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9. Still remain the things we couldn't kill
Why did he kiss her? He doesn't know. She just looked so pretty and dangerous and was so very clever. No one else had managed to take one of his weapons from him, at least not when they were put away. They had been knocked from his hands on rare occasion, but never this. He'd been impressed, as he always seemed to be by Natalia. He doesn't know what to do with these strange impulses. His training has not covered them in any way, and he suspects they will insist on wiping him if he reports them. Which he doesn't want.
Of course, the fact that he's considering going against his orders is likely indicative of his need to be wiped. He rationalizes that he won't be on this mission forever, and it will probably end soon. If he isn't sent on any other kinds of missions, and continues to be successful at this one, does it really matter if he isn't functioning perfectly? When this is over, he will be put into cryo, and then all this will be gone. The idea upsets him, but it's just how things are.
He will have to take care not to let his fondness for her become obvious to either his superiors or the other trainees. The natural preference he shows can only be attributed to her skill, and not any personal feelings on his part. He doesn't think it will be difficult to hide, so long as she refrains from doing anything rash. They are both skilled at covert ops, after all, so should be adept enough at keeping their … friendship a secret from those who would separate them. He hopes. And if it means hearing her laugh again, he is willing to take the risk.
After she leaves, he trains Renata. She does well, but not as well as Natalia. When that sessions is over, he goes to his quarters and lies on his bed, thinking. Some of his memories are returning from before the last wipe, though they are jumbled and confusing. They hurt to think about and he supposes this must be why they are taken away frequently. He wonders if they will take away his memories of Natalia soon, and doesn't like that idea. It's so different, working with her, from any other part of his life. He feels almost like – almost like a regular agent. And it's very important to him to continue feeling that way; he doesn't want to go back.
He doesn't know how long he's been here, but the time he spends with the whole group is growing shorter and shorter. The lessons with the three are long still, and the girls are still improving, but he can see that his usefulness is dwindling. Soon, he will have to go back. Back to cold and killing and silence. Back to never being alone but never being spoken to by those who surround him. Away from having authority and company and freedom. The realization is unbearable, and he wonders if being wiped will take away that knowledge. He forces the thought away and tries to sleep.
Days pass, but he doesn't see Natalia again. His afternoons are not left empty, of course, and the other girls cycle through in short lessons between Yelena and Renata. As Natalia misses more and more lessons, he wonders if it would be inappropriate for him to ask about her. None of the other girls act as though she is being punished in some way, behaving much the same as they were before. So she is likely just out on a mission. And eventually she'll come back and then maybe he can kiss her again. Time feels like it's slipping by and he is restless with the idea that he has so little left before he will have to leave this place. And days are wasted if he doesn't see Natalia.
Finally, he hears some news. After Elena is injured during her session, Anna helps her limp down to the infirmary. Anna was scheduled next, which was why she was nearby, so he settles down to wait and see if she will return. He considers if the girl's injury was a result of his restlessness, in which case he should report his concern to someone, or if it was merely due to her lack of skill, in which case he should develop a better plan to assist her.
While he is mulling this over, he is surprised to hear the distinctive clacking of high heels in the hallway outside of the training room. He gets to his feet and is not surprised to find the woman, Pauk, approaching. No one else wears expensive shoes here. She smiles at him in that way that always sets him on edge.
"Soldier," she says by way of greeting.
"Ma'am," he replies evenly.
"I see you are not occupied at the moment," she continues, a question in her tone.
"Elena twisted her ankle and Anna took her to be looked at. I am awaiting Anna's return," he explains.
She surveys the room curiously and he wonders if she's been trained in anything besides mental manipulation. "It is good that I won't have to interrupt your work, then," she murmurs demurely. Her attempts to manipulate him are not effective and very noticeable, he thinks, but he isn't sure what her objective is in trying. "Come with me, please." Her tone is authoritative now, and the smile gone. He hopes that means she was unsuccessful and has given up.
He falls into step behind her silently, and she leads him out of the basement and upstairs. The room they eventually reach and enter is the one in which he met with the general before being given this assignment. After recognizing the location, he considers with something like despair if that means it is done and time for him to do something else. Why else would he be briefed again? With difficulty, he drags his thoughts away from the precipice and focuses on summarizing his work here.
The general and his assistants are already waiting in the room, and the woman turns her charm back on when they reach the door. "Good afternoon, gentlemen," she says throatily. She gestures at him eloquently, and he steps into the room. "Would you like me to stay while you work with him?"
Everyone looks at him appraisingly for a moment, before a few return their attention to her. "Yes. You may have some further insight of benefit," the general says after a moment of thought.
"Thank you, sir," she murmurs, leaning comfortably against the wall.
"Soldier, are you being an effective tool of the State?" the general asks him.
"Yes, sir," he replies flatly.
"Despite your lack of experience with this kind of assignment, your work has benefited your pupils and many will be much more successful in the field because of you. We appreciate your willingness to apply your ample skills to any issue put before you."
"Thank you, sir," he responds hesitantly when the general pauses.
"It is clear you are doing good here, but we have something of an emergency that you are the best qualified to resolve with minimal damage to any party involved. "
"Yes, sir."
The general smiles. "One of your pupils was sent on a dangerous undercover mission. She has not reported in to her handlers and we have reason to fear the worst. You will go find her and attempt to bring her back."
His chest hurts at the words - they can only mean Natalia - but he maintains his composure. "Where is she?"
At a look from her superior, the woman leans forward to attract everyone's attention. "Her mission was to get close to the daughter of one of our enemies. She went to university and posed as a student of the same age, and the two were becoming friends. The two of them spent the holiday with the girl's parents, where Natalia was to kill the girl and deliver our message to the father. We know that Natalia was there, ready to complete her mission. But no one has gone to or left that house in days, and we expected her back two days ago."
He is surprised by how concerned the woman is, and he wonders if it is just for show.
"Thank you, Katerina. Soldier, you will go to that house and find Natalia. If she has been taken captive, you will destroy Drakov's house and everyone in it. If she has betrayed us, you will kill her as well. The time table is forty-eight hours. Regardless of your progress, you will report in after that time."
"Yes, sir," he says, silently thrilled.
"Good. Katerina will escort you," he adds, waving them away.
He follows the woman as she walks down a few corridors. They do not return to the elevator, but instead he finds himself stepping into some kind of dressing room. It is richly decorated, and he looks around in surprise.
"Your mission gear is here," she says, pointing to a duffel in the corner. "The front doors are directly down the hall to the right. Your transportation is waiting outside whenever you are ready." He nods, and moves toward the supplies. "Soldier," she arrests him with her tone, and he turns to look at her. "Bring her back to us safely," she entreats.
"I will," he promises.
She nods shortly, then leaves, the sound of her shoes echoing for several moments after her departure. He takes a deep breath and begins to get ready. The stakes are very high on this mission, and he must be successful.
