Warning: Contains mild swear words and adult themes.
Summary: Set in a (normally) fluffy AU where Donna and the Doctor have two young sons, John has returned, and they are trying to find him a girlfriend in a nightclub. This is a sequel to Did The Sky Fall In?
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters apart from the two people I've given them to love; and the club I made up.
What Happened to the Acorn?
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"Well, how did it go?" Donna greeted John anxiously. "Do I need to make my presence felt tomorrow, or have those strumpets learnt their lesson?"
"It didn't turn out too bad after I spoke to you," he gave her a small shy smile. "I met Christina, and she was like a breath of fresh air after all that other nonsense."
"Did she leave her guide dog at home then?" asked a voice from under the console.
"Oi! Watch it you! Don't go 'round dissing my brother!" Donna huffed, but she gave away her true feelings by winking at John.
"He's my brother too!" replied the voice indignantly.
"Then try and remember that and act accordingly!" she barked at him. "And why are you down there anyway? We're supposed to be going out soon!"
The Doctor's head emerged to berate her, "I heard you the first time you asked that one thirty seven minutes ago! Doesn't make these repairs any less important if you shout at me like that!"
"Oh really? Will you feel differently about it when I bugger off out with John or kick you out of bed later?" Donna visibly reddened in anger as her fists clenched.
"Now, my darling Donna," the Doctor brought the whole of his body out from under the grating, "there's no need to be so hasty. I'm sure we can come to a reasonable conclusion."
"Reasonable for who? Certainly not for me! Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with you," she gave a little sniff and gave off an air of dejection. "What do you think, John?"
"Oh no!" he shied away. "I can't even get my own love-life off the ground, so I'm definitely not interfering with yours!" But Donna being so forlorn tugged at his heartstrings. "Come on, let's go get ourselves a cup of tea," he went to take her hand.
The Doctor's hand beat him to it, "We'll all go together. I could do with a break."
"You carry on treating me like that and it's you that will break," Donna threatened the Doctor. "And don't try and throw me off by tickling my wrist," she let out a reluctant giggle.
"What? You mean like this?" he lightly stroked his fingers along her lower arm. "Oh I'm ever so sorry. Does it tickle?" he grinned wickedly at her.
"You know full well it flipping does," she tried to pull her hand back before shrieking with laughter. "Bloody Martian tactics!"
"Now now, children! Play nicely!" John mockingly chided them before jumping out of the way of a potential swat on the bottom from the Doctor. "Ooh cheeky!"
"I don't believe it," the Doctor shook his head in pretend agitation, "I'm getting it in flipping stereo now!"
"Quadrasonic if you count the boys," pointed out Donna unhelpfully.
~o~
A couple of hours later, the boys had been left safely with Sylvia, who elatedly started to try and feed them all up. With promises to return no later than 2am, the TARDIS trio set off into London's clubland.
As they entered the Bush Tucker Club, there was an enthusiastic rendition of 'I Will Survive' being performed on the stage.
They easily found a table big enough for the three of them and bought a drink. "What is that woman wearing?" the Doctor squinted at the cabaret performer.
"'She' is wearing sequins. Anybody would think you'd never seen that parrot look before," Donna rolled her eyes.
"A bit Dana International, isn't it?" John observed. "It could be a good look on you!"
"Do you think?" the Doctor chuckled as he contemplated his suit. "Nuh! I'll stick with this, if it's all the same to you!"
"Are you sure?" teased Donna, giving him a cheeky smile over the top of her large glass of Pimms. "The feathers could easily be incorporated."
"Oi! I'll feather you… which sounds quite a good idea now that I've said it!" he waggled his eyebrows at her.
Donna leant over and whispered in his ear a promise pertaining to a feather boa later, and his face lit up delightedly. John gave a cough, and whined, "I thought we had come here partly for my benefit?"
She patted his knee, "And we did; but I'm also here on a date remember, so I'll behave exactly how I feel like, so don't start!" Donna laughed at his sulky expression and pinched his cheek, "Poor diddums!"
John glared at her in response, and spoke slowly, "I am not a child."
"You forget… you'll always be my little brother to me, no matter how old you are or look." She patted his cheek instead, "Doesn't mean I don't love you."
He grinned back at her, "That's alright then! So, where do I start tonight… about the girlfriend finding bit?"
"Oh that?" she looked around the room, and spotted some potential girls across the room who happened to be heading for the toilets. "I think I see someone who might be a possible," she stood up. "Keep my drink cold for me, and I'll go see if I can catch their attention," and she wended her way through the tables to the toilets too.
John and the Doctor exchanged a look. "Do you come here often?" John asked him awkwardly.
The Doctor laughed, "Nope! All this is new territory for me!"
"So we're learning together?" John felt quite relieved that he wasn't the only one feeling nervous sitting there.
"Yeah. But at least I've pulled!" the Doctor replied smugly. They chuckled together and companionably drank their beers.
"I do not believe it!" John exclaimed in a low hiss.
"Why? What's the matter?" the Doctor hastily swept his expert gaze around the room. "What have you seen?"
"It's not a 'what' it's a 'who'," pouted John, as he consoled himself with another sip of his beer.
"Okay. Who have you seen that beggars belief?" the Doctor scowled at him.
John tried not to move his head, "Her! Her in the orange top."
"Shouldn't that be almost in the orange top?" chuckled the Doctor.
John quickly glanced round, "Now that you say it, yeah, it is a bit… erm… lacking in substance." He took a gulp of his beer, "Oh bugger! She's coming over here." As an orange-top-wearing woman sidled drunkenly up to them he plastered on his best smile. "Hello… erm… Megan wasn't it?"
"Hello handsome," she slurred as she made to grab him round the neck.
"Hello! I'm the Doctor!" the Doctor beamed at her in amusement. "I see you know my brother."
"You're who?" Megan visibly did a double take. "You're the brother! I've heard about you! You're the one with the wife he watches! Or was it you and her he watches?" she was in an extremely puzzled state. "He watches somebody anyway," she finished on a hiccup.
"Megan, I think you ought to sit down," John tried to throw a 'drunks, eh?' look over her head at the Doctor, hoping against hope that she wouldn't be the cause of him turning up at work the following day with a broken nose or a black eye.
"Thanks, Johnny!" she trilled, and plonked herself down on his lap, much to his evident embarrassment. "What you drinking?" she asked and nicked a slug of his beer. "I needed that! Been parched all evening," she adjusted her position on John. "Where's this wife of yours?" she pointed at the Doctor. "Poor woman needs to be let out once in a while; especially without a brother and his keeper!" she guffawed loudly at her own joke.
"Oh, she'll be right back, any moment now. She'll be delighted to meet you!" he smirked in anticipation.
"Really?" Megan crawled towards the Doctor. "Do you think she'd let me borrow you for a couple of hours; for… for… some personal whatsernaming?" she leered at him.
"Megan! No!" John warned her.
"What? What's a matter with you? I'm only being friendly!" her hand travelled down his chest, and he caught it before it got any lower. "Surely you wouldn't mind sharing me with your lovely brother!" she went to kiss him but John moved his lips out of her way. "Oh come on! Don't be a sourpuss! I'm sure you've shared other things in the past," she told him in her best sultry voice.
"That's enough!" he pushed her away roughly.
"Megan, I think you should leave now," the Doctor told her icily.
"Frightened wifey-poos will find out about us, are you?" she mocked him in a childish voice. "What's she going to do to me?" She threw her hands up in mock horror.
"Punch your bloody lights out if you don't shift your bony arse away from my husband!" exploded Donna, grabbing Megan by the scruff of the neck. She pulled Megan's head back to look her in the face, and then exclaimed, "You! Megan Dickson!"
"Well if it isn't the infamous Donna Noble!" Megan snickered. "Fancy meeting you in a place like this! A bit posh for you, eh, way too far from the caravan site, isn't it?"
"You bitch!" spat out Donna. "Still trying to nick anything that isn't nailed down, I see!" She let go of Megan with a contemptuous gesture.
"Do you know her, Donna?" John was considering which one needed the most protection in this scenario.
"Oh yes! Miss high-and-mighty here loves to steal things from me… clothes, books, jobs… men!" Donna grimaced at Megan.
"I never took a man that didn't want to be taken from you, you silly fat cow!" Megan went to lunge at Donna, but John stepped in at the right moment, preventing the attack.
"What did you say to my wife?" the Doctor gave her his Oncoming Storm impression; and Megan wilted.
Donna tried to appease him as he advanced on Megan, "She didn't mean it! Look! She's completely out of her head. She always was as soft as s-…"
He blinked at Donna, his anger abating as she caressed his torso. "Talk about under the thumb!" Megan made a final jibe, before John picked her up bodily, threatening to chuck her out the door; he stomped over and deposited her on the other side of the room where her friends had worriedly watched.
"I'm so sorry," Donna soothed the Doctor tearfully. "I forgot such people existed here." She used both hands to caress his neck, and softly kissed him, "She's just some old work colleague, no-one important, just a blip on our date and nothing else. Do you… do you fancy a dance?"
The Doctor eyed the tiny dancefloor where a few couples were smooching, "Go on then, you've talked me into it."
John watched them go onto the dancefloor and wrap themselves around each other, and fought back the pang of jealousy. Oh how he wished he had someone he could dance like that with!
He drank the last of his beer and considered the empty glass thoughtfully before getting up to go back to the bar to buy another round of drinks. As he stood, there was a commotion from the table next to him. The 'parrot' woman was telling a man where to stick his bottle of champagne, and the man tried to stop her from walking away.
The 'parrot' woman stumbled, whirled round, and grabbed John from behind in an effort to stay upright. "Watch where you're going, pal!" the woman gruffly told a flabbergasted John.
As John turned to admonish the gruff woman who held onto his waist without an invitation he found himself staring into eyes that he recognised from the office. "You!" John breathed in astonishment. It was the grey-suited bloke who sat near Allison.
"Yeah, it's me! Do you think you could keep quiet about this tomorrow?" he asked. It was hard to tell if he was blushing underneath all that makeup, but John assumed he was.
"Sure!" John readily agreed. "As long as you give us another rendition of 'I Will Survive'?"
"Seeing as it's you, okay, mate!" he beamed.
"We love your outfit by the way. Do you do any Abba?" John asked hopefully.
"Do I?" this earned John another glowing grin. "I LOVE Abba!"
John and 'parrot' woman sat happily discussing Abba and other groups for almost the rest of the evening, while Donna and the Doctor danced, and the bloke on the table behind them glowered.
TBC in "Did He Huff Or Puff?"
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