Chapter IX: Walk the line

The sun was setting.
I glance at window again, patiently waiting.
I had been thinking about it all day. I hadn't left my chair, I just sat and waited. Waited for a return.

I had gathered my thoughts and put them in a certain order. Restrained my feelings from it all and try to think of an answer to my own darkness.

I never, not once, had ever considered working for a vile snake as Orochimaru. Yet this morning it had plagued my mind. I had actually thought it over. I've imagined multiple scenarios, not one of them to my liking. Not one of them a true representation or me or the truth of the situation.

Yet something was eating at me.

I let out a sigh and finally decide to get up off my chair, accepting that neither of them was going to return to this place. Not yellow eyes. Not the boy… Not Sasuke.

I pack my bag and put it over my shoulder. As I open the door I can sense someone approaching the door. I halt and freeze on the spot. My heart starts to pound. The door makes a creaking sound as I open it.

He's alone.

'Sasuke,' I say, not being able to contain my surprise.

'I thought you'd be gone by now,' he coolly states.

I can't tell if the cold statement is to hide his own surprise or if he's actually truly unhappy to still find me here.

Maybe I'm just annoying him again. I bite the inside of my cheek.

'I was about to leave,' I tell him moving out of the doorframe to let him in. He stays put. Giving me a hard look.

'Something wrong?' I ask nonchalantly.

'Stay.'

A simple word. Unexpected. Remarkable to hear from his lips. I guess my face couldn't conceal my thoughts…

He smirks so I frown.
'Something funny?' I asked annoyed.
'We didn't finish our conversation earlier.'
I simple stare at him. Yes, we did, a voice argues in my head. Yet my lips are less bold. So are my feet since they don't bother to move a muscle. He walks pass me and lightly touches my shoulder.

'I've got dinner… There is more than enough,' he states as he enters the house.

I stubbornly stand in the middle of the doorway for a couple of seconds. I then realize he is all by himself.

'Where is the boy?' I ask him as I turn my feet around and follow him in.

'A display of his strength was all it took to make Mitstuki follow him, right back into his footsteps… Not surprising considering he is his son.'
'He's with Orochimaru?' I ask baffled. I don't know why but the thought saddens me. I've much rather have seen him run free and… I sigh, what am I thinking? I told myself to let it go.

'What did Orochimaru say to you?' he asks while placing a dead fish on the table.

I curl up my nose at the sight. Not exactly the type of dinner I was thinking of.

'Nothing,' I lie.

'He talked about you.' As he says that he turns around and stares at me with a look I have never seen on his face. I can't tell what it is. It looks something between worrisome and disapproval. Maybe even a bit of anger.

'What did he say?' I ask when he stays silent.

'He saw something in you… Ihad in me for years.'

My eyes widen when hearing that. It occurs to me that their relation is rather complex, a part of me wonders why either of them cares about my wellbeing.

'I don't quite follow,' I say as I pretend to prepare dinner. I grab my kunai to gut the fish but get halted by a strong hand. I quirk up an eyebrow at Sasuke and note his sudden closeness.

He loses his grip on my wrist.

I look up from the gesture back to him.

He even dares to take a step closer.

'Don't you ever go near him.'

Was that a threat?

I snatch my wrist loose and take a step back. I angrily stare at him. 'Don't tell me what to do,' I hiss.

'I'm not your enemy.'

I frown at his words again, uncertain what he meant by that.

'Stay,' he repeats. Softly.

The word has a strange effect on me. I calm down and lower the kunai I had unintentionally aimed at him. I stare at it for a minute, wondering what I was exactly planning on doing with the weapon. I hadn't even noticed I had pulled it up.

'Sorry,' I mumble.

He stays silent and it stays like that for a while. Taking his own kunai to do what I had intended to do yet he doesn't do it either. He only stands motionlessly before it.

'I never expected this from you, Sakura,' he starts. His voice is harsh and cold like always. The tone he uses is that of a father scolding at his child. 'The fact that it is on your mind, that you don't even deny it… Do you have any idea of what that man is capable of? You cannot even imagine.'
'I don't need a speech from you,' I scream, not being able to control my anger any longer.

'Don't you tell me what to do!' I scream. 'Stop it! Stop telling me when I can and when I can't. Stop telling me that I'm annoying when I say things you don't want to hear! Stop looking for me! Stop it! Just stop!'

'I thought that is what you wanted!?' he yells back, which silences me.

Now it is him with the kunai in mid-air. Just like me, he lowers it and even throws it on the table. He takes a step towards me.
'I asked for your forgiveness,' he starts. 'You gave me more than what I deserve… But I won't allow this. I don't want you to fall in anyone's… claws.' He spats angrily. 'You're good, Sakura.'

I don't know why but the words start to make me see him differently.

'I…' You halt. Uncertain of what to say to me. You take a few steps towards me and I back away only to feel my back meet the kitchen sink. I feel flustered. Strange. A part of me wants to run out of the door.

But a part of me stubbornly stays put, like you asked.

Your eyes look haunted.

I don't want to move.

Do I dare to walk the line?

'What are you saying?' I ask him, barely above a whisper.
'I don't know how to…' You shake your head, unable to utter the words you long to say. Your eyes bore into mine for the longest time. And I just stand still. For an reason unknown to myself, I enjoy it. The close proximity. The long awkward silence.

'If I keep my distance, it is only because I don't want to hurt you…'

Though you said it barely above a whisper, it echoes loudly in my ears. When you move in closer to me, I find myself meeting you halfway.

'I don't want to drag you into this… but I guess somehow I did…'

Yellow eyes… Is that what you mean?

Or is it far more complex… some kind of darkness?

I swallow nervously. I realize this wasn't a revelation to me. I've known.

'Don't give in,' I hear you whisper in my ear. 'Don't go wondering if there is more, it is all right in front of you. It all lies in Konoha, where you belong.'

I move my head and our cheeks brush against one another. I look up to see you open your eyes. I've never seen you like this.

'And you?' I ask. 'Where are you?'

Your lips brush against mine and I can feel your breath. I flutter my eyes shut, taking it all in.

You do not answer me.

I open my eyes and look at you. Though I lift my chin, I do not pass the border.

I ran all the way here for you… You have to pass the border to get to me.

That is my condition.

To my surprise, you do. Your hand guides me to you and when we meet I feel thrills all over. Slow, soft. Much like I had imagined. But I've matured too much and so have you. Your arm snakes around my waist and you pull me in closer.

I feel hands all over and I feel myself move towards you. It is a frenzy. Warm. Hungry. Satisfying.
My heart is racing and as I dare to make a sound you halt.

And it all stops.

Our foreheads resting against each other. I can't tell what you're thinking. I can never tell what you are thinking. It is all a blur. Was this what I was looking for?

Yes.

It's a small voice that answers. I feel a wave of calmness come over me. As if I had finally come to terms with myself.

Lonely.

I crave for a feeling. Yearn for a touch.

Yet I can figure out if you is what I want. I frown. A snippy voice barks all sorts of questions at me, making my head spin. Making me doubt every move I've made.

Why do you still act so indifferently? Why do you make it so difficult? Have you thought of this before? How long have you wanted to do that? Have you ever done this before…? …With whom?

'Don't wait for me.'

My head spins.

You put a lose strand of hair behind my ear. It is the most gentle gesture I have ever seen you make towards me.

'What do you mean?'

'Don't wait for me to come back to Konoha.'

I take a step back. Unable to progress what had just happened and what you've just said to me. I frown at you, feeling my temper flare up again while my heart sinks deeper and deeper.
I could've sworn I had almost felt you. I had actually tried to reach out for you… I can feel a painful throb settle in my throat. I swallow it. I defiantly look up at you and place my hands on your chest, pushing you and all your painful memories away from me.

'Go home, Sakura.'