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Ten Reasons Why Streaking is a Bad Idea – as Discovered on Ten Separate Occasions

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Reason No.1, January 14th: sub-zero temperatures

The first time I ever got dared to streak, I just got dared. That was it. I wasn't in it for the money or anything like that. I wasn't drunk either, but everyone else was, so I figured; hey, what the hell!

Only problem was, my so-called 'mates' were so drunk, that by the time I had done my honorary lap around the division garden, they had all fallen asleep. All of them. I was only outside for a few freakin' minutes! But because they were all asleep, there was no one to let me in again. They didn't wake up for another four and a half hours. By the time they did and decided to let me back in, I was almost dead. I had to go to Squad Four for a lie down, and a massive cup of cocoa, and I don't think I've ever been the same in my… err… 'nether regions' since.

First, last and only time, I said to myself…

Reason No. 2, March 23rd: perverts

The second time I streaked was in March, some years later. I had turned down numerous dares in the time in between but seeing as it was March, it was a bit warmer. I also told my buddies that I would do it, as long as I could do it inside the division. I mean, it was the middle of the night. No-one was going to be there, except for us, right?

I was hurtling round the corner, when I ran into one of the prettiest guys I had ever seen. I say this, because he was. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one staring. To this day I have never been able to get him to leave me alone. Him and his perverse comments…

Reason No. 3, July 4th: fireworks

It was American Independence Day. Any excuse for getting drunk right?

Turns out, those pretty sparks from the fireworks hurt.

Enough said.

Reason No. 4, October 31st: eyeliner pencils

We thought it would be funny if, as a cool Halloween costume, we went as ourselves... but naked! It seemed like a good idea at the time…

What I didn't realise until I woke up the next morning was that whilst being passed out in the nude, someone had drawn pumpkins all over my cheeks with an eyeliner pencil. And they weren't on my face either.

Reason No. 5, December 25th: because it's Christmas

I've always felt a bit guilty about this one. After all, it is supposed to be a Holy day.

Jesus would never streak. Not even if it was his birthday.

Reason No. 6, April 12th: acid!

Time number six, me and a buddy got dared to strip off all our gear and then break into Squad Twelve. As you can tell, I still hadn't learnt my lesson.

It was relatively simple getting in (stand on bench, crawl throught open window, drop down inside). What was harder was getting out. We hadn't really thought that far ahead.

It ended up with me standing near the window, Ikkaku Maderame perched on my shoulders. I have quite literally seen everything now – remember, we were completely naked.

Anyway, because I was a bit drunk, and had a heavy naked guy balanced on my shoulders, I ended up falling over. Into a workbench with jars of Hydrocholric acid stood on.

Ouccccchhhh!!

Reason No. 7, September 9th: photographs

This one is just obvious. You don't want your escapades coming back to haunt you year in year out.

(But this didn't act as a deterrent for me)

Reason No.8, May 1st: captains

Nothing says 'demotion' like running head first into a group of captain, wearing nothing but a smile.

Luckily for me, my captain's blind. I think that's how I got away with it.

Reason No.9, August 10th: boyfriends

Sometimes, being naked in a room with the very attractive lieutenant of Squad Ten, whilst you are both drunk and she is in the process of removing her clothes, can be very akward.

Especially if someone walks in on you.

Especially if he is your boyfriend.

I spent a week sleeping on the sofa as a result. Lucky for me, he knows about my tendency to streak whenever and wherever, as he happened to run into me once before (he was my reason number 2)

Reason No. 10, November 19th: age

There comes a point in every man's life, when you're standing outside as naked as the day you were born, during your birthday party, and you can't help but think; 'I'm getting too old for this.'


Thanks to eggrolljunkie99 for this one. It certainly is a piece of resistance

xxx