I heard a small voice. It was saying my name. I opened my eyes and immediately shut them to shield away the bright light. As I tried to open my eyes again I saw violet colored walls and my small Asian friend staring at me, very concerned. "Helga. How are you feeling honey??" I sat up and laid back down. My head was pounding. I put all my thoughts together and formed words. "What happened??" I asked. Phoebe sat on the edge of the blue covered mattress. "You…don't remember?" She asked and I shook my head no. She continued saying "You passed out last night ." What is she talking about? I thought to myself. "But Pheebs we baked cookies and Gerald and Arnold slept over, right??" She gave me a look that said seriously Helga?? "No… we were talking, you started to slur words and then you passed out. Gerald helped me carry you upstairs I helped you get undressed and into bed. Arnold left a long time before that. Lila was meeting him somewhere. Why??" I sat up again and grabbed my head. "Can I have some aspirin??" She smiled. "Already done and some tomato juice, it helps me. I thought it might help you too." I smiled at her as I got off the bed and took the aspirin. My back was towards her as I heard her ask. "You're not starting to think about him again, are you??" I coughed. "Helga?" I put on a smile as I turned around. "No Phoebe." She smiled back. "Bull shit!" She said and I grabbed the clothes and walked to the bathroom.

It was a dream? It was just a dream? I laughed quietly as I looked into the mirror. My hair is a tossed every which way; the look of mascara is splattered over my face. That when I put all the pieces together.

Oh my god…

I kept thinking to myself as I started to wash my hair with raspberry shampoo ' I know I'm not falling for him again…I can't be. I won't let myself. Not after last time. Never again.' The only one who knew the reasons I left this stupid town. She was the only reason I came back. Not for him, I never wanted to see him again. Phoebe even promised me that she would never mention his name again. It took me months for anyone to mention the words ice cream.

The day I left was the day we I mean they saved the neighborhood. The day I told him I loved him. It was a type of true young love that was rare but unrequited. It broke me. After the feeling that my secret was saved I entered my house and came face to face with Veronica, my seventeen year old cousin. She was five foot five blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She was beautiful, smart and was well dressed. When I saw her I immediately turned on the cold facade I showed the world to hide myself; too scared to show the world who I was for the fear of being hated for it. My cousin followed me to my room… It was like it was just yesterday….

FLASHBACK

I tried to take the stairs two at a time but she followed close behind me. "Leave me alone!!" I yelled over my shoulder as I opened my bedroom door. She caught the door before I slammed it. "I want to talk to you, I haven't seen you in a long time Helga, and I wanted to catch up." I heard her say as I sat on the bed, trying to avoid the look on her face. She grabbed both my hands and forces me to look at her. "I know that you're trying this whole bad girl, bitch facade. I know I've been there, but this isn't you." I laughed as I stared into her eyes and replied. "You think you now me?" I grabbed my hands away, stood up and put my hands on my hips. "You don't know a thing about me sister. Helga Pataki is bad. This is me. Nothing more, nothing less so get use to it." She let out a small chuckle. "You remind me of myself at that age." She stood up and walked towards me. "I was rejected at an early age from my family, always the one that was left out. So I acted like a bitch to put everyone at arms length. I couldn't handle the reality I truly wanted. I didn't want them to know." Veronica put her left hand on my shoulder and continued. "I didn't want him to know." I shoved her hand away from me and stomped back to the bed. Sitting down I started to look at my shoes as if they were the most interesting thing I had ever seen. I felt the bed move and Veronica said "Helga I want to help you. Look at me." I stared up at her and felt tears in my eyes. She read me like a book and I didn't want help. Dr. Bliss already helps me. Veronica smiled as she put her hand on mine. "I know what it feels like to be rejected by parents. Feeling shafted aside because of a sister. Trust me I know. Olga is just like Amy. And you know my award winning, special older sister Amy. Always perfect in every way. Blah blah blah." She rolled her eyes then smiled at me. "I know they left me home so many times, all my life because Amy had something that was too important to miss and they left me home. It didn't even faze them. Amy was always important. I just…wasn't." A tear slid down her face. And looked deep into my eyes, I saw myself and we cried together. Nothing had to be said, we both just understood and I gave up and cried.

We talked for the next couple hours. We were both sitting on the bed; he took the ribbon out of my hair and started to brush it as we talked. We covered everything from Olga being perfect, my alcoholic mother and self absorbed father. Finally we were on the topic of Arnold. I explained how we met, how I liked him and why. It brought us to what had happened between earlier in the day. She looked up. "Did he kiss you back??" I thought about it. "Well it was the heat of the moment. It was out of the blue, he…he, I mean I…no. No he didn't." I looked at the floor and heard her say. "I can help you. You can come down to my place for the summer; you can see what it's like to be yourself in front of people that don't know you. It will be like starting over." I turned around to see her smiling and I smiled back. I was sick of being mean, I was sick of being judged. I nodded. "K, Veronica I'll do it." She smiled back. I called Phoebe to ask her to meet me at my house in 10 minutes. Veronica called her friend Joan. When the two came over they dragged me to the bathroom. Veronica piped up and said. "You need to let your personality shine through, a makeover for a new Helga."

Next thing I knew I had two nicely shaped eyebrows, my hair had been layered with brown highlights and a mani pedi. I sat on my bed and waited for my nails to dry while the girls went through my closet. Getting rid of all pink jumpers and they turned my pink bow into a choker/ necklace, they had sewed a silver charm heart on the front with a button in the back. I hugged Phoebe goodbye as the phone rang. The caller ID showed Arnold's number.

Phoebe picked it up and put it on speaker. "Hello." She asked, and there was a pause. "H-hi is…um...Helga there??" Phoebe smiled as she asked. "Arnold is that you?" A shaky voice replied. "Um…yeah, hi Phoebe." Veronica and Joan chuckled quietly to themselves. I tried to stay quiet even though I wanted to grab the phone and talk to him. I sat on the stairs and began to bite my nails so I wouldn't yell out as Phoebe continued. "Arnold? What's up?" A loud sigh was heard. "Phoebe is Helga there? I need to talk to her. It's important." Phoebe bit her lip, knowing what had happened between Arnold and I. She took a deep breath and said "Um…she's busy right now Arnold and doesn't really want to talk. Can I take a message?" There was silence. The four of us looked at each other thinking he hung up but we were quiet just incase. Phoebe asked. "Are you still there?" It sounded like he cleared his throat and said in a low voice. "She told you what happened didn't she." It was a deep voice that sends shivers up my spine and into my heart. My heart was aching and I didn't know if I wanted to yell out for him or start crying on the spot.

Phoebe looked at me and said nothing. Then I heard him say. "I'm taking it from your silence that you know Phoebe. Did she tell you everything?" Phoebe was still silent I tried to motion her to talk but she still said nothing. "Are you still there?" He asked and Phoebe responded in a meek and quiet voice. "I'm…I'm still here." Another sigh was heard and the low voice continued. "Did she tell you? She didn't want me to say anything, but if you know…" He sighed again. "Phoebe, I didn't know what to say to her about it all. I mean it came as a shock you know. I just don't think I can forget it never happened. I've thought about it all day. I like her, she's rough around the edges but I like her." My heart was lifted and I was right about to say something when I heard him say. "I just don't think I feel the same way. I don't think I'm on the same level as she is." My heart sank I lied back and tears started streaming down my face. It was as if he kicked me in the stomach. Phoebe was about to hang up the phoebe but I motioned her to continue. "Why would you think that? What level are you on?" She asked and the voice answered. "I don't know. I like her, she is cool to play ball with. I just don't know her on that level. I-" I couldn't take it any longer I folded my arms and cried loud and hard. I stopped caring if he knew or what he thought. "Helga? Is that you?" The voice asked. I didn't answer I couldn't stop my bleeding heart from crying. The three girls tried to comfort me but I couldn't. The voice continued. "Helga…we need to talk. I'm coming over now." Phoebe yelled. "Don't bother! You said it yourself you're not on the same level as her. She is so much more than you could ever know. She is loving, caring smart and courageous. She would have done anything for you. You're my friend but Helga is like my sister and honestly Arnold you don't deserve her. So don't bother coming over because she won't be here." With that the phone went dead.

"I talked to your parents and you're gonna come live with me and my moms." I stood up pacing back and forth. "Don't I get a say in this?" She put her hand up to her chin as if she was lost in thought. "No."

END OF FLASHBACK

I heard a knock at the door that sent be back to reality. "Helga? Are you ok? Want to go to a movie? " I turned the water off and started to get ready. "Sounds good, I'll be out in a sec."