October, 1995

-

Other people wake up the morning after a full moon and go to work, or perhaps have a leisurely breakfast, reading the paper. I wake up and go back to bed. It doesn't matter how much sleep the wolf may have had. The human body requires its metabolic system be in an anabolic phase—sleeping—in order to heal. When I was on Wolfsbane Potion, I didn't fight becoming a werewolf. The change was less stressful, so the recovery process took less time.

Until today.

Earlier, I wrote down my thoughts in this journal and stumbled into bed, fully expecting to sleep the day away. Instead, I awoke after only six hours.

I know because I checked the time. I didn't believe the evidence of my eyes, the strength of the light filtering through grimy windows. I had to grope for the clock beside the bed and stare at the hands pointing to the twelve and two for the truth to sink in.

I felt more rested than I usually did although I had fewer hours of sleep. There was no potion to account for it, only the bond I shared with Nymphadora. Somehow, it moderated the effects of transformation. Was the cause psychological—had knowing she would be with me allowed me to accept the change more easily? Or was it a result of blood magic?

Had some of her health and vitality been transferred to me? If so, did she feel tired today? Would our bond drain her like some magical parasite?

I didn't know. Blood magic wasn't a part of the Defence Against the Dark Arts curriculum, and not a subject I was ever interested in studying. That kind of spell-work was considered grey magic at best and Dark by most wizards.

As a werewolf, in order to be accepted, I was expected to be 'above reproach' like Caesar's wife, although such a thing is impossible. No man is perfect. Furthermore, Caesar was misquoted. He didn't say his wife should be above reproach. He said his wife should be as free from suspicion of a crime as she is from a crime itself.

I have worked my entire life to be as free from suspicion of being Dark as I am innocent of the crime of Dark magic. Purchasing or borrowing a text on blood magic might give my friend Andrew or a clerk at another bookshop the wrong idea.

I care too much about the opinion of others. I always have. When your good name is one of your few possessions, you guard it jealously. It may be a fault, but I would not readily damage it in anyone's eyes.

Thankfully, I have a friend with a family library filled with books Light and Dark. When I dressed and went upstairs, I found Sirius and Buckbeak rolling an empty beer bottle across the room to each other. Others bottles stood like bowling pins against a side wall.

I bowed to the Hippogriff and asked Sirius to help me find a book. He weaved his way out the door, blaming sleep deprivation for his lack of balance. It reminded me of schooldays, when he'd stagger to bed on the odd Sunday morning and not awaken until just before class on Monday.

In the library, my friend braced his hand against a shelf as he bent to read titles. Before I could speak, he told me to spare him the lecture on the evils of drink. He knew he drank too much. He was well aware that Cami and everyone else worried over it. He would do better. In fact, he planned to take a nap and not touch a drop when Cami visited later.

There was nothing for me to say except 'thank you.' I took the book down to the kitchen, but I couldn't read Power in the Blood while eating a roast beef sandwich.

Afterwards, another entry to my journal seemed a good way to gather focus before I began researching blood magic. Whether scratching down my thoughts did more than postpone an unwelcome task doesn't matter. The exercise served its purpose.

I'm done writing. It's time to read.

-


-

A/N: According to the Roman historian Suetonius, instead of the cliché, what Caesar actually said was Meos tam suspicione quam crimine iudico carere oportere, or 'My wife should be as much free from suspicion of a crime as she is from a crime itself.' I thought it fit a werewolf trying to remain part of society.

♥ Added note: This 'entry' corresponds with chapter 18 of Moonlight and Shadow.

Thanks go to...♥ 40/16 adrienne06052 alix33 Calenmarwen cupcakeswirl ElspethBates Embellished excessivelyperky Fauzia FNP Freja Lercke-Falkenborg GraceRichie Io.sono.Emilia ishandtwofourths Kates Master Kileaiya ladyofthebookworms lauraart123 LolaCherryColaGirl MollyCoddles Moonlight Nethiel Nessime Operamuse rillie siriuslycoco Sivaroobini Lupin-Black Slipknot-3113 Sophia Loren sunny9847 ♥ and ♥ UnderworldBabe