Chapter 9
What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.
– Chuck Palahniuk
"It's either me or her." Leah said firmly as she looked into his eyes.
"Leah..." he whispered, shutting his eyes tight.
He couldn't believe she was asking him to choose, this was not fair to him. He couldn't choose –he just couldn't. Nessie was his soul mate, he had to see her, but Leah made him feel things he never felt before, he needed the normalcy she provided in his life – he wasn't going to give her up either.
"Don't do this." he said through clenched teeth, his eyes still shut tight.
"I'm tired Jacob, I'm tired of being second best!" Leah yelled, as anger burned through her veins.
"I can't believe you're asking me to choose!" Jacob boomed as he got up to his feet and jumped down from the roof. He walked towards the wet woods, his body shaking.
"Don't you walk away from me!" Leah yelled after him as she followed, quickly catching up.
Jacob stopped in his tracks and took a deep breath as he turned around slowly.
"You know it's not fair Leah, you can't fucking put me in this situation!" Jacob yelled with anger - the thought of her even having the nerve to ask him such a thing was only fuelling the fire within him.
"Fair? You wanna talk about fair?" Leah laughed humourlessly.
"Well Jacob, is it fair to me that fate took everyone I cared for and loved away from me?" She yelled as her hand slammed on her chest, empathising each word.
"I lost my father, because fate decided 'Hey let's make Leah Clearwater a wolf, the only one of her kind, a freak'. I phased in front of him and he died. Tell me Jacob, was that fair?"
"I lost Sam to imprinting, he meant everything to me, I spent four years with that bastard and then fate decides to take him away!" Leah puffed out her chest, her breathing becoming heavy, she had never really talked about how she really felt when her world came crashing down.
"Emily is his world." She stated matter of factly. "He claims he loves me, but his love for Emily will always be stronger. Fate took him away from me Jacob, that's not fair." she said as her frame shook.
"Then fucking fate decided that Leah Clearwater hasn't had enough and took Paul away, when I finally felt like things would be okay, that maybe just maybe I could move on, that I actually had a friend who cares about me, fate decided to make him imprint – fate took him away from me!" Leah repeated. Jacob looked at her with wide eyes, not knowing what to say.
"Imprinting has taken everything away from me. I'll always be Sam's second best; I'll always be Paul's second best. It's not fair Jacob."
"I'm tired of being second best!" She yelled before moving close to him and cupping his cheeks in her hands.
"I thought I loved Sam." She whispered, looking him in the eyes. "I swear to god, I thought I loved him." She laughed lightly.
"But the love I had for him can't even come close to what I feel for you. I love you more than anything. It's not only my heart that yearns for you, my whole body does. It aches for your touch. Every fibre of my being needs you. You're my sun, my air - I need you Jacob." Leah said with so much love that her whole body burned from the intensity of the truth of her words.
"When fate decided to take you away from me...my world stopped." Her voice broke. "I'm not going to lose you Jacob. Fate is not going to take you away from me too." she whispered as Jacob slowly brought his hands to her cheeks, wiping away the warm salty tears. He looked her in the eyes, and could see how much she loved him, how much she cared and then slowly - painfully slowly he lent in for a kiss.
Jacob pressed his warm lips to her soft ones and the world melted away - everything stopped, there was only the love they had for one another in the air, as both of them desperately tried to hold on to the moment; to the feeling of being able to love whomever they wanted to.
"I'm not going down without a fight." she said firmly as she broke away, unwillingly, from the kiss.
Jacob pulled her into a hug, holding tightly as if this gesture alone could make the imprints pull go away, but it doesn't. He felt a compulsion to run, as fast as he could, to that white house, but there's a part of him, that melted into her touch, making his heart pound against his rib cage, the feeling was so new, so right, that it made it easier to fight the pull, however Jacob didn't know how long he could last before he gave in and left, satisfy the imprint.
They held each other closely, but as time passed Jacob could feel the imprint pull strengthen. He begged it to go away, he couldn't stand to hurt Leah - not after what she said and how much she cared, but it was no use because he could feel the cold blood pushing through his veins and reaching his heart, freezing over the warmth Leah created.
"I don't want to hurt you Leah..." He explained as his body went limp and his arms fell from her waist. His body beseeching him to leave Leah and sprint to rejoin the woman he was fated to be with but his heart was fighting; desperately to keep the warmness.
"I can't leave her." he whispered. "The pull is too strong." His body starts to freeze over and he slowly backs away.
"I'm sorry Leah..." He apologized, sadness filling his voice. "I...I have to... leave." He choked out.
Leah stared at his back as he walked away from her, her heart beating so furiously it hurt. She shook her head – no.
"Fight it." she whispered after him.
"Leah, please forgive me." Was all he could say as he involuntarily ran towards the forest. His back disappeared into the trees and Leah fell to her knees, letting the sobs consume her.
This was not fair.
Sad, right? Poor Leah.
You blackwater lovers should also check out my new blackwater fic, bad timing, I know, but it just came to me. It's called Clearing The Storm.
As always,
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