he had an excuse to look at Sasuke. Oh jeez, naughty thoughts again.

Sasuke stared back, right into Neji's eyes. He really wanted to look away, but his head wouldn't move. "No. I was just thinking." Sasuke lied. He REALLY had to stop looking now.

Neji kept looking too, now feeling his face become a bit more heated up. "..Alright." Neji said. Oh god.. what was this feeling? He wanted to look away, but he couldn't. He just couldn't..

Sasuke still looked at Neji. All he wanted to do was just kiss him. Come on Sasuke just kiss him. But no, he couldn't...Neji was a priest. And he wasn't supposed to feel like this. He promised himself he'd never fall in love. And Neji was a boy. He couldn't fall for a boy. But still...he couldn't look away either.

Neji kept looking too. He frowned. Why couldn't he just look away? He licked his lips shortly in thought, but kept staring at Sasuke. He felt his heart beat faster. It was almost like Sasuke's face came closer every second. He wanted it to.. No, he couldn't... he was a priest, he had to stop these thoughts..

Sasuke looked at Neji licking his lips. WHY did Neji have to do something like that..Sasuke wanted it..so badly...He couldn't do this...Neji was a priest. A frigging priest...but Sasuke felt his head slowly getting closer to Neji's. And he was sure he wasn't the only one moving...

Neji swallowed while he stopped bringing his head closer. This.. he wanted this... but he couldn't.. he couldn't.. But he did feel himself heaten more and more up.. and Sasuke kept coming closer.. he had to come closer...

Sasuke felt his heartbeat raising by the second. If it went on like this it would kill Sasuke. But he had too...he couldn't help moving closer..and closer...almost...he was almost there..and he couldn't stop himself anymore..He wanted this...He forgot all about Neji being a priest as his lips finally met Neji's.

Neji, for one moment, forgot about himself to be a priest for a moment. He closed his eyes when Sasuke's lips met his and when he felt Sasuke starting to kiss him, he started to kiss back. This feeling.. it was a great feeling.. he never faced this before.. but he liked it. A lot.

Sasuke felt his face heading up as he kissed Neji. It felt too good. Neji's lips were so soft...so perfect..He wanted to feel more..More of Neji, more of those perfect lips. He started kissing more heavily, but still that passionate moment wouldn't fade. And Sasuke would want it to never fade again.

Neji gave a slight moan when Sasuke kissed him more heavy. He kept kissing back, he kept feeling that special feeling.. what was happening to him?

Sasuke brought up a hand to Neji's cheek. He just moved automatically now. All he wanted was to feel more of Neji...more then he already felt. He hesitated for a while before licking slightly over Neji's lip, begging for entrance.

Neji slowly laid his arms around Sasuke's neck and opened his mouth slightly when he felt Sasuke's tongue on his mouth.

Sasuke slowly pushed his tongue in, touching Neji's. He never felt this great before..Neji did something to him...'this' did something to him..And god, Neji's taste..his hands around his neck...It was driving Sasuke crazy. He laid his hands on Neji's hips slightly.

Neji didn't knew what was happening to him either. He felt Sasuke laying his hands on his hips and he felt some kind of tingling going through his body. He wanted more.. He needed more.. The feeling of Sasuke's tongue in his mouth felt so great.. everything about this felt great.

Sasuke kept licking Neji's tongue. He wanted more from Neji. He wanted Neji to move with him. Touch him...He wanted Neji to keep him in this sensation. He wanted Neji..

Neji moaned and finally started to move his tongue too, slowly moving it around Sasuke's. He had no idea what he was doing. He just.. did it.

Sasuke slowly moved his tongue around Neji's too. This was probably Neji's first kiss but god did it feel great. Sasuke slightly brought his hands up to Neji's waist once and then put them back on his hips. Sasuke gave a moan as Neji and his tongues clashed. It all felt so great.

Neji kissed back for a while, but all of sudden, he stopped. What the hell did he think he was doing? He quickly broke the kiss and stood. This was just confusing him too much.

Sasuke looked at him, breathing heavily. For a moment he didn't understood, but then it came back to him...Neji was a priest. And Sasuke had just kissed him. Damn..what should he do now? "..I...I'm sorry." Sasuke said as he too stood up.

Neji looked at him and then shook his head, breathing heavy too. "..Don't be... I.. shit.." Neji stammered and then quickly started to walk away, being so confused that he thought he could just walk somewhere to think about it all.

Sasuke though, didn't think that was a wise plan. The forest was still dangerous. He grabbed Neji's arm. "...You can't go..It's too dangerous." Sasuke said, although he really wanted to be apart from Neji right now.

Neji stood still, breathing out. Sasuke was right, it was too dangerous. "...Let's just.. act like this never happened ok...?" Neji said. The Gods would hate him now for sure. He needed to make this up to them..

Sasuke looked at Neji. He didn't want to forget. Not in the least..He couldn't forget. But...they'd never be together in the first place right? So he might as well make Neji happy. "...Fine.." He said, but he was sure he didn't sound sincere.

Neji looked at the ground now, not wanting to forget either. He sat down again. He had to punish himself for this.. Else the Gods would and that would only be worser..

Sasuke sat down too, giving out a sigh. "Look it..meant nothing ok. It must be just the atmosphere out here..." Sasuke lied. Of course it wasn't the atmosphere, but Neji just had to feel better.

"..Perhaps.." Neji said softly and slowly grabbed a pocket knife, which had been in one of his boots the whole time. He stared at it. Should he use it, or..?

Sasuke grabbed Neji's hand. "No." He said strict. He figured Neji wasn't planning anything nice with that knife.

Neji looked at him. "What no?" He asked.

"Don't use it." Sasuke said as he grabbed the knife. He looked at Neji again.

"Then can you hit me?" Neji asked, sounding serious.

Sasuke now looked at Neji with a questioning look. He HAD to be kidding right? "No I can't, what the hell would I wanna hit you for?" Sasuke said.

"I just sinned Sasuke. I need to be punished." Neji said calmly. "So are you going to do it or are you going to give me back the knife?"

"Neither, this is ridiculous. So you're saying your Gods don't want people to kiss or have sex? Then the human race would die out Neji. Besides, what do you care? If those Gods wanted to punish you, they'd do it already." Sasuke said. He couldn't believe Neji wanted to hurt himself, that was just ridiculous.

"They will wait until they see I won't see that I'm wrong and won't punish myself. And only priests can't have sex or kiss. It's just like that ok. I sinned too many times these past days, I can't go on like this." Neji said.

Sasuke was quiet for a while. "Then get out of this team." He finally said after some time. He couldn't be in Neji's team if Neji was gonna punish himself everytime. He wouldn't travel with someone like that.

"What?" Neji asked, surprised.

"If you're gonna punish yourself every time you do something the Gods don't like, then get out of this team. I'm not dealing with a suicidal kid. Let alone see you hurt yourself everyday." Sasuke said and looked at Neji serious.

Neji looked away, with a bitter look in his face. "I already gave up so much for this world.. do I have to give up everything now?" He snapped, not at anyone in particular. He was more like talking to himself now.

"You already 'did' give up everything when you became a priest." Sasuke snapped back, thinking Neji's snap was meant for him.

"Then perhaps my mom did that." Neji snapped. "You know what. I will leave."

Sasuke's head snapped towards Neji. Was he actually gonna leave? "..What do you mean your mom did that..?" Sasuke asked, trying to ignore what Neji had said.

"Well she was the one who dumped me at the Temple after all." Neji said, standing up.

"Well she probably thought that was safest for you. But it still doesn't mean that you're happy with it." Sasuke said, standing up too. He had to be able to keep Neji here if Neji was gonna try to go. He couldn't let Neji go.

"Like I said, everyone has a goal." Neji snapped. Then he started to walk away from Sasuke.

Sasuke followed Neji. "Then what is 'your' goal? What do 'you' wanna do? And don't walk away from me, it's dangerous." Sasuke said.

"That's exactly why I'm going now. I'm going back to the Temple, and if someone will hurt me, I know why that is. Because the Gods want it." Neji answered, ignoring the first thing.

Sasuke grabbed Neji by the arms now. He was 'so' stubborn. "Look, you're not going anywhere on your own. Wasn't it the same Gods that got you to be my companion in the first place? Are you just gonna walk away from that? And what about the whole, your life is on a piece of paper shit. Maybe that...thing just now HAD to happen for a reason. Are you just gonna walk out of that too?" Sasuke asked.

"Perhaps I just need to see what happens when I sin." Neji said. "And yes, they wanted 'a healer' to come with you. There are more healers in this world, and a lot more better then me. And let go of me."

"If you walk out of this now I won't even TRY to defeat that stupid monster and it'll all be our fault in the end that there will be no peace Neji." Sasuke snapped. He really didn't want to force Neji. He just did it, because he couldn't let Neji leave.

Neji looked at him very angry. "Whát?" He snapped. He couldn't believe this, why was Sasuke saying this?

"You heard me. If you Bail out of this, I do too." Sasuke snapped again, looking into Neji's eyes with a strict look.

"...How can you say something like that?" Neji said, unbelieving.

"I just said it right? So like that. I wasn't in for this in the first place, I just did it because you wanted it so badly." Sasuke said, now getting annoyed. Jeez what did he have to do to get Neji to stay?

"...I thought you were different." Neji snapped, while walking back and sitting down.

Sasuke looked at Neji. He didn't see that coming. Now not only did he have to feel uncomfortable with Neji around, he had also managed to make Neji dislike him. And Neji was the last person he wanted to dislike him. But he would never tell Neji he just wanted him to stay, he wasn't a pansy. Sasuke walked back too and sat down, still looking at Neji.

Neji looked at him too for one moment and then he looked away. He was unsure what he wanted to do now, how he thought about everything now. He stared at the ground. All those emotions in his head.. he was getting crazy of it. He had a plight... he didn't wanted that anymore but he would be a failure to his family if he wouldn't follow this plight.. then there were his feelings.. he couldn't let them out because of his plight... He wanted to get rid of this plight, but he couldn't... he just couldn't...

"You can go if you don't dislike me Neji." Sasuke said, breaking the silence and grabbing his sword to polish it. He really..wanted it either way. He didn't want Neji to leave, but it would be even worse if he disliked Sasuke. He would just give Neji his free choice.

"...Sasuke I don't get you. What is it that you want?" Neji said after having been silent for some time.

Sasuke looked at Neji for a while before answering. "I want you to stay and at like me at least as a friend. 'That's' what I want. And I also want you to stop acting like an idiot and think you should hurt yourself if you do something to survive or do something because you like it."

"I can't." Neji said. "I can't stop believing and serving the Gods, if that's what you mean."

"You don't even LIKE doing that! You can believe in them, but why would you do something against your own will? You never asked for this and everyone has a right to choose their lives themselves." Sasuke said.

"I 'have' to, why don't you get that? I 'have' to serve the Gods, for the sake of my family! I would be a complete failure if I wouldn't. I'm playing my part in this war." Neji said

"You were supposed to be my companion right? So 'not' a priest and if your family thinks you're a failure because you were able to choose and follow your own path then they're complete and utter idiots!" Sasuke yelled back.

"They took care of me Sasuke." Neji softly said.

"And the best way for you to take care of them is stay with me and 'not' hurt yourself if you hurt someone else or do something YOU actually wanna do. Besides, shouldn't they be proud of you anyway that you're helping me? Wasn't I the chosen one?" Sasuke looked at Neji. That kid was so hard to convince it was becoming annoying now.

"...It's true that I have to do what the chosen one wants me to do, but..." Neji stopped. He frowned as he realized something. The chosen one, a thinker, a human beast, a woman and... a healer... And he was the healer.. not.. a priest...

"But what?" Sasuke asked annoyed. What was it this time?

"...I.. I don't know if I.. if I am the one to be travelling with you... I mean... it would be a healer... nothing was mentioned about a priest... I.." Neji said, confused now.

"But you 'are' a healer. It didn't say about Kiba either that he should have a huge dog with him either. And I bet not all priests are healers, so if it had said a priest, then it could've been some kind of useless person. It meant YOU." Sasuke said. He didn't even believe in this kind of crap, but if it kept Neji here, he'd act like he did.

"...So there might be a possibility.. that only my healing powers are needed in this journey.." Neji muttered.

"No. It didn't say that I could use my swords, or Kiba would use a dog or Shikamaru should just stick to thinking. We need to get through this with everything we got. And those Gods didn't give you the power to hurt someone if they didn't want you to use it." Sasuke said.

Neji was silent for a while. "..I need to think about this.." Neji said softly. "...But there is something I want to tell you.."

"And that is?" Sasuke asked. Ugh, think about this. That was just ridiculous, wasn't it obvious enough already?"

"...I actually came to.. well.. like you.. a lot.. during those past days.. I guess you should just know.." Neji muttered.

Sasuke looked at Neji kind of surprised. He liked Neji saying that. "Well..I like you too Neji." He said. Though why, he had no idea. It wouldn't matter, Sasuke knew Neji would never EVER give in to those feelings. So neither would he.

Neji nodded. "Thanks.." He said and then laid down on his back again.

Thanks? All he got was thanks? Sasuke sighed. So he was right. Neji'd never give in. Damn, why did he have to develop those kind of feelings for Neji anyhow? That was just stupid, he should've stopped it when he had the chance. And that was BEFORE he kissed Neji. Dammit.

"...But I guess it's more then just liking with me.." Neji muttered.

Sasuke looked at Neji. "...Then what is it?" Sasuke asked surprised.

"...I guess.. that I might be falling in love with you... and I hate it.. I can't..." Neji said, now looking away. He couldn't look at Sasuke while telling him this.

Sasuke felt his stomach turn when Neji said that. He hated it? Was Sasuke 'that' bad to fall in love with?

"Well your feelings are returned, but I don't hate it." Sasuke snapped. He always got cranky when people made him feel bad.

Neji closed his eyes. "...I hate it that I can't show it.. I.. I don't know if I can show it.. It's all so unclear.. I just.. I don't know... I't's difficult..." Neji softly said. "..I hate it that I love you... because I'm not allowed to..."

So what? Who cared that he was a priest, if he felt it then...wait. Rewind. I love you? Did Neji just say I love you? What was that all about, they knew each other for three days. "You what?!" Sasuke blurted out.

Neji sat up straight, sighing. He looked at Sasuke. "You're not happy with it, are you?" He asked, not really with much emotion in his voice.

"I'm pretty sure you don't mean that Neji. I mean...love me? That's ridiculous, I've known for three days, it's ridiculous." Sasuke said. He just couldn't understand it.

"I know.. but well.. you just made a huge impression on me.. and well.. I don't know.. I just do.." Neji said, looking away now. He bit his lip. He was such an overemotional fool.

"No no no. You're 'in' love with me. IN! Really, you're mistaken, I'm sure of it." Sasuke said, panicking. No one should love him, no one. Especially not after three days, it was suffocating to even think of it.

Neji was looking at the ground now. This really hurt. This hurt a lot. He really was an overemotional idiot.. too quickly with trusting people.. perhaps this was his punishment..

"And there we are again!" A happy Kiba yelled, his arms full with wood.

Neji didn't looked at Kiba, nor Shikamaru, nor Sasuke. He was still kind of waiting for an answer or action of Sasuke.

"Go away." Sasuke snapped to Kiba and Shikamaru. He wanted to answer Neji, really. He wanted to tell Neji what HE felt. But there was no way he'd do that with Shikamaru and Kiba around.

"Something wrong?" Shikamaru asked as he saw how Neji and Sasuke were acting.

Kiba raised an eyebrow. "Euh, did we do something?" He asked.

"Coming back, that's what you did wrong." Sasuke snapped again.

"Maybe..we should just go for a little while longer Kiba." Shikamaru said. He figured Neji and Sasuke were talking about something important.

"I guess. Well later again." Kiba said, sweatdropping, dropping the wood and then walking away again.

Shikamaru followed him leaving Neji and Sasuke by themselves again.