Chapter 9, part 1: Sorrow
Left
alone with only reflections of the memory
To face
the ugly girl that's smothering me
Sitting
closer than my pai
He knew
each tear before it came
Soon He
will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by
Emma glanced down at the newspaper/magazine, wishing that Manny hadn't subscribed to it. How could he do this? Why would he do this to me? Emma stared blankly at the front page. Tristan and some girl on the cover, kissing. The headline read: Operation: Jealousy's a hit & keeping with the rock life, underneath that it said: A glimpse of rock n' roll life, the band parties with their new groupies. Not very clever... Emma put the paper down on the counter, uncertain of the emotions running through her body. She felt... blank, like she couldn't be angry, or upset, or anything... she couldn't grasp it. She lifted her head up from the picture when her phone started ringing. She sighed when she saw who was calling her.
"Hello?" She asked, keeping her tone emotionless.
"Hey, I take it that you seen the picture." Zack says, a little softly.
"Yep" Emma replies, not wanting to talk about it.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." He tells her sincerely.
"You have a really good heart, don't let the band corrupt you." Emma half-whispers, not able to keep her voice strong. She removes her cell phone from her ear and presses end. She stares at the phone, sighing again when she hears a knock on the door. Emma doesn't bothering yelling that it's open, or walking over to open the door herself. Instead, the door opens on its own. Emma looks over to see who's coming in.
"Hey" Jay says, closing the door behind him. Emma gives him a slight nod, acknowledging that she hears him. "I'm, um, sorry about the picture in the paper thing. I figured you would have a cheer up crew here." Jay half-jokes, trying to get Emma to smile or something.
"Manny is at her movie thing, working on her new role, and I don't know where Sean is." Emma replies, still not able to get her voice into a strong tone. "I have a bunch of stuff to do for work, so I have to go." Emma starts gathering up her things, determined not to deal with her current Tristan issue.
"Emma, --" Jay starts, getting interrupted.
"No," She states firmly. "I have things to do."
"What do you have to do?" Jay asks, trying to find out if she's just making excuses, or she really has work related things to do.
"I have a couple errands to run, and I have to go shopping for a new outfit for work." Emma tells him, knowing that he asked to know if she was just making excuses.
"Why do you need a new outfit for work?" He asks, determined to keep the conversation going.
"You really don't want to know, so please don't ask." Emma looks at him in the eyes, keeping her expression emotionless.
"I thought we spent all these weeks trying to be friends?" Jay asks, pretending to be hurt by her statement. Emma sighed, it was true, they had become 'friends', sort of. They hung out, they talked, they went out, usually with Sean and Manny, and the four of them were getting along great.
"I'm sorry..." Emma tells him, "But do you really want to spend the afternoon shopping with me? Don't you have to work or something?"
"I'm waiting on Greg to fax me some papers and stuff back, so no, I don't have work, and sure, I'll go shopping with you." Jay half-smirks, trying to keep it to himself.
"One thing that hasn't changed about you, Jay Hogart, is that you are still a perv." Emma slightly laughs. "If you want to come along, then let's go." The two walked out of her apartment. They got the errands out of the way; dropping things off, picking random stuff up. The two reached the mall. Jay tried to keep up with Emma's brisk pace. They were in and out of stores, Emma searching for something, thinking that when she saw it, she would know it. She bought a couple pairs of pinstripe, plaid, and button pants, along with a couple tunics, and button down blouses, but was still searching for 'that' outfit.
"What is for that you have to find this 'perfect' outfit?" Jay asks, watching Emma shift through the racks.
"I have this evening dinner to go to for the violence campaign that I just finished. My boss was thrilled with how well it went, even after I had to redo a ton of work, and she wants me to go on behalf of the company. I am totally stressing here, there is nothing that looks good on me." Emma sighs, frustrated that she can't seem to find anything that's appropriate. Emma grabs a couple dresses that seem okay and walks towards the dressing room. "I'll be quick, I highly doubt that any of these will look okay on me." Emma says to Jay. Each time she gets one on, she comes out and looks at Jay, then she makes a face after looking at the mirror, and goes back into the dressing room. Emma put on the last dress, she looked at herself in the dressing room mirror for a while before slowly opening the door.
"Wow." Jay whispers to himself, watching Emma fully step out of the dressing room. She is in a gold metallic halter dress. It has a twist detail under the bust and it clings to her body shape. The dress goes straight down her thighs, and flares a little bit at the bottom. The back of the dress covers enough of her back to make it appealing, but not seem slutty. Emma turns back and forth, looking at the front of the dress, and then the back.
"It's too short." Emma complains out loud, annoyed that she can't find a dress that's appropriate enough for the dinner. Emma tried to pull it down, but truthfully, the dress was only about three inches above her knee, completely covering her thigh.
"It's perfect." Jay tells her. As she turns to face him, the fluorescent lights in the store catch the metallic sparkles in the dress, making Emma's hazel eyes shine.
"You think so?" Emma looks at Jay, hope in her eyes that she found 'the' dress. Jay nods his head yes. She gives him a warm smile and goes back into the dressing room to put her regular clothes back on. Emma paid for the dress and the two walked out of the store. "You want ice cream? My treat." Emma turns her attention to him, tilting her head a little, wondering why he has that zoned out look in his eyes.
"No, I'll pay." Jay says. Emma opens her mouth to protest, but Jay doesn't let her speak. He walks closer to the ice cream place, with Emma following behind him. "I'll have a small twist with chocolate sprinkles." Jay tells the person standing behind the counter. "Em, what do you want?"
"Um..." She looks at all the signs. "I want a small vanilla with chocolate sauce please." Emma goes to take out her money, but gets stopped by Jay. The lady behind the counter hands them their cones and Jay pays. "I said my treat." Emma says before taking a lick of her ice cream.
"I think you spent enough money today." Jay points towards the two shopping bags in Emma's hands, which doesn't seem like a lot, but it is.
"Can I have a taste of yours?" Emma asks, stilling licking away at her own ice cream.
"You have your own."
"Please, just one lick." Emma pouts at him, so he holds the cone in front of her, watching Emma's tongue scoop up some ice cream. She wipes her lip as a chocolate sprinkle falls. "Switch with me."
"Why?"
"I want yours."
"Then why didn't you order the same thing as me?" Jay takes another mouthful of ice cream.
"Just switch with me, for a little." Emma holds her ice cream out to him. Jay switches with her, adapting to the different taste of the ice cream. The two walk and eat their ice cream, talking about things they pass by in the store windows. Just before Jay gets to the cone of Emma's ice cream, she holds his out to him. "Okay, switch back." Emma took her ice cream back, enjoying the time she was having. The two finish their ice cream and just walk along, heading towards the exit. Emma teases Jay playfully, pushing into his side a little. Jay does it back, causing Emma to retaliate. Just as they step foot outside Jay picks Emma up, throwing him over his shoulder.
"What did you say?" Jay asks, a playful grin appearing on his face, although Emma couldn't see it.
"You can be my new shopping buddy, I can totally girl you up." Emma laughs, amused that he just basically threw her over his shoulder like she was a kid.
"Take it back." Jay demands, slowly starting to spin around as he walked towards her car.
"What are we five? Put me down." Emma demands, not really meaning it.
"Take it back." He repeats, spinning a little faster.
"You're going to make me throw up my ice cream." Emma exclaims, laughter still in her voice. Jay gets to the trunk of the car, and continues to spin around. Emma, unable to handle the spinning and her laughter, finally takes it back. "Okay, okay, I take it back, you are not girly!" Emma giggles as Jay puts her down, the two of them a little dizzy. Emma leans into Jay, resting her hands on his chest as her head slowly stops spinning. Jay looks down at her, letting her eyes meet his.
Chapter 9, part 2: Breathe Today
So many
lies swirling,
All
around you,
You're
suffocating,
The
empty shape in you,
Steals
your breath,
You're
suffocating.
Emma felt as if the world had stopped moving, like her and Jay were the only ones in the parking lot, she felt like she was in a movie. The loud ringing made her jump and advert her eyes from Jay's. Jay let his hands fall from her back, which he left there when he put her down. Emma quickly tried to answer her phone, not bothering to check the caller ID.
"Hello?" Emma asks, a little uncertain, about both who was calling her, and what just happened between her and Jay.
"Em, hey..." Tristan talks coolly. Emma sighs and motions for Jay to get into the car. Emma pops her trunk, tossing her shopping bags in.
"Tristan." Emma says, emotionless. Jay almost cringes at the mention of his name, of course the 'boyfriend' ruined the moment.
"I can only assume that you saw the picture."
"Of course I saw it; it was on the front page." Emma says, slightly slamming the driver side door as she gets into the car.
"Babe, don't be mad. It happened after a show; a fan got a little excited and kissed me." Tristan tells her. The tone of his voice only suggests that Emma is overreacting.
"Yeah, I get it." Emma puts the key into the ignition. "Look, I'm kinda busy-"
"What are you doing? You don't have time to talk, we haven't since I left." Tristan cuts her off.
"I'm doing stuff for work, and the reason we haven't talked is because you haven't called me." Emma replies, shifting the blame.
"I've been busy with the band." Tristan retaliates, justifying his non-boyfriend behavior.
"Yep, the band... Zack has found the time to call me three or four times." Emma states, not changing or even raising her tone.
"Who are you with?" He asks, changing the subject.
"What do you mean 'who am I with'?" Emma asks, agitated by his insinuation.
"You have to be with someone if you're trying to get me off the phone. Manny or Sean maybe, I know they don't agree with us."
"Leave them out of this. I don't want to argue anymore. I am running errands for work. Have fun with your front page groupie." Emma removes her phone from her ear and presses end. She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. Jay startles her by placing his hand on her arm.
"Maybe I should drive." Jay says, trying to keep his voice low. Emma nods her head in agreement, and switches seats with Jay. He drives back to their apartment building. Emma grabs her bags from the trunk and her keys from Jay. They get to their floor, neither of them speaking until they reached their doors. "Look, for what it's worth, he's being an asshole, so don't think about it so much." Jay tells her. She nods her head a bit, trying not to think about hers and Tristan's phone conversation. "I have to stop at the garage to see if Greg sent the papers back, how about you ride with and we'll get some dinner." Jay bargains, trying to get her mind off of Tristan.
"Yeah, okay, just let me put my bags away." Emma walks into her apartment to put her things away. Jay watches her; incredibly annoyed that Tristan interrupted whatever it was that was happening with him and Emma back at the mall. I know that if he wouldn't have called that we would have kissed. Damn 'boyfriend', why'd he have to call at that moment? Emma came back out, disturbing Jay's rant about Tristan. "Okay, let's go."
With that said, Jay and Emma spent the rest of the night trying not to think about Tristan. Jay felt like Emma was letting him back in. Maybe he would get his chance to kiss her.
"So, how long do you plan on staying here for?" Emma asks, digging her fork into her Caesar salad.
"I don't know, the shop isn't off the ground yet, I guess I won't know until we see how business does." Jay replies, still unsure of his plans. The two continue with the small talk, with anything random that pops into their heads. Jay drives them back home, giving Emma a piggy back ride up to their doors.
"Can you remind Sean that he promised to take me to that dinner thing?" Emma asks Jay, gently sliding off his back.
"Yeah, no problem." Jay turns around to face her, not realizing she was so close to him, he almost knocked her over. "Sorry, I didn't know you were right behind me." Jay tells her, catching her with one hand and leaving it on her waist as she straightened herself out.
"My fault." Emma almost whispers, looking up to meet Jay's eyes. An overwhelming feeling began to empower her. She thought about Tristan, all the time they spent together, but then she began to think about the few weeks she's spent with Jay. Emma's head began to inch closer to Jay's, but suddenly she remembered Tristan, and even if he did cheat on her. She couldn't do it to him, it wouldn't be right, and Emma had to believe that he wouldn't do it to her. After all, Tristan could be telling the truth. "I'm sorry, I can't... I'll see you tomorrow." Her voice is soft, almost straining to tell Jay that, when her lips wanted to feel his. She took a step back, unlocked her door, and entered her apartment. So close... I was so close. Fuck Tristan, I have to get her to realize he IS cheating on her.
