) Chapter Nine – Admission (
Bella couldn't have annoyed Sirius more if she had tried. In fact, if she had tried, it wouldn't have been nearly as successful.
Ever since Slughorn's party, Sirius had been nothing but hostile toward Bella. His new nickname for her was the "Slytherin Slut," and he took advantage of every opportunity to taunt her in the hallways between classes, in Hogsmeade, at meals, and everywhere in-between.
Bella, however, was infuriatingly impervious to his attempts to upset her. Truthfully, she was unreceptive to most everything in the last days of school before the Christmas holidays. She ate, slept, attended classes, and did her homework…and little else. She was a machine, interacting with other students only when required.
Ironically, Sirius was the only one who noticed her haziness; she had no other close friends who would care. Snape was giving her space to figure out how to control her magic until January. Her sisters were too excited for the break to notice Bella's unresponsiveness.
The truth was that Bella was terrified for the first time in her life. Every waking moment, she was aware of the little urchin that was meddling with her magic. The little brat had no right to be inside her; she wanted it to go burrow up in Sirius' body and see how he liked that!
Feverish nightmares came every night, imagining her parents' reactions, Sirius' reaction, and most terrifying of all, Lord Voldemort's reaction. How the Dark Lord would react when he found out that one of the hand-picked Death Eater trainees was pregnant with the child of a blood traitor, she had no idea. She had never even met the Lord. But she was certain that he would punish her severely…if he didn't kill her.
Bella was still certain that she had to find a way to get rid of the baby. She had been sneaking in the Restricted Section looking for abortion books, and had found one that alluded to it, which led her to find another. The scary-looking book warned that the spell was extremely dangerous (as Pomfrey had warned her) and could only be correctly performed by another person besides the mother. And who did she have to do it for her? No one.
She soon found herself on the Hogwarts Express headed back to London, no closer to a resolution than she had been when she had found out about the problem. She stared out of the window of the cabin dismally as her sisters contemplated what their parents might have bought them from Diagon Alley.
The door to their compartment slid open to reveal Regulus.
"There you are, Bella!" Regulus said in a high-pitched voice.
"Yes?" she said.
"Uh...might I have a quick word?" he asked, gesturing out into the hallway.
Bella shrugged and rose from her seat. When she was outside the compartment, Regulus slid the door shut behind them. The hall was deserted.
Regulus cleared his throat. "I was hoping we could, um, talk about what happened. It's been hard to find you these days, so I hope you haven't thought I was uninterested or anything..."
"What are you talking about?" Bella asked, confused.
His eyes darted nervously. "You know...in the hallway that time..."
She raised her eyebrows questioningly.
"When we, um," he lowered his voice, "kissed."
"Oh that!" she exclaimed, chuckling. "What about it?"
"I was hoping that we could clear up the air about what we are before we get to my house and see our parents," he said, his dark eyes looking hopeful.
"And what are we?"
"Well, I'd like for us to go steady," he volunteered. His cheeks were red. "As I said, I like you a lot, Bella."
Bella was taken aback at his honestly and forthrightness. "Oh! Wow. I—uh—appreciate that a lot!"
"Then you think we should, you know, spread the word…?"
She sighed. She didn't like Regulus that way, but she knew that she could grow to. He was handsome like Sirius. A match with him would make her parents thrilled. However, she knew that now was not the time to be entering into a relationship with anyone. She had to figure out what she was going to do about the spawn; a boyfriend would not react well to finding out his girlfriend was pregnant—especially if the father was his own brother!
"Regulus, I like you a lot, but…now is really not a good time for me. I only have a half a year left, and you know…"
Regulus' expression fell, and he pulled back. "I see."
"Truly, it has nothing to do with you…"
"Is there someone else?" he asked coldly.
"No, there really isn't."
"That's a shame," he said flatly. "It would have made your rejection a whole lot easier. Now I know that you just think you're too good for me."
"That's not true!"
"Don't even bother, Bella," he scoffed, shaking his head. He took a few steps back, studying her with new eyes. "You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I actually think Sirius is right about you. You are a slut."
Bella's jaw dropped in shock. "Excuse me?"
"You led me on only to drop me later...who else have you been snogging, Bella? The whole rest of the seventh year? Oh, wait—you must be done with the seventh year if you've moved down to my year!"
She was too taken aback by his scorn that she couldn't think of anything witty to say. "That's completely unfair! You kissed me!"
"But you sure didn't protest, did you? You could have said you weren't interested then, before I fought Sirius for your honor!"
"My honor?" Bella laughed. "Please—I don't need someone like you fighting for my 'honor.' I can do my own fighting, thanks."
"As I said: a stuck-up slut," he said with a curled lip. "I'll see you in London."
With that he wheeled around and stalked down the hall.
"I can't wait!" Bella retorted.
He didn't respond, but went to the next train car with a bang of the sliding door.
Bella stood there, not wishing to go back and see her sisters. The silence of the hall was much more enjoyable; all she could hear was the low murmurings from the cabins. The train was chugging through a forest, and the sky was already darkening.
She had the urge to find Sirius and curse him to hell. The bastard had not only gotten her pregnant, but he was ruining all of the other possible healthy relationships she could have had with other boys! On top of that, he was marching around with that bitch Helen Green as if their bodies were incapable of separating. He was completely oblivious that he was a father.
The unfairness of the situation infuriated her. She was the one who would bear the brunt of her family's anger, not him. She was the one who would be taunted and whispered about. Sirius was protected because it would be worse for Bella if her family knew about his involvement.
That bastard! she growled through gritted teeth. She gripped the windowsill until her knuckles were white, wishing it was the fool's neck.
As if on cue, a couple ducked out of a compartment at the other end of the train car. Bella ignored them out of principle, but couldn't help but react when she heard the hideous slurping sounds of their kissing.
She turned to then and exclaimed, "Do you mind?" ready to lash out at anything in her path.
The boy had pinned the girl to the window, but both pulled away just enough to look at her.
Bella was horrified to realize that it wasn't just any couple: it was Sirius and Helen. Her hands were raking his dark hair just as Bella once had, and his hands were gripping her sides just as he had once held Bella's. Shaking with fury, Bella strove to look as calm as possible.
"I'm sorry," Bella said calmly. "I'll leave. Please continue."
She made to go back into the compartment, but Sirius' voice stopped her.
"Bella—wait," he said.
She looked back. Helen frowned at him as he let go of her, puzzled.
"Honey, go back in with the others," Sirius said to Helen. "I'll be in in a bit."
Helen reluctantly nodded, and with a curious glance at Bella went into the compartment. Sirius and Bella studied each other across the train car hallway. She swallowed as Sirius slowly walked toward her.
She loathed herself for it, but when she looked into those grey eyes in that handsome face, all she wanted was for him to take her in his arms and kiss her like he had just kissed that Gryffindor bitch. And more.
Bella kept her expression as cool as possible. "What do you want, Sirius?"
He stopped. "I...I don't know. You looked like you needed to talk."
"And Mr. Gryffindor suddenly wants to talk to the Slytherin Slut, does he?" she spat.
He avoided her gaze, scratching his hair uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah..." He shrugged. "I had to do that, you know. To save face and all."
He looked back up at her, and she didn't look away. There was something about looking at him again so close, so alone, that made Bella want to tell him the truth. Maybe he could make everything all right. Maybe they could be happy together and start a little family...?
"Sirius...I'm pregnant."
Bella froze after the words escaped. She hadn't meant to actually say it!
She waited with bated breath for his reaction. How Sirius reacted would determine what she did...would perhaps determine the rest of her life.
He didn't react at first. When the words sank in, his eyes bugged in shock.
"Pregnant, huh?" he said, sounding strangely casual. "Who's the father?"
Tears sprang to Bella's eyes. She couldn't imagine anything more hurtful for him to have said.
"The father?" she hissed. "Who do you think, idiot?"
"How do you expect me to know? We did, you know, a lot, but there wasn't any understanding that we'd be exclusive."
"What are you telling me? That you think I was with other boys besides you?"
"You weren't?" he asked, looking surprised.
"No!" she cried. Then it hit her: if he thought she was with other boys, then…
"Were you with other girls, Sirius?"
He looked anywhere but at her, his guilty expression saying all he needed to. "We didn't—I mean—yeah, but—"
Bella cursed her own naivety.
Her expression must have been frightful, because Sirius hurried to say, "It wasn't much, Bella, really! I mean, you and I were at it so much that I couldn't. I wasn't going to, either, it's just that Helen was wondering why I hadn't asked her to, you know, and I had to or else she would have caught on…"
"Don't worry, Sirius, I understand! I get that the idea of admitting that you were with me was so scary that you had to shag another girl to prove your manliness!"
"Don't turn this on me, Bella!" he snapped. "You didn't want anyone knowing about us any more than I did!"
"Is that so? Did you ever take the time to ask?"
Just then the door at the end of the car opened, letting in the noise from the tracks. The candy trolley rolled in.
The old lady pushing it smiled at them. "Anything for you, lovies?"
Bella snorted so only Sirius could hear. "Only a baby."
Without waiting for Sirius' reaction, she went into her sisters' compartment, shutting the door firmly behind her.
