Okay, here we go LOL

"You know, I could always not go and say I did, Edward. If it's going to be that big of a fucking problem, I'll stay," Bella mumbled and dare I say that she actually looked fucking disappointed.

I have no clue what the fuck all that was about.

"There's no way around it, Swan. The old man sees fucking everything, which is how he knew about you being here. The problem I'm having with you being here and bringing your bitch ass with me, is…what about Emily?"

"This your way of calling me a bad mother, Cullen?"

"Why do you cock a fucking attitude with every question? Jesus, I'm just asking if someone's with her because it's going to be a long fucking while before we get back."

"Right, well isn't this about the time that you whip out your wand and give me wings or something?"

With frustration about to eat me the fuck alive, I scratched at my head, inadvertently sending more dust her way, to which she coughed—well, more like hacked—profusely. "For the second time tonight, I'm a fucking Tooth fairy, not a fairy godmother. Those are just a myth."

"That's rich," she said with a snort. "Look, Em's with Emily, if that makes you feel any better. And I've got another question: you said your dad sees everything. Exactly how is that?"

I hung my head, ready to fucking call it quits and be done with her, but I knew I couldn't. I had to see what my old man's agenda fucking was, and the only way to go about figuring that out was to bring the bitch by.

"Telling you would take way too fucking long, so just accept the fact that he can. And before you ask, because I know you will, he's limited to only seeing other fairies."

To my fucking surprise, she said nothing in return, but instead, began heading toward the front door.

"What the hell are you doing, Swan?"

"I thought we were leaving, Tink," she said with a smug grin.

"We are. Out the back door. Never leave through the front. Are you fucking crazy?" I told her flatly, as she approached me.

"Okaaayyy…so, what? Do I just hitch a ride, or …" she started, only this time, she was behind me, and had I have seen her hands going for my wings I'd have stopped her.

But it was too fucking late.

I felt like the biggest fucking horn dog on the planet; seriously, I probably had the worst case of blue balls in the history of mankind.

The bitch was actually fucking attempting to climb up on my back.

What the fuck? Did I look like a fucking horse to her?

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I growled, pulling her off of me and glaring, best I could.

"Well genius, you've got wings, I don't have shit. How the fuck else am I supposed to tag along?"

"Yeah, okay, here's the deal, princess: in order to use the fucking wings, I have to use the dust. Just like a car needs gas. If you further information as to why we aren't flying tonight, there's a mirror in the hall; I suggest you check it out."

"I got the point, dickhead. What if I knew of a way that you could use the dust and not have it affect me?"

"If there was a way, don't you think I'd have figured it out by now?"

"No, because it seems all the blood from your fucking head has gone to your dick. What the fuck, Edward? Do you have some kind of erectile disorder that I don't know about?"

"We are not having this conversation, Swan, so drop it."

"Drop it, or suck it?"

And can you believe that she actually fucking laughed at that?! As bad as I wanted to let her…oh, fuck it, it would get rid of my ongoing problem right?

But just as I was about to tell her to drop on her knees, I realized that she couldn't. Not without having to make a trip to the hospital anyway.

I was covered in fairy dust. Her fucking head would blow up even further and pop off her body if she actually took the shit in the mouth.

"Good as that sounds, I'm fairly certain you don't want the dust in your mouth."

"Got gloves?" she asked, coming closer.

Mother.

Of.

Fuck.

Did she actually just insinuate that she wanted to jerk me off?

"They're in the kitchen drawer left of the sink," I whispered, not sure of what the fuck had just happened.

"Seriously, Cullen?" she said flatly, taking a step back. "You make it way too easy. Did you really think that I would…"

Hell to the motherfucking no. She wasn't getting away with this shit. Not this time.

I grabbed her arm and started pulling her with me out the back door. "You started this shit, and I'll be damned if you're going to tease me, Swan. Obviously, you need to get laid, and I'm in the same fucking boat. When we're done with this fucking route, we're revisiting this conversation."

"Actually, Edward," she bit out from behind me, "you started all of this when you mentioned—earlier today—that you wanted me to fuck you last night."

Oh, she really knew how to keep this shit going.

Suddenly, hearing what she'd come up with to enable us to fly was a priority because I wanted to finish this fucking route as fast as humanly possible tonight.

Captain Hook had a date with my very own blow-up doll.

Shit, scratch that; just thinking about looking down at that face sucking my cock diminished all traces of a hard on that I had.

"All right, what was this grand fucking idea you had that is supposedly going to help us fly?"

*~TT&ABOFD~*

Don't ask me what the fuck she was doing because I didn't have the slightest clue.

We'd actually driven in her car all the way to her house that she shared with Emmett. Of course, she was going to have the inside of her car steam cleaned and detailed before she drove it again or she was going to be forced to live with a swollen face for days to come.

She had me hide out on the side of the house, in the case Emmett was awake.

Sometimes—and this was only sometimes—I felt bad for the bitch. She'd gotten pregnant by some jackass right out of high school. I'd dealt with the asshole—Riley was his name—but I'd sworn Emmett to secrecy. I knew if she ever found out, she'd have cut off my balls and fed them to me.

She didn't like talking about it, and I couldn't blame her. And as I'm sure you've noticed, I fucking want her. But as history has shown over the years, I'm not good enough for her.

I don't know even know why I'm bringing this shit up. It's not like it'll change anything. Sure, the chances of us scratching an itch tonight was fucking higher than it had ever been, but did I see anything coming from it?

Fuck.

No.

"Don't you ever fucking smile anymore?" Came a very muffled voice as I jumped and whirled around.

"Son of a motherfucking bitch!" I hollered, pretty sure I'd just fucking pissed myself.

There she—it—fucking stood, dressed the same as before, only there was one big fucking difference.

The evil ass, black gas mask that she'd pulled over her head.

This was the kind of shit nightmares were made of, and if I had to choose between that creep ass mask and her abominable face, I was going with the fucking face.

I could just see it now.

We were going to seriously fuck up the dreams of ten little kids tonight, should they wake.

They really paint a fucked up looking image, don't they? LOL

Tomorrow's update will be loads of fun!

Also, I've had a lot of you begging for a banner, and while I would LOVE to give one, I am extremely technically challenged in that department :(

I'll post one as soon as I can.

Leave some love!

T