Room 104
10 AM
"How's the pain?" Dr. Russet asked as he prodded gently around Olivia's ribs.
She shrugged. She wasn't in the mood for talking to day. She just wanted to be left alone. She wanted everyone to leave her alone and she wanted one day to herself where she could calm down and process everything. Everything was happening so fast and she felt like she couldn't keep up.
"Olivia?" Dr. Russet asked after he stopped examining her, "Are you alright?"
Olivia shrugged again making sure she didn't make eye contact. She focused her vision at the wall ahead of her. She was just too tired to try to fight it today.
Dr. Russet sighed and made a note in Olivia's chart before trying to get her to talk again. "I know this has been a lot," she began, "But if you don't talk to me than I have no choice but to send in a psychiatrist to talk to you."
Olivia didn't say anything. She didn't even acknowledge that Dr. Russet had spoken. She was just so tired. Physically and mentally and emotionally. She wanted to give up.
"Somebody will be in here to talk to you shortly," Dr. Russet said kindly before grabbing Olivia's chart and heading out of the room.
Now Olivia was alone again. Something she was used to. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. Why couldn't people just understand what she was going through?
Squad Room
10:30 AM
Cragen had been at the precinct all night working on Olivia's case. He went over the evidence a million times and Olivia's statement. He needed to make this case full proof.
"Captain," Amanda said busting into his office, "Olivia's doctor just called."
Cragen looked up from the pile of paperwork in front of him and prayed for good news. "What did she say?"
Amanda sighed, "She said that... Olivia hasn't said a word all day. She hasn't acknowledged anyone."
Cragen sighed and shook his head slowly. "Um.. thank you for letting me know."
Amanda nodded and then walked further into Cragen's office and shut the door behind her. "Uh... it's been slow here today," she began saying as she stuffed her hands into her pants pockets, "You can go... to the hospital."
"I'm Olivia's boss," Cragen said quietly, "IAB is always up our asses and if I get too attached to this case then..."
"They don't have to know."
Cragen sighed. He wanted to go up to the hospital and see Olivia. He hadn't yet seen her since the first night and he wanted to talk to her. He wanted to make sure that she was okay which clearly she wasn't. He wanted to help her. He wanted to be there for her like a father would be for his daughter. He remembered the conversation they had not to long before her attack about she looked up to him like a father. She saw him as her father figure and in that moment Cragen couldn't have been more proud. He had seen Olivia as a daughter for a long time now and to hear that she felt the same love toward him meant a lot.
Cragen nodded, "Okay..."
Room 104
Noon
Olivia was lying in bed with her eyes closed but she wasn't sleeping. She had a million thoughts running through her head and she just wanted them to go away. Since she wasn't talking she hadn't asked for any pain medicine and right now she was in a world of hurt. She wanted to peak open her eyes to see who had just walked in but it didn't matter because she wasn't going to talk to them.
"Liv," Cragen said pulling a chair up beside her bed, "I know you're not asleep so, you might as well open your eyes."
Olivia sighed and opened her eyes to look at her captain. His eyes were sad and she knew it was probably because of her.
"You can't do this, Liv," he went on to say, "You know you can't. You have to talk. You have to get better. Think of all the victims who you have helped and will help once you recover."
This caught Olivia off guard. "Captain..." she whispered, "I can't come back."
Cragen reached over and took her hand in his, "You're stronger than you give yourself credit Olivia."
She shook her head. She didn't feel strong. She felt like the weakest person in the world right now and she didn't understand how anyone could say otherwise. Cragen was going to say something else but he was interrupted when Dr. Russet walked in. She gave Cragen a small smiled and then walked over to Olivia and checked her IV.
"Are you in any pain?" She figured she should ask again now that somebody had stopped by and talked to her. Hopefully this time she would respond.
"Yes..." she said in a voice just above a whisper.
"Okay," Dr. Russet nodded; progress. "Can you tell me what's bothering you the most?"
"Everything..."
"I'm going to go get your medicine okay, and then Lana will come in because she's working today. Maybe you can talk to her..."
"I just wanted a break," Olivia said just before Dr. Russet was out of the room, "I'm not crazy… or anything like that. I just… I just wanted a break."
Dr. Russet forced a small smile on her face and went on her way. The thought that Olivia was crazy never crossed her mind. She knew that Olivia had been through a lot and that eventually it would take its toll on her. Today seemed to be the day that she had just had enough. Dr. Russet understood. Really, she did. She had been through the same thing before and she hated when people tried to label her crazy.
"Amanda and Fin are working really hard on your case," Cragen said rubbing Olivia's arm gently, "So is Alex. I don't think she has slept a bit since talking to you yesterday."
"I didn't think before about how the defense could turn this around on me..." Olivia whispered as she looked at the wall, "It just wasn't a thought that crossed my mind. You know, we tell victims everyday that going to trial is good because they can get their story out... I tell victims that everyday..."
"Liv," Cragen said stopping her before she could continue, "The defense is crap. Once the jury sees those pictures there is no way they are going to believe you did it to yourself."
"I hope you're right," she said looking toward him again, "I really hope you're right."
Room 104
2 PM
"Hey Sweetie," Lana said walking into Olivia's room with her usual smile on her face, "Dr. Russet said you were in quite a bit of pain this morning. Are you feelin' any better?"
Olivia smiled sadly, "My eye is really bothering me today."
"Let me take a look at it." Lana put on a pair of latex gloves and very carefully brushed her thumb across Olivia's right eye. It seemed a bit more swollen than what it looked like the previous day. "It seems a little swollen," she informed, "Did you sleep on your right side last night?"
"Yes," Olivia answered, "I guess that was a mistake."
Lana took her gloves off now and tossed them into the trashcan. Of course she wasn't going to agree with Olivia because 'mistake' was the wrong choice of words. Olivia hadn't known any better. "All of the blood probably went to that side while you were sleeping which is why it hurts today," she explained, "Is anything else bothering you?"
Olivia shrugged. The pain was still everywhere but it was more of an aching pain than a hurting pain.
"Is it okay if I check the burns on your stomach?"
Olivia nodded so Lana put a new pair of gloves on and lifted Olivia's gown up just far enough where she could expose her abdomen. At night Olivia would sleep without the bandages on so the wounds could get some air and then her morning nurse would redress them and Lana would change them when she came in for rounds at two. She gently pulled the tape and gauze off of the burns so that it wouldn't hurt as bad. "It's healing nicely," Lana said as she applied a cold white cream.
"When he was hitting me... with the belt," Olivia said with her eyes squeezed tight, "I just kept thinking that I wasn't going to get out of there alive. He was hitting me over and over again and... I... I was in s-so much pain..."
Lana tried hard not to let the tears that had pooled in her eyes fall as she reapplied the dressing to the wound and pulled Olivia's gown back down.
"When I finally stopped I knew I had to get to a hospital..."
"What you did was miraculous," Lana said tossing her gloves into the trash bin, "Really."
Olivia gave her a sad smile, "I did it for all of the victims who couldn't..."
"Even when you're down you still think of others," Lana said as she typed some information into the computer onto Olivia's chart. "You can get through this."
"You think so?"
Lana looked over to her and nodded, "Know so."
Olivia laughed for the first time in days. "I'm glad someone does."
