It's a me, Scarlet-Eyed-Demon! Let's a go!
Disclaimer: I may or may not own items belonging to a certain Italian plumber, but I don't own Ranma ½.
Ranma's POV
Well…I was right…Ryoga was cursed. Just not as a dog. He then tried to kill me when I tried to talk to him about it. Then Ryoga told me how he had gotten cursed. It would seem that a strange girl chasing after a panda had knocked him into the springs…uh oh. To make matters worse, Pop apparently tried to eat him just after he got cursed. The poor fool, if they hadn't tried to boil him first…I don't wanna thing about it.
"This is all your fault! If only you'd have shown up to take your beating like a man!" Ryoga shouted at me and then Pops chose that moment to walk in…as a panda. Then Ryoga pieced it together. I was the one who knocked him into the spring. Ryoga then attacked me, but I got the cold water going before he could kill me.
"We'll talk later, after you've cooled down," I told him, hoping he wouldn't think of the bath tub of warm water. He didn't, but man do those hooves hurt! So naturally, I couldn't let him get away with that and chased him down.
"You little coward, hiding behind Akane!" I shouted at him and then he attacked again. He may not be very strong in that pig body, but man is he fast. I eventually managed to catch the little run, but Akane intervened…painfully. She then proceeded to coddle Ryoga. Curse him! Then Ryoga went and started fake crying! How dare he?! Using Akane's sympathy like that, has he no shame?!
"Come on," Akane told Ryoga
"Where are you going?" I asked
"To bed!" Akane barked at me and I tried to protest, but I couldn't without giving away Ryoga's curse and it was against the warrior's code to expose another's weakness! I tried to think of a reason why Akane shouldn't take Ryoga to bed with her, but couldn't.
"Don't worry baby, I'll keep you away from the nasty Ranma, you don't have to cry now," Akane cooed and then kissed Ryoga's snout!
"I don't believe this! Keep your stupid baby!" I shouted and ran off, "See if I care!" That son of a gun Ryoga…I will make him pay for this!
Akane's POV
Why the heck would Ranma get so upset over a little pig? It's not as if he has anything to be jealous over. The pig is just a pig after all. Well…maybe he's not jealous, but then why is he so worked up over this pig?
Ranma's POV
I've gotta get Ryoga out of Akane's bed. I'll splash him with hot water if I have to, but that's only if he doesn't cooperate. It's a good thing Akane doesn't lock her window. If she did, then I don't know what I would have done. Of course, as soon as Ryoga saw me with the hot water kettle, he started growling at me.
"Listen here, unless you want me to blow your cover, be quiet pig," I whispered and Ryoga calmed down. I then began to lift him out of Akane's bed, but then Akane suddenly grabbed him in her sleep! I quickly snatched him out of her grasp, but then Ryoga bit me! That no good, sneaky, dirty pig! On reflex, I threw him into the wall and then we began fighting full out, but as quietly as we could. Then I tripped over one of Akane's dumbbells and before I could regain my balance, Ryoga hit me from behind and I then fell right on top of Akane. Unfortunately, for me, that caused her to wake up. After a few moments of me stuttering, she slapped me. Then she started beating me over the head with her shinai repeatedly. I managed to get out that it was Ryoga's fault, but she didn't know that the pig was Ryoga.
"Where?! Where is Ryoga?!" She yelled at me and then punted me out the window. I landed with my face in a rock, still trying to defend myself. The next morning, Akane was all too willing to tell everyone what had happed.
"Ranma, what you and Akane were doing in the middle of the night is your business, but could you please keep it down?" Nabiki teased
"No, they mustn't! Even if they are engaged, they should wait until they're married!" Kasumi exclaimed
"You're so old fashioned Kasumi, I don't know who's worse, you or Ryu," Nabiki quipped
"There's nothing wrong with being old fashioned, Nabiki," Kasumi remarked and Mr. Tendo was going on about 'initiative' while my old man was stuffing his face, as usual. I could only hope that Ryu would be kinder. Of course, Ryoga was totally unsympathetic while Akane was hand feeding him, that filthy little monster. Of course, she'd bring him to school.
Ryu's POV
"So let me get this straight, Ranma showed up in your room in the middle of the night claiming Ryoga was there?" I asked Scarlet
"That's about it," She answered and I decided to go track down Ranma before coming to a conclusion. I finally got to talk to him during lunch time.
"I told her, it wasn't what it looked like! It was Ryoga!" Ranma protested
"So I've been told, but where was Ryoga?" I asked
"He was…well…I can't tell ya because that would be exposing his weakness," Ranma sighed
"Firstly, you do realize you're not helping yourself by saying that. Secondly, if Ryoga is wandering about in Scarlet's room, then why in the name of all that's good and pure don't you just spit it out, warrior's code be damned. Thirdly, what weakness would involve Ryoga being in Scarlet's room, other than a terminal case of perversion?" I questioned
"I…I know your right, but ever since I was a kid I was taught-"
"More like it was beaten into you."
"Fair enough, anyway, the warrior's code was ingrained into me. I can't just up and forget about it. But at the same time, you're right; I can't just stand by and let this happen. Now all I gotta do is think up a way to expose Ryoga without breaking the warrior's code…" With that, Ranma lapsed into deep thought. Who knows how long it'll take him to come up with something. Looks like I'll have to keep an eye on Ryoga whenever he comes around.
Ranma's POV
Akane had left Ryoga in the shed and that was my chance to strike.
"Hello Ryoga," I said, "Aren't you just the precious little piggy? Thanks to you, almost everybody thinks I'm some kind o' pervert or something. Remember that fight you're always yelling about?" I hefted the hot water kettle I had brought, "Well I'm ready if you are!" I then tried to pour the hot water on Ryoga and he bolted. Then the little monster went into the girl's locker room! Now I had to decide, try my luck and hope these girls either didn't know about or didn't believe in my curse, or wait for Ryoga to come out. I couldn't leave that little pig in there! So it was time to press my luck. I burst in as a girl and Ryoga knew better than continue to hide behind the girls, so he escaped into the hall and right into the guy's locker room. Thankfully, one of the guys handed over Ryoga and the little pig came along without a fight.
"What's your problem?! Aren't you the one always yapping about having a fight?! Or do you actually like being called P-chan?!" I shouted
"Shut up! How could you ever understand my feelings?! How could you ever know the suffering I've seen? It's been Hell I tell you; pure Hell! Somehow, I made it back to Japan, and even thought I'm under this curse, a curse that I'll carry the rest of my life, somehow she finds it in her heart to love me…" Ryoga sighed
"You're nuts! She don't love you!" I shouted
"Yes she does!" Ryoga shouted back
"That's just your sick imagination!" I yelled
"To think, she lives under the same roof as you, there's no justice in this world! You keep your hands off her Ranma!" Ryoga ordered
"Hey listen pal, do go dragging me into this! Wishing don't make it true ya know," I remarked
"So that's it, you're in love with her too!" Ryoga crowed
"Shut up Ryoga!" I barked and was about to attack when Akane nailed me in the back of the head with a baseball bat! "That hurt! What'cha do that for?!"
"I told you, stop picking on P-chan, big bully!" Akane snapped
"What'd ya mean 'P-chan'? There ain't no 'P-chan' here, where do you see a…" I then turned and saw Ryoga had changed back into P-chan! That sneaky %$#&%*$#!
"Exactly how stupid do you think I am?" Akane asked and then went to pick up Ryoga.
"Oh, I give up," I sighed
Ryu's POV
After school, Akane came running up to me and told me her new pet pig had vanished. She had already roped Ranma into helping her search and since I didn't have anything better to do, I agreed. We searched all over, but couldn't find him.
"What what if he's been in an accident?" Akane worried
"He's fine I tell you, even he's not that stupid," Ranma quipped
"Don't start acting like you care Ranma, you've always been mean to him," Akane remarked
"Well, he might already be home for all we know. He's a smart little pig, right?" Ranma asked and then we heard squealing. We checked to see what was going on and saw P-chan was being chased around by what looked to be butlers. P-chan rushed towards Scarlet, but he couldn't get over the fence.
"Please come back to us Master Pork Chop," The three butlers intoned…at the same time. Very Borg-like. Anyway, Akane pleaded with me and Ranma to save P-chan.
"Well, I've come this far," Ranma sighed and jumped over the fence.
"The things I do in the name of friendship," I quipped and followed Ranma. The butlers then threw off their bow ties and drew their weapons, a quarter staff, nunchaku, and a pair of sai respectively. All they were missing was some guy with two katana and they'd be the perfect TMNT knock-offs. I got busy disarming the guy with the nunchaku while Ranma got attacked by the guy with the quarter staff and sai. We managed to do fairly well, but Ranma needed a little extra help from Akane to take care of the one with the quarter staff.
"Oh, my poor baby," came a female voice and we turned to see to older people who were the ones who claimed P-chan when they found him wandering around. For whatever reason they had made P-chan their heir, but now that Akane had him back, they said they would need a new heir. Then, as if he had teleported there, Mr. Saotome was sitting in the walkway as a panda. He was completely ignored by the couple.
"What is the matter with you Pop?!" Ranma shouted at his dad and then dragged him back to the Tendo compound.
Ranma's POV
I sat on the roof, thinking over what I had done. I can't believe I stuck up for Ryoga like that. If I had left him, he'd be in the lap of luxury and I'd be rid of him. So I decided to try and give him back to the rich couple. It seemed I hadn't learned from last night. I opened Akane's window with a kettle of hot water, but noticed Akane wasn't in bed. She was standing in front of her desk.
"You're unbelievable!" Akane roared and sent me packing. So the next morning I had to endure Nabiki's teasing, Kasumi's remarks, and Akane's cold shoulder all while listening to Mr. Tendo go on about 'initiative'. WHY ME?! WHY?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!
Oh silly Ranma, it's not your fault. The universe just hates you for some inexplicable reason.
