Chapter Nine:
It killed him inside to do it, but it simply had to be done. Every once in a while that need to fly the coop came around, and many times it was ludicrous to fight it.
So that's what led Joker to his current situation. The problem? He now had his fill of coop flying.
He was dying to get back home as soon as possible. The sad fact was, he had only been gone an hour.
After the Bat had fallen asleep, the Joker decided he needed to get something for them both to eat. Batman needed the fuel and he himself hadn't eaten for at least a week. That unfortunate tendency was going to be the death of him if anything else. So here he was, heading home after a quick run to the nearest restaurant for a few to go meals.
"Battssss….Why'd ya have to go and fall asleep on me." The Joker muttered; this was so frustrating it was ridiculous. Now that he had the Dark Knight at arm's length, it was hard to let go even if it was just for a few minutes. He took a deep breath before cracking a grin; it was better to do this anyway, maybe he'd come back to a panic stricken vigilante that would pull him into a tender embrace and sob about how he missed him and worried he had left for good.
The Joker couldn't contain his laughter at that thought. Now that would be a sight…Well an experience would be a better name for it. It took the Joker a good long while before he finally eased his fit to a minimal giggle, well enough for him to at least walk again, causing him to get many odd looks from bystanders.
The city was darker today, the clouds formed a dark barrier between the sun and the earth as rain threatened to cover the area. The Joker smiled up at the sky, thoughts of the usefulness of an umbrella crossing his mind as he jollily made his way down each street.
Now it might seem bizarre that the Joker was simply making his way downtown with no one paying him any mind, though mind you the streets he mainly used seemed to be the alley ways and short streets that had relatively few pedestrians on a normal basis. Any other time the Joker would be making a scene on these back alleys, ending the whole event of his mad gag for the evening in the main streets of Gotham.
But today was not a day for that. He was a Bat baby sitter today, and he had a job to do. Though it killed him inside, it was best to not create a scene else the unneeded attention begin. That led to the Jester to change before going out; instead of his usual eye-catching, flamboyant and original attire, he settled for simpler, common clothing. A black pair of slacks along with a dull, dark purple turtleneck and a grey suit Jacket was what he was currently wearing, that along with a grey, brimmed hat that cast a cover over his face when his head was down. The only thing remaining from his old outfit was his flower squitter in the jacket pocket. No one would ever realize it was him unless they got close enough to inspect; which he doubted anyone would. Humanity was so standoffish after all, in fact that was part of why he tried so hard to bring laughs to everyone. What better way to get the people closer than with a couple of shared laughs?
But anyway, here he was off topic again.
Joker let out a breath as he took a left into another alley; nearly home free now. A giggle escaped his throat while he finally lifted his head to inspect his surroundings; his neck had started to stiffen after all that walking with his head bent at an awkward angle. A quick turn down a street and that was when he heard it; the sound of footsteps following his own, trying and failing at attempting to walk in the Jester's rhythm.
This was going to be a terrible day for the poor soul. The Jester had been growing fidgety without his usual chaos, sure Bats was fun, but he missed giving people those permanent smiles with his best punch line. This was just what he needed to release the pent up stress.
Suddenly the one pair of footsteps was doubled, and then tripled, but all this did was increase the Joker's mad grin. He could feel the excitement building the closer they got. Finally they hit a corner, and just before the Joker could turn he was surrounded from all sides with only his back to the wall.
"Well gents, I have to say you chose a fantastic day to pick on little ol' me!" The Joker said in a sing song voice, cocking his head to the side; then suddenly his voice turned dark the same time he bent to set the bag of food on the ground beside him, "I needed a laugh."
This caused the would-be muggers to stop, pure terror overcoming their expressions as they realized exactly who they had just cornered. This only provoked the Joker into laughing more, his insane giggles bouncing off the walls around them and only intensifying the sound. The color drained from each of the men's face's just as Joker whipped back a hand that now held a playing card and flung it at the man on his left. Not two seconds later and the man crumpled into a gurgling heap as blood sprayed across the wall and concrete, the card successfully slicing through the artery in his neck.
Joker prepared to strike out once more, this time with a knife in hand as he ran to the second crook with a maniac grin. Just as he reached the second criminal, hand poised to strike down the terror-filled man a cry stopped him.
"Wait J, Mister Joker wait!" The man begged putting his hands to his face and dropping onto his knees, "I work for you man! That Quinn sent the lot of us out to find you!"
Joker paused for a moment, giving the man a thoughtful look before dropping into a squat in front of the man, a grin etched on his features, "Well I hate to say it but I think you have to worry more about Harley girl then me when she finds out you tried to attack this defenseless clown!" The Clown laughed and patted the terrified henchmen's cheek, "I'll be sure to bring lots of posies to your funeral. They'll be sure to give your family and friends a good laugh before they send you off."
"Wait, Mister Joker honest," The petrified man stuttered out, "I-I didn't know it was you, you get me? I t-thought you were just some nobody and my boys and I were j-just trying to have some fun, ya know? You like fun right s-sir?" The man tried to crack a smile, which only made the Jester pause before bursting out into a crackling fit.
The man's pitiful smile quickly disappeared as the Joker continued to laugh, "I like you kid." The Joker nodded before standing and pocketing his knife. The man on the ground seemed to relax, but only slightly as the Joker stepped away from him and towards the other man who was still frozen in place. As the Joker closed in, it finally seemed to register that he had movable legs and he quickly turned to book it, but it was far too late for that now.
The Joker grabbed the back of the man's coat and jerked him back, forcing him to fall into the Joker's outstretched arm. Immediately the Jester wrapped his arm around the gent's shoulders, "Now, that was just rude! I just wanted to share a joke with you after all." The Joker squeezed the flower on his chest, releasing the Joker Venom it contained; immediately the man began to laugh as his face twisted into a painfully unnatural smile and he fell to the cement sidewalk in a fit. Tears seeped out of the crook's eyes as he clutched at the ground trying to find some relief.
But none came, and soon enough the man grew still and all laughter stopped. All laughter except for the Joker's of course, who was now in a fit of giggles while he turned and made his way back to the previous man who looked ready to wet himself.
"Looks like he didn't realize that he was the punch line!" The Jester cleared his throat and smiled, his height making him all the more intimidating as he leered down at the mess of a man at his feet, "Now then, please let old Harls know that I'm currently preoccupied with a…pest problem." The Joker nodded before giggling and turning on his heel to go about his business, on his way snatching up the sack of grub, briefly wondering if it was cold by now.
Frankly he didn't want anyone to know about him harboring the Batman, and he knew the goon was two in shock and probably too stupid to realize what he meant. He was fairly certain dear Harvey already spread it around, but there was no need to solidify the fact. Plus the last thing he needed was Harley sending out search parties for him; didn't that stupid girl know he could handle himself?
The Joker, now thoroughly satisfied decided he had wasted more than enough time, and it was well overdue to return home to his dear Bats.
It was a short rest of the way back to the factory, and after being sure no one else was tailing him of course, he went inside. His grin broadened as he skipped to the lounge, curious to see if the Bat was still snoozing.
"Oh Batsy, I'm home!" The Joker sung before jumping around the corner, posing dramatically with his arms out before he broke into a bow as if he was on stage waiting to be applauded.
He heard a curse before curiosity made him raise his eyes. The Bat was currently supporting himself against the wall, halfway across the room from the cot.
But what surprised the clown more was how angry such a pitiful sight could be.
"What did you do?!" Batman growled as he pushed himself from the wall, refusing to be seen as weak in front of his greatest nemesis.
The Clown Prince of Crime gave him a puzzled smile, his eyes glancing around the room before returning to the Bat who was limping his way over, "Whatever do you mean Bats?"
Batman grabbed him by his collar and snarled in his face and motioned to the Jester's attire, "Don't play dumb with me Joker. Who did you hurt?"
Finally the Joker realized what the Bat meant and why he was having a panic attack. The Joker was covered in blood splatter.
Whoopsies!
"Well I guess you…hehe…Caught me red handed!" The Joker burst into a fit of giggles at his own joke while setting his hand on the Bat's shoulder to balance himself. Batman shrugged off the clown and gripped tighter at the man's jacket collar, and though it was blatantly obvious strength was ebbing from him, he maintained a strong face.
"Answer me!" The Bat yelled angrily, shoving the clown back against the wall. The Harlequin of Hate's head smacked hard against the sturdy wall of the factory and for a moment he saw stars. Boy, the bat was mad this time. He was genuinely surprised the seething crusader had that kind of strength in him to begin with.
The Joker giggled before once more breaking into a fit of insane laughter that echoed from every corner, "Oh Batsy, you are too rich." The Jester paused before laughing even harder, throwing his head back and chortling out his next line, "Well…I guess it's not a bad thing, how else would you afford all those great gadgets!"
Batman snarled and slammed him against the wall again, and though he'd ever admit it, he got a satisfied feeling when he heard the other man's head make a sickly crack as it met with the hard wall. Until he heard that laugh, that damned crackle of glee. It never ceased and it only made his blood boil.
Before he was aware of what he was doing, his fist had made contact with the Clown's jaw. Again, and again, he struck; over and over with a satisfying crack or crunch coming from his fist with each and every impact.
Over and over at least eight times before finally he didn't have the strength for it anymore, his energy completely sapped and his wounds aching. He retained his grip on the Jester's collar, his breath coming out in pants from the strenuousness of the activity. The Clown's face was a mess, his nose obviously broken as blood seeped from his nostrils and from his lips, and a black eye was beginning to form as well as several burses. 'At least I got a few good hits in.' He couldn't help but think as he glared up at the taller man, meeting his intense gaze. They stared at one another for a full minute, eyes locked in a battle of stares.
Until the Joker laughed, the laugh was so intense that it vibrated through the Clown and through Bruce's arms. He would have doubled over had Bats not been so close. So he just rested his hands over top of the Dark Knights.
Batman was about to growl "don't touch me" when the Joker cut in.
And what he said made Batman's blood run cold.
"It makes you feel good doesn't it?" The Jester snickered as he met the bat's eyes, a certain calm knowing swirling in the green pools of inanity. It scared Bruce, but what scared him more was what was coming out of the Clown's mouth, "The strength to beat whoever you don't like an inch from life. To hear those who disagree with you cry out in agony and to feel bone's snap between your fingers. You have the justification to do it after all. I killed someone, so you hurt me."
"You're wrong. You…"But Batman was at a loss for words. He really had no comeback to that, whether it be the lack of energy, loss of blood, or pain of injuries, he didn't know why he couldn't counter.
Was it because it was true?
No, he couldn't think that way. Batman was a protector; he saved the innocent and protected the weak. He didn't take pleasure in hurting others; he only did it to maintain justice.
But there was no one around to save.
So why hurt the man?
Because he just killed someone!
But…
"Oh Bat's you're so cute when you're having an inner turmoil." The Joker interrupted his thoughts, the maniac grin etched on his face as he stared at the Dark Knight, "But you can come to terms with yourself later. For now I brought food!"
Batman blinked, taken aback by the sudden turn of events. The larger man looked down as the Joker held up his hand which still held the large back of their dinner.
It was then Bruce took note of the Joker's clothing as well. He released the man and gave him a confused one over before meeting the Jester's eyes again.
As if knowing what he was thinking, Joker responded, "I knew you'd be upset if I had started a game without you. So I went low profile." The Clown busted into a fit of laughter as the Bat gave him the most disbelieving look he had ever seen, "Honest Batsy! I paid and everything, see?"
It was then the clown held out a receipt.
Batman took it hesitantly and saw that it was indeed a receipt for the food. The Batman looked at Joker and then at the food before shaking his head, "Why?"
"I just said Bat-babe! I didn't want you feeling left out, or jumping into a panic over anything…"The Jester paused then motioned at the Bat who now steadied himself on a nearby chair, "Not that that plan exactly worked."
"But…That's too normal for you…"Bruce was truly having a hard time believing that.
Joker took notice of the glint of hope in the caped Crusader's eyes. It was a look that made the Clown grin, that was a look of trust. Not only that, but he truly believed that maybe the Clown was changing for the better. The little light in the Dark Knight's eye made him feel overjoyed and incredibly angry. How could the Bat think he would change? But then, he looked so touched that he might be changing. Such a small action invoked so many feelings for both of them.
It disgusted them both.
Yet it made them both strangely happy, but for opposing reasons.
For Joker, he realized his plan was indeed going to work this time. He knew it was now. This time he was going to win.
And for Batman…
It was like someone lit a candle for this dark man. Maybe everything he was doing was indeed helping. It was the Dark Knights hidden fear that maybe all he was doing was for naught.
And in true Joker fashion, the Jester blew the candle out.
"But I ended up taking the money back when the cashier wasn't looking…Along with some interest." The Clown crackled as he pulled out the wad of money and waved it in front of him.
The light in Batman's eyes died in an instant, all hope irradiated. It almost made the clown sad.
Almost.
"Should have guessed there was a joke to this all…" The caped crusader grumbled, shaking his head and turning the chair to take a seat. The Clown cocked his head to the side uncertainly, his smile growing at each passing second. Was the Bat really that upset? He really shouldn't be surprised.
Joker made his way to the table that Batman was seated at and set the bag down in the center where he unloaded the content. He set down a few parcels and boxes down side by side along with a few sets of silverware and a few bottles of water and soda.
He set the water down in front of Batman with the assumption that the man would drink that over any of the sweeter substitutes. The clown giggled once, getting a glare from the Bat. The Joker simply shrugged and finished his task then motioned for the two boxes near his opposite before settling beside the man with his own.
Bruce eyed the boxes and wrapped goods with a suspicion, earning yet another laugh from the clown.
"Still don't trust me Bats?" The Joker snickered before reaching over and opening the items for his nemesis, if only to prove that he was not up to anything, "I promise this stuff has been far to processed to bite."
Batman said nothing, only took a spork and jabbed at the grilled cheese before him. The Joker laughed and shook his head before digging into his own grub. He had gotten them the same array of food; he had no idea what the Dark Knight ate after all, but he assumed it was high in protein, bland and blended. So he just went with his own personal choices.
A loaded grilled cheese filled to bursting point with all array of cheeses, bacon, and tomato chunks and two bowls of tomato soup. That alongside two enormous sides of fries and onion rings as well as two pieces of apple pie for desert made up their meals.
Joker wasted no time; he grabbed his grilled cheese and ripped into it, smothering it with tomato soup as he practically inhaled the meal.
Batman watched amazed at the Joker's lack of table manners. He would have been utterly put off by the food had he not been so hungry. He shook his head before picking up his own food and taking a small, uncertain bite. He waited several moments to see if anything would happen, and when nothing did he continued.
It took him a moment to even realize that the Clown had stopped eating to watch the Bat. But when he did take notice, the Jester grinned and said nothing before continuing with his own meal.
Batman found it odd, and would have thrown a suspicious question at the man, but he knew deep down that the Joker would have ended him already if he was planning to.
So the two ate in silence, simply enjoying their meal, Batman would have thought company but his mind refused to allow him such pleasant thoughts of such a terrible man.
"Ya know Bats…" The Joker began, grabbing a wad of napkins and dabbing at his tomato stained lips, "I only killed those people in self-defense."
And there went the peaceful atmosphere; the Joker knew he should have just kept his mouth shut. Those blue eyes shot towards him and slowly the Dark Knight set his sandwich back down. If Joker didn't know any better, he'd be afraid his doom was upon him, and not that dumb little group of angry wannabes.
"See Bats, I was minding my own, when a group of crooks came and tried to mug me. So honestly it was all in self-defense. They didn't realize it was me, you know?" The Clown motioned to his outfit then grinned, "I swear Bats, Clown's honor."
Batman shook his head and sighed, he wanted to believe that the clown was lying. It would have been easier that way, but the caped crusader knew that the Joker always took credit for his schemes and dirty work. Why lie about this? There really wasn't a point to lying about this.
Batman said nothing, just looked away and shook his head. Joker grinned, taking this as a sign of understanding at least.
A howl echoed across the room as the Joker burst into a fit of giggles, slapping Batman on the back, a little harder then he should have mind you, but then he had a reputation to uphold. Batman choked on his food and sent a death glare to the man who only grinned in return.
"Oh Batsy! I'm so glad we're friends." The Joker crackled while patting the Dark Knight's shoulder, which only earned him a sock in the ribs and a growl of 'don't touch me'.
Chapter Nine! Enjoy guys! Thanks for the great reviews and reading!
