He's being discharged today and she's oddly sad about it. He's been stuck in the hospital for the past two days and it was the perfect excuse to simply drop by. She didn't have to give anyone an explanation, didn't have to justify her visits.
But now he's going home with Alexis and Martha and they haven't been alone since yesterday when they nearly kissed. She swears she can still feel his breath on her lips. She takes a breath of her own and attempts to school her features, the flush making its way up to her cheeks.
They haven't been alone, haven't talked. Well, they've talked, but not about them, not about what's important. They've made small talk with his mother and daughter, discussed some of the cases she and the boys had gotten recently. They have yet to have a real conversation about them, where they're going, if they're even going anywhere.
Maybe this'll be good, him getting out of the hospital. Maybe this is what they need to finally be alone and uninterrupted. Only it means that she needs to make a move and it's not so simple now that he won't be at the hospital any more. He doesn't need visits to pass the time any longer. He may have something better to do with his time than to sit and have coffee with her and have some heavy conversation. He may have someone else he's been waiting to get back to.
"Kate," Castle's voice pulls her out of her thoughts. He's out of bed, about to leave this hospital room, his arm in a sling. She sees Martha ushering Alexis out the door. "I'll be right out," he tells them.
She's not sure where to look, what to do. They've held hands and nearly kissed. But they haven't talked and this shouldn't-
This conversation cannot be rushed, can't happen right now. He's about to leave to go home and she has no idea where that leaves them. She just knows she can't let him go.
"So we still haven't talked, much. I mean, we've talked, obviously, but not about…" she's a mess, stumbling over her words and this is important and if she could just get things right for once with him-
"You're right. There's a lot I think we need to talk about." She looks up at him. She isn't wearing heels today because she had no reason to go into the station given her few days off but now she kind of wishes she had. She feels small, feels vulnerable having to look up to meet his eyes. And it's not his fault. It's hers. He's always made her feel safe. But she's been wearing her heart on her sleeve for the last few days and it's him, he's the one who's gotten under her skin and she feels exposed, feels like with one word he could ruin her. "Thank you for being here for the last few days, Kate. And thanks for getting me out of that cell."
He would never ruin her. He soothes the ache, a balm to her wounds and with a few simple words he makes her whole. She lets herself smile up at him and he laughs.
"Do you think you'd still be up for that coffee date?"
"Yeah, Castle. I'd really like that," she says, can't help the way her teeth clamp down on her bottom lip.
"Okay, we can talk more about… things, then," he hesitates and she doesn't blame him. There's a reason they've been skirting the words. Both afraid to say they need to talk about them.
She needs to be the brave one this time.
"Yeah, things and… us," she says.
"Yeah." His eyes hold a smile and it spreads warmth through her system, a wave of lightness she embraces.
"So tomorrow? We can text to set a time."
"Works for me." He shrugs and then winces, the movement jostling his shoulder and presumably sending sharp pain through his arm and torso.
Her arm reaches out on reflex, comes to rest on his other shoulder to try and steady him, halt his body's movement to lessen the pain. It doesn't work, has his head turning too fast to look at her hand resting on his good shoulder and it pulls a groan out of him. "Stop moving, Castle."
"I'm trying. I just realized I had no idea how many parts of my body were actually linked to my shoulder and it's way more than I thought," he tells her, self-deprecating. Their gazes lock and she wants nothing more than to lean in, brush her lips to his again, to feel his skin on hers but… not before they talk. This…them, it has to be done right.
"They're waiting. You should go."
"Right. I'll call you. For tomorrow."
"Sure, Castle."
"Okay." He's about to turn towards the door and before she can think better of it she takes hold of his hand, stops him just long enough to lean in and press her lips to his cheek. The rough feel of his stubble scratches against the softness of her lips and she savors the sharp contrast.
"See you soon," she says before heading out of the room ahead of him, leaving him to stand there dumb-struck.
She calls Lanie. As soon as she leaves the hospital, she speed-dials her best friend and hopes for an answer.
"Well look who's alive and well," Lanie's voice comes through the phone and she only gets to be relieved for about a second before she realizes her mistake. The last few days have been hectic. She hadn't thought to call Lanie. Even after she'd rushed out of her apartment to get to Castle at the precinct where they ended up having to face a serial killer. Not to mention Castle was shot in the process and she'd been camped out in the hospital ever since.
Shit. Her best friend deserves better from her.
"I'm sorry, Lanie. Really, I should have called."
"You better be sorry. You also better be at the morgue in twenty minutes to explain this mess or so help me, I will find you."
"I'll be over in fifteen," Kate promises as she hangs up the phone.
She stops by a drive-thru on her way to the morgue, she owes her friend much more but she figures a good cup of coffee, a solid apology and some gossip about her love life is a good place to start. Lanie always loves to talk about her and Castle.
She walks through the doors and is once again hit by the clinical smell of the morgue, reminding her of the hospital she was in for the last few days. Thank god he ended up in the hospital and not this place.
She barely has time to set the coffees down on one of the clear tables before she's engulfed in a hug. She knows these arms; they've held her through a lot over the past few years. She doesn't hesitate to wrap her arms around her friend, a silent comfort she didn't know she needed.
Lanie pulls back and looks up at her sternly. "You damn near caused me to have a heart attack, you know that?"
"Lanie, I'm so sorry. I had no idea it'd all go down like this when I left your apartment."
Her best friend considers her and her eyes soften. "Well, I'm glad you're okay," she tells her. "How's Castle?"
"He's doing better. He was discharged from the hospital today. His arm is in a sling and his shoulder will need therapy but he'll be okay," Kate says, and she feels so grateful that this is the story she gets to tell considering things could have taken a much more tragic turn.
"You seem to be pretty up to date on the recent details?" Lanie asks, her voice inquisitive. She always knows. This is why she called, after all. Gossip and some good advice. God knows she needs advice.
"I am," Kate admits.
"Should I take that to mean you've been in touch with a certain writer over the past couple of days?"
"You could say that."
"Really? And how is that? The both of you, I mean."
"He was shot, Lanie. I was concerned and so I went to check on him at the hospital."
"Honey, that may be part of it but you and I both know that's not why you've been at the hospital for the past three days."
Kate shuffles her feet and looks down at the ground for a few seconds. This is why she came here, why she wanted to speak to Lanie in the first place. She has no idea why she's blushing. She shouldn't be surprised Lanie knows she's been at the hospital. Esposito must have told her she took a couple of days off.
"I'm scared." She looks back up at her best friend, her eyes pleading for reassurance. "I mean, we haven't really talked in over five months. What if what we have is gone? What if he's moved on?"
"It's normal to be scared, sweetie. That's when you know it's real. When you're putting your heart on the line and risking it all. I know for a fact that what you and Richard Castle have is not something that would ever fade. I've seen it up close and personal for four years so don't you dare fight me on this. And please, move on from you? Kate he waited over four years. He hasn't moved on." It's everything Kate wants to hear but it doesn't quite settle the panic running through her veins, doesn't tame the flutters in her stomach. "There are so many "what if's". You'll never know unless you actually test the waters. Give it a chance. Unless you don't want to?"
"No, no, I want to," she says immediately, because whether or not she wants Richard Castle was never a question. She wants him. It's the exact fact that has her terrified out of her mind. Because she not only wants him with her body, she wants him with her heart and it's all a little new to her. "We're supposed to meet up for coffee tomorrow. To talk about things… us."
"That's great!" Lanie encourages.
"It is, I'm just… Nervous, I guess."
"Oh please, the man worships the ground you walk on. Just be yourself. You could literally spill your coffee all over his lap and he'd probably find it kinky instead of clumsy."
"Lanie!"
"You and I both know that's true."
Kate rolls her eyes but smiles despite herself. She would not drop her coffee all over him, she wouldn't be embarrassing herself. They will just be having a normal, serious conversation like two adults. Her phone pings, alerting her of a text message and she snags it out of her back pocket.
The notification shows it's from Castle and her heart somersaults. He's sent her a picture of his living room, the TV playing what she recognizes as Star Wars with a message reading "Made it home."
It's nothing really, just a thought, but it's sweet. Let's her know he wants her to be aware that he's safe. He cares.
"It must be writer boy if you're smiling like that." Lanie's words pull her out of her thoughts and back to her best friend.
"Yeah, sorry. He's home." She shrugs it off.
"Getting text updates now too?" Lanie teases and Kate can't even pretend she doesn't take the bait.
"Shut up," she says, but it's half-hearted and definitely falls short of anything menacing.
"So are you going to tell him the truth about how you feel?"
She feels the excitement drain from her like a bucket of ice water to her system. The truth shouldn't scare her so much. She investigates to find it every day. Her mother always said "The truth conquers all" and she believes it. The truth just isn't always easy. But she'll try. For Castle. He deserves so much more than just the simple truth. He deserves her very best and she'll be damned if she doesn't give this all she's got. She wants to give them all she's got.
"I will."
A/N: Your support truly means the world to me! Thank you for reading and for all your kind words!
