Chapter 9 Endings and beginnings
disclaimer: I do not own! I just play!
A/N Here's the answer! Hope you're all happy with what I've done. Thanks so much to all who are reading. I have been so overwhelmed with the things you say in your reviews. YOU ARE AWESOME!!
Bpov
I froze.
All ability to move was lost.
I sat staring at the one person whom I wanted to keep this secret from. The one person who could and would use this against me.
Rebecca.
She took two steps in my direction and made a motion to speak. No words came. I waited for what I was sure would come. She repeated the action several times before finally finding her voice. "You fucking whore!"
I heard the metal legs of the chairs Rose and Alice were occupying screech across the tile floor of the cafeteria. I turned to see them standing in a defensive stance and immediately raised my hand to stop them. "Let her speak," I spoke through tears before turning back to face the wrath.
"How dare you! How dare you come here and attach his name to yours and pretend to be his wife in order to add to his pain! You selfish bitch! I'm sure in your simple, self-serving mind you think this is what he wants. It's not. He barely lived through what you did to him before!" She started laughing her stupid, evil laugh and continued, "I can't wait to tell everyone how their sweet, innocent, precious Bella ran off to Vegas and got married! I've never understood how you managed to keep the secret of what you really are for so many years anyway. See Bella, I see the real you." She stepped closer. "You play the poor little victim and you're so far from that! You want everyone to think you're so innocent and obviously you're not. In fact," she spoke to Rose and Alice now, "let me offer you a small piece of insight that you may not be aware of. Bella is a master manipulator. She plays the victim very well. She wants you to think she's helpless. She will drain you with her constant whining and her never-ending pity party. In reality, she is using you for nothing more than a warm body to place the blame on when she fucks up. That's what she does. She fucks up then blames everyone else. Just like Renee."
"You bitch," Rose started.
I stood.
"Rosalie, stop." She complied.
"Leave my family out of this Rebecca," I said. I could tell from the smirk on her face, she saw it as a challenge.
"Like you did with your recent nuptials?" Her eyebrows rose in question.
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about. You know nothing about what happened or what the circumstances were." I turned to pick up my tray to empty it. I had to get out of here.
"I'm sure I can guess. You got smashed, married a stranger, and it's not your fault at all. I bet you raised hell when you woke up and discovered what you had done." I pushed past her to reach the trashcan. "Ah, I'm right, aren't I? Let me finish. Now you're all pissy and sad because your life is in shambles and the people you have fooled will finally see the real Bella Swan. Oh, wait, what's your last name now? Or do you even know? I actually feel sorry for the poor bastard who had to wake up to you this morning. I'm sure he was running to the court house for an annulment as soon as you opened your mouth."
I turned to face her. "Rebecca, don't you think that's enough. I know you hate me and I'm quite alright with that. To be quite frank, I'm not too fond of you and your delusional ideas." She started to interrupt me. "Don't interrupt me. I allowed you the opportunity and I think I should be allowed the same." She closed her mouth and looked at me through amused eyes. This bitch thought I was going to back down from her. I continued my previous thought, "First of all, it was not my idea for me to pretend to be Jake's wife. Your brother was asking for me last night. He wanted me here. Billy and Sam decided the means that would be used in order for me to see him. As far as 'what I did to him', the break-up between Jacob and I was the best thing for both of us. It was an unhealthy relationship, it wasn't good and that wasn't entirely my fault. It wasn't all Jake's fault either. I had as hard a time with it as he did. He was my best friend. He was my family. I fully accept that I hurt him, but he hurt me too. Keep my mother's name out of your mouth. For no other reason than she is my mother. She has nothing to do with this. In the midst of your little rant you offered advice to my friends. Don't ever do that again. It's ignorant to comment on things you know nothing about. The dynamics our friendship are completely different than what your little tirade demonstrated. You should also know that if you go up there and tell everyone about my fuck up you'll hurt them. I'm already hurt. It won't hurt me anymore. It'll hurt Billy, and Sam, and Charlie, and most of all Jacob. That's entirely up to you, but I don't think now is the time to add anymore pain to their lives. Especially when it has no direct effect on them anyway."
"Get the hell out of here, Bella. He don't need your shit. Not now. Not ever. Stay away from my brother."
"I'm not leaving Rebecca. He asked for me and not you nor anyone else will make me leave. The only person who will make me leave is Jake."
She was speechless. That's right. Quiet, 'take your shit Bella' was gone. I pushed past her before she could speak again. I heard and felt Alice and Rose walking behind me down the hall. I quickened my pace and searched for a bathroom. Finding one, I sprinted to it and slammed through the door. I was relieved to find it empty. I pushed it closed with my back and reached behind me to turn the lock before Alice and Rosalie could follow me inside. I needed a minute.
Alice immediately started pounding on the door. "Bella, open this door. You can't run and hide, especially after what you just said to her. I'm so proud of you, honey. Please come out."
I ignored her plea and slid down the door. Tears streamed down my face as emotion overtook my body. I pulled my knees to my chest as my body trembled.
I felt shame. Shame because everything she said was right. Shame because this was going to hurt Jacob, and shame because I wanted nothing more than to go home, get in my bed, and never come out. This was not supposed to happen like this. Everything that happened in Vegas was supposed to stay in Vegas. That was the rule, right? What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Of course that wouldn't be the case for me. The mistake was supposed to disappear. I heard myself chanting, "Why? Why? Why?"
I cried.
I cried for Jacob.
I cried for Charlie.
I cried for Billy.
I cried for everyone this would hurt. Everyone I had hurt.
I felt empty.
Lost.
I had no idea what I was going to do. How was I going to explain this?
I weighed my options. I could sit on this bathroom floor and feel sorry for myself, or I could get up and face this.
I made my decision. I channeled the strongest version of myself and stood.
Alice had finally stopped beating on the door so I chanced it and turned the lock.
When no one immediately opened it, I walked to the sink.
I appraised my reflection. I knew the girl looking back at me. She was the same girl I had seen six months ago. She was puffy from crying. Her nose was red, her eyes were red rimmed, her brow was creased with worry, and the corners of her mouth were down turned. I looked further. It was her eyes that I recognized most. They were hollow and empty, but beyond that there was a glimmer of determination. I had seen this same girl on the day I decided to suck it up and face my life without Jacob.
I could do this.
I heard the doorknob slowly turn. I braced myself for what I expected to enter. I was shocked to see Rose. Alone. I watched her through the mirror as she walked to stand behind me. She wrapped her arms around me. I turned to hug her tightly. I needed all the strength from every source available.
"You look like shit," she said matter of factly as she started rummaging through her purse for make-up.
She found what she was looking for and began her attempt to make me look presentable.
"We probably have about two minutes before that crazy bitch on the other side of the door busts in here and completely assaults you with hugs and best friend love. I threatened her life if she didn't let me come in first and say what needs to be said. She gets a little overexcited." She smiled as she applied lip-gloss.
"So, here's the deal. What you did in Vegas was not wrong. You are guilty of nothing. You have lived your entire life doing the expected. You have taken care of everyone else. You've put everyone else before yourself. Jacob is your ex. He was a very important part of your life. You got here as soon as you could. In all honesty, sweetie, you owe him nothing. He's going to be just fine. You are going to be just fine." I nodded. "Now, we are going to walk out of this bathroom. You are not going to be ashamed or embarrassed. You will hold your chin up and look every person up there in the eye. With any luck, Rebecca has kept her damn mouth shut. If she told them, then look at it this way, she did you a favor. She let everyone know that you are human. Some were starting to wonder." She winked. "You did something spontaneous. You did something unexpected. You never know, Bella. It may not have been such a big mistake after all."
I opened my mouth to question her last comment. She placed her finger to my lips to stop me.
"I think our two minutes is up. I'm a little surprised she waited, but I can't guarantee how much longer my threat will be effective. Let's go before the pixie loses her mind." She pulled me to the door and turned the knob. Alice sat against the wall on her hands with a scowl covering her face. I felt Rose squeeze my hand and turned to see a smirk cross her face.
"Come Alice. We're going back upstairs."
Alice took my other hand and we walked together.
I felt better.
Less ashamed.
Less empty.
I felt nourished.
The elevator ride was short. I released their hands and stood straighter as the doors opened. Alice nudged me and smiled proudly as we stepped out.
Billy and Sam had returned. Billy's chair was at the end of a row of chairs across the waiting room. Sam sat in the chair next to him. Charlie had arrived and was seated across from Billy and Sam. Rachel was huddled with Rebecca and Leah.
Charlie turned when we walked through the waiting room door.
"Hey Bells." He walked to me and hugged me warmly. "You okay?" he spoke against my hair. I chanced a glance at Rebecca. She cocked her eyebrows and smirked. I repeated the gesture and moved to face Charlie.
"I'm fine." I searched his face for any sign that he knew. I looked for disappointment or anger. Nothing. He didn't know. She was trying to make me squirm.
"Who's with Jake? Is everything okay?" I asked as I suddenly realized everyone was in the room.
"The doctor is in with him." A wave of relief soared through my body. Charlie noticed my change and rubbed my back. "He's alright Bella. They're just checking his progress."
"Oh," I answered.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Concern covered his face.
"Yeah, Dad. I'm just worried about him."
The doctor walked in. Everyone stood. Sam pushed Billy to meet him.
"Mr. Black." He shook Billy's hand. "I'm Dr. Foster. I'm the head of the neurology department. I was just with your son." He motioned to the chairs in a more private area. He sat and opened the folder he was holding. Everyone gathered around him.
"Jacob has improved vastly. His body is healing at an unheard of rate. The swelling in his brain is most likely subsiding as well. I just sent him back for some tests that will give us better insight on that. His eyes are reactive and responsive. His reflexes are spot on. The ultrasound will determine the status of his internal injuries. Overall, it seems he's doing better than ever expected. We'll know more when we get the tests back."
"How long will that take?" Billy asked.
"I put them on top priority so they will be read immediately. He'll be back there for about an hour. It'll take an hour or so after that to get the tests read. You should go and get some rest. It's late, visiting hours are over. There's really nothing you can do here except wait. I can meet with you in the morning and let you know the results of the tests. Of course, if anything were to be wrong I would call you immediately." He stopped then asked, "Are you doing okay, Mr. Black?"
"Oh, I'll be fine. I just want to see my son better and take him home. I'm glad to hear he's on the mend."
"Yes, sir. I'm not sure what happened between last night and tonight but he's made a huge improvement."
Billy's head lifted and his eyes met mine. They were filled with gratitude. Rebecca coughed loudly. My head snapped toward her. She rolled her eyes before turning her attention to the doctor. "What time should we meet you in the morning?"
Before he could reply Billy spoke, "I'll be here tonight until those tests come back."
The doctor nodded and stood. "I'll be back in a couple of hours. Get yourselves some coffee or something to eat." He checked his watch and continued, "The cafeteria will be open until ten." He shook Billy's hand again and left the room.
Sam, Charlie, and Billy resorted to their previous spots. Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah left to go to the cafeteria after asking the men if they'd like anything. Alice, Rose, and I sat across the room silently.
We sat for an undetermined number of hours in the waiting room. We chatted occasionally and read every magazine in the room. Becca, Rachel, and Leah returned. They sat as far from us as possible, whispered and giggled like school children. I avoided looking their way. I knew that if I acknowledged them it would lead to a repeat of the cafeteria scene. Nobody needed that.
I remembered the conversation with Rose in the bathroom.
"Rose?" I spoke quietly after making sure no one else was paying any attention to us.
"Yes?" she answered.
"Thank you for earlier."
"You're welcome. That's what I'm here for."
"Uh, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, honey. What is it?"
"Earlier you said it might not have been a big mistake after all. What exactly were you referring to?" Alice looked up from the magazine she was flipping through.
"Well Bella, I was referring to your situation with Edward. And I think we should talk about it later," she whispered.
I evaluated her tone and her expression. I searched for some clue as to what exactly she meant. My mind raced with thoughts of Vegas, Edward, the wedding, the annulment, and the morning after. I thought back to Rebecca's comment about how he was probably running to the courthouse the next day. Maybe I was too hard on him. It was unfair to blame him for everything. He was apparently as drunk as I was and he obviously wanted out as much as I did. Of course, he was cocky, and he was rude.
I remembered blaming Rose and Alice. I made a mental note to apologize to them for that. I am a grown woman. My decisions are my own, mostly. They hadn't necessarily forced me to go. No guns were held to my head. In all honesty, I wanted to go. I had been so bogged down with work. I had completely immersed myself into it when I returned to the real world after my split with Jake and hadn't taken any time off. I had been working sixty hours a week and often brought work home with me. It prevented me from having any time to think about him. I made minor attempts to get out of going on the trip, but secretly I was excited about it.
I flipped through another magazine until Dr. Foster returned. We all gathered around him and waited for the news.
"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. His tests were finished a couple of hours ago and I actually had the results within another half hour."
Everyone wore the same worried look. Dr. Foster noticed immediately.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. He's fine." A collective sigh filled the air.
"Actually, he's better than fine. All of the tests were positive. His internal injuries are healing perfectly, in fact, they are almost completely healed. His brain activity is normal. We took a chance and turned the ventilator off and backed off the anesthesia. That's what took so long. I stayed with him for an hour or so to see how he reacted. I didn't want him to become agitated again." He looked at Billy and smiled. "Your son is awake."
Billy smiled widely and a tear of joy left his eye. I couldn't contain my own tears.
"To say I'm shocked would be an understatement. This truly is unexpected. It's nothing short of a medical miracle. We fully expected him to recover, but at this rate..." Dr. Foster trailed and looked at each of us carefully.
"We just moved him out of the ICU. He's now in room 319. You can each go back to see him two at a time for about ten minutes. He still needs to rest. He did have one request."
We waited for him to continue.
"Which of you are Bells?" I smiled at the way the doctor carefully said my nickname.
"Um, I'm Bells," I stepped forward, making a point to avoid the glares from Rebecca.
"He wants to see you first," he motioned to the door.
I looked to Billy for permission. He smiled and nodded. I followed the doctor down the hall. The walk wasn't long, but it allowed me sufficient time to debate the significance of him wanting to see me first. This could be bad. He could question why I wasn't here sooner. What would I tell him? He could profess his love all over again. Would I be able to tell him no when he's just starting to get better? I began to feel sick. Panic overtook my mind as we reached his door. I pulled myself together. I had no choice but to face this. I thanked Dr. Foster before rapping on the door lightly.
"Come in."
I exhaled and pushed it open.
He smiled. Good sign or bad sign? I smiled back.
"Hey Jake." I couldn't resist walking to him and wrapping my arms around him. My mind knew that if he was prepared with the "let's get back together" speech this wasn't something I should be doing. My heart didn't care. It was just so good to see him awake and speaking.
I couldn't stop the tears that came when his arms wrapped around me. He held my head against his chest with the arm that was without a cast. I heard his heartbeat. It was pounding and alive. I sobbed at the sound. I also noticed the warmth of his embrace. Jake's body temperature had always been warmer than anyone else's. It was comforting to feel that it had returned.
I felt his chest shake underneath me and a chuckle left his throat. I loved the sound of his laugh. I was thrilled to hear it again.
"It's okay Bells. Don't cry," he spoke as he rubbed my back.
I lifted my body from his and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I stared at him in shock. He looked fine. He was still a little swollen and the bruises and contusions were still there, but I saw Jake. The Jake that I knew. I couldn't resist touching his face.
"Come on, Bells. It's me. I'm alive. Do I look that bad?" he joked.
"No. You look good. A lot better than you did only a few hours ago. It's a little weird."
"Maybe I'm immortal," he continued to joke.
"You're not immortal Jake. This was a close one," I said referring to the many accidents Jake had had on the bike. He drove like a maniac. "You scared me." I reached for his hand.
"Yeah, I know." He squeezed my hand gently. "All I could think about when it happened was you, Bells. I was more afraid of dying without saying some things to you than I was of just dying."
I looked to the window dreading what was coming.
He reached for my chin and returned my face to his. He continued, "Look, Bella. I have loved you from the moment you decked me on that bank when I was six years old. The last six months have been miserable for me. I miss you so much."
I felt moisture on my face again.
"Don't cry. Just let me get this out. You know I can't stand to see you cry." He looked to the window briefly before returning his eyes to mine. "I am so sorry, Bella. For everything. Mostly I'm sorry for ever pressuring you into taking our relationship beyond friendship. That's the biggest regret of my life. I wish we had just left it alone. You were my best friend. No one has taken your place as that and they never will. Bells, when I thought I was gonna die, all I wanted was to be able to tell you thank you. Thank you for everything you were to me before we screwed it up. There are a lot of things that happened in my life that I would have never gotten through without you." I knew what he was talking about. "I also wanted to tell you to stop feeling guilty about what happened between us. It was not your fault. We were both hurt. We were both at fault. I don't want you to carry that shit around anymore. Let it go and be happy, Bells." I was sobbing. He wiped my tears. "Seriously, stop that." I watched a tear escape his eye. "I love you, Bells. I miss you. Do you think it's possible to forget the last three years ever happened? Can we try to be friends again?"
My heart fluttered at the possibility of having him back in my life.
"I love you too, Jake. And I have missed you so much. And you don't owe me a thank you for anything. It's in the 'best friend job description' I think. Besides, you were there for me too. I think we're even on that. I'm sorry too, you know. I never meant to hurt you. It just seemed the best way to deal with the break-up was to hide from it. I knew that if I talked to you, we'd get caught up in that vicious cycle. It was time to stop. It wasn't good for either of us. I didn't want us to get to the point of hating one another. It needed to be over before it came to that." He nodded in agreement. "There's a lot of stuff we need to talk about. I don't think we can pretend the last three years never happened. I'm not sure I want to. There are a lot of memories in there that I cherish. I would like to try to be friends again, though. I think we can do that."
There was a knock at the door. I stood and released his hand.
"Come in," Jake said quietly.
Rebecca and Rachel walked through the door. "Hey bro. You okay?"
Jake looked from Rebecca to me. He knew something was up. "Yeah, good as new. Hey, can you give me and Bells just another minute?"
They were offended and trying to hide it. "Sure," Rachel said as she pulled Rebecca out of the room.
"I should go. I'm sure you're getting tired and there are a bunch of people out there waiting to see you. I don't want to take up all the time."
"What's going on with her? Has she given you hell?" He nodded toward the door indicating Rebecca.
"Uh no, well yeah. I mean it's a long story and she was just looking out for you." I was pretty sure she'd tell him the whole thing. I debated whether I should go ahead and do it.
"Just give me the summary, Bells. It can't be that bad. Do you want to give her the satisfaction of being able to tell me?" He knew how to coax it out of me.
Here goes nothing.
"Well, I was in Vegas when your accident happened and while I was there I got shit faced and married a complete stranger. Annulment is in the works. Rebecca knows and is pissed about it. I think she's the only one who knows besides Rose and Alice," I said it as quickly as possible.
Jake laughed. Jake really laughed. He laughed until he cried. I stared at him. I couldn't believe I had ever expected a different reaction. That was so Jake.
"That's priceless. I wanna hear the whole story when I get home. I'll talk to her. Don't worry about it. Oh, and your secrets safe with me."
I hugged him tightly again. I felt really good about us. "Bye Jake. I'll see you later."
"Bye Bells. Thanks for coming. I'll call you when I get settled at home. Maybe we can hang."
"Sure thing. I'm really looking forward to it." I walked out of his room, passed his sisters, and into the waiting room. I walked to say goodbye to Charlie, Sam, and Billy before leaving the hospital with Rose and Alice.
I filled them in on what had happened with Jacob. They were skeptical, but I assured them that I would be careful.
It was two am by the time we got back to our house. I was exhausted. I changed into my favorite tattered cotton sleep shorts and a t-shirt from my alma mater. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, before retrieving my cell to place it on the charger.
One new message. I opened it and read the brief message from Edward. I remembered my previous revelations about the way I had acted toward him. I read his message five times. He was throwing my words from this morning back at me. Time to be an adult. I replied as politely as possible without seeming like a push over.
Edward-
I will only need a couple of
days notice and I can fly down
and sign the papers. You failed
to mention the cost. What is my
half?
Bella
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
End Note: Sooooo?? What do ya think??? Let me know! Reviews make me update super fast! And I do cart wheels too!
