A/N: Okay, so I knew I had to do this chapter, but I had no idea how. I think I kind of ended up in my own head and how I would react if I was in the situation. Only with less "Oh crap, what have I done!" Yes, I am like that. Anyway.
That was not how she had planned it.
Not that she had ever really planned it per se, but she had an idea of how she was going to go about things. There had never been a pool table included in that. She'd always assumed that it would happen when she was more prepared. Call her naïve, old fashioned or prude, but she'd always figured it would happen with a ring on her finger and vows spoken just hours before. Nothing had happened the way she had thought it would, especially since arriving in New York. She never in a million years thought she would meet Danny and fall in love, despite her determination not to.
She wasn't sure if she was disappointed in herself or surprised or full of regret, or whether she was going to take this like she took most things. With a shrug and a "things happen" and the resignation that you can't change whatever happened. It wasn't so much what had happened as it was her newfound ability to let go.
Maybe there was a reason. Had this not happened, she would have been the one at that crime scene with Adam, and she wasn't sure that they would have survived. Danny was the one that needed to be there, or it could have been a lot worse. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, that was what mattered.
She sighed and rubbed her eyes, wanting to put her head down on her desk and sleep for just a little while. She and Danny hadn't discussed anything. Of course he'd been a little preoccupied lately, but she was hoping they could have at least said something. She wanted to talk about it. She needed to talk about it. But there was no one to talk to, no one who knew her well enough to put it into perspective for her. And Danny… she hadn't been completely honest with him about the whole thing anyway. He didn't know why she had hesitated so much, or even why she had avoided a relationship with him for so long. It wasn't really fair that he didn't know and she shook her head, wishing that they had slowed down and talked about it. She'd always been one to overanalyze, talk things to death, mull everything over before making a decision. Maybe it was her fear of the unknown, or maybe she was just a woman, but either way, her hesitations had ruined a lot of things in her life.
She had to stop being scared. Stop worrying about how things were going to go, stop thinking that it would turn out for the worst. It wasn't an easy life, living as a frightened pessimist. Sure, she came out of things with less emotional scarring, but she also had less to hold onto. It had worked out when she was younger, but that was the past. She was an adult now and she had to quit acting like a teenager.
She hadn't planned it, hadn't dreamed it, and she still didn't know how she felt about it, but something told her, for the first time in her life, that everything was going to be okay.
