A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews.
Not ok
Saturday night, back in Stars Hollow, Rory walks into the small hallway, dropping her bag on the floor. Hearing the door opening, Lorelai gets up and walks to the door. When she sees her daughter, looking hurt and defeated, she wraps her arms around her in a hug.
"Rory, babe, what's wrong?"
"Can we…" She takes a deep breath before continuing. "Can we not talk about it tonight?"
"Of course we can." Lorelai answers, letting go of her daughter and looking at her. "What do you want to do? Sleep? Ice cream? Coffee? Watch a movie and try to beat the record for the largest quantity of pizza consumed in one night?"
"Sleep. Definitely sleep."
"Ok, hon." Picking up the bag, she head towards Rory's old room and she follows her, both of them quiet. She drops the bag on the floor again and then heads back towards the door. "If you change your mind…?"
"I know where to find you." Rory nods as she sits down on the bed.
"Ok." Lorelai replies as she walks out of the room, leaving the girl alone, closing the door behind her. As soon as she's alone, Rory curls up in a corner of the bed, wrapping a thin sheet around her, looking for comfort.
A few hours later, Rory hears the phone ringing and her mother's voice in the kitchen.
"Yeah? Oh, hey, mom." A long pause. "No, I still haven't heard from her." Another pause. "I'm sure she's fine." And another one. "Mom, she's an adult. If she wants to go away, there's nothing we can do to stop her." Yet another one. "The police won't do anything. She has the right to leave if she wants to. And frankly, I trust her enough to know she is not doing anything stupid." Again a pause. "She's my kid, mom. I appreciate your concern, but I've got this. I can't keep having this conversation with you. I have to go, I'm sorry."
Getting up from her bed, Rory walks to the kitchen, where she finds her mother staring angrily at the phone.
"You didn't have to lie to grandma for me."
"It's ok. She should stay out of this."
"How long have you been sitting here?" Rory asks, picking up a mug from a cupboard and grabbing the coffee pot.
"About the same amount of time you've been sleeping. I got up for coffee a couple of times."
"I haven't been sleeping." She answers as she sits down and pours coffee in her mug.
"Kid, you have to give me something here. What happened in California?"
Sighing, Rory sips from her coffee. "A lot of talking."
"And?"
"And…I don't know."
"And, for whatever reason, you don't know what else happened or is it just that you haven't decided anything?"
"And I haven't decided anything but I don't want to talk about anything else that happened."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to think about it. I promise I'll explain later but right now…I need to not think about it, ok?" She repeats, looking down into her mug.
"Ok." Lorelai reassures her daughter, reaching across the table and putting her hand on Rory's. "Can we talk about everything else? What did you and Jess talked about?"
"We…talked about Logan a lot. About my life. Stuff." She sips from her cup. "Why are you so calm about this?" She asks, confused.
"You're a grown up. I stand by what I told my mother. You get to decide what you want to do."
"This isn't you, mom. I know you better than this. I expected frantic phone calls from you the second the plane landed, not total silence."
"I tried calling. Your phone's been off for the last 4 days."
"And before that?"
"Rory, you just jumped on a plane and went to California with Jess. I highly doubt that anything I could have said would have made a difference. I wanted to give you space."
"Space?" She asks again, still not understanding what was happening. "You knew I was at the other end of the country with Jess and you decided not to say anything?"
"I…thought he could help." Lorelai whispers, not looking at her daughter.
"You knew about this." She states calmly, finally realizing it.
"Before you get angry with me, just listen until the end, ok?"
Rory nods, waiting to hear what her mother has to say. "I hope someday you'll have your own children and when that happens, you'll understand that there is nothing you wouldn't do for their happiness. Things you never imagine you'd be able to do. In the last few months, you've been anything but happy. And I tried to tell you, talk to you but you wouldn't listen to me. You'd always tell me things were fine and peachy and then just go back to talking about the wedding. And I had to do something. So…I went to Jess. That's why he came here that day. Now California, that…that was his thing. I had no idea about that. Honestly, I was hoping he'd come and tell me I was insane and you were over the moon happy. I'm sorry I lied to you and you can tell me I had no right to do what I did or be angry with me but Rory…I had to do something."
As soon as she finishes, she looks her daughter who's staring down at her coffee cup.
"Rory…say something." She says after a few moments of silence. Rory just shakes her head, still not looking up.
"I…can't believe you did this."
"I'm sorry."
"You said you tried talking to me. Well, you should have tried harder! You weren't supposed to drag Jess into this!"
"So are you angry with me because I did this or because I asked Jess to help me? What exactly happened, Rory? You might not want to think about it, but you have to! Whatever you guys did, you have to face it! Tell me what happened! Talk about it, think about it, just do something! Don't waste your life because you hate me right now or want to prove me wrong. This will hopefully pass. But if you marry Logan…it won't. That's for good."
Standing up, Rory just shakes her head again.
"I can't be in this room with you right now." She says as she walks back to her room, slamming the door behind her, leaving her mother sitting alone in the kitchen.
The next morning, Rory knocks on her mother's door, opening it slowly. When she sees her daughter, Lorelai sits up on the bed, quickly wiping her face with her palms.
"What's wrong?"
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Rory just sighs and looks at her. "I'm still angry with you over asking Jess for help. That's…not going to go away so easily. You of all people should understand how I feel right now. Or don't you remember how you felt when grandma invited dad to her vow renewal? It's the same thing, mom. She thought she was doing the right thing as well. But…" She takes a deep breath. "…I need to talk to you. Not about him, I really can't talk about him with you, not right now at least. I need to talk to you about Logan and my wedding. I just…need my best friend right now."
Nodding slowly, Lorelai pushes her hair behind her ears. "Ok. In here or in the kitchen?"
"Kitchen. I have a feeling we'll need coffee for this."
"Ok." She replies, standing up and they both walk down to the kitchen. Once they get there, Lorelai turns on the coffee machine and grabs two mugs, then leans against the counter, looking at her daughter.
"I don't know if I want to marry him."
"Do you love him?" Lorelai asks, picking up the coffee pot and sitting down on the other side of the table. "That's the only thing that matters. Everything else…that's pointless."
"I loved him."
"I don't doubt you did. I don't think anyone is doubting that."
"But that's not enough, is it?" She sighs.
"No. If you don't love him anymore, there has to be a reason for that. And if you're going to marry him hoping that love will come back…trust me, it won't."
"If I do this…well, actually if I don't do this…" She chuckles humorlessly. "Can I stay here for a while? I'd have to move out of his place, obviously."
"Rory, this has always been your house. You can stay here all you want."
"And…can you help me tell grandma and grandpa? I don't want to do it alone. It's already bad enough having to talk to Logan but them…I can't stand letting them down."
"Of course I'll be there. There's no way I would let you face that alone. And as for disappointing them…they will get over it soon. They love you too much not to."
"Ok." Rory nods again. "So, how do I cancel a wedding?"
Later that day, she unlocks the door to her and Logan's apartment slowly, breathing calmly, preparing for what was going to happen. As soon as enters the room, Logan spots her and stands up, his fists clenched at his sides.
"You finally decided to come back."
"Not for long. I'm…" She breathes in again before continuing. "I'm here to tell you I am not going to marry you. I'm sorry."
He just looks back at her, blinking a few times, trying to understand what she is saying. "You can't be serious."
"I'm sorry, Logan." She repeats, shaking her head sadly.
"You're canceling our wedding with less than a month to go? Are you insane? What the hell's gotten into you?"
"I…think I might have found myself again. I am not trying to hurt you but I just can't do it." She takes a few hesitant steps towards him.
"Do you have any idea how much money you're just throwing out the window if you do this? How long people are going to talk about it? You can't just change your fucking mind, you have responsibilities!"
"Figures…" She whispers, looking at him. "That's all you care about right now, Logan? The money? The gossip? You haven't even asked me why I don't want to marry you anymore. Do you even care about that or is it all about what other people will think to you?"
"Don't turn this on me! I have the right to be angry! I have the right to remind you of all the things you're throwing away by doing this."
"You do get to be angry and to remind me of all that. And that's why…" She exhales before continuing, still calm. "…That's why I am not marrying you. I don't know who you are anymore. You're turning into your father and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And I don't love you anymore. I want to love you, but I don't and I have to stop trying at some point. We haven't been happy together in years. I can't do this to both of us. We'll both be miserable if we go through with this, Logan…" She cups his face in her right hand, trying to get through to him but she just pushes her hand away with his, stepping back.
"Did you discover all this while you were off God knows where, doing whatever the fuck it is you did? Don't push your bullshit on me, Rory. Don't try to pretend you have an excuse for this. That you're doing this for my sake."
"I'm not, Logan. I wanted to marry you, please believe that. When I said 'yes', there was nothing more I wanted to do. But now…it's different. We're different. You can not believe me, but I am doing this for both of us. I'm sorry." She just repeats again as he turns around, pacing around the room. When he finally stops, he looks at her, shaking his head.
"Get out."
"If, when you calm down, you want to talk to me…"
"Just get the hell out!" He snaps before she finishes her sentence and she heads for the front door, opening it. She turns around one last time before she leaves. "I…really did love you. Goodbye, Logan."
Rushing down the stairs of the building, she opens the car door and jumps in the passenger seat, trying to hold back tears. Lorelai looks at her, rubbing her shoulder gently.
"Are you ok?"
"No." She answers, biting her lip. "I'm really not ok right now."
