You Can't Love Someone You Don't Trust
Chapter 8
Clare's POV:
As I walked down the street to my house, I started to get discouraged. What if Eli was right? What if he was right about Julia being dead? When I got to my house what would I say to my mom? I looked nothing like Julia so even if I told her I was Julia she would think I was crazy. My thoughts wouldn't go away and before I knew it I ended up in front of where I was headed. I looked up to find that the house was dark. It looked betrayed and alone. I slowly walked up the sidewalk and on to the porch. It looked like no one had lived there in years. I thought it was useless to knock on the door seeing as how no one would answer, so I walked over to the boarded up window and peeked through a crack. Inside the house it was dark and dusty. The house was empty; the floors were covered with dust and trash. Part of me felt sad but the other part felt relieved. I was sad because my house was abandoned and my mom was gone, but I felt relieved because I wouldn't have to figure out what to say without them thinking I was mentally insane. With discourage in my heart I backed away from the window, walked off the porch, and away from the house. I had no idea where to go. I couldn't go back to the hospital, and I couldn't go to Eli' s. I didn't know if Eli was still mad at me but I knew I was still mad at him. I mean don't get me wrong I loved Eli but there was still a part of me that was hurt by what he had said that night. It seemed like it happened yesterday and I remember it perfectly. We had been going out for almost a year and we were so in love. Well Eli was becoming a little over protective, and it was slowly driving me insane. So I decided to talk to him. We were at school one day and I told him that I needed to talk to him. He was a little confused as to why I was acting so serious, so he just replied with an "ok". So that afternoon after school we walked out to Morty together so we could talk. When we reached Morty the conversation began.
Me-"Eli we really need to talk."
Eli-"Ok, what about?"
Me-"I feel kind of smothered."
Eli-"What do you mean?"
Me-"Ok well don't get me wrong I love you, but lately you've become a little over protective and controlling."
Eli-"it's just that I've never felt the way I do about you. Never have I ever loved a girl as much as you. I just don't want to loose you."
Me-"Eli, you're not going to." "I love you and always will."
Eli-"I love you to and I will try to work on the protectiveness."
Me-"Ok." With that our conversation was over. He drove me home and we continued on with our lives. Well over the next month instead of things becoming better they became worse. Now I know Eli said that he was going to try to control his protectiveness, but he wasn't doing such a good job. He normally protected me when I needed it and sometimes when I didn't, but the way he was acting now just freaked me out. He used to be caring and supportive, but now it was like that Eli was gone and there was a new one. He was clingy and obsessive. I didn't understand. He always wanted to be with me. Now don't get me wrong I loved Eli and I wanted to be with him but there are sometimes when you just need a break from the one you love. His actions continued to get worse and worse so I decided that I was going to have to talk to him again. I think it was one Saturday and it had been raining all day long. I was a little scared, not of him, but if he got mad and broke up with me, now that's what I was scared of. I didn't want to loose him but this whole protectiveness has got to go. So I called him and asked him if we could meet at our spot. It was an old crossroad that not many people drove on these days. He said yes and I told him I would meet him there. As soon as I hung up the phone I went outside, got on my bike, and took off in the direction where I would be meeting him. The rain had stopped for the time being and it was almost dark, so I figured that Eli would have to drive me home. Once I reached our spot I immediately saw Morty and Eli lying on the hood looking up at the sky. I predicted that he knew I was there so I just laid my bike down, walked over to his car, and climbed on the hood with him. I laid there for a few minutes before looking over to realize that he was asleep. He looked so happy and content and I just couldn't bear the thought of waking him, but I knew I had to. So I ever so gently reached over and kissed his cheek. Nothing. So then I kissed his lips. He stirred but didn't wake up. I then reached over and gently shook him. He slowly woke up and I was reconnected to his dazzling emerald eyes. He smiled at me and I smiled back.
Eli-"Hey, you made it."
Me-"Yeah, how long have you been waiting?"
Eli-"About 35 to 45 minutes."
Me-"I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to be that long."
Eli-"It's ok. I was already in the area when you called so it's no big deal."
Me-"Oh, ok."
Eli-"So what did you want to talk about? You seemed kind of worried on the phone."
Me-"Ok well I don't want you to get mad or upset but we need to talk about your protectiveness."
Eli-"My protectiveness? I thought we talked about this before."
Me-"We did, but to me it seems like things have gotten worse."
Eli-"What do you mean gotten worse? I thought things were going good. I thought you were happy. I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"
Me-"Eli please don't yell, just clam down. I do love you and I am happy."
Eli-"No you're not. If you were happy you wouldn't be trying to cause us problems."
Me-"Eli I'm not trying to cause us problems, I'm trying to fix this before it becomes a problem."
Eli-"NO YOU'RE NOT, YOU DON'T LOVE ME AND YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME!"
Me-"Eli yes I do! What are you talking about?"
Eli-"you know exactly what I'm talking about. You don't want us to be together."
Me-"Yes I do. I love you."
Eli-"No you don't."
Me-"Eli I don't understand why you are doing this."
Eli-"Me? You're the one who is trying to create a problem so you can break up with me."
Me-"Break up with you? Why would I do that? I love you."
Eli-"This happens every time I try to be with someone. I don't know why I thought this time would be different."
Me-"Eli what are you talking about?"
Eli-"you wouldn't understand."
Me-"I would if you would tell me."
Eli-"No You won't understand."
Me-"Yes I will, I love you. I want to be with you."
Eli-"No you don't. I know where you're going with this."
Me-"Eli I'm not going anywhere with this."
Eli-"You don't love me you hate me."
Me-"No Eli you're wrong."
Eli-"No I'm not. The only thing that's wrong is us being together."
I remembered when he said that his words cut through my heart like a knife. I didn't understand what he was saying. I couldn't grasp the concept that he thought being with me was wrong. Never had it occurred to me that he might be unhappy. That he might not want to be with me anymore. Maybe that's why he was being possessive and controlling; he was trying to push me away. Before I knew what had happened I had jumped off the hood of Morty, and ran over to get on my bike. Before I had the chance to run away Eli had run over to me saying that he was sorry. But I didn't give him the chance to persuade me. I was hurt and he didn't want me. He didn't want us to be together. He said it himself. It was dark and I could hardly see especially with the hard rain pounding in my face. I remember hearing something screeching and bright lights blinding me. The next thing I knew I felt the metal colliding with my body, ripping it to shreds. I remember hitting the pavement and trying to get up but something was pinning my body to the ground. I lay there for a moment before darkness took over and I closed my eyes. I don't really remember what happened after that. I remember waking up in the hospital and feeling like I'd been in a deep deep sleep. I don't know what happened. All I knew was that I woke up looking like a stranger and then Eli telling me that Julia had died and I was some girl named Clare. It didn't make any sense and I wanted to figure it out. I escaped my thoughts when I heard a car honk. I looked up to see that it was Eli's black hearse. He jumped out of the car and ran toward me.
Eli-"Clare!"
Me-"I'm not Clare, I'm Julia!" and with that I took off running. Eli was a fast runner so I knew I didn't have a chance to get away but my body wouldn't let me stop. I just had to keep going. I ran as fast as I could, but Eli stayed right on my heels. I decided to stop running on the sidewalk and dashed into the woods, but Eli strayed right behind me. I ran and ran and ran, but eventually being the clumsy person that I am, I tripped and fell. Eli caught up with me immediately. I tried to jump up and run but Eli grabbed me by the wrists and held them up by my head. I wiggled and fought, trying to get away, but he wouldn't let me.
Eli-"Stop, JULIA STOP!" I suddenly realized how much my life had fallen apart. Everything I had was gone and I had nothing. The tears started streaming down my face.
Me-"NO I DON'T WANT YOU! YOU DON'T WANT ME EITHER!"
Eli-"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO!"
Me-"YES I DO!"
Eli-"Ok where? Are you just going to up and disappear and never come back to deal with your problems?"
Me-"IT WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF I JUST LEFT. THEN I WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM FOR EVERYONE ELSE!"
Eli-"YOU'RE NOT A PROBLEM. YOU'RE JUST CONFUSED."
Me-"YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT! I'M SO CONFUSED AND NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE OR WANT TO HELP ME."
Eli-"I care and I want to help you."
After that he bent down and kissed me on the forehead. He then got up and helped me up. I stood there crying and he pulled me into a hug. We stayed like that for a while.
Eli-"If I let you go are you going to run?"
Me-"No." He let me go and I glanced around the woods where we were. As soon as I saw where we had ended up I remembered it. I guess Eli noticed that I was in a trance because he asked me what was wrong before looking around to realize where we were. The memory flowed into my head and it was as clear as day. It was our place. We came here when we wanted to be alone. It was in the middle of the woods where we had created a fort like thing. There were trees all around us. We used to lay here at night talking and looking up at the stars. I walked away from Eli and walked toward a tree that had our names scratched in the tree into the middle of a heart. I turned to look at Eli who looked sad.
Me-"Do you remember this place?"
Eli-"Of course I do."
Me-"Yeah it was where we first said we loved each other." Once I said it, Eli looked at me like he was shocked. I started describing the memory to him.
Me-"It was a cool spring day, the temperature was wonderful. My step mom and I were fighting. She slapped me in the face, so I went to your house." "We figured that she would just come to your house to get me, so we decided to go to our place. When we got here we laid down on our fort to talk. We had been lying there for a few minutes before I looked over at you. You looked at me back; we stared at each other for the longest time before I told you I loved you. You smiled and told me you loved me to." "Later on you carved our names into that tree and carved a heart around them."
Eli-"How do you know that?"
Me-"It's what I keep telling everyone, I may look like Clare but on the inside I'm Julia."
Eli-"I'm sorry I didn't believe you" he walked over to me and gave me a hug.
Me-"It's ok.'
Eli-"Now you do know that you're going to have to come back to the hospital."
Me-"What? No I don't want to."
Eli-"You have to, even though you don't think you're Clare, you're identical to her, so you have to go home with her parents. Besides you can't be wondering around the streets, it's not safe."
Me-"Ok, but why can't I stay with you?"
Eli-"Well, the doctor said that you needed to be at home, it will help being in a familiar place. Don't worry they're good people. You'll be safe, and if anything happens you can call me."
Me-"Ok, fine."
With that we walked back to Morty and Eli drove me to the hospital. As soon as we pulled up I completely regretted deciding to come back. I didn't know these people, how was I supposed to know if I would be safe with them. I guess I could give it a try. I trusted Eli and if he trusted them, then so did I. I just couldn't bring myself to understand how all of this had happened. My life was turned upside down, my mom was gone, Eli was different, and no one wanted to believe me when I told them the truth. I was alone. I always went to Eli for help, but now I needed help with my biggest problem, and he didn't believe me; but at least he was starting to come around. As we walked through the hospital doors I was terrified and shaking. I guess Eli could tell because he grabbed and held my hand in his and continued to walk to the elevators. When the doors shut I started shaking more, and Eli tightened the grip on my hand.
Eli-"Calm down, everything is going to be ok."
Me-"How can you be so certain?"
But before he could answer the doors opened and I immediately saw Clare's parents, Doctor Johnson, and some guy I'd never seen before sitting in the waiting room, looking worried. As soon as I stepped out of the elevator Clare's parents came running to me, then throwing their arms all over me, saying how scared and worried they had been. I had a good mind to ask them why they would be worried seeing as how I'm not their daughter. But I figured that everything would go over smoother if I were nice.
Me-"There was no need to be worried. You should've known that this one wouldn't let me get Far." I said nudging Eli. They looked pleased that I was being civil compared to earlier.
Mr. Edwards-"Doctor Johnson just told us that you're free to come home with us today."
Mrs. Edwards-" What do you think, are you ready to come home?" I decided to be civil again.
Me-"Yes, I can't wait."
They pulled me into another hug and then walked me out of the hospital and to their car. I was scared and worried, but at the same time I was thankful that for the first time in a while I had a little faith that everything would be ok.
